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Can't decide what to do????

Can't decide what to do????

Old Dec 20th 2006, 12:31 pm
  #16  
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Default Re: Can't decide what to do????

Originally Posted by ladylisa
If your the type that the grass is always greener the minute something doesnt go your way then you will spend a lifetime being a ping pommer.
Ooooops - maybe that's me, never thought of it like that
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Old Dec 20th 2006, 12:32 pm
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Default Re: Can't decide what to do????

Originally Posted by ladylisa
In deciding whether to return you have to work out what type of person you are. If your the type that the grass is always greener the minute something doesnt go your way then you will spend a lifetime being a ping pommer. If your more a realist then a move back home can be very successful if you allow it to be. I've been home for 2 months now and I can honestly say I'm glad I came home. Yes there are days when I think about my life in the States but I only have to think about the actual reality to know where I'm happiest. I made the decision when I returned that I was going to get on with my life and think positively and its stood me in good stead. The Uk is a fantastic place to live..if you allow it to be.
Hi Ladylisa, glad to hear you're still enjoying being back. How is Hampshire? Winchester is on our shortlist, but my father keeps telling me the traffic is "murder" round that area (they live in Dorset). The state schools around Winchester seem to be really good, which is something that attracts us.

Sorry to hijack
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Old Dec 20th 2006, 1:01 pm
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Default Re: Can't decide what to do????

Originally Posted by clougherty family
Thanks Tracey,

It's nice to hear other people feel the same. What worries me is that I keep thinking we shouldn't sell up here, just rent out the house, in case we decide we don't want to live in the UK after a time, but that scares me because we KNOW we don't want to live here for ever and we would have to come back! I keep thinking that if we sell the house etc. and go back then if we hate it, it's not so easy to come back if we wanted to, but then I think why would we want to come back when we don't feel like we belong here and are totally p***** off with the falseness of the place?

I suggested going for a month on holiday but Mark said it's a waste of money, and I worked out it would cost us about $20k by the time we accounted for lost wages (subbie so no holiday pay)/flights/spending. He is adamant that if we went back there he would never want to come here again, but I say that's what everyone must say before they leave here, otherwise they wouldn't go, but still some come back to live. We sit here night after night saying "are we going then or what?" to each other. Part of me wants to just sell the house and put the money in a savings account in the uk and ship everything back, put it all in storage and rent somewhere until we decide where we want to live. I even think about Spain because I always wanted to live there before we came here. At least we could visit people at home if we wanted to. That's one of the major factors here that I was so blase about before we came, it's just so expensive to go home. My Grandmother died on 23rd November and I couldn't go home. I just couldn't justify taking a 5 week old baby and a 3 year all that way for a funeral. I was really close to her and really wanted to go but I just couldn't. Since we've been here we've got married (nobody came), my brother got married, (couldn't go because baby was due 9 days after the wedding, one of my best friends got married in Jamaica (wouldn't have gone to the wedding anyway but would have gone to the party at home and the hen weekend. My Grandma has died, and I have had a baby. All these things in less than 2 years that we/our familys have missed out on. How many more things are we going to miss? Mark says he wants to show our kids off to everyone, sounds silly but I feel a bit the same. My Dad hasn't even seen the baby.

Jo
Jo, I can totsally relate to where you are coming from as far as the feeling thsat you have with not being able to settle so why waste time ina country you don't want to be in forever. My hubby and I have been living in the US for 5 years now and our first baby is due end of Feb. We came over here initially with an open mind thinking if we really loved it it would be our permanent home but in the end it's just too different from home which isn't a bad thing for some people but for us it is, we, like you like the familiarity of our surroundings in the UK, not to mention family & friends which is all too important. We have over the yeaars made lots of great friends, although I have to say they are mostly brits too and unfortunately we have outstayed all of them gradually so we find that part very hard as i'm sure you do. We are planning to be back in the UK this time next year, we figure we have given it 5 years, had a good time, realised we don't want to commit to the US forever (hence the reason we have rented the whole time) and we now just look forward to our last year which is going to be exciting and then returning to the UK which we know is the right thing to do. My advice to you would be if you know you don't want to go back to perth then sell your house as long as you won't lose money on it & return to the UK, you sound as if you will feel so much more settled ince back and especially since you will have a proper support network which is important when you have little ones. I don;'t know how close you are to your family or your hubby's family but for us we want our child to know his / her grandparents. I really would seriously consider making the move back to the UK while you have the funds to do so. You do hear of so many people that would give their right arm to go back but unfortunately haven't got the money. Your children are still young enough to adjust to like in the UK too. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.
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Old Dec 20th 2006, 1:10 pm
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Default Re: Can't decide what to do????

