Hi,

I moved back to UK with my USC and 2 kids a year ago after living in US for 7 years or so. I was quite miserable in US, not at first but after about 4 years or so. I think I became more miserable after my mum died whilst we were in UK visiting and then 6 months later my dad was diagnosed with colon cancer. I knew I had to be here in UK to be close to my dad. Thankfully, he's now fine.

Well, we've been here a year, bought a house etc. My hubby is completely miserable. He hates his job and the fact that he's earning less than half he was in US. The cars we drive are pretty much bangers. I have to work evenings and weekends so don't get enough time to spend with kids of hubby. Our mortgage is massive so don't have any spare money for holidays etc.

I feel so much guilt about dragging my family back here and wish we could have our life back in US with nice house and nice cars. I know material things aren't everything but I know I'd be able to give my kids more over there, including time. I'm pretty sure they'd have a better life.

I'm not even sure if it's an option to go back as we don't have the money. I didn't apply for a re entry visa as we thought this was a permanent move so probably have to apply from scratch for residency.

It seems like it would be a good time to do it though with the low cost of houses in US and exchange rate. Will I feel the same again though? I know it's an impossible question for anyone to answer but you guys really helped me when I was moving this way so any thoughts would be greatly appreciated. Thanks

Depends on your mindset - I was negative in the UK, came out to Australia positive and my gradual cynicism and jaded nature kicked in again - I found fault in that which others would find favour.

So it really does depend on an attitude adjustment - when I return to the UK (with a career lined up) I'll know exactly what to expect, both good and bad. This time, however, life has taught me in the importance of perception and perspective. So I'll focus on the positives and avoid, as far as possible, exposure to that which set me into the negative last time.

Also remembering that 99.9% of what is in the media has no personal or direct effect on you helps, no matter which country you're in.

Hi Franki,

I lived in the US for 8 years, got divorced and was determined to move myself and my 2 young children back to the UK. I have been back for 3 1/2 years and to be truthful while I have enjoyed being back it has not been easy at all and at times has been very difficult indeed.

For the last couple of years I have considered moving back. Luckily I have dual citizenship so no need for a visa etc. Saying that I think it's either 1 or 2 years that you can be out of the US before you loose your PR status.

I completley see where you are coming from. For me my old life in the States was by far easier. Not as much congestion to deal with and lots more space and time with my children. House prices here are awful and I cannot afford to buy a home that is adequate for myself and my children. This for me is my major driving factor in moving back where I know that I will be able to afford our own home and not pay someone else's mortgage.

I do not feel as though I have failed in the least. I also know what I am facing going back to the US to live after having lived there before. I don't so much see myself as running away from the UK instead I know there will be more opportunities for myself and my children in the US. Feel free to PM me.

I think for those of us with itchy feet/sense of adventure/whatever then yes, the grass is always probably going to be greener somewhere else. Being one of those who would go home in a heartbeat (to Cambridge too, Bromleygirl!!!) I know that it would, financially, be very tough for us if I could ever persuade my Aussie DH to leave here and maybe that would not be a sensible option for us either - he would hate it and then he would be unhappy and depressed as I am here now. On days like this though I would happily trade "stuff" for the sense of belonging that I have when I am at home. (Even the congestion of Regent St, St Andrews St appeals at the mo!!)

Hello Franki,

I'm not so sure you will find the answer to your life questions on BE, and particularly in the "Moving Back TO The UK" section. That said here are my thoughts.

Although I have never lived in the US I have been living in Sydney (AUS) for the past 12 years. During that time we have taken several trips back to the UK to visit family and holiday.

