Feeling low
 

Hi all,
Well, as the title says, I'm just feeling really low at the moment.
Good friends of ours left here on Tuesday to return to England for good and it's made me feel really bad. I am happy for them of course but it's just sunk me into a deeper depression. I can't explain it.

We have been in Canada 4 and a half years. I have been homesick for 3 and a half years. Hubby has recently agreed to us going back. He doesn't want to as he loves it here, but he will for me as he knows how depressed I have been all these years.

We can't go back until summer 2013 as eldest has to finish school here. Hubby is networking like crazy so he can get a job to return to.

So, in 18 months, I am going home.
It just feels like such a long way off right now. I have to go through another couple of months of winter plus one more in winter 2012.
I just don't know how I'm going to get through at the moment :(

Sorry for the depreesing post. I just wanted to write a bit about how I'm feeling. Maybe this will help.

Anyone else feeling like shit? :lol:

Re: Feeling low
 

Hey Lorry

Nothing helpful to say I'm afraid. It sucks doesn't it?

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Hi Lorry1 and Optimistic
In the same boat but have decided to do something about it now. Its really not for us as a family over here. Everybody back home have been so supportive we've had loads of offers of 'come stay with us' 'do you need some money to see you through' we'll fly out and help you pack' which has made us realise just what we had back there and the support network.
Can't really help either of you other than sending hugs across the net, but just to say once you can see the light at the end of the tunnel then try and 'enjoy' whats happening around you.
Difficult I know and homesickness is a killer, its just so physical as well as mental, great for losing weight!
I really do feel what you are both going through.

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So true....:lol:

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Hi Optimistic
Have you finally sorted out a time frame?

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Hi Lorry

Hey, look on the bright side - at least you are going home :thumbsup:
I am in the same situation [but without the going home bit ...]. My husband loves it here, and says he would never want to move back to the UK if he didn't have to. I, meanwhile, would go back in a flash. We have had very different experiences since being here, which doesn't help the situation. He is a sweetheart though, and says if I am still unhappy by the end of this year, we will look to move elsewhere. Difficult decision though, as I can't see past the fact that one of us will be unhappy. :unsure:

Anyway, glad you are heading home - all the best! :thumbsup:

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Hi Gillyd65, yes all sorted and so excited. Fly out on Sunday. Friends have been incredibly supportive and I am so looking forward to seeing them all.

Like you, I decided that I didn't want to drag it out. So trusting my instincts and taking action. I am lucky as not tied down (not a good expression I know) by family etc.

Hope your planning is going well and your son enjoyed his trip back to the UK.

Lorry - To help keep you sane, you might want to start doing a little planning....it will help you feel better and there will be lots to do and time will pass.

All the best.

x

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Well done you. I really do think sometimes you have to go with your gut instinct and when something doesn't feel right then change it. It is going to set us back financially but that means nothing in comparison to feeling like we do. Our son has a confirmed offer at sixth form in September, just waiting to hear from our daughters high school. We just cannot let go of what we had in the UK, mainly people, and I really do think to settle here and for it to be 'home' you really have to kind of shut off and let go. OH will set up business again, already has some work lined up and hopefully I can start work as well.
Best of luck, and have a happy and settled life.
Take care...

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Where in Canada are you?

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Hi all, thank you so much for the replies. It is horrible being in this situation, isn't it!?
We have to wait for my daughter to finish school as all her friends in England just finished their GCSE's last June but they don't do them here until 18!
If we moved back now, she would have nothing :(

Jeannie, My hubby was dead against it for the longest time. He said he would never move back to that cess pit if it was the last place on Earth!
Over time he started coming round as he saw how bad I was getting. I just cried a lot and he knew I was never going to settle here.

I have considered moving elsewhere in Canada or even to the states, and I may be happy there for a while, but I don't see the point in doing a big move again and in time still want to move back to England.

Dollface, I am in Nova Scotia. It is lovely here but just not for me and what I want at this time of life. I'm nearly 40, not dead yet :lol:

Re: Feeling low
 

Jeannie, My hubby was dead against it for the longest time. He said he would never move back to that cess pit if it was the last place on Earth!
Over time he started coming round as he saw how bad I was getting. I just cried a lot and he knew I was never going to settle here.

