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Advice .... Not for me!

Advice .... Not for me!

Old Oct 7th 2004, 3:58 pm
  #1  
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Default Advice .... Not for me!

A lass that I have contact with for almost a year is in a spot of trouble ( Big I think) She is welsh and married to an indian and they have a son of a year old.
He is a manager for a local funrniture store (One that I would nt use and owned by Arenco) and on a housing allowance of Dhs 26'000 and nothing is paid for them so from I have been told things are pretty tough for her and her son.

Husband will not allow her any money unless she has to buy food or items for the child, will not permit her to drive, he smokes she is not allowed to, she is generally very unhappy and wants to go back the Uk as she wants to do her teacher training course but is afriad of getting her husband into dept, he rmother is ill and he wont allow her to go home and he is telling her that her son at 1 year adnd weighing 18lb s is underwieght and not healthy and that sad thing is she believes everything he tells her.

In the uk if your marriage breakdowns or your a single parent then you do get some kind of help but out here what is she to do I want to help ( Not fiancally) but other than advice about her son I have no idea what to say to her.

She is stuck in a one bed flat and looking at four walls day in , day out! She tells me her husband is very controling.

Any advice that I can foward to be of help and lets keep this thread on track hehehehehe
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Old Oct 7th 2004, 5:19 pm
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Default Re: Advice .... Not for me!

Originally Posted by Heart of gold
A lass that I have contact with for almost a year is in a spot of trouble ( Big I think) She is welsh and married to an indian and they have a son of a year old.
He is a manager for a local funrniture store (One that I would nt use and owned by Arenco) and on a housing allowance of Dhs 26'000 and nothing is paid for them so from I have been told things are pretty tough for her and her son.

Husband will not allow her any money unless she has to buy food or items for the child, will not permit her to drive, he smokes she is not allowed to, she is generally very unhappy and wants to go back the Uk as she wants to do her teacher training course but is afriad of getting her husband into dept, he rmother is ill and he wont allow her to go home and he is telling her that her son at 1 year adnd weighing 18lb s is underwieght and not healthy and that sad thing is she believes everything he tells her.

In the uk if your marriage breakdowns or your a single parent then you do get some kind of help but out here what is she to do I want to help ( Not fiancally) but other than advice about her son I have no idea what to say to her.

She is stuck in a one bed flat and looking at four walls day in , day out! She tells me her husband is very controling.

Any advice that I can foward to be of help and lets keep this thread on track hehehehehe
Hi Heart of Gold

well unfortunately I cannot be too much help, but what I do know is that in such countries the authorities side with the men especially if they are arabs....not too sure what their policy is regarding indian men though....suppose it depend upon his status within the country.

European women married to arab men would have extreme difficulty in returning to Europe with a child (if they have one) without the permission of the father......custody rights would also be given to the man.....
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Old Oct 7th 2004, 5:52 pm
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Default Re: Advice .... Not for me!

I am sure that if you got in touch with the American Women's Group or suchlike organisations they will be able to offer some ways forward. I'm sure there are some help groups out there as you hear if it far too often of European/western women marrying locals and then being shafted on the work/kids front. This is the first time I have herd of it with an Indian fella though- I suspect the authorities would side with the mother unless he is a Muslim Indian. Good luck.
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Old Oct 7th 2004, 8:06 pm
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Default Re: Advice .... Not for me!

Originally Posted by Desert Dweller
I am sure that if you got in touch with the American Women's Group or suchlike organisations they will be able to offer some ways forward. I'm sure there are some help groups out there as you hear if it far too often of European/western women marrying locals and then being shafted on the work/kids front. This is the first time I have herd of it with an Indian fella though- I suspect the authorities would side with the mother unless he is a Muslim Indian. Good luck.
Jeez. The obvious thing is for her to get back to the UK asap with son.

Has she got family back home that will help with the money. If he is this controlling then has he hidden the passports also? What nationality is the kid as well?

Has she spoken to the UK embassy about this all as well?
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Old Oct 7th 2004, 8:43 pm
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Default Re: Advice .... Not for me!

She will need to contact the UK Consulate and speak to them about arranging a passport for her child, as he is a UK citizen.
The best thing to do would be to leave the country and move back to the UK. It would be best to do it swiftly and make it a surprise.
If her son has a residence visa on an Indian passport, I would advise her to somehow get a hold of it the day she intends to travel, but pretend she needs it to apply to a nursery for instance, and move back to the UK with her child immediately.
I have seen many cases like this, at this point it is only a downward spiral and would be best to immediately pack up and leaev as it gets much worse. I'm not sure who the authorities would side with, seeing as he is Indian, it would be best not to involve them, especially if he is Muslim as they would tend to side with him then.
This is just my advice
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Old Oct 7th 2004, 9:13 pm
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Default Re: Advice .... Not for me!