My wife and I also had our first child 11 months ago (my wife is 40 and I 44). This led to us recently discussing the question of returning to the UK. Not because either of us particularly wants to but more so because having a child naturally made us re-think certain life choices. That said neither of us came up with convincing reasons (apart from the usual short lived comments on countryside (dwindling) pubs etc) why a return to the UK would be beneficial for any of us. Obviously having family in the UK is one thing but we are more than aware that moving for family is not a good long-term choice. They have their own lives to lead and choices to make. Also having young children makes you (hopefully) want to do what is best for them. Personally we do not think that the UK would be a better location to raise our son. We feel Australia has more to offer both us and our son in the long term, and that day-to-day quality of life is superior in AUS. After all you’re day-to-day experience is the most important influence on well-being. Although we are not a materialistic couple I can certainly understand your concerns regarding the cost of housing and work life in the UK.

Another consideration we found was the subject of what would we do if as a couple we ever split up. We were both of the opinion that we would stay in AUS and attempt to split care of our son and try to live within reasonable proximity to each other so long as our son was dependant. I say this because naturally separation/divorce can happen to any couple so if deserves consideration when moving to another country. Neither of us thought it was fair to uproot a child and take it away from the other parent.

Based on what you have written it appears there is little to keep you in the UK. If you did move to the US then the UK will always be there. Spend less time on BE and more time conversing with your Husband. There you will find the answer. Hope this has helped and good luck.

Thanks for all the replies. You hit the nail on the head, ahappychappy. I think my main reason for moving back was family, but now I realise I should really be thinking about my hubby and kids. They're my family now and I should be doing what's best for them and I'm not sure living here in UK with our circumstances is the best thing. Maybe, if we had more money and I didn't have to work evenings, it would be. Our situation at the moment though is just causing us all stress. You're right too, I do need to speak with hubby more as he doesn't think going back is even an option. Thanks again.

Quoll once again you have hit the nal on the head for me....when we go back to the U.K we will struggle as with the exchange rate etc we will not be going back with a great deal....this does cause me sleepless nights as I always believed myself not to be materialistic but I find that I like my home and nice little car...but we still have to work very hard for this way of life here in Perth...we could put up with that if we felt like we belong here...but after 10 years we still feel like and I am not sure how to put it but lets say "visitors"...it's the most horrible feeling at times and others not so bad...once we are home on a visit we feel just like we belong....it not just about having all our family there its just we love and enjoy lots of things we can never have in Aus.......we really want to wake up and say "we finally belong here in Aus"...but it's not happend so far......am I scared....yes out of my mind sometimes but we have to try it.....and as Marcpiano says you have to go with a positive attitude.....we have learnt a lot while living here....and we will take that ome with us....................

For me because I am now home and have experienced living back in the UK I can now compare. I am very aware of the good and the bad of both places. I'm not saying the US is better than the UK overall however for my family and what we are looking for the US offers more opportunities and the ability to own our own home. Long-term I feel that I need to do what is best however.

As I have said I have enjoyed being back and it has been one of the most diffifcult decisions of my life to move back to the US because I know I will miss the UK greatly - yes even the congestion of Newmarket Rd Quoll on a Satruday!!

For all of those that are heading back to the UK good luck with your moves. The grass may not be greener but you will hopefully feel that sense of belonging.

I moved back partly because of the guilt I felt from family and friends who would say every time we came over for a visit that we should move back. It came apparent though a few weeks after the move that the same people dropped off were now quite content to only see us a few times a year. I have decided to put my family first and move my children back to where they are closer to their Father and where we will have a higher standard of living with yearly visits back to the UK. I think putting your family first is the right decision.

Before i write my post can i just clarify that i do not pointed any of it towards anyone who has posted on it, but just wanted to add a different angle to think about as it might just apply to someone.


For those who are continuously feeling the grass is greener no matter where they go, do you feel it could be more about being disatisfied with something inside of you that doesnt actually have anything to do with where you are living? So often us humans (me included) have the tendency to change everthing about us except the thing that is REALLY bugging us. It could be a multitude of different things for a multitude of different reasons. We chase our tail constantly when deep down it could be something that needs fixing that doesnt need you to change your geography, but more change your life and how you are living it.