I have considered moving elsewhere in Canada or even to the states, and I may be happy there for a while, but I don't see the point in doing a big move again and in time still want to move back to England.


Hope you don't mind me asking, but how does your husband feel about the move now? It seems like we have similar situations, so would appreciate any advice! I would move back tomorrow, but I think I would be racked with guilt if I dragged my OH to what he calls "Broken Britain" :rofl: [Seems strange though, as he was quite happy there before we moved!]

How is he handling it?

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Lorry, I definitely agree with the suggestion to start planning and preparing, It will make the wait so much easier - plus, when the move does get closer, you'll be glad you did all that work. I made a project plan for the move a year ago and we started working our way through it. It definitely helped pass the time. I also started keeping notes on places I want to visit when we get back. That gave me something to look forward to. Hang in there - it really will fly by.

Re: Feeling low
 

{QUOTE}Hope you don't mind me asking, but how does your husband feel about the move now? It seems like we have similar situations, so would appreciate any advice! I would move back tomorrow, but I think I would be racked with guilt if I dragged my OH to what he calls "Broken Britain" :rofl: [Seems strange though, as he was quite happy there before we moved!]

How is he handling it?[/QUOTE]

Well at first he said just don't talk to him about it he would handle it in his own time. Now he is really ploughing himself into networking and finding work there. He even talks about where we could live which is a bonus :thumbsup:

He still doesn't really want to go but I think it's coming along and he's getting use to it.

Sally, Thank you I will try my best to plan and enjoy the rest of my time here ;)

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Thanks Lorrie

Whereabouts are you hoping to move to? [says she with her nose pressed up against the UK window] :D

Re: Feeling low
 

:lol: Well I would like to move to Oxfordshire, Hertfordshire or Buckinghamshire but likelyhood is we'll go back to Berkshire. We need an easy commute to London for hubby's work.

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Me ..... jealous ..... never! :rofl:

I see from your original post that your homesickness only kicked in after the first year? Was is one thing in particular, or just a general dislike of where you are now?

Re: Feeling low
 

I went back to England for a week. That was the start of it.

Things started crumbling here at around the same time. Hubby got a job within the first week of us landing which was great but pay was shit and we got into debt which was spiraling out of control. He was really depressed thinking we were going to lose everything so our relationship went sour for a while.

He now has a great job and we are mostly out of debt and I love my job in a travel agency, but its too late I just don't feel anything here anymore.

Where are you by the way?

Re: Feeling low
 

Just north of Brampton, Ontario- don't feel at home though. :thumbdown: Don't get me wrong - the house is lovely, and it's a very pretty area, maybe just not for me!

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when it doesn't feel right, it just doesn't and you have to do something about it.

My house is gorgeous. Custom built, 4000 sq ft. It's not enough to keep me here though. Too much bloody cleaning :lol:

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I`m in the same boat. Sometimes I feel as if I`m going slightly dotty with it all! Found myself giving myself a strict talking to today to buck up!
We have to get our house on the market and although I work at clearing it up constantly, its like painting the Forth Bridge!
I`m now thinking "Just do it" and worry about how clean and tidy it is when its up for sale!
Hubby`s coming round to it but tends to bury his head in his work and hope it`ll all go away!

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I think you have hit the nail on the head Lorry 'it doesn't feel right'. However much you try and plaster over the cracks, those cracks still keep reappearing.
Ours has been a whirlwind trip, don't know how you've coped for 4.5 years. Just try and focus and plan like Sally said and maybe, just maybe it will feel a little better.
People truly do not understand how homesickness feels until they've been there got the tshirt.

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Don't know whether this will make you feel better or worse but we stumbled across 'postcards from England' on MBTTUK - French guy who works in Windsor but is travelling around the UK on his weekends off. Many places we have visited, but there are some we haven't and plan to when we return. It lightened our mood, just hope it lightens yours too.

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Jemima, I have gone completely mad! :lol:
I cannot wait for the time when I can put my house on the market, it will all feel real then :nod:

Gilly, where are you and how long have you been there?
I don't know how I'm coping either to be honest. I just have to, no choice.