Originally Posted by Heart of gold
A lass that I have contact with for almost a year is in a spot of trouble ( Big I think) She is welsh and married to an indian and they have a son of a year old.
He is a manager for a local funrniture store (One that I would nt use and owned by Arenco) and on a housing allowance of Dhs 26'000 and nothing is paid for them so from I have been told things are pretty tough for her and her son.

Husband will not allow her any money unless she has to buy food or items for the child, will not permit her to drive, he smokes she is not allowed to, she is generally very unhappy and wants to go back the Uk as she wants to do her teacher training course but is afriad of getting her husband into dept, he rmother is ill and he wont allow her to go home and he is telling her that her son at 1 year adnd weighing 18lb s is underwieght and not healthy and that sad thing is she believes everything he tells her.

In the uk if your marriage breakdowns or your a single parent then you do get some kind of help but out here what is she to do I want to help ( Not fiancally) but other than advice about her son I have no idea what to say to her.

She is stuck in a one bed flat and looking at four walls day in , day out! She tells me her husband is very controling.

Any advice that I can foward to be of help and lets keep this thread on track hehehehehe
Hi Mickey

I think the Joseph and Dubai Expat's advice just about sums it up.

She needs to get the hell out of Dubai and do it fast. She should immediately get in touch with the British Embassy/Consulate and if she is unable, perhaps you could do it on her behalf. The biggest problem she will face is leaving with her son and I suspect he is the reason why her husband won't let her visit her mum in the UK.

I did know a foreign lady who was married to a local in Abu Dhabi and managed to gain custody of her son after divorce. It was a long, messy and expensive process...and the outcome was unusual. She should avoid having anything to do with the Dubai courts and not even let her husband know she wants out. If he gets a court injunction, it will be impossible to leave Dubai with her son and then it will become a total nightmare.

The thing with her husband is, she will never change him or his controlling behaviour...she'll just destroy her own life... so she shouldn't delude herself that things might improve... more than likely they'll get worse.

I hope things work out for her.
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Old Oct 7th 2004, 9:39 pm
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Default Re: Advice .... Not for me!

Originally Posted by DubaiExpat
She will need to contact the UK Consulate and speak to them about arranging a passport for her child, as he is a UK citizen.
The best thing to do would be to leave the country and move back to the UK. It would be best to do it swiftly and make it a surprise.
If her son has a residence visa on an Indian passport, I would advise her to somehow get a hold of it the day she intends to travel, but pretend she needs it to apply to a nursery for instance, and move back to the UK with her child immediately.
I have seen many cases like this, at this point it is only a downward spiral and would be best to immediately pack up and leaev as it gets much worse. I'm not sure who the authorities would side with, seeing as he is Indian, it would be best not to involve them, especially if he is Muslim as they would tend to side with him then.
This is just my advice
yes... I also meant to say that about just disapear and go one day without the husband knowing. i am sure he will be fine but then does it really matter if he is a control freak?
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Old Oct 7th 2004, 11:16 pm
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Default Re: Advice .... Not for me!

just thought id chip in.
She needs to get in touch with the Embassy ASAP, if shes a uk citizen im sure they will help, ive heard of loads of cases like this and once the people are back in the uk and the embassy and press are involved the amount of official pressure on her side should win her the case.it depends on whether her husband is muslim or not but the good news is that in custody cases in the uk over 90% of the time the woman gets custody of any children.

also i cannot sterss how important the media would be in a case like this, its funny how politicians and embassy officials will move very quickly once the story is in the papers, she may also get some money for this story, ok its not the nicest thing to do to publise your problems but hey if it gets her on her feet with the child in the uk then its got to be worth it.

godd luck to her and i hope things turn out ok
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Old Oct 8th 2004, 4:25 pm
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Default Re: Advice .... Not for me!

Originally Posted by Cherrypie
Hi Mickey

I think the Joseph and Dubai Expat's advice just about sums it up.

She needs to get the hell out of Dubai and do it fast. She should immediately get in touch with the British Embassy/Consulate and if she is unable, perhaps you could do it on her behalf. The biggest problem she will face is leaving with her son and I suspect he is the reason why her husband won't let her visit her mum in the UK.

