British Expats

British Expats (https://britishexpats.com/forum/)
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-   -   Feeling low (https://britishexpats.com/forum/moving-back-uk-61/feeling-low-745659/)

jeannie in a bottle Jan 20th 2012 8:26 am

Re: Feeling low
 

Originally Posted by Lorry1 (Post 9855271)
:lol: Well I would like to move to Oxfordshire, Hertfordshire or Buckinghamshire but likelyhood is we'll go back to Berkshire. We need an easy commute to London for hubby's work.

Me ..... jealous ..... never! :rofl:

I see from your original post that your homesickness only kicked in after the first year? Was is one thing in particular, or just a general dislike of where you are now?

Lorry1 Jan 20th 2012 8:34 am

Re: Feeling low
 

Originally Posted by jeannie in a bottle (Post 9855293)
Me ..... jealous ..... never! :rofl:

I see from your original post that your homesickness only kicked in after the first year? Was is one thing in particular, or just a general dislike of where you are now?

I went back to England for a week. That was the start of it.

Things started crumbling here at around the same time. Hubby got a job within the first week of us landing which was great but pay was shit and we got into debt which was spiraling out of control. He was really depressed thinking we were going to lose everything so our relationship went sour for a while.

He now has a great job and we are mostly out of debt and I love my job in a travel agency, but its too late I just don't feel anything here anymore.

Where are you by the way?

jeannie in a bottle Jan 20th 2012 8:48 am

Re: Feeling low
 

Originally Posted by Lorry1 (Post 9855302)
I went back to England for a week. That was the start of it.

Things started crumbling here at around the same time. Hubby got a job within the first week of us landing which was great but pay was shit and we got into debt which was spiraling out of control. He was really depressed thinking we were going to lose everything so our relationship went sour for a while.

He now has a great job and we are mostly out of debt and I love my job in a travel agency, but its too late I just don't feel anything here anymore.

Where are you by the way?

Just north of Brampton, Ontario- don't feel at home though. :thumbdown: Don't get me wrong - the house is lovely, and it's a very pretty area, maybe just not for me!

Lorry1 Jan 20th 2012 8:51 am

Re: Feeling low
 

Originally Posted by jeannie in a bottle (Post 9855316)
Just north of Brampton, Ontario- don't feel at home though. :thumbdown: Don't get me wrong - the house is lovely, and it's a very pretty area, maybe just not for me!

when it doesn't feel right, it just doesn't and you have to do something about it.

My house is gorgeous. Custom built, 4000 sq ft. It's not enough to keep me here though. Too much bloody cleaning :lol:

jemima55 Jan 20th 2012 9:03 am

Re: Feeling low
 
I`m in the same boat. Sometimes I feel as if I`m going slightly dotty with it all! Found myself giving myself a strict talking to today to buck up!
We have to get our house on the market and although I work at clearing it up constantly, its like painting the Forth Bridge!
I`m now thinking "Just do it" and worry about how clean and tidy it is when its up for sale!
Hubby`s coming round to it but tends to bury his head in his work and hope it`ll all go away!

gillyd65 Jan 20th 2012 9:03 am

Re: Feeling low
 

Originally Posted by Lorry1 (Post 9855321)
when it doesn't feel right, it just doesn't and you have to do something about it.

My house is gorgeous. Custom built, 4000 sq ft. It's not enough to keep me here though. Too much bloody cleaning :lol:

I think you have hit the nail on the head Lorry 'it doesn't feel right'. However much you try and plaster over the cracks, those cracks still keep reappearing.
Ours has been a whirlwind trip, don't know how you've coped for 4.5 years. Just try and focus and plan like Sally said and maybe, just maybe it will feel a little better.
People truly do not understand how homesickness feels until they've been there got the tshirt.

gillyd65 Jan 20th 2012 9:07 am

Re: Feeling low
 
Don't know whether this will make you feel better or worse but we stumbled across 'postcards from England' on MBTTUK - French guy who works in Windsor but is travelling around the UK on his weekends off. Many places we have visited, but there are some we haven't and plan to when we return. It lightened our mood, just hope it lightens yours too.

Lorry1 Jan 20th 2012 9:54 am

Re: Feeling low
 

Originally Posted by jemima55 (Post 9855341)
I`m in the same boat. Sometimes I feel as if I`m going slightly dotty with it all! Found myself giving myself a strict talking to today to buck up!
We have to get our house on the market and although I work at clearing it up constantly, its like painting the Forth Bridge!
I`m now thinking "Just do it" and worry about how clean and tidy it is when its up for sale!
Hubby`s coming round to it but tends to bury his head in his work and hope it`ll all go away!


Originally Posted by gillyd65 (Post 9855343)
I think you have hit the nail on the head Lorry 'it doesn't feel right'. However much you try and plaster over the cracks, those cracks still keep reappearing.
Ours has been a whirlwind trip, don't know how you've coped for 4.5 years. Just try and focus and plan like Sally said and maybe, just maybe it will feel a little better.
People truly do not understand how homesickness feels until they've been there got the tshirt.

Jemima, I have gone completely mad! :lol:
I cannot wait for the time when I can put my house on the market, it will all feel real then :nod:

Gilly, where are you and how long have you been there?
I don't know how I'm coping either to be honest. I just have to, no choice.

I am not living at the moment, I am just functioning and doing what has to be done. I just think in 18 months I will be back in England and I can get on with my life.
I really want to try and enjoy the time I have left here, because I know life is too short and I'll look back and regret feeling like this.

