Bill_S

It's good they had that year. I get the impression that what my wife's parents did was quite common - soldiers marrying their sweethearts then walking onto the troop carriers.

Did your dad petition for a piece of the deck?

Folinskyinla

No. Dad was a smart-ass -- when Dad arrived in Alameda, his mother was visiting Los Angeles for his sister's wedding. He went up the chain of command to get that extended liberty to go to LA to see his mother. When he came back to Alameda he had orders to sea even though he lacked the requisite training. Otherwise, he would have probably would still been stationed in Alameda when the Japanese surrendered.

BTW and OT, there is retired lawyer in my building who was a Corsair pilot in 1945. Both Dad and Mitch had described the anchorage at Ulithi Atoll in the exact same words -- "You never saw so many Goddamn ships in your life!" The two met for the first time last week and I introduced them as having been at Ulithi in 1945. It was fun seeing them talk about when they were a lot younger. Mitch flew off the USS Wasp (CV-18).

When you consider the fate of the pilots on the USS Bunker Hill (CV-17), the Essex class carriers had a design defect which put the pilots' ready room in a very dangerous place.

Dad avoided getting shot at, Mitch didn't -- but here they were talking like old friends in 2009. But I can see how the separation was particularly hard on my mother. We need not talk about Dad's brother who flew in the B-24's in the 8th Air Force in 1943 -- he completed his 25 missions, a statistically unlikely possibility. He lied in his letters to his mother and said he was still in "training" awaiting entry into combat.

jeepgirluk

Hi to all. I think that the separation that we have makes us appreciate our relationship more. I believe that is the case for my finance and I. We've been very lucky and have spent a great deal of time together in the last year and fingers crossed we should be together soon but it is hard. Skype is our tool of choice and my mobile telephone (UK provider Three) allows me to talk on Skype for free - voice calls only not video.

The initial separation is always the worst - saying goodbye at the airport. We both find that keeping busy really helps. I have a small child so he takes up a lot of my time. One of the hardest things I have found is that our friends really don't understand our relationship. I think in the beginning a lot of them assumed that this would fail simply because we're not in the same country. The only person who really understands the pain of being apart is your other half. We focus on the future. It won't always be like this and thanks to Skype and email, phone calls and letters we have a great deal of communication - much more than in the days of WWI or WWII.

NoReward

Wow - thank you everyone for your stories - esp. Folinskyinla - altho I do get a little sad sometimes - ! am determined to keep busy and as happy as I can.

Noorah101

Good point, and I couldn't agree more. That's why for me, BE was a huge help to me. Besides the immigration information, I could come on here and see that by no means was I the only one in a long distance relationship.

I got really tired of friends and co-workers asking me almost daily "so when will he be here?" They had no idea how long the process takes, and it was so hard to keep explaining over and over to them why he's not here YET!

Rene

NoReward

Yes I am finding that no-one really understands.

Already I have my mother saying to me "well maybe it wasnt meant to be" etc.

Just seem to be in a constant state of anxiety about the whole process

Rete

And yet here you are married to your long distance love, he is already a US Citizen and still you have a long distance relationship. He does not live in the same state as you do and at the moment he is not even in the same country. And yet you manage without moaning about it and wringing your hands in despair because you can reach out and touch him 24/7.

You are an excellent model for the group on how a mature adult deals with a long distance love interest and/or marriage.

YouWantFriesWithThat

I can't agree with the sentiment of your post there, Rete. I've noted in many of similar threads you advise a common theme of 'being mature' and virtually saying 'pull yourself together'. 'Maturity' is both very subjective and relative to someone's situation.

This is no commentary about Rene's situation, but I think we all need to recoginse that we are all wired very differently emotionally. What works for one person will not necessarily work for another and vice versa. Empathy helps us appreciate that we all have differing needs and ways of coping.

So this thread has been very good imo as it has encouraged lots of different people to come forward with thoughts and suggestions of how better to cope with separation. However, to hold up one person as a role model is flawed imo as it takes no account of how differently we cope with such situations.

I detect a lot of resentment and even bitterness in your comments regarding this subject Rete. I don't mean that in anyway as a slur or a slight, just a genuine observation

I do agree though that Rene is a role model in regards to her dealings with people on this forum. In all my time spent on forums I've never come across anyone so kind and patient as Rene

Noorah101

And I STILL get tired of people asking me when he'll be able to work in Phoenix (no work here), or why I don't move to LA (can't afford it), or when we'll finally have a normal marriage (define "normal"). LOL I just roll with the punches, I accept the facts, and have strong faith in our relationship and marriage.

Rene

NoReward

Sorry - but is that supposed to be a pop at me?

jeffreyhy

I see it as a clear and direct analysis of Rene's outlook on marriage and immigration.

If you think it was really directed at you - what was that Carly Simon song some 36 years ago? (My god, has it been that long?)

Regards, JEff

Rete

No, was it addressed to you?????????????????????????????????????

Rete

Check your detection equipment, luv, it ain't working correctly.

No resentment or bitterness. I will celebrate our 11th wedding anniversary on Saturday. We have gone the K-1, I-485, N-400 route and have been long finished with USCIS for 6 years now.

I just couldn't and still can't understand the mentality of people who think that falling in love means you can't live or do things without being together 24/7.

Maturity is not subjective. You can be 10 and be mature and you can be 35 and be immature. Maturity is the ability to look at a situation and work with it and through it. It means not wanting or requiring instant gratification and knowing that nothing in life is permanent. Not the emotion you are feeling now, the security you are currently enjoying or the status you are in.

Kate2112

You're in a no win situation on this petal. Just ignore anything that sounds like a pop and you'll be fine

YouWantFriesWithThat

Hi Rete,

"I just couldn't and still can't understand the mentality of people who think that falling in love means you can't live or do things without being together 24/7".

Doesn't mean that people don't find it hard. Just because someone might feel differently to how you think they should feel doesn't mean there's any inadequecy there.

"Maturity is not subjective".

I believe it is, the fact we are discussing our differing interpretations of it is evidence of that Again, it all comes down to to assessing a situation and then applying our analysis of it and then deciding what behaviour fromn the subject would then consititute 'maturity'.

p.s. can anyone guide me please to how the 'multiquote' function works, please, thanks!!