I am not living at the moment, I am just functioning and doing what has to be done. I just think in 18 months I will be back in England and I can get on with my life.
I really want to try and enjoy the time I have left here, because I know life is too short and I'll look back and regret feeling like this.

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Took us ages to realise we have never settled here. We kept moving house, buying things to try and make us enjoy life more, none of that worked. Then got pregnant with what we thought would be our second and decided to stay here to ensure continuity of care (I believe we would have received much better care in the UK now though), then lost that baby, then had another one (nearly left in between those two), and now we've decided that as we have 2 Canadian children, it would make sense for us to get our citizenship and then make a decision. This has been dragging on for a while now.

We're looking at probably 2 years time. Hopefully we should get our citizenship next year, but we can save up more money, and we'd also have a better chance of selling our house here in the following spring than if we rush and try and sell in the autumn.

We're a bit jealous of those who managed to figure out what they wanted so quickly!

I hope Gilly doesn't mind me answering the question - she's near London, ON, same as me :)

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It`s a horrid feeling that you are just marking time!
I`m also sorry that I cant imagine looking back on this period of my life with nostalgia. I just want to run! I hope there`s something to look back on even if its only that for a while I jumped out of the box I was in in the UK. I suppose I did get to the end of the day sometimes and think "Is this it?". I wasnt unhappy, just wondered if things would go on the same for years. How wrong I was! Also I`ve lived a completely different kind of life to the one back home, which is good!
Well, at least it may make me appreciate things more back home!
BTW, in between the last post and this I`ve cleaned out another cupboard! :thumbup:

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As Dashie said near each other outside of London,On. We have only been here siince the summer so no time at all but the kids have been on meltdown since two weeks in. There's a myriad of things which don't sit well with us as a family, and its not what we were expecting at all. I just knew straight away it 'didn't feel right' and so how much we went out, met people, tried to get out there, it was never going to work. Defeatist attitude some may say, but my gut instinct was saying no. We had left too, too much back home which could never in a month of Sundays be replaced. Sure you can get the house and all the trappings but those relationships are precious. We stood one day at Pinery Provincial Park watching the sun set over the lake. It was truly beautiful. But it was just the four of us, and all our lives we have shared special moments with the special people in our lives. We all thought what is the point if we cannot share our lives with the people we care about.
Bit soppy for some, but thats how we feel. Thats why we are going home....

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Totally understand! Red wine time now, all`s right with the world!

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I hear you i'm just outside Toronto been in Canada almost 13 years and never settled 100%. My hubby is better off here career wise, my kids, well, who knows but I know I haven't found peace of mind. I hope to return to the UK this year at some point, and I can only pray i'm making the right decision for my kids (11 & 9) they know no other culture/life than here.

My husband is wonderful, he moved to Canada with his family from England when he was 6 now 45:eek: but he is willing to return to UK, despite his career taking a hit, for me to be happy and find contentment. It's alot to carry on your shoulders if you make a mistake:unsure:

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All I can say Dollface is that if you can find the best school you can for your children then that will make all the difference in you settling. My two, both teenagers have been and are a product of the UK education system. They are critical thinkers, well travelled, polite and have an understanding of the wider world. They have, through school, been on trips to France, Germany, Portugal, Rome, and have done cultural exchanges with students from Japan and our eldest spent some time living in Osaka. This is the UK education system which gets slammed so much. This was not a private school either, just a good state comprehensive. When they have spoken to their Canadian counterparts they are stunned by how much they have done and experienced. I wish you all the luck in the world should you finally decide to move back to the UK, it really isn't that bad.

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Dashie, I knew after the first year I wanted to return but hubby definitely wasn't ready at that time and I didn't want to give in so easy so I tried really hard to get on. Then it gets to the point where you're trapped due to one thing or another. I say leave as soon as you know.
We went back to England last summer and I came back here and actually felt settled, even painted the basement as I thought I would get on and do the house up and stay. After a few weeks, I was back to wanting to leave. I think because it was so hectic in England sleeping round 3 different friends houses and going out every night, I felt a false sense of security being back in my own bed and house.

Jemima, keep that packing going :lol:

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Sure thing! Some people say to me would you feel better if you went home on frequent visits? NO!!!!!! The thing is you have no home to go back to (ours is rented out till we return) so no, camping out wouldnt make me feel better either! So I know how you felt, Lorry when you were staying round friends houses (lovely though they are).

