CarlM

Its just him. You should cheat on him, thatll shut him up!

evoal2003

My dog in the Uk was alot less agressive than the one I have here in the US
is it because he has American blood.?

Ray

Stop whining women and get on with your chores.....

Elvira

No, in my experience this is NOT how British men generally behave. But this type of behaviour tends to be learnt at home, so my guess is that this is what he was used to when he grew up. But this is no excuse.

As for shouting expletives at you - this can happen in the heat of the argument, but if it's a regular occurrence, and if he doesn't apologize and/or realise it is wrong, you have a problem.

If he cannot see this, the two of you probably need counselling.

TruBrit

Hey Deb, don't be the victim...cheers

Sue

I concur.

Neither my husband, dad, father-in-law etc, act that way. I do however have a couple of american friends whose american husbands are lazy slobs who expect them to do everything for them, and my british brother-in-law thinks my sister is his personal maid.

It's not a nationality thing, it's something they learn growing up.

Noorah101

I agree, it's not a nationality thing, it's a personality issue. Sounds like you guys could benefit from marriage counseling. Hopefully he'll be open to that idea.

Hugs,
Rene

TruBrit

Deb, my US husband is so kind and loving and is the only reason I'm here in this country today....my life and friend's are in the UK but he is so liked in business and in general and in every way. I know sounds too good to be true but he is. All my girlfriends want a man just like mine....and so like I said earlier pls don't be a victim and I know that's easier said than done, take care of yourself.

Celsius

The way your husband is treating you is definitely his personality. I wouldn't go so far to think that all British men are like him. Hell. I know American men just like your British husband!

His behaviors to you may be the way his father treated his mother or, if he's been married before, how he's behaved to previous wives or partners.

No-one should have to put up with the behaviors you describe. He's not a kid. He should treat his home as his home, not a hotel.

You have to address his slovenly and disrespectful behavior immediately. Otherwise, he'll think it's OK/acceptable.

The two of you need to discuss this matter soon.

nettlebed

For advice on how to FIX the problem, go to a marriage counsellor. This forum ain't the place for firm advice on this sort of subject. However, I would (natch, being a UK husband) concur with the majority view that it's HIM (primarily learned behaviour during his upbringing), not his passport, that's the problem.

BTW, I have only heard the joke "What does WIFE stand for?" in the UK, not the US. Anwer, if anyone doesn't know already, will be given by PM *only*, with all suitable disclaimers that if you're offended, that's *YOUR* problem, not mine...

Steffi

I'm going to have to chime in with everyone else and say that that kind of behaviour is his personality, not that of an entire country. I think there are men just like that in this (USA) country as well as many others. And like others said it's very likely that that is how he grew up. If Patrick ever talked to me that way I'd be VERY upset. And I know he'd never dare to talk to me that way. We don't use ugly words like that toward each other. I have NO problem throwing the "f" word in a single sentence 3 times, but Patrick and I would never use such words towards one another. I'm very sorry to hear that you have to go through hearing such verbal abuse. Sorry, I don't mean to make the situation worse and speak badly about your husband. But I would wish for your sake that he would stop saying such things...especially if you have brought it to his attention!

hcj1440

I'm only going to comment on the being a slob part, because I have first hand experience of being a slob married to a clean freak. I am the slob, my husband is the clean freak.

First off, you're right, you're not the maid. But he may not be expecting you to be the maid either. Stop picking up after him. Let the shoes be in piles or a pair here and a pair there. Let him not be able to find anything. Leave the dirty laundry in the pile he made. Make an announcement before you do the laundry (if you do the laundry): I'm doing the laundry today, can you bring whatever you want washed to the laundry room and I would be glad to do it along with the rest of the wash.

My second piece of advice (BTW this was the only advice my mother gave me when I got married): hire a cleaning person/service. My mother told me it was worth the money to not have to argue about this aspect of life and let all kinds of resentments build up. She was right. We have a lady who comes once a week on Fridays. That way we at least have a semi-clean house over the weekend.

Bottom line is, the two of you may just have very different tolerance levels for dirt and clutter. The "neat and clean" way is not necessarily the "right" way nor is it the only way to live. You either compromise on this or you will pick up after him for the rest of your life (or until you can't stand it anymore and divorce him). You are not going to get him to be like you and be neat all the time and always put things back where they belong. But neither do you have to live in a total pigsty. There is a compromise somewhere in the middle.

Get the cleaning lady, trust me it helps a lot.

ian-mstm

I suggest a Lysistrata approach to this issue. You also might want to hire someone to clean the house and pay for it either with one of hubby's checks or charged to his credit card! Sex and money seem to speak volumes with respect to behavior modification.

If you have someplace to escape to, pack a bag for a few days and take it over there. Withdraw sufficient funds beforehand to make sure you can pay for things in cash for a few days. Then consider a good swift kick to the family jewels and a hasty retreat! After a day or two, he may be more receptive to change.

Ian

cindyabs

AND you know the worst part-it's a WOMAN that is the one that causes it. For what it's worth, I did try to teach my son things that were "traditionally" a woman's tasks. My daughter in law says he is a better cook than her!
On the other hand, I am married to someone who was pretty much waited on hand and foot since for the most part his mother did not work outside the home. It isn't easy trying to teach an old dog new tricks.

Hypertweeky

You have a pm