Originally Posted by Exile
Hi Ladylisa, glad to hear you're still enjoying being back. How is Hampshire? Winchester is on our shortlist, but my father keeps telling me the traffic is "murder" round that area (they live in Dorset). The state schools around Winchester seem to be really good, which is something that attracts us.

Sorry to hijack
Ampshire is just grand! The traffic can be a little tedious however not any where near as I was expecting. We had some US friends visit a couple of weeks ago and they couldn't get over how we were so near to shops, parks, forests, pubs and history. We took them to visit Stone Henge and then onto King Arthur's round table then onto the Wykeham Arms for dinner. Great day out. Monday we went to North Devon such a beautiful area of the world. How lucky we are to be able to change our scenery so dramatically within an hour.
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Old Dec 20th 2006, 3:15 pm
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Default Re: Can't decide what to do????

[QUOTE=clougherty family]

Since I made the decision to return to the Uk I look at Portsmouth now in a different light and see more of te positives that it has to offer. I love it here and had exactly the samee feelings in Perth as your hubby. 'boring . was a word i used to desribe it everyday. I now have taken time to see the new forest, south downs and the sea whichis 2mins walk away. the cosmopolitan lifestyle is great, and i i dont take the papersseriously anymore, The problems here are to found in any country in the world. I feel alive again back home. Perth too much like stepford to me. Basically I was not suited to Perth, some are some are not.
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Old Dec 20th 2006, 3:42 pm
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Default Re: Can't decide what to do????

[QUOTE=thunderbird65]
Originally Posted by clougherty family

Since I made the decision to return to the Uk I look at Portsmouth now in a different light and see more of te positives that it has to offer. I love it here and had exactly the samee feelings in Perth as your hubby. 'boring . was a word i used to desribe it everyday. I now have taken time to see the new forest, south downs and the sea whichis 2mins walk away. the cosmopolitan lifestyle is great, and i i dont take the papersseriously anymore, The problems here are to found in any country in the world. I feel alive again back home. Perth too much like stepford to me. Basically I was not suited to Perth, some are some are not.
My first few days back I spent with the in laws in South sea, stunning area. I walked my dog along the sea front every morning and through South sea castle. The weather was perfect. People just dont see whats in front of their eyes.

Actually a couple of weeks ago I went to my in laws house for their anniversary party. I got talking to their friend Sidney, an old boy. He has the most amazing social life in Portsmouth. He moved there 6 years ago to retire and no sooner as he arrived than his wife passed away. He didnt mope for long he said life was too short. He is now out nearly every evening going to dances and to see bands, he was telling me what an amazing place Portsmouth is for his age group, and what a close knit social community it is. bless him.
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Old Dec 20th 2006, 4:02 pm
  #22  
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Default Re: Can't decide what to do????

The thing we've learned is this...

The UK has ANYTHING you could want. It's all here. All you have to do is stop listening to the moaners and whingers (read Media) and the whole country appears different.

It's not a rip off.
The weather really isnt that bad. Really.
The countryside is some of the best in the world. And it wont try to kill you.
The towns and cities are amazing and vibrant and full of life.
The standard of living here is probably as good as anywhere, ever.
You can have a decent social life.
People are generally genuine and friendly.
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Old Dec 20th 2006, 4:12 pm
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Default Re: Can't decide what to do????