I did know a foreign lady who was married to a local in Abu Dhabi and managed to gain custody of her son after divorce. It was a long, messy and expensive process...and the outcome was unusual. She should avoid having anything to do with the Dubai courts and not even let her husband know she wants out. If he gets a court injunction, it will be impossible to leave Dubai with her son and then it will become a total nightmare.

The thing with her husband is, she will never change him or his controlling behaviour...she'll just destroy her own life... so she shouldn't delude herself that things might improve... more than likely they'll get worse.

I hope things work out for her.
Hi Cp

She talks of wanting to get back to the Uk but on the other hand I think she is afraid and feel your suspicions may well be right!
She has no family to speak of in the Uk, the relationship with both father and sister is by all acconuts most strange so she would have no where to go I have said to her to take only the basics with her fo rboth of them
If I contact the consulate on her behalf will they want any info other than the basics, will they want to knwo any thing about me?
We went to see them yesterday and oh my god! The flat is dark and made my flesh crawl, the little boy has very little so I did take some of Jacks baby toys and a new toy form ELC with us which she was very thankful for.
The "Hubby" ( I know you hate this word Lol) is very much indian but is waiting to get a dual nationality passport, he was raised in india and by two maids so I dont think he will get one.
I dont want to get to involved as things have a nasty habit of back firing but for her sake and that of the liitle boy she needs to be put in the right direction!
One more thing, she has very little confidence and seems to be a sail short of a ship ... sounds bad I know... She has no idea about any of the household bills not even the telephone and internet and she is being cut off on the 10th Oct as the bill is 1500 Dhs .. Cant understand why she knows nothing nor why a bill can ge tso high unless the internet is on dial and surf?
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Old Oct 9th 2004, 12:58 am
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Default Re: Advice .... Not for me!

The embassy has a legal department and will not be interested in your identity. There are British lawyers in Dubai who will,I'm sure, give you free advice if you approach them. Maybe better to go into their offices and collar one instead of trying to go through the receptionist. A friend of mine used to work at one but I'm afraid the mists of time have made me forget the company and his name.
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Old Oct 9th 2004, 1:22 am
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Default Re: Advice .... Not for me!

Originally Posted by Heart of gold
Hi Cp

She talks of wanting to get back to the Uk but on the other hand I think she is afraid and feel your suspicions may well be right!
She has no family to speak of in the Uk, the relationship with both father and sister is by all acconuts most strange so she would have no where to go I have said to her to take only the basics with her fo rboth of them
If I contact the consulate on her behalf will they want any info other than the basics, will they want to knwo any thing about me?
We went to see them yesterday and oh my god! The flat is dark and made my flesh crawl, the little boy has very little so I did take some of Jacks baby toys and a new toy form ELC with us which she was very thankful for.
The "Hubby" ( I know you hate this word Lol) is very much indian but is waiting to get a dual nationality passport, he was raised in india and by two maids so I dont think he will get one.
I dont want to get to involved as things have a nasty habit of back firing but for her sake and that of the liitle boy she needs to be put in the right direction!
One more thing, she has very little confidence and seems to be a sail short of a ship ... sounds bad I know... She has no idea about any of the household bills not even the telephone and internet and she is being cut off on the 10th Oct as the bill is 1500 Dhs .. Cant understand why she knows nothing nor why a bill can ge tso high unless the internet is on dial and surf?
Hi
I know you directed your reply at cherrypie but I wanted to add a little something, hope neither of you mind...

It would be best if you convince her to move back with only just the basics. This may not sound very pleasing but she is in an extremely bad situation, but she would be better off moving back home and living off benefits for a bit (has she no close friends she could stay with for a while) till she finishes her training course and gets back on her feet as a teacher. Sounds awful but it will be much better than the situation she is in right now.

If you call the consulate and explain why you would prefer to remain unidentified they would most likely understand but they would probably like to speak to your friend as well to make sure this is a legitimate cases. Don't forget that they have come across many cases like this before and so they understand the seriousness and know how do deal with everything.

Do you know how long he has left till he is eligible for a UK passport? It would be extremely important he isn't granted one, for now at least.

Is she allowed out of the house at all? Maybe you could take her to your house and show her this thread with all the advice to help her. Please don't tell her to open this page at home, who knows what would happen if her husband happened to spot it.

