very difficult situation
Dec 15th 2004 | 2:23 am
#1
Thread Starter
Just Joined
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 8
very difficult situation
I brought my wife to the states from Russia on a K3 visa 2 years ago during this time that she has been in the states we had some very serious problems due to her lack of trust and jealousy, for the record non of her unfounded jealousy or accusation of me cheating on her ever occur, I have been very faithful to my wife since the date I met her ‘till this date, I have been a very good provider, give her a good home, everything she needed and our sexual life has been very fulfilling for both of us, but her jealousy, stubbornness and irrational behavior had drive me crazy.
During this time I filed papers for her 3 times for adjustment of status but due to the circumstances of our problems I withdraw a couple of my I-130 but one was approved.
I filed for divorce a couple time from which I withdraw the first time, now I have filed again and in the end I think I might withdraw, the problem is I adore my wife and I know she does love me, but her adjustment in this country specially with long wait from immigration from the beginning had drove both of us crazy.
We are separated now for the second time with restraining orders due to unsubstantiated charges of domestic abuse, there is no pictures, and no police report of any physical or mental abuse, the court hand her down restraining orders based only on her words, I know this ideas were given to her by being badly advice by a woman center and friends, she has had me arrested a couple times on unproven and stupid allegations of violating those orders, example, he drove by me and took pictures of me when in fact I was some where else (I presented evidence, charge was drop, The second charge is, he was following me while I was in the bus the same date of the first violation which she reported 4 hours later after the first incident, DA has no correlating evidence and judge told DA that has been a year since this happen and is about time they get the facts strait.
My third charge is, he slapped me at home causing harm and fear, (police report states harassment, no visible marks, and she agree with the report). All this after we were allowed to live together and rebuilt our marriage with her having a limited Order of Protection which will had expired 4 months after this incident.
This incident (disagreement) was based on the fact that My wife went back in her word over paying her own cell phone, and not considering the fact that she work and make good money or that I am in deep debts because of her, I never asked for anything from her, all I wanted I is for her to be responsible at least for her own cell phone, after this disagreement, I took some clothes out my house and left my home, while living the house, I tried to keep her away from me and not to do stupid things, I also continue moving myself out, at this time my wife got very unreasonable upset run out the house and called the police, 2 days later once again I returned home and 2 months later after that, I was arrested at our own apartment while living together for that incident, in other words it took the police 2 months to arrest me at our home.
The day before this arrest, I was suppose to go to the INS interview with her, so I didn’t go because once again because I was restrain from my house or to contact her, so she told me that she went with a lawyer from the woman center who are helping her out, got her permit to work legally because she was doing it illegally, filed once again AOS based on Domestic Violence.
In the mean time this entire ordeal has cost me a lot of money on lawyer, grief and almost my job of 17 years with the local government witch I have managed to keep thanks to my lawyers.
Now my wife and I, even though she have a restraining order for me not to see her, we are seeing each other, have spend time together and want to stay together, in fact I do not want her to suffer anymore, not I want to divorce her or loose all benefit I do have for her, if I do that, etc, but she is very concern that, since she might get her status adjusted helped by the woman center on domestic violence and since she was told by the center to move out my house, she is concern that, if she move back with me without immigration knowing or anybody else for that matter while keeping and address somewhere else will ruin her chance to get her status adjusted on those grounds, she is also very afraid immigration will find out.
Again we love each other and I believe I do so more than she does, and I intent to cancel the divorce I have filed, but she had made it very clear to me that her immigration status is more important to her than anything else at this time and I understand her predicament, I have also made very clear to her, that I do not care how she get it if that is the way she and the woman center want to proceed but no matter what I will I there to support her in anything I can.
I have told my wife that I do not care what she tells to immigration about me, I will fend for myself in state court for the charges which I know they will be drop on time, charges that the police make her sign at he station while she was begging them for me not to be arrested, the charges against me were signed by her without her even knowing or understanding what she was signing because they only gave her the last page, nor she can read very well English but also because she was intimidated and threaten that if she don’t signed she will be in trouble.
I am not afraid of the police which I should if they find out she will be back living with me as long there is no more of her allegations, she has stated to me that now she is afraid for me because I still have a restraining order, and she wished this mess never happen and that she in fact was badly adviced.
Another fact to consider is that after my arrest and me getting out on a $25,000 cash bail, she told the DA that she don’t needed a restraining order, but the DA told her that is not up to her anymore, the Judge did what she wanted and gave me a full Restraining Order and Domestic Violence management classes as condition of bail, because she mentioned the fact that she had moved out my house. For the record I have never been arrested in my life prior this incidents and I have been a model citizen all my live until this allegations, I am a USC.