Dashie Jan 20th 2012 10:21 am

Re: Feeling low
 
Took us ages to realise we have never settled here. We kept moving house, buying things to try and make us enjoy life more, none of that worked. Then got pregnant with what we thought would be our second and decided to stay here to ensure continuity of care (I believe we would have received much better care in the UK now though), then lost that baby, then had another one (nearly left in between those two), and now we've decided that as we have 2 Canadian children, it would make sense for us to get our citizenship and then make a decision. This has been dragging on for a while now.

We're looking at probably 2 years time. Hopefully we should get our citizenship next year, but we can save up more money, and we'd also have a better chance of selling our house here in the following spring than if we rush and try and sell in the autumn.

We're a bit jealous of those who managed to figure out what they wanted so quickly!

I hope Gilly doesn't mind me answering the question - she's near London, ON, same as me :)

jemima55 Jan 20th 2012 10:40 am

Re: Feeling low
 
It`s a horrid feeling that you are just marking time!
I`m also sorry that I cant imagine looking back on this period of my life with nostalgia. I just want to run! I hope there`s something to look back on even if its only that for a while I jumped out of the box I was in in the UK. I suppose I did get to the end of the day sometimes and think "Is this it?". I wasnt unhappy, just wondered if things would go on the same for years. How wrong I was! Also I`ve lived a completely different kind of life to the one back home, which is good!
Well, at least it may make me appreciate things more back home!
BTW, in between the last post and this I`ve cleaned out another cupboard! :thumbup:

gillyd65 Jan 20th 2012 11:25 am

Re: Feeling low
 

Originally Posted by Lorry1 (Post 9855393)
Jemima, I have gone completely mad! :lol:
I cannot wait for the time when I can put my house on the market, it will all feel real then :nod:

Gilly, where are you and how long have you been there?
I don't know how I'm coping either to be honest. I just have to, no choice.

I am not living at the moment, I am just functioning and doing what has to be done. I just think in 18 months I will be back in England and I can get on with my life.
I really want to try and enjoy the time I have left here, because I know life is too short and I'll look back and regret feeling like this.

As Dashie said near each other outside of London,On. We have only been here siince the summer so no time at all but the kids have been on meltdown since two weeks in. There's a myriad of things which don't sit well with us as a family, and its not what we were expecting at all. I just knew straight away it 'didn't feel right' and so how much we went out, met people, tried to get out there, it was never going to work. Defeatist attitude some may say, but my gut instinct was saying no. We had left too, too much back home which could never in a month of Sundays be replaced. Sure you can get the house and all the trappings but those relationships are precious. We stood one day at Pinery Provincial Park watching the sun set over the lake. It was truly beautiful. But it was just the four of us, and all our lives we have shared special moments with the special people in our lives. We all thought what is the point if we cannot share our lives with the people we care about.
Bit soppy for some, but thats how we feel. Thats why we are going home....

jemima55 Jan 20th 2012 11:34 am

Re: Feeling low
 
Totally understand! Red wine time now, all`s right with the world!

dollface Jan 20th 2012 12:15 pm

Re: Feeling low
 

Originally Posted by Lorry1 (Post 9855207)
Hi all, thank you so much for the replies. It is horrible being in this situation, isn't it!?
We have to wait for my daughter to finish school as all her friends in England just finished their GCSE's last June but they don't do them here until 18!
If we moved back now, she would have nothing :(

Jeannie, My hubby was dead against it for the longest time. He said he would never move back to that cess pit if it was the last place on Earth!
Over time he started coming round as he saw how bad I was getting. I just cried a lot and he knew I was never going to settle here.

I have considered moving elsewhere in Canada or even to the states, and I may be happy there for a while, but I don't see the point in doing a big move again and in time still want to move back to England.

Dollface, I am in Nova Scotia. It is lovely here but just not for me and what I want at this time of life. I'm nearly 40, not dead yet :lol:

I hear you i'm just outside Toronto been in Canada almost 13 years and never settled 100%. My hubby is better off here career wise, my kids, well, who knows but I know I haven't found peace of mind. I hope to return to the UK this year at some point, and I can only pray i'm making the right decision for my kids (11 & 9) they know no other culture/life than here.

My husband is wonderful, he moved to Canada with his family from England when he was 6 now 45:eek: but he is willing to return to UK, despite his career taking a hit, for me to be happy and find contentment. It's alot to carry on your shoulders if you make a mistake:unsure:

gillyd65 Jan 20th 2012 1:23 pm

Re: Feeling low
 
All I can say Dollface is that if you can find the best school you can for your children then that will make all the difference in you settling. My two, both teenagers have been and are a product of the UK education system. They are critical thinkers, well travelled, polite and have an understanding of the wider world. They have, through school, been on trips to France, Germany, Portugal, Rome, and have done cultural exchanges with students from Japan and our eldest spent some time living in Osaka. This is the UK education system which gets slammed so much. This was not a private school either, just a good state comprehensive. When they have spoken to their Canadian counterparts they are stunned by how much they have done and experienced. I wish you all the luck in the world should you finally decide to move back to the UK, it really isn't that bad.

Lorry1 Jan 21st 2012 6:39 am

Re: Feeling low
 
Dashie, I knew after the first year I wanted to return but hubby definitely wasn't ready at that time and I didn't want to give in so easy so I tried really hard to get on. Then it gets to the point where you're trapped due to one thing or another. I say leave as soon as you know.
We went back to England last summer and I came back here and actually felt settled, even painted the basement as I thought I would get on and do the house up and stay. After a few weeks, I was back to wanting to leave. I think because it was so hectic in England sleeping round 3 different friends houses and going out every night, I felt a false sense of security being back in my own bed and house.

Jemima, keep that packing going :lol:


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