Let us know how it goes
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Old Oct 9th 2004, 10:09 am
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Default Re: Advice .... Not for me!

Originally Posted by Heart of gold
Hi Cp

She talks of wanting to get back to the Uk but on the other hand I think she is afraid and feel your suspicions may well be right!
Sending you a PM
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Old Oct 10th 2004, 4:11 pm
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Default Re: Advice .... Not for me!

Originally Posted by Cherrypie
Sending you a PM
Thanks Cp, will try and reply today to your pm
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Old Oct 12th 2004, 4:39 am
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Default Re: Advice .... Not for me!

Originally Posted by Heart of gold
A lass that I have contact with for almost a year is in a spot of trouble ( Big I think) She is welsh and married to an indian and they have a son of a year old.
He is a manager for a local funrniture store (One that I would nt use and owned by Arenco) and on a housing allowance of Dhs 26'000 and nothing is paid for them so from I have been told things are pretty tough for her and her son.

Husband will not allow her any money unless she has to buy food or items for the child, will not permit her to drive, he smokes she is not allowed to, she is generally very unhappy and wants to go back the Uk as she wants to do her teacher training course but is afriad of getting her husband into dept, he rmother is ill and he wont allow her to go home and he is telling her that her son at 1 year adnd weighing 18lb s is underwieght and not healthy and that sad thing is she believes everything he tells her.

In the uk if your marriage breakdowns or your a single parent then you do get some kind of help but out here what is she to do I want to help ( Not fiancally) but other than advice about her son I have no idea what to say to her.

She is stuck in a one bed flat and looking at four walls day in , day out! She tells me her husband is very controling.

Any advice that I can foward to be of help and lets keep this thread on track hehehehehe


There are always Two sides to any stories, so I am not gonna give my sympathise before knowing the other.

If this is the situation as you say it happening in our country, I will explain you a few points:

1-If the husband is a Muslim than the wife is automatically a Muslim, Bcoz the Marriage of a Muslim to a Non-Muslim is not recogniized and the relationship in a muslim country would mean Illegal.

2-As per the Immigration Law, The sons and Daughters are under the mother's sponsorship so therefore the names of the sibbling will be in the mothers passport Not fathers.

3-The Mother can leave the country with the Kids with No hassle Unless She is married to a National or AGCC National In this case the Sons and Daughters will be in the Fathers passport.

4-If this Women is being abused and deprieved of Her rights Than The Police will take stern action against the Man. As per this country law the Women is First. As a man If I say: The glass is half empty But If the women Say: The glass is half full! - Than the Police will agree with the Women.


*If the consulate is involved than the issue will be blown out of context, The father will claim injustice due to pressure.


She can call the police and make her claims, If the Father goes to the authorities before the women than their is a greater chance the Authorities will side with the father.


she or you can also speak to someone at the Family Guidance section at the Dubai police and The Courts.


Also you can approach the Human Rights Section at the Police H.Q For furthre Info: Visit www.dubaipolice.gov.ae


I hope the best for everyone.
 
Old Oct 12th 2004, 4:44 am
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Default Re: Advice .... Not for me!

Originally Posted by Beduoin_Boy
There are always Two sides to any stories, so I am not gonna give my sympathise before knowing the other.

If this is the situation as you say it happening in our country, I will explain you a few points:

1-If the husband is a Muslim than the wife is automatically a Muslim, Bcoz the Marriage of a Muslim to a Non-Muslim is not recogniized and the relationship in a muslim country would mean Illegal.

2-As per the Immigration Law, The sons and Daughters are under the mother's sponsorship so therefore the names of the sibbling will be in the mothers passport Not fathers.

3-The Mother can leave the country with the Kids with No hassle Unless She is married to a National or AGCC National In this case the Sons and Daughters will be in the Fathers passport.

4-If this Women is being abused and deprieved of Her rights Than The Police will take stern action against the Man. As per this country law the Women is First. As a man If I say: The glass is half empty But If the women Say: The glass is half full! - Than the Police will agree with the Women.


*If the consulate is involved than the issue will be blown out of context, The father will claim injustice due to pressure.


She can call the police and make her claims, If the Father goes to the authorities before the women than their is a greater chance the Authorities will side with the father.


she or you can also speak to someone at the Family Guidance section at the Dubai police and The Courts.


Also you can approach the Human Rights Section at the Police H.Q For furthre Info: Visit www.dubaipolice.gov.ae


I hope the best for everyone.
my views are totally changed on you!!! vey interesting point of view...
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