My questions are:
If she move in with me but keep another address, fact that she doesn’t want to lie about it, will immigration really bother to check that out and find out she is living with me?
What are you take on this situation. I need some input on what to do from a legal, immigration and human point of view, I do not want to mention this to my lawyer because they do has advised to divorce her, but for me is very hard to do because I care for her too much, not deep inside I want not her to do it, but she has made it clear that if I do that will be the end of everything because she do not believe I remarrying again
What are her chances for her to get AOS base on DV due to the facts I stated above?
Will she be better off waiting for her papers before moving back to me? When? That is the question, I have been told it will take longer for her to get her status based on DV, but she will not believe me, she believe the women center lawyer, because they have told her they have done thousand of them.
Will she have problems getting her AOS due to Domestic Violence if I divorce her which deep inside I do not want to do it, the center have told her that she will get it in 5 months and now she believe anything they tell her?
What is your take in this situation, I need advice from any legal, morally and human stand point of view, anyone is welcome
Sorry about my grammar and spelling, I can’t think strait anymore, I am completely devastated by this ordeal, the abuse that is allowed and encouraged to happen to our system of law, peoples lives an the INS bureaucracy.
During this time I filed papers for her 3 times for adjustment of status but due to the circumstances of our problems I withdraw a couple of my I-130 but one was approved.
I filed for divorce a couple time from which I withdraw the first time, now I have filed again and in the end I think I might withdraw, the problem is I adore my wife and I know she does love me, but her adjustment in this country specially with long wait from immigration from the beginning had drove both of us crazy.
We are separated now for the second time with restraining orders due to unsubstantiated charges of domestic abuse, there is no pictures, and no police report of any physical or mental abuse, the court hand her down restraining orders based only on her words, I know this ideas were given to her by being badly advice by a woman center and friends, she has had me arrested a couple times on unproven and stupid allegations of violating those orders, example, he drove by me and took pictures of me when in fact I was some where else (I presented evidence, charge was drop, The second charge is, he was following me while I was in the bus the same date of the first violation which she reported 4 hours later after the first incident, DA has no correlating evidence and judge told DA that has been a year since this happen and is about time they get the facts strait.
My third charge is, he slapped me at home causing harm and fear, (police report states harassment, no visible marks, and she agree with the report). All this after we were allowed to live together and rebuilt our marriage with her having a limited Order of Protection which will had expired 4 months after this incident.
This incident (disagreement) was based on the fact that My wife went back in her word over paying her own cell phone, and not considering the fact that she work and make good money or that I am in deep debts because of her, I never asked for anything from her, all I wanted I is for her to be responsible at least for her own cell phone, after this disagreement, I took some clothes out my house and left my home, while living the house, I tried to keep her away from me and not to do stupid things, I also continue moving myself out, at this time my wife got very unreasonable upset run out the house and called the police, 2 days later once again I returned home and 2 months later after that, I was arrested at our own apartment while living together for that incident, in other words it took the police 2 months to arrest me at our home.
The day before this arrest, I was suppose to go to the INS interview with her, so I didn’t go because once again because I was restrain from my house or to contact her, so she told me that she went with a lawyer from the woman center who are helping her out, got her permit to work legally because she was doing it illegally, filed once again AOS based on Domestic Violence.
In the mean time this entire ordeal has cost me a lot of money on lawyer, grief and almost my job of 17 years with the local government witch I have managed to keep thanks to my lawyers.
Now my wife and I, even though she have a restraining order for me not to see her, we are seeing each other, have spend time together and want to stay together, in fact I do not want her to suffer anymore, not I want to divorce her or loose all benefit I do have for her, if I do that, etc, but she is very concern that, since she might get her status adjusted helped by the woman center on domestic violence and since she was told by the center to move out my house, she is concern that, if she move back with me without immigration knowing or anybody else for that matter while keeping and address somewhere else will ruin her chance to get her status adjusted on those grounds, she is also very afraid immigration will find out.
Again we love each other and I believe I do so more than she does, and I intent to cancel the divorce I have filed, but she had made it very clear to me that her immigration status is more important to her than anything else at this time and I understand her predicament, I have also made very clear to her, that I do not care how she get it if that is the way she and the woman center want to proceed but no matter what I will I there to support her in anything I can.
