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First anniversary!
Well, it was a year ago today that I stepped off the plane from Australia for a holiday in UK - and I havent gone back!!!!!
I had long wanted to leave Australia as pretty much everyone knows - trapped, trapped, trapped by an Aussie DH who didnt want to live in UK, not ever, no way, no how!!! He knew how miserable I was but thought he would be miserable if he had to live here. We survived on a compromise diet - he didnt get to live out in the bush on 40 acres being self sufficient and I got to come home every year for a sanity hit. Well, we all landed 1 Sept for a holiday and to see our eldest son get married. My other son, his family and I were planning 8 weeks but the DH couldnt bear to be here that long and went home after 5 weeks. However, then the wheels fell off the parental wagon and within 4 days of our arrival mum was in hospital after a stroke (interesting case of Wernicke's aphasia in the process!). At that stage the DH began talking about the possibility of living in UK as it was glaringly obvious that, at 88, dad was having trouble dealing with my 88 year old mum who was tottering, falling and succumbing increasingly to dementia. The DH then went back after his allotted weeks and within a few days my dad had a heart attack, stent and few days in Papworth but that meant he couldnt drive for a month so I was prepared to delay my departure until he got his licence back. Out of hospital for just over a week when he had a stroke (which takes longer to get your licence back) so at that point, I decided to stay, quit my job, cancelled my ticket (Qantas have been great throughout the process) and bawled my eyes out on Skype so the DH did the first aid course he had signed up for and got on a plane to come and be with me to help. I wont say that this year has been easy - it hasnt. My mother is hugely resentful that we have invaded her house, taken over her life etc and seems not to "get it" that if we werent here, she would be in a nursing home ("I'm not going into a nursing home!!!!!"). Hopefully she is gradually accepting the changes and she is enjoying that she gets out shopping/coffee/lunch more but we all tread on eggshells not to impede each others' independence. We live in Cambridge which is a fabulous part of the country, if not the most picturesque, and I have embarked upon a fitness campaign which has seen me lose over 3 stone since Feb and I now do 5 - 10 mile walks most days when I can (and medical appointments for parents and elderly aunt and uncle dont intervene!). I dont know if I have lost weight because, at last, I am happy or am happy because, at last, I have lost weight!!! I know this isnt going to be forever - we still have our Aus house which has been taken over by son and his family (we might never get it back!) and DH is an Aussie with a 95 year old mum. We have 2 granddaughters in Aus and I expect we will have some grandkids in UK at some stage and I do miss them a little bit - Skype doesnt cut it. However there isnt much I miss from Australia after all those years - power showers and fly wire would probably be about the limit I think. Oh yes, I am regretting not having our memory foam mattress which we bought just a couple of weeks before we left LOL. My DH has been amazing - I couldnt have done it without him and he really seems to be enjoying himself here! He has my dad's big garden to keep him out of mischief and he rides our son's bike everywhere (son doesnt need it!) and has become firmly entrenched at the local gym. We have become even closer if that is possible and we get away for a few days most months. He is really happy that he has his wife back (he notices the difference LOL!) and is thrilled that I have managed to regain some fitness. He now does the annual trip back to Aus and is coping with that OK. So, this is the place I belong and the difference it has made to my mental health has been amazing - I didnt realize how depressed I really was until I wasnt depressed any more (although coping with dementia and geriatric issues is inherently depressing I reckon!). Just want to wish all returnees the same sort of satisfaction that I have found. You cannot beat belonging!!!! |
Re: First anniversary!
Quoll, I'm pleased that even though you went back in difficult circumstances, it appears that everything seems to be working out for you.
And losing 3 stone! well done, being depressed is when I eat as well, so thats why since moving to the US I've put on 1.5! Gosh at this rate I'll put on another 3 in the next two years!!!! |
Re: First anniversary!
Quoll,
Thank you so much for your update, I appreciate it so much when people take the time to do these updates they are so helpful. Wow, you and your family have really had a lot to deal with in such a short period of time. I hope your parents are doing better health wise and that tensions with your Mum over the house will ease with time. Many congrats on the weight loss that is so wonderful. I'm sure its a bit of both, you were able to succeed because you were happier and having lost weight is bringing you happiness. Good luck with everything and please keep updating! |
Re: First anniversary!
Great update Quoll, I had wondered how your Dh would cope with the sudden move seeing he didn't want to move at all before all of this hit the fan! It sounds like the move has done him good too.