[QUOTE=ladylisa]
Originally Posted by thunderbird65
My first few days back I spent with the in laws in South sea, stunning area. I walked my dog along the sea front every morning and through South sea castle. The weather was perfect. People just dont see whats in front of their eyes.

Actually a couple of weeks ago I went to my in larws house for their anniversary party. I got talking to their friend Sidney, an old boy. He has the most amazing social life in Portsmouth. He moved there 6 years ago to retire and no sooner as he arrived than his wife passed away. He didnt mope for long he said life was too short. He is now out nearly every evening going to dances and to see bands, he was telling me what an amazing place Portsmouth is for his age group, and what a close knit social community it is. bless him.

took me 18mths in oz to realise what a great county hampshire is, seafront one end countryside the other and europe a short hop away. planning trip to eurodisney in spring for our 9yr old. train from local station right thru tunnel to eurodisney via waterloo. i liked perth but not enough to sacrifice the life here
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Old Dec 20th 2006, 6:58 pm
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Default Re: Can't decide what to do????

well clougherty family- I came on here to offer my opinion and help but reading the other posts by the folks that are back in the UK just made me smile instead- and they really helped me feel better so I hope they have you too.
I'm sure you know what it is you need to do- it's just that it's not the easy option. of course there's a Chance you might want to ping pong but like ladylisa said you have to remember why you wanted to go home. read old posts on here that might help when you get back and you can look them over when things are tough.

I have snipped out comments that I agree with and put them all in a doc so when i am in the UK I can look at them and remember where my mind was at- and what I would feel like if I was to move back to the US. It's not going to be easy but the truth is I don't believe waiting or trying a differ nt area of Oz will help. I'm not even in Oz and I can see similar themes running through the threads of the unhappy people there and they are all in different areas.

Some people settle and others don't- I truly believe that and I just don't think I am ever going to be one of the ones that settles. 20 years won't change that perhaps you are the same?

p.s your hubs sounds alot like mine- it took him ages to convince me (i'm more of a realist)- but now I'm all for it.
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Old Dec 20th 2006, 8:01 pm
  #25  
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Default Re: Can't decide what to do????

Originally Posted by clougherty family
Thanks Tracey,

It's nice to hear other people feel the same. What worries me is that I keep thinking we shouldn't sell up here, just rent out the house, in case we decide we don't want to live in the UK after a time, but that scares me because we KNOW we don't want to live here for ever and we would have to come back! I keep thinking that if we sell the house etc. and go back then if we hate it, it's not so easy to come back if we wanted to, but then I think why would we want to come back when we don't feel like we belong here and are totally p***** off with the falseness of the place?

I suggested going for a month on holiday but Mark said it's a waste of money, and I worked out it would cost us about $20k by the time we accounted for lost wages (subbie so no holiday pay)/flights/spending. He is adamant that if we went back there he would never want to come here again, but I say that's what everyone must say before they leave here, otherwise they wouldn't go, but still some come back to live. We sit here night after night saying "are we going then or what?" to each other. Part of me wants to just sell the house and put the money in a savings account in the uk and ship everything back, put it all in storage and rent somewhere until we decide where we want to live. I even think about Spain because I always wanted to live there before we came here. At least we could visit people at home if we wanted to. That's one of the major factors here that I was so blase about before we came, it's just so expensive to go home. My Grandmother died on 23rd November and I couldn't go home. I just couldn't justify taking a 5 week old baby and a 3 year all that way for a funeral. I was really close to her and really wanted to go but I just couldn't. Since we've been here we've got married (nobody came), my brother got married, (couldn't go because baby was due 9 days after the wedding, one of my best friends got married in Jamaica (wouldn't have gone to the wedding anyway but would have gone to the party at home and the hen weekend. My Grandma has died, and I have had a baby. All these things in less than 2 years that we/our familys have missed out on. How many more things are we going to miss? Mark says he wants to show our kids off to everyone, sounds silly but I feel a bit the same. My Dad hasn't even seen the baby.