I have told my wife that I do not care what she tells to immigration about me, I will fend for myself in state court for the charges which I know they will be drop on time, charges that the police make her sign at he station while she was begging them for me not to be arrested, the charges against me were signed by her without her even knowing or understanding what she was signing because they only gave her the last page, nor she can read very well English but also because she was intimidated and threaten that if she don’t signed she will be in trouble.
I am not afraid of the police which I should if they find out she will be back living with me as long there is no more of her allegations, she has stated to me that now she is afraid for me because I still have a restraining order, and she wished this mess never happen and that she in fact was badly adviced.
Another fact to consider is that after my arrest and me getting out on a $25,000 cash bail, she told the DA that she don’t needed a restraining order, but the DA told her that is not up to her anymore, the Judge did what she wanted and gave me a full Restraining Order and Domestic Violence management classes as condition of bail, because she mentioned the fact that she had moved out my house. For the record I have never been arrested in my life prior this incidents and I have been a model citizen all my live until this allegations, I am a USC.
My questions are:
If she move in with me but keep another address, fact that she doesn’t want to lie about it, will immigration really bother to check that out and find out she is living with me?
What are you take on this situation. I need some input on what to do from a legal, immigration and human point of view, I do not want to mention this to my lawyer because they do has advised to divorce her, but for me is very hard to do because I care for her too much, not deep inside I want not her to do it, but she has made it clear that if I do that will be the end of everything because she do not believe I remarrying again
What are her chances for her to get AOS base on DV due to the facts I stated above?
Will she be better off waiting for her papers before moving back to me? When? That is the question, I have been told it will take longer for her to get her status based on DV, but she will not believe me, she believe the women center lawyer, because they have told her they have done thousand of them.
Will she have problems getting her AOS due to Domestic Violence if I divorce her which deep inside I do not want to do it, the center have told her that she will get it in 5 months and now she believe anything they tell her?
What is your take in this situation, I need advice from any legal, morally and human stand point of view, anyone is welcome
Sorry about my grammar and spelling, I can’t think strait anymore, I am completely devastated by this ordeal, the abuse that is allowed and encouraged to happen to our system of law, peoples lives an the INS bureaucracy.
Last edited by Pavlysha; Dec 15th 2004 at 3:16 am.
Dec 15th 2004 | 2:45 am
#2
I'm back!
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 4,316
From: Richmond, VA, USA
Re: very difficult situation
Originally Posted by Pavlysha
I brought my wife to the states from Russia on a K3 visa 2 years ago during this time that she has been in the states we ad some very serious problems.........
What are: DV? OP? RO? OS?
~ Jenney
Dec 15th 2004 | 3:02 am
#3
Thread Starter
Just Joined
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 8
Re: very difficult situation
Originally Posted by Jenney & Mark
What are: DV? OP? RO? OS?
~ Jenney
~ Jenney
DV domestic violence
OP order of protection
OS sorry I mean AOS
RO restraining order
Last edited by Pavlysha; Dec 15th 2004 at 3:05 am. Reason: to make it more clear
Dec 15th 2004 | 3:23 am
#4
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 14,049
Re: very difficult situation
Pav,
Your post is very confusing, but it's clear that you need an attorney who specializes in family law in your state.
Perhaps some psychological counseling also, to help you to understand your thoughts and emotions and come to some conclusions about what you really want to do about your marriage.
Regards, JEff
Your post is very confusing, but it's clear that you need an attorney who specializes in family law in your state.
Perhaps some psychological counseling also, to help you to understand your thoughts and emotions and come to some conclusions about what you really want to do about your marriage.
Regards, JEff
Originally Posted by Pavlysha
I brought my wife to the states from Russia on a K3 visa 2 years ago during this time that she has been in the states we had some very serious problems due to her lack of trust and jealousy, for the record non of her unfounded jealousy or accusation of me cheating on her ever occur, I have been very faithful to my wife since the date I met her ‘till this date, I have been a very good provider, give her a good home, everything she needed and our sexual life has been very fulfilling for both of us, but her jealousy, stubbornness and irrational behavior had drive me crazy.
During this time I filed papers for her 3 times for adjustment of status but due to the circumstances of our problems I withdraw a couple of my I-130 but one was approved.
I filed for divorce a couple time from which I withdraw the first time, now I have filed again and in the end I think I might withdraw, the problem is I adore my wife and I know she does love me, but her adjustment in this country specially with long wait from immigration from the beginning had drove both of us crazy.
