ladylisa

At the moment my husband and I are living in the States due to my husbands job. We have been out here for a year and I'm happy to be here for another couple, at least. Eventually however I want to live in the UK. I have a large family in England and I have loads of friends, who I dearly miss. I also miss English culture, history and sense of irony! Everyone from the UK thinks it must be amazing to live here and in some respects it is, in terms of our life experience, its enormously valuable. However I am slowly coming to the conclusion that its going to be harder and harder to drag my husband back home. He loves working and living here. Has anyone else had been in this situation where one party wants to stay and the other feels the call of blighty ...?

Alexandra

I know a couple like you described. They moved to Calgary about two years ago from Kazakhstan. Job situation is pretty bad for both of them, but she is willing to persevere for as long as it takes, and he desperately wants to go back. I'm afraid our decision to move back to UK affects them as well. There can't be any advice on this issue, because one of you would just have to give in. No other way out, I guess. Sorry, it must be very hard on you.

HiddenPaw

Everyone in the Uk thought we were mad to leave Australia and move back to the UK. Most of them had never been to Oz - how could they know what it was like or that it was better there than here! (We just went for the experience of living/working abroad not cos we expected a better life)

Me and hubby both felt same as you - that it was a fantastic experience but we didn't knowif we would want to live there forever. One minute I wanted to stay and he wanted to leave, next it was the other way round. But it should be a case of what you want as a couple, not as individuals? Have you spoken to your husband? Maybe he's loving it at the mo but can't see himself there long term? Or maybe if he realised you weren't happy he would want to go someplace where you could both be happy. Talk it thru with him - that way you can take the pressure off yourself and get it out in the open. Maybe you can come to a compromise that you'll stay a certain amount of time then move back - you might find that if you come to realise that you aren't pulling in different directions in the long term you can enjoy the short-medium term better without feeling trapped.

Good luck
HP

Englishmum

Oh yes!

Actually I don't particularly want to go back to the UK but I'd rather be there than where I am now - which is in suburbia in New Jersey and therefore I might as well be in Surrey. Unfortunately Surrey has got nice pubs, chip shops, a great selection of newspapers and of course Brit TV! Also recently it's been so cold here that I've been very miserable, I don't know why people moan about the British weather as I think it's a very mild temperate climate.

My husband loves his job here (although he still continues to travel extensively overseas and within the US). He is in no hurry to leave. He's even had the company send him applications for Green Cards but as he's not happy about the pension entitlement is not prepared to formally apply for the time being.

Our 15 year old son refuses to even contemplate moving to the UK - he left soon after his sixth birthday and only goes to the UK for visiting relatives (which isn't what he wants to do!). He is really into the NJ Devils ice hockey (season ticket holder) and snowboarding, things he can't really follow in the UK.

We were in Singapore for a few years before coming to the US and there is a huge British expat population there, with Brit schools, clubs and many British food items. Of course there is the amazing Asian culture there and in surrounding countries too. I'd go back there in a heartbeat. I would also be very happy to live in Australia as we've been there a few times and have a number of close Aussie friends in Oz and over here in NJ. Trouble is, my husband won't go there as the company would only offer local terms only (it's so popular you see, they don't have to offer expat perks to entice employees to move there!) but mainly because the Aussie taxes are so high.

I'm prepared to live here for a few more years but I would never want to settle in New Jersey or anywhere in the Tri-State area for good. It looks like I'm staying here for a while longer though unless I file for divorce!

Merlot

HP Hit the nail on the head!!!!

I have now concluded that every person from the UK who says to me "Why are you leaving Australia?", I will give them a ticket and send them over to live for 7 years.

Not all picture postcard as many posters have agreed on.

In saying that many people have come over and settled into a very happy life, and good on them. Until you have tried Oz the UK doubters don't really have the right to say how wonderful the place is.

I don't regret anything in my life and learned a lot about myself whilst being in Ozzie, plus made some fantastic mates along the way.

Just time to move on for Merlot.

Good luck to those wanting to make the move.

jeannie

Are there any Brit clubs there? a place where you can meet other people from the UK. A husband that travels a lot.. must be hard. Do you go with him at all?.

jat

i know people who have lived here for 15 - 20 years who are scared to go back for a visit ! they say they get their good days and bad days and still get homesick - whats the point!

im looking forward to flying off to europe and in 2 hours being in italy or somewhere exciting! not just another city that is exactly the same!

jjmb

We would move back in a heart beat if it wasn't for our children and the fact there are no jobs in the UK at the moment. Our eldest is at University over here and our youngest is at High School with another 3 yrs to go. We have been here for nearly 4 yrs now and I must admit, the longer it becomes, the less the pull is to return to the UK. I went back to the UK for 6 weeks in October and although I enjoyed my time there, seeing my sisters for the longest time in 20 yrs, I was more than ready to return to Texas in the end, because that was where my family was. At the moment, we say we will move back to Europe (not necessarily the UK) once our youngest daughter has established herself in University but who knows. The one thing I have learned over the yrs is that in my husband's industry, you go where the jobs are and the moment that is the USA not Europe, one day we might end up in the far East. I am just grateful I have a loving family, am relatively fit and have money to enjoy life.

ladylisa

Luckily for us we have no children (at the moment) so I'm not faced with with the problem of persuading them to leave their school and friends which would be a nightmare. I guess when you do bring children up in another country then that country becomes more of a home to them than it ever will to you because thats all they know. Please anyone with kids feel free to correct me on that.

