IndieG

Just so you know why Indians drive the way they do here -This article was written by a Dutchman from Baan, Netherlands, who spent two years in Hyderabad, India, during his stint as a visiting IT expert.

Driving in India

For the benefit of every Tom, **** and Harry visiting India and daring to drive on Indian roads, I am offering a few hints for survival. They are applicable to every place in India except Bihar, where life outside a vehicle is only marginally safer. Indian road rules broadly operate within the domain of karma where you do your best, and leave the results to your insurance company.

The hints are as follows: Do we drive on the left or right of the road? The answer is "both".

Basically you start on the left of the road, unless it is occupied. In that case, go to the right, unless that is also occupied. Then proceed by occupying the next available gap, as in chess. Simply trust your instincts, ascertain the direction, and proceed. Adherence to road rules leads to much misery and occasional fatality. Most drivers don't drive, but just aim their vehicles in the generally intended direction.

Don't you get discouraged or underestimate yourself except for a belief in reincarnation; the other drivers are not in any better position.

Don't stop at pedestrian crossings just because some fool wants to cross the road. You may do so only if you enjoy being bumped in the back. Pedestrians have been strictly instructed to cross only when traffic is moving slowly or has come to a dead stop because some minister is in town. Still some idiot may try to wade across, but then, let us not talk ill of the dead.

Blowing your horn is not a sign of protest as in some countries. We horn to express joy, resentment, frustration, romance and bare lust (two brisk blasts), or just mobilize a dozing cow in the middle of the bazaar.

Keep informative books in the glove compartment. You may read them during traffic jams, while awaiting the chief minister's motorcade, or waiting for the rainwater to recede when over ground traffic meets underground drainage.

Occasionally you might see what looks like a UFO with blinking coloured lights and weird sounds emanating from within. This is an illuminated bus, full of happy pilgrims singing bhajans. These pilgrims go at breakneck speed, seeking contact with the Almighty, often meeting with success.

Auto Rickshaw (Baby Taxi): The result of a collision between a rickshaw and an automobile. This three-wheeled vehicle works on an external combustion engine that runs on a mixture of kerosene oil and creosote. This triangular vehicle carries iron rods, gas cylinders or passengers three times its weight and dimension, at an unspecified fare. After careful geometric calculations, children are folded and packed into these auto rickshaws until some children in the periphery are not in contact with the vehicle at all. Then their school bags are pushed into the microscopic gaps all round so those minor collisions with other vehicles on the road cause no permanent damage. Of course, the peripheral children are charged half the fare and also learn Newton's laws of motion enroute to school. Auto-rickshaw drivers follow the road rules depicted in the film Ben Hur, and are licensed to irritate.

Mopeds: The moped looks like an oil tin on wheels and makes noise like an electric shaver. It runs 30 miles on a teaspoon of petrol and travels at break-bottom speed. As the sides of the road are too rough for a ride, the moped drivers tend to drive in the middle of the road; they would rather drive under heavier vehicles instead of around them and are often "mopped" off the tarmac.

Leaning Tower of Passes: Most bus passengers are given free passes and during rush hours, there is absolute mayhem. There are passengers hanging off other passengers, who in turn hang off the railings and the overloaded bus leans dangerously, defying laws of gravity but obeying laws of surface tension. As drivers get paid for overload (so many Rupees per kg of passenger), no questions are ever asked. Steer clear of these buses by a width of three passengers.

One-way Street: These boards are put up by traffic people to add jest in their otherwise drab lives. Don't stick to the literal meaning and proceed in one direction. In metaphysical terms, it means that you cannot proceed in two directions at once. So drive, as you like, in reverse throughout, if you are the fussy type.

Lest I sound hypercritical, I must add a positive point also. Rash and fast driving in residential areas has been prevented by providing a "speed breaker"; two for each house. This mound, incidentally, covers the water and drainage pipes for that residence and is left untarred for easy identification by the corporation authorities, should they want to recover the pipe for year-end accounting.

Night driving on Indian roads can be an exhilarating experience for those with the mental make up of Genghis Khan. In a way, it is like playing Russian roulette, because you do not know who amongst the drivers is loaded. What looks like premature dawn on the horizon turns out to be a truck attempting a speed record. On encountering it, just pull partly into the field adjoining the road until the phenomenon passes.

Our roads do not have shoulders, but occasional boulders. Do not blink your lights expecting reciprocation. The only dim thing in the truck is the driver, and with the peg of illicit arrack (alcohol) he has had at the last stop, his total cerebral functions add up to little more than a naught. Truck drivers are the James Bonds of India, and are licensed to kill. Often you may encounter a single powerful beam of light about six feet above the ground. This is not a super motorbike, but a truck approaching you with a single light on, usually the left one. It could be the right one, but never get too close to investigate. You may prove your point posthumously. Of course, all this occurs at night, on the trunk roads. During the daytime, trucks are more visible, except that the drivers will never show any Signal.(And you must watch for the absent signals; they are the greater threat).Only, you will often observe that the cleaner who sits next to the driver will project his hand and wave hysterically. This is definitely not to be construed as a signal for a left turn. The waving is just a statement of physical relief on a hot day.

If, after all this, you still want to drive in India, have your lessons between 8 pm and 11 am-when the police have gone home and - The citizen is then free to enjoy the 'FREEDOM OF SPEED' enshrined in the constitution.

shiva

explains a lot

uk4uae

Sure does on the way to work this morning the amount of indians in Civics and sunnys with blacked out windows, driving on the sand and on the pavement and then trying to push in was horrific, I got so sick of it in the end and stopped my car and shouted

IndieG

and how did you know they were indians??

shiva

Cos they couldnt drive...

{Shiva starts running}
























Just kidding

IndieG

uk4uae

Sorry that must have come across wrong didnt mean to offend

You can see through the windscreen unless they have the tint too far down !! they didnt know I was a woman until I got out I think they had a shock as this woman screaming at them first in Arabic then in English

shakh your bootie

IMHO it is necessary that we differentiate between the multifarious styles of driving exhibited by those of us from the sub-continent of Hindustan. The driving styles of her people are as rich and diverse as their languages, religion and culture....

We have, for example, the goondah style of driving of the Pathan, as typified by Abu Dhabi taxi drivers - total agression, last minute braking and accompanied by violent swearing.

In total contrast is the junglee style of driving of the rural Indian - this is the kind of fellow who tootles along at 80kph in the fast lane, oblivious of flashing tail-gaters, honks and curses.

This is not to mention the nuances of Punjabi, Bombay, Kerela or Karachi motoring enthusiasts. And we haven't even talked about cyclists, rickshaws & pedestrians yet...

I would like to encourage all to please note this rich cultural diversity and appreciate it for what it is!

NorthernLad

Clarkson once did a show on driving in India. Made good viewing!

Blue Cat

did you see the one the other night, the ice olympics with cars! very good