We are separated now for the second time with restraining orders due to unsubstantiated charges of domestic abuse, there is no pictures, and no police report of any physical or mental abuse, the court hand her down restraining orders based only on her words, I know this ideas were given to her by being badly advice by a woman center and friends, she has had me arrested a couple times on unproven and stupid allegations of violating those orders, example, he drove by me and took pictures of me when in fact I was some where else (I presented evidence, charge was drop, The second charge is, he was following me while I was in the bus the same date of the first violation which she reported 4 hours later after the first incident, DA has no correlating evidence and judge told DA that has been a year since this happen and is about time they get the facts strait.
My third charge is, he slapped me at home causing harm and fear, (police report states harassment, no visible marks, and she agree with the report). All this after we were allowed to live together and rebuilt our marriage with her having a limited Order of Protection which will had expired 4 months after this incident.
This incident (disagreement) was based on the fact that My wife went back in her word over paying her own cell phone, and not considering the fact that she work and make good money or that I am in deep debts because of her, I never asked for anything from her, all I wanted I is for her to be responsible at least for her own cell phone, after this disagreement, I took some clothes out my house and left my home, while living the house, I tried to keep her away from me and not to do stupid things, I also continue moving myself out, at this time my wife got very unreasonable upset run out the house and called the police, 2 days later once again I returned home and 2 months later after that, I was arrested at our own apartment while living together for that incident, in other words it took the police 2 months to arrest me at our home.
The day before this arrest, I was suppose to go to the INS interview with her, so I didn’t go because once again because I was restrain from my house or to contact her, so she told me that she went with a lawyer from the woman center who are helping her out, got her permit to work legally because she was doing it illegally, filed once again AOS based on Domestic Violence.
In the mean time this entire ordeal has cost me a lot of money on lawyer, grief and almost my job of 17 years with the local government witch I have managed to keep thanks to my lawyers.
Now my wife and I, even though she have a restraining order for me not to see her, we are seeing each other, have spend time together and want to stay together, in fact I do not want her to suffer anymore, not I want to divorce her or loose all benefit I do have for her, if I do that, etc, but she is very concern that, since she might get her status adjusted helped by the woman center on domestic violence and since she was told by the center to move out my house, she is concern that, if she move back with me without immigration knowing or anybody else for that matter while keeping and address somewhere else will ruin her chance to get her status adjusted on those grounds, she is also very afraid immigration will find out.
Again we love each other and I believe I do so more than she does, and I intent to cancel the divorce I have filed, but she had made it very clear to me that her immigration status is more important to her than anything else at this time and I understand her predicament, I have also made very clear to her, that I do not care how she get it if that is the way she and the woman center want to proceed but no matter what I will I there to support her in anything I can.
I have told my wife that I do not care what she tells to immigration about me, I will fend for myself in state court for the charges which I know they will be drop on time, charges that the police make her sign at he station while she was begging them for me not to be arrested, the charges against me were signed by her without her even knowing or understanding what she was signing because they only gave her the last page, nor she can read very well English but also because she was intimidated and threaten that if she don’t signed she will be in trouble.
I am not afraid of the police which I should if they find out she will be back living with me as long there is no more of her allegations, she has stated to me that now she is afraid for me because I still have a restraining order, and she wished this mess never happen and that she in fact was badly adviced.
Another fact to consider is that after my arrest and me getting out on a $25,000 cash bail, she told the DA that she don’t needed a restraining order, but the DA told her that is not up to her anymore, the Judge did what she wanted and gave me a full Restraining Order and Domestic Violence management classes as condition of bail, because she mentioned the fact that she had moved out my house. For the record I have never been arrested in my life prior this incidents and I have been a model citizen all my live until this allegations, I am a USC.
My questions are:
If she move in with me but keep another address, fact that she doesn’t want to lie about it, will immigration really bother to check that out and find out she is living with me?
What are you take on this situation. I need some input on what to do from a legal, immigration and human point of view, I do not want to mention this to my lawyer because they do has advised to divorce her, but for me is very hard to do because I care for her too much, not deep inside I want not her to do it, but she has made it clear that if I do that will be the end of everything because she do not believe I remarrying again
What are her chances for her to get AOS base on DV due to the facts I stated above?
Will she be better off waiting for her papers before moving back to me? When? That is the question, I have been told it will take longer for her to get her status based on DV, but she will not believe me, she believe the women center lawyer, because they have told her they have done thousand of them.
Will she have problems getting her AOS due to Domestic Violence if I divorce her which deep inside I do not want to do it, the center have told her that she will get it in 5 months and now she believe anything they tell her?