I don't think one is going to happy unless they have the "fundamentals" right, because it is that, which we all strive, a half decent quality of life. Reading your first post, there is no joy in your jobs, life style in general, working late, driving crap cars blah blah blah.

it doesn't really matter where you live, if you dont have that base thing right, then i cant imagine it working.

Its great to get a chance to smell the roses and enjoy the surrounding environment you live in but if your returning to chaos then its going to be shi* really isn't it.

If it were me, i would be working out pretty darn quick in your situation if there is anyway you can greatly improve your day to day quality of life and if there is, take a look at making it happen, if its not, then you may well be better off going back to a world of less work/more cash, better quality of life where ever it was.

Its totally different for everyone, you can't generalise when it comes to the UK, it is so diverse, which is part of its charm, and you dont get that in other places around the globe on such a small scale like England. For one, to return to cambridge is heaven and for someone else to return to Birmingham or a seaside town they grew up in is positively depressing.

Sounds like you could be stuck financially so maybe see if your partner can get re-employment and financial help to relocate. some companies will do that if he was highly valued.


Good luck

Yup - still congested LOL!
I suppose when I blame being late for work on the traffic, people believe me

Agree.
Have been back 2yrs now. The UK is lovely. In Oz I felt like I was watching a play with me and all the others characters in it but I wasnt really there. Do you know what I mean?
And i really thought that sense of belonging would return when I got back to the Uk. While it has in terms of familiarity/comfort on the outside, on the inside - because Ive had a lifechanging experience- I now feel like a square peg in a round hole in the UK too!
Its really odd. Ive a wonderful circle of friends, good job, nice area etc but cant feel settled. And its easy to then assume or start to think "the grass is greener on the other side" but its not - its about trying to be content with yourself, appreciating what you have and living for today rather than always thinking of tomorrow.
If someone can explain to me how to do that, Id be grateful LOL but I dont think Ill ever be truly satisfied/happy now after the way my head got screwed up in Oz. (but thats not the country entirely - it was my reaction to it) I just have to accept its about ME, not a country.

You only live once, so why not start working towards your goal again, even if it's complicated, it will lift your spirits... we have all made mistakes and moving around does complicate your brain first and foremost, ping-ponging around the world... lot's on here have done and ended up in the right place finally! However, it actually sounds like you're quite clear on where you want to be and you and your OH seem on the same page (which is a blessing). You enjoyed it for years, but then suffered family tragedy and that drove your decision to move back. That's different for you now isn't it, so you have to do whats best for your immediate family unit.. and you. Kids will adjust and grow up and leave one day, you need to do what's best for you as a couple.

Once you've got the cash that you need and some more so you're not stressed about money over there..., you could always let your UK house and rent back in the States, just to make sure you're sure!

Well, ctb, you have really hit the nail on the head! You could be me talking and oh boy, it's comforting to know that I'm not the only one feeling like a square peg in a round hole. This is so difficult to explain to anyone, but you have really described exactly how I've been feeling. Very, very weired coming back to the UK. I so longed to get here, but now I am having real doubts. Trying to re-settle is proving to be much more difficult than I would ever have realised! Yes, it's GREAT to see friends and family again, but once the honeymoon period is over (we've been back for 7 months now), it's a bit like 'ok, we've seen you now' and everyone just gets on with their lives. In the meantime, you feel like you've made this big change by living abroad, you come back and apart from yourself, nothing else has changed. There is no doubt, this can make you feel very odd.

I think what I have concluded is that I COULD live abroad again, and just visit England to see everyone on a more regular basis. I think when we moved to Perth, we emigrated lock stock and barrel. Psychologically this just panicked me. I thought I can't leave my friends and family permanently, but since being back in the UK - I feel all out of sorts and got itchy feet again! What a confused position we put ourselves in. I'm sure there must be many people in the same boat, hence the famous ping-pong poms expression!