Jo
Hi Jo
Your husband sounds exactly like mine did. When we left the UK, we were newly married, no children and had a pretty active social life. In the time we were in Oz, my husband really missed his friends, the football banter, and his family. We went back to the UK when I was 6 months pregnant (and he was adamant we'd never want to return to Australia). He pretty soon realised that during the time we were away he had changed. He no longer had much in common with his UK friends - they were still into going to the pub every weekend and watching football and he was no longer interested in that (especially as they were all mostly single). And of course, becoming a father meant his whole outlook on life changed and his priorities quickly changed. His parents/brothers (who soon enough annoyed him just as they had done before we left - LOL) were now secondary to his "own" family (i.e. me and baby). He has wanted to return to Australia pretty much from the day we arrived back in the UK. He spends more time chatting to his Aussie mates than the ones he missed in the UK. In hindsight, I think what was wrong for him in Australia was his job.

As you say, so much has changed in your lives - you're married, you have a baby. As people, you will have changed perhaps more than you think, so I would bear in mind that in many ways you're not the same people that you were when you emigrated. Your husband might not miss his old life as much as he thinks. I know, it's an unknown, and this probably just adds to your confusion - sorry!

I think you'd be wise not to sell up everything until you've been back for a visit. So many people ping-pong back to Oz.....

Good luck.
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Old Dec 20th 2006, 8:42 pm
  #26  
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Default Re: Can't decide what to do????

It really is such a difficult situation.
Deciding what to do for the best is so hard.
My hubby loves it here and does not want to go back but I have been so unhappy and homesick that he has decided its not worth pulling the family apart and is going to sell the business in the new year and go home.
I think the business however will take a long time to sell I maybe wrong.
I am struggling to get my son back into his old school and have an appeal in with the Education Auth in the Uk and am awaiting news.
Missing my Mum who is so lonely and do not want to be away from her any longer,lifes too short and all that.
So the plan is to return.Lliving in limbo again its really hard as I cannot Make any firm plans.
Somedays I just don't know if I can stick it out any longer and hubby has said 'I have the option to go home and live with my Mum for a while.I know how hard this will be on my own with two young children and want to go back as family together.
So here I am sitting in no where land again.!
Making a real effort over Christmas to stay happy for the children and making the most of the environment that we live in.
It is beautiful here and I do have good days and then I start to think to myself do I really want to go home?.Could I make it work here?.
I also know that I belong back home and miss the old life that I had which was not bad at all really.
There are so many of us in this hopeless situation.
I think if you are not 100% sure of what you want then maybe hang on to the house in Perth for a bit and see how it goes once you are back.
We sold our house in the UK big regret.
We are only renting here but if I could afford to buy a holiday let or something similar I would .Then at least this would not all have been for nothing and I could keep my part of Australia and bring the children back in the 6 week holidays.
I sound confused I know.
I have to say I think at the end of the day it all boils down to money as usaual.
Good Luck with whatever you decide .
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Old Dec 20th 2006, 8:44 pm
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Default Re: Can't decide what to do????

[QUOTE=jad n rich]
Originally Posted by clougherty family
Thanks Tracey,


I suggested going for a month on holiday but Mark said it's a waste of money, and I worked out it would cost us about $20k by the time we accounted for lost wages (subbie so no holiday pay)/flights (QUOTE]


Were going next week, your spot on about the money, mates of ours left last week with 3 kids their tickets were $13,000, ours are a bit less, but neither of us will get paid while away :scared: I wonder how many people think of the realities when living in the UK

Weve been on/off about going back for years, much more diffiuclt for us our kids are older, education is a massive consideration, we had been here 2 years before the novetly of OZ wore off, by that time they were well behind.

Number one thing, try another state, Perth is notorious for being a 6 month wonder, yes it looks impressive, 6 months later what the hell do you do there, for me adelaide would be the same. There are states that offer more.
Dont go back without visiting another state, if you do you will regret it and wonder if you had moved around you might have found something you liked.