What is your take in this situation, I need advice from any legal, morally and human stand point of view, anyone is welcome
Sorry about my grammar and spelling, I can’t think strait anymore, I am completely devastated by this ordeal, the abuse that is allowed and encouraged to happen to our system of law, peoples lives an the INS bureaucracy.
During this time I filed papers for her 3 times for adjustment of status but due to the circumstances of our problems I withdraw a couple of my I-130 but one was approved.
I filed for divorce a couple time from which I withdraw the first time, now I have filed again and in the end I think I might withdraw, the problem is I adore my wife and I know she does love me, but her adjustment in this country specially with long wait from immigration from the beginning had drove both of us crazy.
We are separated now for the second time with restraining orders due to unsubstantiated charges of domestic abuse, there is no pictures, and no police report of any physical or mental abuse, the court hand her down restraining orders based only on her words, I know this ideas were given to her by being badly advice by a woman center and friends, she has had me arrested a couple times on unproven and stupid allegations of violating those orders, example, he drove by me and took pictures of me when in fact I was some where else (I presented evidence, charge was drop, The second charge is, he was following me while I was in the bus the same date of the first violation which she reported 4 hours later after the first incident, DA has no correlating evidence and judge told DA that has been a year since this happen and is about time they get the facts strait.
My third charge is, he slapped me at home causing harm and fear, (police report states harassment, no visible marks, and she agree with the report). All this after we were allowed to live together and rebuilt our marriage with her having a limited Order of Protection which will had expired 4 months after this incident.
This incident (disagreement) was based on the fact that My wife went back in her word over paying her own cell phone, and not considering the fact that she work and make good money or that I am in deep debts because of her, I never asked for anything from her, all I wanted I is for her to be responsible at least for her own cell phone, after this disagreement, I took some clothes out my house and left my home, while living the house, I tried to keep her away from me and not to do stupid things, I also continue moving myself out, at this time my wife got very unreasonable upset run out the house and called the police, 2 days later once again I returned home and 2 months later after that, I was arrested at our own apartment while living together for that incident, in other words it took the police 2 months to arrest me at our home.
The day before this arrest, I was suppose to go to the INS interview with her, so I didn’t go because once again because I was restrain from my house or to contact her, so she told me that she went with a lawyer from the woman center who are helping her out, got her permit to work legally because she was doing it illegally, filed once again AOS based on Domestic Violence.
In the mean time this entire ordeal has cost me a lot of money on lawyer, grief and almost my job of 17 years with the local government witch I have managed to keep thanks to my lawyers.
Now my wife and I, even though she have a restraining order for me not to see her, we are seeing each other, have spend time together and want to stay together, in fact I do not want her to suffer anymore, not I want to divorce her or loose all benefit I do have for her, if I do that, etc, but she is very concern that, since she might get her status adjusted helped by the woman center on domestic violence and since she was told by the center to move out my house, she is concern that, if she move back with me without immigration knowing or anybody else for that matter while keeping and address somewhere else will ruin her chance to get her status adjusted on those grounds, she is also very afraid immigration will find out.
Again we love each other and I believe I do so more than she does, and I intent to cancel the divorce I have filed, but she had made it very clear to me that her immigration status is more important to her than anything else at this time and I understand her predicament, I have also made very clear to her, that I do not care how she get it if that is the way she and the woman center want to proceed but no matter what I will I there to support her in anything I can.
I have told my wife that I do not care what she tells to immigration about me, I will fend for myself in state court for the charges which I know they will be drop on time, charges that the police make her sign at he station while she was begging them for me not to be arrested, the charges against me were signed by her without her even knowing or understanding what she was signing because they only gave her the last page, nor she can read very well English but also because she was intimidated and threaten that if she don’t signed she will be in trouble.
I am not afraid of the police which I should if they find out she will be back living with me as long there is no more of her allegations, she has stated to me that now she is afraid for me because I still have a restraining order, and she wished this mess never happen and that she in fact was badly adviced.
Another fact to consider is that after my arrest and me getting out on a $25,000 cash bail, she told the DA that she don’t needed a restraining order, but the DA told her that is not up to her anymore, the Judge did what she wanted and gave me a full Restraining Order and Domestic Violence management classes as condition of bail, because she mentioned the fact that she had moved out my house. For the record I have never been arrested in my life prior this incidents and I have been a model citizen all my live until this allegations, I am a USC.
My questions are:
If she move in with me but keep another address, fact that she doesn’t want to lie about it, will immigration really bother to check that out and find out she is living with me?