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That makes sense. I wonder if it's why I've been so desperate to come back to Canada on many of our visits?

Part of the reason we're delaying too though is that we're trying to make sure we make the right decision this time, and we have been presented with different options. The other thing is that the people we were running away from are still there, and in some cases, worse than they were when we left, so we need to figure out how to deal with that too. We know we can't go back to the area we came from so will have to decide on another one and get DH some work.

Feels very limbo like. I know I don't want to be here, but I don't know where is least worst, or what would be best for our children. Other than for their parents to actually be happy.

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My hubby says that us women think too much lol
I think you just have to do whats right for you. If you are happy, your kids will be happy.
I am not happy here and my bad mood and depression really affects the kids. It's not good for them as well as me.

I have learned also that if your kids want to learn at school, pass their grades and get a good job, they will no matter what school they are in and what Country. Same applies if your kid just wants to muck around and waste his life.
If they are strong academically, they will get on.

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I think Canada makes a wonderful tourist destination, but living here is an altogether different experience.

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I feel your pain...I have so many ups and down about living here and my kids see it all! It's a living nightmare.
We live in a very nice part of NJ in my inlaws overly 'big house'...but people (the Americans only!) can't understand why I want to leave, to go to a country with 'small houses, narrow roads, expensive everything'. But I do, its home, its England and everyday I tell myself what was I thinking...I am glad I married and moved over but why did'nt the homesickness kick in 10 yrs earlier, when the kids were much younger and it would have been easier to move... why did it suddenly hit me 5 yrs ago that I want to go home and I literally began to miss the cobbled streets, the old buildings, the winding country lanes and started thinking about my childhood back home. I am from Buckinghamshire..it is so beautiful there, many places are so quaint... I have missed family/friends/food all the 15 yrs I have been here, now I worry about getting old here, healthcare, kids education....and it is impossible for us to move.

Hang in there you are almost back, the time frame is set and the bad dream will be over! Good luck

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Why is it now impossible for you to move? life's too short for regrets.

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After close to 19 years in the USA I honestly do not miss much. But one thing I really miss is going the the village pub having a couple of pints and walking home. In the summer couple of pints in the pub garden is something which in my opionion can never be created elswhere. We still have a house in Whitchurch and once the last one goes to college hope to spend more time there. When you mentioned Bucks it struck a chord with me.

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Lots of reasons why it is difficult to get back...have covered it extensively with many of you on the moving back forum and have recieved lots of uplifting advise....but it gets hard as the years go by...finances being the biggie...then older kids not wanting to go...jobs...

I don't want to get US citizenship at all etc etc...just the the thought of the US taxman keeping tabs on me wherever I may end up! and then my own fears of can we settle in a "foreign" land...how will the kids react..will they get picked on or get in with the bad crowd..will they find the education difficult and far to different from what they are learning at school now... so many what ifs...just like many other expats....the pinings to go back are so strong but have many fears about settling back in. We will see....one day maybe..I hope it is soon...Good luck to all those who have a date set and are on their way home....

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Oh Lorry, So sorry. I just wrote a post to you in reply to something from ages ago. I put on it 'hope you're well and happy' and then read this. Sorry.

I remember that feeling of homesickness and it was overwhelming some days. I would sit at home waiting to call someone in the UK or dive into a bottle of wine or both on really dark days! Don't drink and dial!!!! It was difficult so I totally feel for you.

The good news is you're on exit but it must feel like a long time to wait. Any chance of you coming for a visit? It might break things up a little and give you something to look forward to.

Thinking of you. If you want to know anything about being back you can always pm me. Best wishes to you. x

Re: Feeling low
 

And that sums it up entirely! At the end of the day life is about people not the place. Sharing those 'special moments' are everything and the reason I love being home. I would like out of my window (in Canada) at this stunning scene and it would make me even more depressed! I so wanted to love it but couldn't. If my closest friends and family were on the other side of the world, what was the point? I really feel for those not home......the experience will make you LOVE being back. I truly appreciate being away from here to know what I now have, even on those grey days!!!! xxx