Back Three Months and Struggling to Settle ...
Mar 28th 2011 | 5:27 pm
#31
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Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,610
Re: Back Three Months and Struggling to Settle ...
The posts on really make you think about what you are doing. All I know is regarding parents I was home when my Dad died and never missed a visit to the hospital when he was sick. We had some good times and I know he enjoyed me being home he loved my baby son and got great pleasure from him. No regrets. Not the same with my Mum. When she was ill I was in the UK and I could not afford to go home when I decided I had better go to take care of her my brothers had already put her in a home and put her house up for sale. I cannot blame them I was not there to help. But the last phone call to her was just after Christmas and she asked me when i was coming home and she could not understand why I was not there. She died two days later. I will always regret that.
I do think ex-pats returning home look at it through rose tinted glasses. Expecting everything to be as it was with nothing changed. Its different when we go home for visits people do make extra efforts to come and see you but when you are back home for good they just get on with life and its a gradual acceptance of you being back.
My family had me really upset a few weeks ago my brother was really ill things were awful in the UK moan moan moan, but the next minute I get a call from SIL saying she had booked a holiday in Greece for the family and they were looking forward to it. Not only that but they had also booked another one for later in the year. I have one friend that wrote to tell me she has 5 holidays booked for this year. So things cannot be that bad.
I do think ex-pats returning home look at it through rose tinted glasses. Expecting everything to be as it was with nothing changed. Its different when we go home for visits people do make extra efforts to come and see you but when you are back home for good they just get on with life and its a gradual acceptance of you being back.
My family had me really upset a few weeks ago my brother was really ill things were awful in the UK moan moan moan, but the next minute I get a call from SIL saying she had booked a holiday in Greece for the family and they were looking forward to it. Not only that but they had also booked another one for later in the year. I have one friend that wrote to tell me she has 5 holidays booked for this year. So things cannot be that bad.
Mar 29th 2011 | 10:37 am
#32
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Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 2,060
From: Salt Spring Island, BC, Canada
Re: Back Three Months and Struggling to Settle ...
I do think ex-pats returning home look at it through rose tinted glasses. Expecting everything to be as it was with nothing changed. Its different when we go home for visits people do make extra efforts to come and see you but when you are back home for good they just get on with life and its a gradual acceptance of you being back.
It is because I am aware of the changes that I have chosen not to go back to my home town. The beautiful school in the centre of town is now a shopping centre; the countryside I used to cycle through is now housing estates, etc. etc. so I shall go to somewhere I have not experienced before. My best friend there goes on and on about the changes and how awful it is, but it has changed everywhere. There is lots I could moan about here too. Life is what we make it wherever we live. In my 10 years here on Salt Spring I have seen so many changes. It is all part of life.
Last edited by bandrui; Mar 29th 2011 at 11:48 am. Reason: Changed played to paid.
Mar 29th 2011 | 11:04 am
#33
Finally Home!
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 3,610
From: Used to be New York, now North Yorkshire
Re: Back Three Months and Struggling to Settle ...
Since time began people have been complaining about change instead of seeing the positives. It happens everywhere and it will probably always happen. I saw lots of changes when I was back last and more positives than negatives to be honest.
As for friends slipping away again, I think that's up to us. We are the ones who left and we are the ones who will have to work to rekindle those relationships. I can't wait!
As for friends slipping away again, I think that's up to us. We are the ones who left and we are the ones who will have to work to rekindle those relationships. I can't wait!
Mar 29th 2011 | 11:40 am
#34
Forum Regular
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 58
Re: Back Three Months and Struggling to Settle ...
Since time began people have been complaining about change instead of seeing the positives. It happens everywhere and it will probably always happen. I saw lots of changes when I was back last and more positives than negatives to be honest.
As for friends slipping away again, I think that's up to us. We are the ones who left and we are the ones who will have to work to rekindle those relationships. I can't wait!
As for friends slipping away again, I think that's up to us. We are the ones who left and we are the ones who will have to work to rekindle those relationships. I can't wait!
I think for me the hardest part will be getting back into the employment culture (here's hoping I can find a job in the first place!) - Los Angeles is different to the rest of the USA, let alone the UK! But I know that for me, this is right decision.
Mar 31st 2011 | 8:54 am
#35
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Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 2,285
Re: Back Three Months and Struggling to Settle ...
I do find having no base (UK house rented out) when I return for holidays very stressful but when we return permanently I think being back in the house that is so full of 'early baby' memories will be so much easier.