Pity you can't box up the other family members and move them over too, 95 year old included :lol: I hope it continues to go well. |
Re: First anniversary!
What a lovely update Quoll. It's most unfortunate your parents have been poorly of course but it sounds as if that aside, the past year has gone well for you. Thanks for sharing and all the best:starsmile:
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Re: First anniversary!
You rock lady!:thumbsup:
I love Cambridge and it helps that my son now lives there so our visits back are usually spent there and I always feel relaxed just walking along the river and into town. Glad you are where you belong:nod: |
Re: First anniversary!
Great update and also sorry that it was in those circumstances you get to stay in Cambridge but so pleased that your OH decided to pack it all in in Oz and join you! Sorry about your parents health issues but so nice for them to have you there to help. Good for you losing your weight, I can relate to comfort eating because that is what I am doing here and am just getting bigger by the minute. Hope everything goes well for you all.. and I look forward to more updates in the future. I have 3 more years to wait but it seems that my OH is starting to think about returning as well :)
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Re: First anniversary!
What an update. You rock as far as I am concerned.
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Re: First anniversary!
Wow, thanks for sharing - what a year you have had! So sorry to hear about your parents but how lucky was it that you were there for them right when they needed you?!
Good on your hubby too for supporting you and nice to know he is settling in well too. I have just had an Aussie friend return from the UK and she can't stop talking about how amazing it was. She is Aboriginal and she said people wanted to know all about her, they were so friendly and kind to her. She said she didn't feel the prejudice she feels here in Australia which is crazy really when you think about it!!!!!! Interesting! As for the weight gain well I hear you, I've never been so fat in my life, all that comfort eating cos I'm so fed up/depressed followed by getting bigger which then makes me feel even worse and sends me running back to the biscuit tin! Congrats on losing three stone, you must be over the moon! Well hope everything works out for you and thanks again for sharing, its so nice to read these updates they are my lifeline atm! :o) |
Re: First anniversary!
Originally Posted by quoll
(Post 10258283)
Well, it was a year ago today that I stepped off the plane from Australia for a holiday in UK - and I havent gone back!!!!!
I had long wanted to leave Australia as pretty much everyone knows - trapped, trapped, trapped by an Aussie DH who didnt want to live in UK, not ever, no way, no how!!! He knew how miserable I was but thought he would be miserable if he had to live here. We survived on a compromise diet - he didnt get to live out in the bush on 40 acres being self sufficient and I got to come home every year for a sanity hit. Well, we all landed 1 Sept for a holiday and to see our eldest son get married. My other son, his family and I were planning 8 weeks but the DH couldnt bear to be here that long and went home after 5 weeks. However, then the wheels fell off the parental wagon and within 4 days of our arrival mum was in hospital after a stroke (interesting case of Wernicke's aphasia in the process!). At that stage the DH began talking about the possibility of living in UK as it was glaringly obvious that, at 88, dad was having trouble dealing with my 88 year old mum who was tottering, falling and succumbing increasingly to dementia. The DH then went back after his allotted weeks and within a few days my dad had a heart attack, stent and few days in Papworth but that meant he couldnt drive for a month so I was prepared to delay my departure until he got his licence back. Out of hospital for just over a week when he had a stroke (which takes longer to get your licence back) so at that point, I decided to stay, quit my job, cancelled my ticket (Qantas have been great throughout the process) and bawled my eyes out on Skype so the DH did the first aid course he had signed up for and got on a plane to come and be with me to help. I wont say that this year has been easy - it hasnt. My mother is hugely resentful that we have invaded her house, taken over her life etc and seems not to "get it" that if we werent here, she would be in a nursing home ("I'm not going into a nursing home!!!!!"). Hopefully she is gradually accepting the changes and she is enjoying that she gets out shopping/coffee/lunch more but we all tread on eggshells not to impede each others' independence. We live in Cambridge which is a fabulous part of the country, if not the most picturesque, and I have embarked upon a fitness campaign which has seen me lose over 3 stone since Feb and I now do 5 - 10 mile walks most days when I can (and medical appointments for parents and elderly aunt and uncle dont intervene!). I dont know if I have lost weight because, at last, I am happy or am happy because, at last, I have lost weight!!! I know this isnt going to be forever - we still have our Aus house which has been taken over by son and his family (we might never get it back!) and DH is an Aussie with a 95 year old mum. We have 2 granddaughters in Aus and I expect we will have some grandkids in UK at some stage and I do miss them a little bit - Skype doesnt cut it. However there isnt much I miss from Australia after all those years - power showers and fly wire would probably be about the limit I think. Oh yes, I am regretting not having our memory foam mattress which we bought just a couple of weeks before we left LOL. My DH has been amazing - I couldnt have done it without him and he really seems to be enjoying himself here! He has my dad's big garden to keep him out of mischief and he rides our son's bike everywhere (son doesnt need it!) and has become firmly entrenched at the local gym. We have become even closer if that is possible and we get away for a few days most months. He is really happy that he has his wife back (he notices the difference LOL!) and is thrilled that I have managed to regain some fitness. He now does the annual trip back to Aus and is coping with that OK. So, this is the place I belong and the difference it has made to my mental health has been amazing - I didnt realize how depressed I really was until I wasnt depressed any more (although coping with dementia and geriatric issues is inherently depressing I reckon!). Just want to wish all returnees the same sort of satisfaction that I have found. You cannot beat belonging!!!! |
Re: First anniversary!