My personal experience of all this is the longer you stay the harder it is to leave, our eldest is now in in further education and living with his aussie girl friend whos very attached to her aussie family and would never leave............ Round and round we go eh :scared:
Jad have a safe trip
How long are you going for?
Keep us informed of how it all goes we will be waiting in anticipation.
You Lucky thing .
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Old Dec 20th 2006, 8:45 pm
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Default Re: Can't decide what to do????

Originally Posted by HiddenPaw
Hi Jo
Your husband sounds exactly like mine did. When we left the UK, we were newly married, no children and had a pretty active social life. In the time we were in Oz, my husband really missed his friends, the football banter, and his family. We went back to the UK when I was 6 months pregnant (and he was adamant we'd never want to return to Australia). He pretty soon realised that during the time we were away he had changed. He no longer had much in common with his UK friends - they were still into going to the pub every weekend and watching football and he was no longer interested in that (especially as they were all mostly single). And of course, becoming a father meant his whole outlook on life changed and his priorities quickly changed. His parents/brothers (who soon enough annoyed him just as they had done before we left - LOL) were now secondary to his "own" family (i.e. me and baby). He has wanted to return to Australia pretty much from the day we arrived back in the UK. He spends more time chatting to his Aussie mates than the ones he missed in the UK. In hindsight, I think what was wrong for him in Australia was his job.

As you say, so much has changed in your lives - you're married, you have a baby. As people, you will have changed perhaps more than you think, so I would bear in mind that in many ways you're not the same people that you were when you emigrated. Your husband might not miss his old life as much as he thinks. I know, it's an unknown, and this probably just adds to your confusion - sorry!

I think you'd be wise not to sell up everything until you've been back for a visit. So many people ping-pong back to Oz.....

Good luck.




I ping ponged back, went to oz in 03 at first, then thought maybe i never gave oz a real chance so we returned 18mths later. the same feeings were there and we really tried hard to keep at it, our oz lifestyle was no improvement at all and was actually worse than our uk life so this time i back for good, got the oz thing out my system, lost money but gained lots of experience. i for one will never need to go back to oz.
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Old Dec 20th 2006, 8:47 pm
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Default Re: Can't decide what to do????

Originally Posted by ladylisa
In deciding whether to return you have to work out what type of person you are. If your the type that the grass is always greener the minute something doesnt go your way then you will spend a lifetime being a ping pommer. If your more a realist then a move back home can be very successful if you allow it to be. I've been home for 2 months now and I can honestly say I'm glad I came home. Yes there are days when I think about my life in the States but I only have to think about the actual reality to know where I'm happiest. I made the decision when I returned that I was going to get on with my life and think positively and its stood me in good stead. The Uk is a fantastic place to live..if you allow it to be.
Well said and a very honest opinion too.
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Old Dec 20th 2006, 8:52 pm
  #30  
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Default Re: Can't decide what to do????

Originally Posted by clougherty family
Hi Northernbird,

Thanks for that short sharp shock! I think you are probably right, and yes we are lucky that we got here before the prices got too silly... it's still scary though, I just wish we knew what would be the best thing to do. If we sell up then we are cutting off our options I feel, but then again, is renting the house out and going home for a bit just delaying the inevitable? We both feel that we will probably be in the UK for a few months and then think what have we done? but then we are not happy here and at least we belong there. I'm worrying about stupid things like where will I put all this furniture in a little house! That's just me though, if there's nothing to worry about I worry about not being worried! I think we'll get over Christmas and see if Mark's wrist gets better and then make the big decision.

Anyone want a 4x2 in Kingsley?????!!!!!!!

Jo
Sorry if I sounded a little harsh but Perth isn't going to change and the things you and your husband crave are not suddenly going to appear here in Perth such as isolation/no family/no culture. Try and enjoy Christmas as best you can.
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