No date yet...but I too can't wait to be there for elderly relatives and rekindle the friends who go way back...the true ones who you can always just pick up again with however long it's been.
Apr 2nd 2011 | 10:26 am
#36
BE Forum Addict
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 4,395
From: England
Re: Back Three Months and Struggling to Settle ...
I've been back in the UK now for almost three months. I thought it would be easy, just step of the plane and it would all feel 'home' and 'right' just like it did on all those many visits back to the UK whilst living in New Zealand ........ but now its a permanent move it feels hard to be here and I am struggling to find the nice things I left behind (british sense of humour, history, decent housing, bbc, pretty countryside etc etc)
The worst thing that is getting me down is the attitude of people in the UK. Almost everyone is so negative and gloomy and can only see the bad side of pretty much everything. I have literally fallen out with long term friends over this as they were so negative I didn't want to be around them. I see the free healthcare, the opportunity for every child to have a free education, the personal freedoms enjoyed by everyone here and the relatively easy to live with climate and low likelihood of earthquakes and tsunamis.
I am a glass half full kind of person and I was so excited about coming 'home'. Even a recruitment consultant laughed at me the other day when I said I was excited about working in the UK and said "oh my you are the only one who is". Didn't get me a job or even an interview to go on the books though whatever she thought!
The reason I have returned to the UK is that I am an only child ......... and for the final years of my ageing parents lives (they are 90 and 82) I want to do what's right by them as they have always supported me through good and bad times. Not to do this would not give me peace of mind. It was untenable to continue flying back and forth twice a year and always worrying if people back home were OK. So for this reason it is right to be here but for most every other reason its feeling very wrong.
Is this just me or do other returned expats feel this way too? Are there any UK groups for returned expats? We are a unique breed and a lot of folks who have never been anywhere else seldom understand us and our lack of belonging and homesickness either side of the planet.
Just wondered if I am the only one who feels like this. Very lonely and very out of step with pretty much everything and constantly thinking have I done the right thing and should I go back to NZ.
The worst thing that is getting me down is the attitude of people in the UK. Almost everyone is so negative and gloomy and can only see the bad side of pretty much everything. I have literally fallen out with long term friends over this as they were so negative I didn't want to be around them. I see the free healthcare, the opportunity for every child to have a free education, the personal freedoms enjoyed by everyone here and the relatively easy to live with climate and low likelihood of earthquakes and tsunamis.
I am a glass half full kind of person and I was so excited about coming 'home'. Even a recruitment consultant laughed at me the other day when I said I was excited about working in the UK and said "oh my you are the only one who is". Didn't get me a job or even an interview to go on the books though whatever she thought!
The reason I have returned to the UK is that I am an only child ......... and for the final years of my ageing parents lives (they are 90 and 82) I want to do what's right by them as they have always supported me through good and bad times. Not to do this would not give me peace of mind. It was untenable to continue flying back and forth twice a year and always worrying if people back home were OK. So for this reason it is right to be here but for most every other reason its feeling very wrong.
Is this just me or do other returned expats feel this way too? Are there any UK groups for returned expats? We are a unique breed and a lot of folks who have never been anywhere else seldom understand us and our lack of belonging and homesickness either side of the planet.
Just wondered if I am the only one who feels like this. Very lonely and very out of step with pretty much everything and constantly thinking have I done the right thing and should I go back to NZ.
Apr 2nd 2011 | 6:26 pm
#37
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 148
Re: Back Three Months and Struggling to Settle ...
I knew there would be things I missed about Aus but not enough to make us/me want to stay.....we take days out here and try to look for the positives...I can understand why some people ping pong in a way but if we have learnt anything about migrating etc is that you have to go with your heart as well and we are that bit wiser, we knew we would not be able to start where we left off here in the UK friends and family do move on thats natural but that works for us as well, we have made knew friends and are a bit more independant from our families than we were before we left the UK which is also good for us...we join in the best family bits and leave out the things we dont want to join in...lol...we are in a new area for us which is nice and we have made new friends and have kept some old friends which again is life..it moves on.....we dont thing "have we done the right thing" that would drive us mad...we just try and improve on the things here we find a bit more taxing....ie we cannot get to the beach as quickly as we did before but we do have a day out to a beach and we have seen some lovely ones we have never visited before....we mainly look at the positives more than the negatives now....good luck....its never easy moving no matter where...
