lgabriel73

So sorry to hear this. Its early days yet and hopefully with time things will get better. Sending hugs and positive thoughts your way.

Genie3

This is what I posted in the 'back home' area:
Well as a few of you predicted this was the wrong thing to do. I hate to be a downer but I wish I hadn't come back. We are still staying at my parents, I still have not managed to get my 11yr old a school place, still trying to sort out correspondence school for the 15yr old I have applied for so many jobs and got nowhere, I am unable to drive due to the insurance cost for my parents, it is all a big cock up. I have held my stuff with the shippers so will be ale to get some sort of refund but I am in total limbo, can I make a life here when I'm not sure I want to be here, sure the girls think it's like being on holiday again, no school people have all the time in the world for you but when reality hits it isn't like that. The older is very anti me still for making her come. I feel I may of lost the only man that would love me even tho things were bad and I felt we had to have space. Everything is just so wrong and so messed up. I have become a recluse as everyone is getting on with their lives and bar 2 people no one has made the effort to contact after my initial contact and not being able to drive makes it hard. I have zero money coming in, I am reliant on my parents feeding us which makes me so guilty, to get child benefit etc takes so long and you go round the houses and still get nowhere. I am banging my head against a brick wall. The one day in more years than I can remember that I was looking forwards to happens tomorrow and now I want it to go away. I want to go away. It's all too much of a struggle. Sorry for the rant

windsong

It sounds like part of the problem is that you left your other country with the idea - and perhaps rightly - that you didn't want to be there.

On the other hand, much of this is the "adjustment phase". It is normal to feel the loss of some control at this point, I think. You are not as independent and as knowledgeable about life there as you were in the place you left. But that will change in time.

Why not wait it out three months and see how you feel then.

Sally Redux

Really sorry to hear that. When you say you are holding the shipping, do you mean you are going back again?

Sounds like you need a bit of time to let the dust settle, don't feel guilty for getting help and be good to yourself.

pondhopper2014

All I can offer is a (((hug))) and a prayer that things start to get better for you. I'm so sorry it's been like this.

NiHao

I'm so sorry that you are feeling so down and that the move feels like a mistake. It really is only early days and things like child benefit and a job will surely come through with more time. However, you do sound so depressed (understandably) but I would urge you to get an appointment with your GP asap and get a referral for a therapist. It so hard to make decisions about anything when you are depressed and stressed. You really need some professional support to help you through the depression so you are better able to evaluate your options and how to improve your situation.

So sorry you are going through such a bad time of it

NiHao

I'm so sorry that you are feeling so down and that the move feels like a mistake. It really is only early days and things like child benefit and a job will surely come through with more time. However, you do sound so depressed (understandably) but I would urge you to get an appointment with your GP asap and get a referral for a therapist. It so hard to make decisions about anything when you are depressed and stressed. You really need some professional support to help you through the depression so you are better able to evaluate your options and how to improve your situation.

So sorry you are going through such a bad time of it

morayeel

so sorry it has not worked out for you.. ((( hugs))) Hope you can figure something out.. by returning to NZ or making it work in the U.K

moggi1964

I would suggest giving the UK time and then making a decision.

I'm sure there are plenty of people who made the move back in less 'urgent' circumstance and regretted it in the beginning. Some will have stayed and grown to love it again and some moved away again. It will take a while to know if you truly made the wrong choice IMHO.

Wishing you luck in whatever you choose to do.

janeyk

HI Genie
I feel for you I have been there the first time I returned we were in the UK for 7 Months and struggled to find work and we could not survive on OH salary which was temporary, DS was bullied etc so we returned to a different part of NZ secured jobs straight away.

The 2nd time I secured a job before arrival little or no relocation so tough on the wallet but the job was dire, the place we lived was awful, OH struggled to find work became very depressed, DS was bullied by children in the small village. Family and friends made no effort until we said we were leaving and they then became verbally abusive and it became very stressful. The time we spent there I realised every reason and more why we left in the first place. If we could find a country that combines the best of both we would be there like a shot but sadly this does not exsist.

We have now been back in NZ for 9 months more settled both in good jobs do we miss the UK yes we do but we were square pegs in a round hole the rose tinted view and memories were great but reality no longer for us.

Hugs to you and thinking of you being at home with parents and not being able to drive day after day is frustrating and would send me up the wall, when I was out of work the dog had plenty of walks just to get me out of the house

quoll

Oh sweetie, (((hugs)))!

Living with parents (and being dependent upon them) is a real bummer but, deep breaths, onward and upward, one day at a time! With time and application one can eventually unscramble a dogs breakfast - won't be easy but it will be worth it, you'll get one thing to go right and the rest will fall into place! If you're anywhere near me I'd be happy to shout you coffee!

Englishmum

Just a thought; if you only would like to use their car for a day here and there, I discovered a company which offers temporary car insurance for expats using a car belonging to a friend or relative in the UK and you can do it for just one day or one week or more if necessary - and doesn't affect their No Claims Bonus.

It is eligible for expats with driving licences from Australia, NZ and the EU/EEA (Oz and NZ are listed in the drop-down box). I made an e-mail enquiry a few days ago as my driving licence is Swiss and they got straight back to me. They insure through Aviva:

Temporary Car Insurance, Short Term Car Insurance - dayinsure.com

Temporary car insurance for expats

windsong

This is so true. If it is any consolation to the OP, I am on my way back in a few weeks myself and, as much as I want to go back, I am dreading the initial stages of losing my independence by living in a home that is not mine. I won't have my own kitchen, etc. I am trying to look beyond this, though. It will only be temporary - hopefully, no more than three months.

I am also leaving behind more possessions than I planned so I won't have the comfort of being around my own things either.

There are also many things I need to learn about the UK these days in order to survive there. It's rather like dumping me in China! I just don't know how to get things done there any more.

But I can learn! I can also choose to look beyond the initial inconveniences to the greater goal down the road. It's not going to be easy, though.

I plan to spend my time job-hunting and walking around the area with the dogs, taking the bus to town and walking there, taking trips on trains, visiting castles, etc.

I suppose my objective in saying all this is to point out that even for those of us who want to go to the UK, it's not going to be easy at first. I will also grieve what I leave behind - the good things, that is.

marblep

n/a - wrong post.