Gulp!
 

Well I've done it.
I have booked and leave Sunday. The packers came yesterday...they were fantastic!! NZ Van Lines out of the Nelson branch, great bunch. I will today sort out the enrolment forms for my daughter to continue her NCEA with the correspondence school and alongside that she will (hopefully) do GCSE, covering all bases I guess you could say. My parents have now told me they will accept my cat for the period we will stay there (eek!) so am running around lost and headless chicken style trying to sort things :unsure: Yes I know he is just a cat but I feel I need him after leaving my dog in the UK before.
I still deep down don't want to go, I just kinda feel it's happening to me, so many little things in life of late have led me to this point and that's all that can happen. But my heart belongs here and once I have sold myself to pay back the money involved in this I will "ping pong" as so many others have!!
I have to come back, my youngest daughter wants to do Uni here, everything is here......my son is here, and maybe one day, after the crap he has been fed fades, he will want to be in my life again.
I take back to England a very broken and extremely sad person.

(sorry :tape: )

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Don't go. Do you really have to go? If your heart is not there, why do it?

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Agreed. Don't do it.

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But I have lost everything, life has fallen apart and it seems the only answer.
I have no choice.
Sorry, everyone hates a downer.

I think I need to do this, lots.... :drinkwine:

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:drinkingpals:

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Hi Genie.

Things haven't gotten much better by the sounds of it then.

I'm also not sure why you are returning to the UK. It seems like a tough decision if your heart and much of your family is here in NZ.

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Life is hard at times for most people, I have found those who cope better with their situation have at the very least something that makes them happy, being somewhere you really don't want to be is not going to help to much. Its NEVER to late to change your mind and if I felt like you do about not wanting to leave I would turn over "every stone" I could to stay. Good luck either way, I really hope you find some peace.

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if your heart is not truly in it then I worry that you will not settle into the UK and find the happiness you truly want. You have to want to be somewhere to be able to deal with the struggles you will face otherwise they can swallow you up. I agree with other that if you truly don't want to go then don't, but obviously I don't know your circumstances are and if staying put is an option. If you do go I wish you all the success in the world and hope that things work out for the best for you.

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Just wanted to wish you a safe journey and good luck, Genie. All we can do is make the best decision we can at any given time. It's great that you realize that you don't need to be in the UK forever, that you can return to NZ down the track if you want to.

If you're going to sell yourself though, make sure you get a good price ;):lol:

Take care and cheers love.

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Read many of the posts as I am always in a turmoil of weather to stay or go..I wish you all the best..

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Oh my! I'd add my voice to the "don't go!" crowd if you don't want to! You will hate it, resent it and it won't work because you won't be prepared to put your energy into making it work because you will be planning your leaving again. I do hope you aren't being blackmailed into it by the Mafia outlaws!

There must be local resources to help you stay - have you checked with your local Women's support services? Friends? Would your folk be prepared to support from a distance?

I really wish you all the best with the next step in your life adventure! Look after yourself!

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Genie3,

I'm so sorry that you are feeling so sad about moving to the UK. I followed your other post when you were trying to decide and I don't think I really understand what has led you to this decision (no need to explain I'm sure some of it is very private). However, if you really feel that you have to go for whatever reasons, then I think your best chance of not having a completely miserable time is to try and reframe it in your mind. You say it will only be for a short period of time so try to focus on the positive aspects knowing its not forever.

It would also be really good to go on the wait list with your UK dr to see a therapist. If you aren't depressed already then you are almost bound to end up in depression if you don't have some help. You need someone to talk over all you have been going through and a good therapist will help tremendously.

Good luck with everything, sometimes its darkest just before the sun comes out!

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You were all right, I shouldn't of done this.
What a mess :(

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Oh no :( Please share with us whatever you are willing to. A big virtual (((HUG))) to you.

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I am so sorry. :( I know you had hesitations before you left. Is there a way you can make plans to go back? At least if you begin to plan, there would be an end in sight eventually.

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So sorry to hear this. Its early days yet and hopefully with time things will get better. Sending hugs and positive thoughts your way.

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This is what I posted in the 'back home' area:
Well as a few of you predicted this was the wrong thing to do. I hate to be a downer but I wish I hadn't come back. We are still staying at my parents, I still have not managed to get my 11yr old a school place, still trying to sort out correspondence school for the 15yr old I have applied for so many jobs and got nowhere, I am unable to drive due to the insurance cost for my parents, it is all a big cock up. I have held my stuff with the shippers so will be ale to get some sort of refund but I am in total limbo, can I make a life here when I'm not sure I want to be here, sure the girls think it's like being on holiday again, no school people have all the time in the world for you but when reality hits it isn't like that. The older is very anti me still for making her come. I feel I may of lost the only man that would love me even tho things were bad and I felt we had to have space. Everything is just so wrong and so messed up. I have become a recluse as everyone is getting on with their lives and bar 2 people no one has made the effort to contact after my initial contact and not being able to drive makes it hard. I have zero money coming in, I am reliant on my parents feeding us which makes me so guilty, to get child benefit etc takes so long and you go round the houses and still get nowhere. I am banging my head against a brick wall. The one day in more years than I can remember that I was looking forwards to happens tomorrow and now I want it to go away. I want to go away. It's all too much of a struggle. Sorry for the rant

Re: Gulp!
 

