Maggs

I will try to see if it's possible to get back before December. My husband is going to visit his sister in Putney in a few weeks, so can't be until after then. My sister is visiting our parents from Birmingham at the moment and both mum and dad sound much brighter.

I'm so sorry about your mum and I read about your dad too. It must be so very hard.

thanks

Maggie

dunroving

I think this is an excellent idea. While I was overseas, my dad died. I went home for 3 weeks, helped to arrange the funeral, cleared out the attic, etc., because his wife was incapable of doing anything. Looking back, I am so happy I was able to do this. I kept a diary at the time and occasionally go back and read through my entries for that period.

When my grandmother died, I was unable to go home for various reasons.

When a close colleague died in 2002, I was unable to go home, but sent flowers, contributed to a fund for a beautiful headstone that overlooks Loch Lomond, and a few weeks later, called her partner and sister for what ended up being about a 2-hour talk. It was very difficult (she had died from a form of cancer that was especially unpleasant, and much of the conversation involved her partner describing in detail the last few days of her life). But I think that call probably meant more than a fleeting visit home to be present at the funeral.

I also think the practice of noting the burial time by sitting and thinking about your friend and the memories you have is a helpful alternative (for you) if you can't be present at the funeral.

I'm sorry for your loss (the OP), this is a difficult experience that lots of BE-ers have had to endure.

Poppy girl

Sadly as we grow older we have more friends and family go over the rainbow, I lost 6 family and friends just over 2years ago in 1 year, and my father died in my arms ....its hard being far away and if you can get back to be with them before thier time comes its a comforting time for all concerned, but I truly believe that we do not grieve for thier loss but our own.........I have no answers just personal experiances that made me realise that we need to focus on the living, and the dead god willing will be there for us when its our turn

PC very sorry to hear about your friend my best buddy died of ovarian cancer at 23yrs old and it was just terrible, I still think about her today, but remeber the bloody silly things we used to get up to

PepsiChic

Thankyou to everyone whos posted in this thread and for sharing similar circumstances.

My friend was also 23 poppygirl, she died during an operation.

Ive been spending a lot of time talking to my husband, hes been great about it and has lent me a shoulder to cry on and ear to listen. He knew my friend had met her when visiting me so he recalled the things we all did together with her and her boyfriend and it was nice just being able to talk about it with someone who knew her.

I still wish i could go home even to just be around more people that knew her so we could talk, Ive been digging up people on facebook to try and get in touch with mutal friends to talk, a lot of them dont seem bothered and one didnt even realise she had passed away. mixed feelings about it all.