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Hubby wants to move back to London from Dubai

Hubby wants to move back to London from Dubai

Old Apr 1st 2019, 5:31 am
  #46  
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Default Re: Hubby wants to move back to London from Dubai

Don't overestimate the security of his current job. It's heavily reliant on KSA. He could be one dip in the oil price away from being replaced by someone at half the price who is more than willing to spend even more time in KSA.

It's far, far better to relocate back home of your own free will at a time of your choosing (i.e. end of school year). If your plan is just to stay in Dubai indefinitely, there will come a day where that option will be taken from you and you'll have to leave whether you like it or not.

Also, the longer you plan to stay in Dubai, the more expensive the school fees are going to get as the kids get older.

It sounds like your husband is using the finances as an excuse because he feels bad about you potentially having to give up your life in Dubai. Saving 40k a year on your rent probably isn't going to help his morale or state of mind, it's going to make him feel even more trapped.
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Old Apr 1st 2019, 6:14 am
  #47  
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Default Re: Hubby wants to move back to London from Dubai

Originally Posted by Lul37 View Post
christmasoompa No I would struggle living outside London as all our family and friends live in West London. That’s the only real appeal for me to go back with the children. I’m the complete opposite of you, I shrivel up in any temperature under 15 degrees I’m not saying we have to live close to central London, I’m talking about living in the very outskirts of, such as zone 5 and 6 right next to the M25 where rents would be cheaper anyhow.
If your attitude is that you'd struggle, then struggle you will. You don't live close to your family and friends in London now, so I can't see why it'd be any more difficult to live a couple of hours away from them in England. Weather is just weather. Heating takes care of the cold inside, a coat takes care of the cold outside, and any number of indoor entertainment, sporting and leisure opportunities take care of the rain (as does an umbrella).

There will always be compromises to be made when a couple are from different countries. From what you've written, the choice is between you living in your preferred country vs your husband being ground down by what sounds to be a grueling job. To be honest, I don't know how anyone who loved their partner could be ok with seeing them continue in a job that makes them so miserable and burnt out if there was another choice.

Surely the most important thing is that your family is together and happy? It's pretty obvious that your husband has the skills and the work ethic to make sure you all will always have a roof over your heads, food on the table and bills paid - that's much more than vast numbers of people ever have the opportunity to experience. If you make up your mind to live a good life if you return to the UK, then you no doubt will have just that, a good life. There might be some things you want and don't have, but that's the same for everyone. Remember what's really important in life.
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Old Apr 1st 2019, 7:31 am
  #48  
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Default Re: Hubby wants to move back to London from Dubai

Originally Posted by Gavtek View Post
Don't overestimate the security of his current job. It's heavily reliant on KSA. He could be one dip in the oil price away from being replaced by someone at half the price who is more than willing to spend even more time in KSA.

It's far, far better to relocate back home of your own free will at a time of your choosing (i.e. end of school year). If your plan is just to stay in Dubai indefinitely, there will come a day where that option will be taken from you and you'll have to leave whether you like it or not.

Also, the longer you plan to stay in Dubai, the more expensive the school fees are going to get as the kids get older.

It sounds like your husband is using the finances as an excuse because he feels bad about you potentially having to give up your life in Dubai. Saving 40k a year on your rent probably isn't going to help his morale or state of mind, it's going to make him feel even more trapped.


I'm with Gavtek on this...

The finances are a smoke screen. He is miserable, but doesn't want it to be about him, since you appear to be very clear that you far prefer DXB to LON.

If you force him to stay, it IS gonna affect your marriage. Question is, if he forces you to move, does it make you question your relationship with him?
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Old Apr 1st 2019, 8:56 am
  #49  
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Default Re: Hubby wants to move back to London from Dubai

Originally Posted by Lul37 View Post
Moses2013 may I ask where you are currently living since you also work in IT? Ps, hubby is a ‘Technology consultancy- senior manager’ not senior consultant, I obviously don’t know what the difference is!!
I'm based in the Republic of Ireland (Galway) myself. I'm more on the Sales & Support side of IT but I must say that we're pretty lucky here and there are plenty of IT jobs in cities like Dublin, Cork & Galway. Well we only have a population of 80.000 in city (considered city here:-) and 18.000 are students. It's not only that but it was the cheap housing at the time and the fact we have so much space (not as crowded as England) + huge advantage to be in a country with € for us personally. Sure everywhere will have challenges and as spouse of scouse said, it's also mindset.
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Old Apr 1st 2019, 11:07 am
  #50  
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Default Re: Hubby wants to move back to London from Dubai

Originally Posted by TGFKASE View Post


I'm with Gavtek on this...

The finances are a smoke screen. He is miserable, but doesn't want it to be about him, since you appear to be very clear that you far prefer DXB to LON.

If you force him to stay, it IS gonna affect your marriage. Question is, if he forces you to move, does it make you question your relationship with him?
So options seem to be boiling down to:

1. Move to London and live in an ex-victorian slum house with no social life but near a decent school - resent husband forever
2. Stay in Dubai - force the hubster to be handcuffed to the misery of the weekly Riyadh express - husband resents you forever
3. Move to the utopia that is the Republic of Ireland.

Conclusion: don't ask the internet for advice.


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Old Apr 1st 2019, 12:05 pm
  #51  
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Default Re: Hubby wants to move back to London from Dubai

Originally Posted by Millhouse View Post
So options seem to be boiling down to:

1. Move to London and live in an ex-victorian slum house with no social life but near a decent school - resent husband forever
2. Stay in Dubai - force the hubster to be handcuffed to the misery of the weekly Riyadh express - husband resents you forever
3. Move to the utopia that is the Republic of Ireland.