What are you take on this situation. I need some input on what to do from a legal, immigration and human point of view, I do not want to mention this to my lawyer because they do has advised to divorce her, but for me is very hard to do because I care for her too much, not deep inside I want not her to do it, but she has made it clear that if I do that will be the end of everything because she do not believe I remarrying again
What are her chances for her to get AOS base on DV due to the facts I stated above?
Will she be better off waiting for her papers before moving back to me? When? That is the question, I have been told it will take longer for her to get her status based on DV, but she will not believe me, she believe the women center lawyer, because they have told her they have done thousand of them.
Will she have problems getting her AOS due to Domestic Violence if I divorce her which deep inside I do not want to do it, the center have told her that she will get it in 5 months and now she believe anything they tell her?
What is your take in this situation, I need advice from any legal, morally and human stand point of view, anyone is welcome
Sorry about my grammar and spelling, I can’t think strait anymore, I am completely devastated by this ordeal, the abuse that is allowed and encouraged to happen to our system of law, peoples lives an the INS bureaucracy.
Dec 15th 2004 | 4:14 am
#5
Guest
Posts: n/a
Re: very difficult situation
From: Andrew DeFaria <[email protected]>
Pavlysha wrote:
> We are separated now for the second time with restraining orders due
> to unsubstantiated charges of domestic abuse, there is no pictures,
> and no police report of any physical or mental abuse, the court hand
> her down restraining orders based only on her words,
Sorry but they don't do that! They will issue a "temporary" restraining
order until such time as you are able to respond. The idea here is not
whether or not real abuse is happening but, to be safe, until that
determination is made, to keep people from killing each other (in case
abuse was indeed occurring). IOW you should have a hearing date that you
should go to and defend yourself. If you don't then a true restraining
order will be issued for a longer time period (kinda silly because that
restraining order is also temporary). Did you go to this hearing?
> I know this ideas were given to her by being badly advice by a woman
> center and friends, she has had me arrested a couple times on unproven
> and stupid allegations of violating those orders, example, he drove by me
He?!? You're wife is a "he"?!? If not, who is "he" above?
> and took pictures of me when in fact I was some where else (I
> presented evidence, charge was through out,
English is not your first language is it? How long have you been here?
> The second charge is, he was following me while I was in the bus the
> same date of the first violation which she reported 4 hours later
> after the first incident, DA has no correlating evidence and judge
> told DA that has been a year since this happen and is about time they
> get the facts strait.
> My third charge is, he slapped me at home causing harm and fear,
> (police report states harassment, no visible marks, and she agree with the
> report). All this after we were allowed to live together and rebuilt
> our marriage with her having a limited OP which will had expired 4
> months after this incident.
I'm confused. Who is this he who slapped you? Did you mean she? Or was
it you that slapped her? Dude, with the allegations going on you should
know better than to even touch her!
> This incident (disagreement) was based on the fact that My wife went
> back in her word over paying her own cell phone, and not considering
> that she work and make good money or that I am in deep debts because
> of her, I never asked for anything from her, all I wanted I is for her
> to be responsible at least for her own cell phone,
It's clear that she does not want to be responsible. That said why waste
your time?
> after this disagreement, I took some clothes out my house and left my
> home, while living the house, I tried to keep her away from me and not
> to do stupid things, I also continue moving myself out, at this time
> my wife got very unreasonable upset run out the house and called the
> police, 2 days later once again I returned on home and 2 months later
> after that, I was arrested at our own apartment while living together
> for that incident, in other words it took the police 2 months to
> arrest me at our home.
> The day before this incident, I was suppose to go to the INS interview
> with her, so I didn’t go because once again I was restrain from my
> house or to contact her, so she told me that she went with a lawyer
> from the woman center who are helping her out, got her permit to work
> legally because she was doing it illegally, filed once again AOS based
> on DV.
Dude, drop her. She sounds like trouble all around. Then again you sound
like you have your own set of issues.
> In the mean time this entire ordeal has cost me a lot of money on
> lawyer, grief and almost my job of 17 years with the local government
> witch I have managed to keep thanks to my lawyers.
> Now my wife and I, even though she have a restraining order for me not
> to see her, we are seeing each other,
Forgive me but how stupid! Aren't there enough signs here?
> have spend time together and want to stay together,
Translation: She's finding it difficult to support herself and you're a
sucker with a wallet.
