shoushou

One day,a man saw his long lost friend in the supermarket...
-Heeeyy,how are you?Its been 10 years since I last saw you.How is everything?Did you get married or not yet?
-Yes I got married and everything is just fine,and my wife is also here in the supermarket.Where is your wife??
-Also here in the supermarket,lets go and find them.But,how does your wife look like??
-Shes blonde,blue eyes,long legs,great body,what can I tell you more?Shes a top model...Hows your wife???
-My wife?Forget her....For what?What will we do with her??Damn the minute I saw her...Come,come and lets find your wife......

shoushou

This one is a Lebanese joke:


Abu Steif's son told Abu Abed's son that he is going to Mountain to ski. Abu El-Abed's son wanted to go as well.
At that time Abu El-Abed was with Abu Steif in the Cafe (Ahwet Li'zez,The Glasshouse cafe), the son was not allowed to go in, so he tried to explain to his dad that he was going to ski by acting (moving his arms forward and backward to his body).
Abu El-Abed thought that his son wants to go to have sex, so he acted by (pulling his pocket out: no money, the he shaked his hand: Masturbate).....

Sid2

A man was walking along a beach and found a strange-looking oil lamp.
Of course he rubbed it and out popped a genie.
"I'm tired of this wish stuff - you're the tenth person today! - so I will grant you only one wish," grumbled the genie.
The man would love to go to Australia on vacation, but hated flying or taking a boat.
"How about making a bridge from here to Australia so I can drive across!"
"Are you CRAZY?!" screamed the genie. "How do you think I can get pilings thousands of feet down and then pound them into the ocean floor? Think of the storms and ships crashing into it! Don't make such a stupid wish!"
The sobered man pondered a while.
"OK! I've got it! I've always been puzzled by women. I want to know what motivates them, what the key to their hearts is. Why do they snub me one second and the next one we're in bed? What do those long silences mean? What pleases and displeases them?"
"Uh, will that be two lanes or four?"

novita77

Not anymore

shoushou

There was a Englishman, a Frenchman and Claudia Schiffer sitting together in a carriage in a train going through the Province. Suddenly the train went through a tunnel and as it was an old style train, there were no lights in the carriages and it went completely dark Then there was a kissing noise and the sound of a really loud slap. When the train came out of the tunnel, Claudia Schiffer and the Englishman were sitting as if nothing had happened and the Frenchman had his hand against his face as he had been slapped there. The Frenchman was thinking: The English fella must have kissed Claudia Schiffer and she missed him and slapped me instead. Claudia Schiffer was thinking: The French fella must have tried to kiss me and actually kissed the Englishman and got slapped for it. And the Englishman was thinking: This is great. The next time the train goes through a tunnel, I'll make another kissing noise and slap the Frenchman again.

Fairydust

CasaNova

Why does everybody always makes fun about the French people?

Welivehere

Casa - It's more a case of why not?

shoushou

A man went and made an order at the Pizza Hut...
The cashier asked him if he wanted his pizza to be cut in 4 pieces,or 8.
He replied:No,I cant eat 8 pieces!!!Make it 6,please!!!!

shoushou

A priest who has to spend the night in a hotel asks the girl in reception to come up to his room for dinner.
After a while he makes a pass at her,but she stops him and reminds him that he is a holy man.
''Its OK'' he replies,''Its written in the Bible''...
After a wild night of sex,she asks to see where in the Bible it says its OK.The priest rolls over,takes the Gideon out of the desk by the bed and shows her the first page.On it,someone has scrawled:''The girl in reception will shag anyone.''

shoushou

A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train...

After their initial embarrassment has worn off, they both manage to get to sleep, the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower.
In the middle of the night, the woman leans over and says, 'I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly pass me another blanket.'

The man leans out and, with a shine in his eye, says, 'I've got a better idea... let's pretend we are married.'
'Why not?' giggles the woman.
'Good', he replies. 'Get your own f***ing blanket.'

shoushou

A man enters a restaurant and while sitting at his table, notices a gorgeous woman sitting at another table, alone. He calls the waiter over and asks for the most expensive bottle of champagne to be sent over to her knowing that if she accepts it, she is his.
The waiter gets the bottle and quickly sends it over to the girl, saying this is from the gentleman. She looks at the champagne and decides to send a note to the man. The note read: "For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, $1 million in liquid assets, and 7 inches in your pants."
Well, the man, after reading this note, sends one of his own back to her and it read: "Just so you know -- I happen to have TWO Mercedes in my garage, I have well over $2 million in assets, but not even for YOU, would I cut off 2 inches! Send the bottle back."

Fairydust

PMSL v funny

novita77

If you go to frenchexpats.com, i am sure you will find them making fun of british people.

shoushou

A farmer goes to confession for the first time in twenty years and tells the priest he's been having sexual intercourse with a camel ever since his wife died.

The priest asks him if he intends to continue doing it and whether the camel is a male or female.

'No! I'm not doing it anymore!' says the farmer. 'And the camel is a female, of course. What the hell do you think I am - a goddamn queer?