Conclusion: don't ask the internet for advice.
You forgot number 4. They move to sunny Spain (wife happy) and the husband can stay in London. At least the distance won't be as bad.
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Old Apr 1st 2019, 2:27 pm
  #52  
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Default Re: Hubby wants to move back to London from Dubai

Option 5 - they all move to Riyadh. Husband no longer has to commute or spend time away from his family, Wife gets to stay in Middle East. Happy Ever After in Riyadh...
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Old Apr 1st 2019, 3:09 pm
  #53  
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Default Re: Hubby wants to move back to London from Dubai

Gavtek yes you are spot on in what you are saying. He has even asked me if I think my life here is ‘as good as it gets’ compared to London. I also know there is no job security over here, BUT I wasn’t expecting to move back so soon (we only arrived 4 years ago). Before we moved to Dubai, we had both agreed anyway we would definitely be back before my older son started Uni so that we wouldn’t pay oversees fees. So I was expecting to stick it out for another 4 years here knowing that our return was inevitable, and also to justify the move in the first place.

But spouse of scouse and TGFKASE are both correct that what’s important is that we are all together happy in the end. I would probably be unhappy first year or two to be honest, then I’ll adjust back. It’s easier being miserable while not working or working part time, then being miserable whilst working full time so he has the upper hand as the breadwinner.



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Old Apr 1st 2019, 3:16 pm
  #54  
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Default Re: Hubby wants to move back to London from Dubai

Originally Posted by Lul37 View Post
Gavtek yes you are spot on in what you are saying. He has even asked me if I think my life here is ‘as good as it gets’ compared to London. I also know there is no job security over here, BUT I wasn’t expecting to move back so soon (we only arrived 4 years ago). Before we moved to Dubai, we had both agreed anyway we would definitely be back before my older son started Uni so that we wouldn’t pay oversees fees. So I was expecting to stick it out for another 4 years here knowing that our return was inevitable, and also to justify the move in the first place.

But spouse of scouse and TGFKASE are both correct that what’s important is that we are all together happy in the end. I would probably be unhappy first year or two to be honest, then I’ll adjust back. It’s easier being miserable while not working or working part time, then being miserable whilst working full time so he has the upper hand as the breadwinner.



4 years is a decent stint.. Most don't last that long.
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Old Apr 1st 2019, 3:17 pm
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Default Re: Hubby wants to move back to London from Dubai

Millhouse If i got me one of those Sybian (saw a post on another thread), if I moved back on my own first year, would I be ‘living it up?’

Just wondering
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Old Apr 1st 2019, 7:48 pm
  #56  
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Default Re: Hubby wants to move back to London from Dubai

Originally Posted by Lul37 View Post
Millhouse If i got me one of those Sybian (saw a post on another thread), if I moved back on my own first year, would I be ‘living it up?’

Just wondering
I dont know but I would like a live stream.
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Old Apr 4th 2019, 12:12 pm
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Default Re: Hubby wants to move back to London from Dubai

Originally Posted by Millhouse View Post
I dont know but I would like a live stream.
​​​​​​​ ​​​​​​​ ​​​​​​​
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Old Apr 5th 2019, 7:42 am
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Default Re: Hubby wants to move back to London from Dubai

Originally Posted by Scamp View Post
In fairness, I commuted so it was a shit show of a day every day....it just so happened to be in summer and I was made sort of redundant and only suffered the journey for 6 months (stayed employed with a different part of the business, walking distance from home, so lucked out really).

That being said, in your 20's, London would be sick, it's where the big firms are, it's where you will advance, it's where the money is. But now I'm the ripe old age of 31, the regular working visits there are great, but that's enough. The underground is hateful, the people are all ***** it's just so ****ing busy all the time. The quality of life is actually pretty low I think. I could transfer back probably but it would be working basically in the city. It's two changes to get to Waterloo (or a long walk and one train) and then 1h15ish to Southampton. Thousands of quid to stand on a train, thousands to park, up at 0530 and home at 1930/2000. Where's the fun in that?

The dream is a small or big business with free parking, lunch provided, happy endings on Fridays, relaxed dress code and a nice environment in a sensible place like Southampton or Bristol or Reading sort of cities. Big enough, but commutable and pleasant (they're just 3 examples in the South off the top of my head. There will be better).
was talking to a colleague about this the other day. Both agreed it would be hard to go back to anything like that.

currently have a two minute drive to get to work and 12:30pm finish.
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Old Apr 5th 2019, 8:30 am
  #59  
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Default Re: Hubby wants to move back to London from Dubai

Most people go to the Middle East with no exit strategy. Try asking yourself "Why am I in the Middle East ? How will I know that it is time to go ?" I never acted on my own advice. I just went. That amkes untangling yourself difficult and resettlement problematic.
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Old Apr 5th 2019, 11:43 am
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Default Re: Hubby wants to move back to London from Dubai

Originally Posted by scot47 View Post
Most people go to the Middle East with no exit strategy. Try asking yourself "Why am I in the Middle East ? How will I know that it is time to go ?" I never acted on my own advice. I just went. That amkes untangling yourself difficult and resettlement problematic.
Scot47 I’m in the Middle East because I like being in shorts and flip flops year round. Plus I love my lebanese food. Yes, admit I should have learned to cook Arabic food better when I was much younger but I was too busy listening to music in my room and playing basketball in my free time to bother


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