> in fact I do not want her to suffer anymore, not I want to divorce
> her, loose all her benefit if I do that, etc, but she is very concern
> that, since she might get her status adjusted helped by the woman
> center on domestic violence and since she was told by the center to
> move out my house, she is concern that, if she move back with me
> without immigration knowing or anybody else for that matter while
> keeping and address somewhere else will ruin her chance to get her
> status adjusted on those grounds, she is also very afraid immigration
> will find out.
I highly doubt that immigration will grant a DV wavier if she is found
to be living with you! In fat I think it's a requirement that she is
not. She's attempting to process a DV wavier based on you as the abuser
and you are allowing her to do that and you still take her in!?! You are
a fool for continuing to deal with her. Tell her to get her own place
and support herself while she processes this DV thing. No other men,
dating, or living off another man - she must accomplish this on her own.
If she manages to get the DV waiver and support herself in the mean time
then, maybe, just maybe, you'll consider taking her back. She's just
playing you because she has nobody else to play on.
> Again we love each other
Pulease! People who love each other do not get restraining orders
against each other. People who love each other do not hurt the other
person like you've described! People who love each other do not put each
other through hell and have them arrested or followed. People that love
each other are not jealous - they're in love.
> and I believe I do so more than she does,
Honestly I don't believe she loves you at all. Sorry dude but she
doesn't exhibit behavior of somebody who loves somebody else.
> and I intent to cancel the divorce I have filed,
Idiot!
> but she had made it very clear to me that her immigration status is
> more important to her than anything else at this time
As it was before. Note that she is saying that it is also much more
important than you! If she managed to obtain status why the hell would
she remain with you (other than you're a doormat)?
> and I understand her predicament, I have also made very clear to her,
> that I do not care how she get it if that is the way she and the woman
> center want to proceed but no matter what I will I there to support
> her in anything I can.
The question is why? And don't answer "'cause I love her". Don't be a
doormat. What about you in all this? What do you get? Her? She's
actually using you and you admit it above ("her immigration status is
more important to her than anything else"). Deep down you know that.
Once she's done using you for what is "more important than anything
else" she will simply dump you (unless she needs/feels she can suck more
out of you. Dump that bitch!
> I have told my wife that I do not care what she tells to immigration
> about me,
Why wouldn't you care? Do you think that lowly of yourself? Where's your
self-respect man?!?
> Another fact to consider is that after my arrest and me getting out on
> a $25,000 cash bail, she told the DA that she don’t needed a
> restraining order, but the DA told her that is not up to her anymore,
This is always the case. It is the state that prosecutes DVs so she has
no say in the matter.
> What are you take on this situation.
My take would be to suck up to her and wait for her to submit the DV
waiver, then submit evidence to immigration that she's living with you
then - dump that bitch!
> I need some input on what to do from a legal,
Legal? High a good divorce attorney and protect yourself and your assets
before she takes these too. Also, keep as far away from her as possible.
File for a restraining order against her.
> immigration
Report her to immigration for attempting to use and abuse and commit
fraud on the system. If you can catch her in the act all the better!
> and human point of view,
Chalk this one up as a lose and learn from this experience. Stop being a
doormat and show respect for yourself. Be a man!
> I do not want to mention this to my lawyer because they do has advised
> to divorce her,
Gee, I wonder why...
> but for me is very hard to do because I care for her too much,
You care so much for her that you are willing to ruin your live for
her?!? You said that she's jealous. You said that she lied. You said
that she had you arrested and has cost you a bunch of money. You imply
she does not want to work or help out. My god man! What is this woman
good for?!? She lies, steals, probably cheats on you already, is
jealous, lazy and unhelpful? Geeze man, what are her good qualities?
She's cute?!? Big deal!
> not deep inside I want not her to do it, but she has made it clear
> that if I do that will be the end of everything because she do not
> believe I
> remarrying again
Translation: I plan on dropping you like a hot potato just as soon as I
get a green card. Wake up and smell the coffee dude!
> What are her chances for her to get AOS base on DV due to the facts I
> stated above?
All I seen where your opinions - little facts. The only facts that
immigration will see are those she presents. What do you think she's
gonna say?
> Will she be better off waiting for her papers before moving back to
> me? When? That is the question, I have been told it will take longer
> for her to get her status based on DV, but she will not believe me,
> she believe the women center lawyer, because they have told her they
> have done thousand of them.
> Will she have problems getting her OS due to DV if I divorce her which
> deep inside I do not want to do it, the center have told her that she
> will get it in 5 months and now she believe anything they tell her?
Why doesn't she marry them?
