shazza1

hi expats,well a few of u know that im heading back home to the uk around feb/mar nxt yr with auzzie hubbie(u wouldnt think so tho he loves uk)and my 15 yr old twin daughters (but one is giving me a hard time at the mo)anyway im leaving my other daughter who will b 19 in feb here as she doesnt wanna come . she has a full time job and she moved out of home in april to live with her boyfiend of 1yr at his uncles place, she seems happy with everything they r even going to rent this place out after we leave so they will have eveything furniture etc as im going to leave her everthing in the house so it give her a head start anyway all that said i still fell very selfish and mean leaving her here i kno shes 19 but shes still my baby girl, i feel,like i should drag her back with me i think im going to miss her more than she is me lol..deep down i kno she will be ok as iv got my inlaws here too her cousins,aunts,uncles etc..so they will be able to keep in contact with her but its not the same im still going to worry about her anyway...thats just being a mum i guess..

billynomates

Hi shazza1, No you are not selfish. I am in the same boat as you but the other way around. We left my daughter back in the UK when we came out here to New Zealand. She was 18 at the time and renting with her boyfriend. I went through exactly the same feelings as you are going through now. I speak to her everyday on webcam and although it's not the same, you just have to let them make up their own minds up at that age, but it doesnt make it any easier for us as mothers. I must say though it will never be easy for you, especially with daughters (I have a grown son in Singapore and although I do miss and worry about him also - somehow I worry about my daughter that little bit more). The joys of motherhood! I know how you feel. xxx

shazza1

cheers B.N.M. im also going to leave her my comp with attachments so we can keep in touch via webcam emails etc.. and she knows if she needs anything she can call on me..also she has dual citz brit/aus so if she decides to come later to live work or whatever she has options..

shazz101

hi shazza
We are doing the same thing,we are going to the uk in Feb next year and leaving my 20 year old son and 18 year old daughter, they both have been living away from home for more than a year now and are very happy with thier lives,
i often stop and ask myself are we doing the right thing by them? its a hard one to answer but i feel good about the job that i did raising them and am proud of how they turned out and i think you need to remember that we were born to live a life too and its so bloody short that you cant be wasting the time you have!! we are also leaving our first grandson!! its going to be sooooooo hard

shazza1

hi shaz, yeah i agree 100 pc with what u say life is to short and we also have a life to live im 37 in dec and still young enough to all the things i want to do.i think i have to let go a little she has her own life now has i did when i left the uk at 23 with 3 little ones i know now how my mum felt when i left..
shaz xx

Kath & Graham

Im leaving my soon to be 18 year old daughter b oody hard and Im scared we will be so far way and she really hasnt got the support system here if anything goes wrong!!! Have a couple of good friends but cant relly on them.....Im worried very worried, but what can I do......

shazza1

hi kath,this is a hard one isnt it but what can we do,as we have a life aswell,it must be harder for u tho with no fam here at least i have my in-laws here to keep an eye on her for us. good luck with everything.
shaz xx

englishrose

no ,you arent selfish,it would be selfish to try and make her return with you tho,but you arent doing that.
i suppose its called "letting go" ,must be hard,im glad we made the decision to come home before the kids got any older.
sounds like you are giving her a great head start in life !!!
good luck

TruBrit

yep that's what it is...

i left my son in the uk when i came here, he was in his early 20's then but he followed us out 18mths later and now i'm heading back home and he's staying here...haha kids i dunno

i believe you should not stay for the sake of your kids...obviously i mean once they become adults. yes i worry, but most parents do no matter what age their children.

good luck and hope it all turns out ok

Fleaflyfloflum

I left 2 daughters who were 18 & 19. They are now mid 20s both just had babies themselves.
I have learnt something recently. Whilst i was away in Aus and they were here in London, the huuuuge pangs of guilt i had for "abandoning" my babies was immense. The fact that they were very positive about my leaving (apart from missing me) and telling me i deserved to go see bit of the world after having kids at a fairly young age, did help. But of course, i then thought they didnt want me anymore Then i went through the redundant old prune stage. Not pleasant *sigh*

I have returned recently after several years away. Guess what? Leaving WAS the best thing for them. They have become strong independant women. Me?? I needed to get over myself and move on... lol I feel the issues of children fleeing the nest affect us mothers a damn site more than it ever does the kids. It is us that needs to come to terms with a new phase of our lives. Its bloody hard, but once you get over your redundant status you suddenly realise just how much fun there is to be had without the kids... YIPPEEEE!!

I wont mention the steamy romantic lock ins all weekend with hubby .... wouldnt THAT make the kids want to puke???....roflmao

ann m

Good for you !! Kinda looking forward to it already, and mine are still only young!!

Kath & Graham

God by the time my two younger ones get to that age I wont remember who/what Im suppose to do