I have told my husband that I cannot see myself staying here forever and his opinion is we shall see how it goes. However what he really means is hopefully I will change my mind! He has always seen his future in America and so far the experience is living up to his expectations. We have had a great summer with all the festivals etc, and I must say I'm very impressed with how family friendly America is. However deep down I know it is not for me long term.

The surprising thing about this website is how many people live abroad for many years but deep down feel the pull of home. People who live in England will never understand that. The thing is people often imagine that when you emigrate you suddenly have no problems and you are a different person with no insecurities, but thats just naive really.

Its easy to take all the history of Europe for granted until suddenly its not there. I learned that when I travelled and after a year couldnt wait to immerse myself in anything old again...including the local Victorian Pub!

Thank you all for taking the time to reply to my initial question, its great to know you are all out there.

Alexandra

Regarding children... our daughter is 10 now, and she has the same gypsy mentality as her parents. Let's go to Canada! Great, that would be fun. OK, we don't want to be here, let's go home! Fantastic! It really depends on kids age and personality, I think. Can't wait to get back to England.

RChappo

Hi Lisa,

I'm in that kind of situation. I married a US native and have been living in the US for 2 years. I would move back to the UK tomorrow if I could. We are very happily married but I have not found it easy to fit in the the society here (have taken a massive pay cut compared to my job in the UK, have found it hard to make friends etc..). It has just turned me into a miserable person.
At the moment I am prepared to hang on for a bit longer and see if I can improve the situation - move somewhere else in the US or get another job. But if I'm honest I can't see me being in the US long term. My wife has indicated that she'd be willing to move to the UK - but then I wonder if she'd have to go through all that I've gone through emotionally since moving over here. I wouldn't wish that on her. It's a tough call to make.
We did talk about where we would live before we were married and it was fairly obvious that the only option available for us to be together was for me to move to the USA. My wife has since admitted to me that her parents put pressure on her NOT to move to the UK (even though she's 25 years old and can think for herself !). They also did things like buy her a new car so she'd stay here instead of moving to England. I'm still pretty bitter towards her parents about this (although I don't show it), as I had more to give up by moving than my wife (she admits this herself) in terms of what I was earning and my career.

It's a difficult situation but at the least I have a wonderful marriage to beautiful understanding lady so it's not all turned out bad . As long as you try not to let the situation get between the both of you then all will work out.

ladyofthelake

I think you're right in that people will imagine all their problems will be gone if they move to a different country. What they fail to do is take out all the good things, which they love about the country and take for granted, out of the picture too. Lets face it though, that's a pretty difficult thing to imagine, as half of it you don't realise until it's gone.
I'm in the same boat as the rest of you. There are loads of things which I miss about the UK, including all the things mentioned by Lisa, and find it hard sometimes to imagine staying here permanently. However, I also known that I have a good lifestyle here, and if I were to move back, I would miss this place greatly too. So I'm in a catch 22. You have to be careful if you move around too much imo, in case you end up on the neverending quest for the "perfect" place, or the one that feels most like home.

scrawni

There are loads of jobs in the U.K if you want to work. Where we live employers are finding it hard to find people to fill vacancies. Most people I know have never been out of work (through choice) for more than a couple of weeks.

The problems at the moment tends to be that people are just so down on the country in general. We are being taxed for this and that and there seems to be no improvement. The behaviour at the school I work at seems to be getting worse by the day, no respect, they feel they can do and say what they want. If you go to hospital casulty department, expect to sit there all day before seeing a doctor.

I don't know, I feel like really moaning about things today but I know deep down that there are many positive points aswell, just can't think of any at the moment.

Mandy

irb

I remember when my husband said he wanted to emigrate to US, I cried for days because I couldn't comprehend leaving my family and friends. If one partner wants to live in US and one doesn't, you might try the compromise we settled on.

We spend 6-8 months in UK and 4-6 months in Florida, it varies from year to year. We have modest homes in both countries. Both houses feel like home to us. Been doing it for past 10 years. We earn three times more in UK than we could in US so we dont need to work in the US. By the time we get fed up with bad health service, traffic jams, rude people and everything else that make UK seem awful, we are really ready to get back to US. After being in US for 4 months, we start looking forward to friends and family, walking in the woods without fear of bugs, rain (not having to water the lawn twice a week), no humidity. A health service that doesn't cost $750 for 10mins in an emergency room. Prescriptions that only cost $10 to fill, whatever it is, people who understand our slang and much more. There is nothing like spending half the year in UK and half in US to put everything into perspective. We've never needed a green card, the B1/B2 visa has done us just fine. Although I have to admit, last year was the first time that after 5 months in US, I felt that I wouldn't mind staying longer. But... had to come back to UK to earn the money to go back for another few months. It may not work for everyone, especially if you have kids, but it works for us.

Englishmum

It sounds like you have a great lifestyle, Irb.

However, it's obvious that you don't have children who need to go to school! I only thought that retirees or the super-rich could split their time between two countries as you are doing!

If you don't mind my asking, what do you both do in the UK which pays 3 times more than you can earn in the US? (Are you a Brit celebrity but similar to Robbie Williams, virtually unknown in the US)?!