Thanks for sharing Quoll, overall it seems as though things have gone well for you apart from the obvious health issues of course.
Like you there is little we are missing about Australia, for my wife it is more opportunity to get washing dry, for me it is Dim Sims and for our boys it is a good friend they left behind. I hope it all continues to go well for you. |
Re: First anniversary!
Lovely post.
Truly inspiring in many ways. :) |
Re: First anniversary!
Wonderful and truly inspiring, I can so relate to the feeling of not realising that you're depressed unitil you aren't! (and Im a therapist!!) Since I made the decsion I have felt happier than I have in years.... Yet nothing has actually changed...I just have hope I suppose..
All the very best to you :thumbup: |
Re: First anniversary!
Nice one Quoll ! :thumbsup:
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Re: First anniversary!
Really enjoyed your update - good luck to you in the future :fingerscrossed:
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Re: First anniversary!
Great update Quoll, even if the circumstances that led to you returning were not exactly ideal, your hubby sounds lovely although I guess it was his turn to compromise a little. After all those years you spent putting up with being in the wrong place you deserve this.
It was our first anniversary recently and although things haven't gone quite as we planned (or even remotely as we planned) here's hoping the next year will be better. :fingerscrossed: |
Re: First anniversary!
Quoll.... So nice to hear how you are doing. I understand what you say about your Mum, mine was the same when I went to stay with her she felt she was being taken over. I think part of it is because they have been so independent and not use to having people around it is hard on them. I think your Mum will eventually realize that you are staying with her for her own good but living with older parents is hard, just ask my daughter. I am not sure which one of us she wants to kill first her Dad or me.
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Re: First anniversary!
Great update Quoll.
Despite the obvious challenges, it's sounds as though you have had a fulfilling year in the UK! |
Re: First anniversary!
That post made me very happy.
I'm sorry about the circumstances that have kept you hear but I remember how desperately homesick you were. Your DH is a keeper. It's brilliant to be Home, isn't it? :thumbsup: |
Re: First anniversary!
quoll you give me hope ,thankyou and bless you .Just had bad news re my daughter and we are coming back sooner than we planned ,like you we need to be where we belong .
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Re: First anniversary!
Originally Posted by nannab
(Post 10278179)
quoll you give me hope ,thankyou and bless you .Just had bad news re my daughter and we are coming back sooner than we planned ,like you we need to be where we belong .
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Re: First anniversary!
Lovely post quoll. Sounds to me like it will be hard for DH to think about asking you to move back now he sees how happy you are. (And how happy he's feeling as a result).
As for the weight - wow! Amazing achievement. I was comfort eating in the US, but now we're back and I'm happy, I have a different problem - there is so much delicious, tempting food here that I'm still struggling to stay on a diet. I really admire you for resisting the cakes and chocolate and pasties :) |
Re: First anniversary!
Good to hear Quoll:)
Glad to hear your hubby is settling in better than expected, sorry to hear about the tension at home, that can't be easy. As for what will happen long term, I learned a while ago not to sweat that, we've been in the UK 2.5yrs so far but I look at it this way, every day we are here is a day longer than we would have been had we never done it.:) |
Re: First anniversary!
Good to read this Quoll, I have not been able to keep up much with what everyone is doing and I was wondering how come you were still in the UK, I thought i had missed your move.. Well done on the weight loss, I have gained since I have been back in the UK!!!!!!!!!! I can not resist the Galaxy chocolate and all the cakes..
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