It sounds like part of the problem is that you left your other country with the idea - and perhaps rightly - that you didn't want to be there.

On the other hand, much of this is the "adjustment phase". It is normal to feel the loss of some control at this point, I think. You are not as independent and as knowledgeable about life there as you were in the place you left. But that will change in time.

Why not wait it out three months and see how you feel then.

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Really sorry to hear that. When you say you are holding the shipping, do you mean you are going back again?

Sounds like you need a bit of time to let the dust settle, don't feel guilty for getting help and be good to yourself.

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All I can offer is a (((hug))) and a prayer that things start to get better for you. I'm so sorry it's been like this.

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I'm so sorry that you are feeling so down and that the move feels like a mistake. It really is only early days and things like child benefit and a job will surely come through with more time. However, you do sound so depressed (understandably) but I would urge you to get an appointment with your GP asap and get a referral for a therapist. It so hard to make decisions about anything when you are depressed and stressed. You really need some professional support to help you through the depression so you are better able to evaluate your options and how to improve your situation.

So sorry you are going through such a bad time of it :(

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I'm so sorry that you are feeling so down and that the move feels like a mistake. It really is only early days and things like child benefit and a job will surely come through with more time. However, you do sound so depressed (understandably) but I would urge you to get an appointment with your GP asap and get a referral for a therapist. It so hard to make decisions about anything when you are depressed and stressed. You really need some professional support to help you through the depression so you are better able to evaluate your options and how to improve your situation.

So sorry you are going through such a bad time of it :(

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so sorry it has not worked out for you.. ((( hugs))) Hope you can figure something out.. by returning to NZ or making it work in the U.K

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I would suggest giving the UK time and then making a decision.

I'm sure there are plenty of people who made the move back in less 'urgent' circumstance and regretted it in the beginning. Some will have stayed and grown to love it again and some moved away again. It will take a while to know if you truly made the wrong choice IMHO.

Wishing you luck in whatever you choose to do.

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HI Genie
I feel for you I have been there the first time I returned we were in the UK for 7 Months and struggled to find work and we could not survive on OH salary which was temporary, DS was bullied etc so we returned to a different part of NZ secured jobs straight away.

The 2nd time I secured a job before arrival little or no relocation so tough on the wallet but the job was dire, the place we lived was awful, OH struggled to find work became very depressed, DS was bullied by children in the small village. Family and friends made no effort until we said we were leaving and they then became verbally abusive and it became very stressful. The time we spent there I realised every reason and more why we left in the first place. If we could find a country that combines the best of both we would be there like a shot but sadly this does not exsist.

We have now been back in NZ for 9 months more settled both in good jobs do we miss the UK yes we do but we were square pegs in a round hole the rose tinted view and memories were great but reality no longer for us.

Hugs to you and thinking of you being at home with parents and not being able to drive day after day is frustrating and would send me up the wall, when I was out of work the dog had plenty of walks just to get me out of the house

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Oh sweetie, (((hugs)))!

Living with parents (and being dependent upon them) is a real bummer but, deep breaths, onward and upward, one day at a time! With time and application one can eventually unscramble a dogs breakfast - won't be easy but it will be worth it, you'll get one thing to go right and the rest will fall into place! If you're anywhere near me I'd be happy to shout you coffee!

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Just a thought; if you only would like to use their car for a day here and there, I discovered a company which offers temporary car insurance for expats using a car belonging to a friend or relative in the UK and you can do it for just one day or one week or more if necessary - and doesn't affect their No Claims Bonus.

It is eligible for expats with driving licences from Australia, NZ and the EU/EEA (Oz and NZ are listed in the drop-down box). I made an e-mail enquiry a few days ago as my driving licence is Swiss and they got straight back to me. They insure through Aviva:

Temporary Car Insurance, Short Term Car Insurance - dayinsure.com

Temporary car insurance for expats

Re: Gulp!
 

This is so true. If it is any consolation to the OP, I am on my way back in a few weeks myself and, as much as I want to go back, I am dreading the initial stages of losing my independence by living in a home that is not mine. I won't have my own kitchen, etc. :( I am trying to look beyond this, though. It will only be temporary - hopefully, no more than three months.

I am also leaving behind more possessions than I planned so I won't have the comfort of being around my own things either.

There are also many things I need to learn about the UK these days in order to survive there. It's rather like dumping me in China! I just don't know how to get things done there any more.

But I can learn! I can also choose to look beyond the initial inconveniences to the greater goal down the road. It's not going to be easy, though.

I plan to spend my time job-hunting and walking around the area with the dogs, taking the bus to town and walking there, taking trips on trains, visiting castles, etc.

I suppose my objective in saying all this is to point out that even for those of us who want to go to the UK, it's not going to be easy at first. I will also grieve what I leave behind - the good things, that is.

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n/a - wrong post.