> What is your take in this situation, I need advice from any legal,
> morally and human stand point of view, anyone is welcome
Well you've heard my advice. My guess is you will ignore all of it
because you are a fool in love who is way too blind to see the light.
She knows this and is using you. But you'll bend over and say "OK, how
far?". Sad, truly sad...
> Sorry about my grammar and spelling, I can’t think strait anymore,
Which is why you should listen to your lawyer! You did not mention what
friends and family think of this situation. I bet they are all saying,
or at least thinking, that you should dump that bitch. I also bet you
aren't listening straight either...
> I am completely devastated by this ordeal, the abuse that is allowed
> and encouraged to happen to our system of law, peoples lives an the
> INS bureaucracy.
Which is exactly why you should put a stop to in my insuring that this
bitch gets deported! She may be abusing it but you are allowing it to
happen if not helping it. In my eyes that makes you just about as guilty
as she is and, as they say, part of the problem, not part of the solution.
--
Why doesn't DOS ever say "EXCELLENT command or filename!"
edited to rid the board of the damn html trash
Pavlysha wrote:
> We are separated now for the second time with restraining orders due
> to unsubstantiated charges of domestic abuse, there is no pictures,
> and no police report of any physical or mental abuse, the court hand
> her down restraining orders based only on her words,
Sorry but they don't do that! They will issue a "temporary" restraining
order until such time as you are able to respond. The idea here is not
whether or not real abuse is happening but, to be safe, until that
determination is made, to keep people from killing each other (in case
abuse was indeed occurring). IOW you should have a hearing date that you
should go to and defend yourself. If you don't then a true restraining
order will be issued for a longer time period (kinda silly because that
restraining order is also temporary). Did you go to this hearing?
> I know this ideas were given to her by being badly advice by a woman
> center and friends, she has had me arrested a couple times on unproven
> and stupid allegations of violating those orders, example, he drove by me
He?!? You're wife is a "he"?!? If not, who is "he" above?
> and took pictures of me when in fact I was some where else (I
> presented evidence, charge was through out,
English is not your first language is it? How long have you been here?
> The second charge is, he was following me while I was in the bus the
> same date of the first violation which she reported 4 hours later
> after the first incident, DA has no correlating evidence and judge
> told DA that has been a year since this happen and is about time they
> get the facts strait.
> My third charge is, he slapped me at home causing harm and fear,
> (police report states harassment, no visible marks, and she agree with the
> report). All this after we were allowed to live together and rebuilt
> our marriage with her having a limited OP which will had expired 4
> months after this incident.
I'm confused. Who is this he who slapped you? Did you mean she? Or was
it you that slapped her? Dude, with the allegations going on you should
know better than to even touch her!
> This incident (disagreement) was based on the fact that My wife went
> back in her word over paying her own cell phone, and not considering
> that she work and make good money or that I am in deep debts because
> of her, I never asked for anything from her, all I wanted I is for her
> to be responsible at least for her own cell phone,
It's clear that she does not want to be responsible. That said why waste
your time?
> after this disagreement, I took some clothes out my house and left my
> home, while living the house, I tried to keep her away from me and not
> to do stupid things, I also continue moving myself out, at this time
> my wife got very unreasonable upset run out the house and called the
> police, 2 days later once again I returned on home and 2 months later
> after that, I was arrested at our own apartment while living together
> for that incident, in other words it took the police 2 months to
> arrest me at our home.
> The day before this incident, I was suppose to go to the INS interview
> with her, so I didn’t go because once again I was restrain from my
> house or to contact her, so she told me that she went with a lawyer
> from the woman center who are helping her out, got her permit to work
> legally because she was doing it illegally, filed once again AOS based
> on DV.
Dude, drop her. She sounds like trouble all around. Then again you sound
like you have your own set of issues.
> In the mean time this entire ordeal has cost me a lot of money on
> lawyer, grief and almost my job of 17 years with the local government
> witch I have managed to keep thanks to my lawyers.
> Now my wife and I, even though she have a restraining order for me not
> to see her, we are seeing each other,
Forgive me but how stupid! Aren't there enough signs here?
> have spend time together and want to stay together,
Translation: She's finding it difficult to support herself and you're a
sucker with a wallet.
> in fact I do not want her to suffer anymore, not I want to divorce
> her, loose all her benefit if I do that, etc, but she is very concern
> that, since she might get her status adjusted helped by the woman
> center on domestic violence and since she was told by the center to
> move out my house, she is concern that, if she move back with me
> without immigration knowing or anybody else for that matter while
> keeping and address somewhere else will ruin her chance to get her
> status adjusted on those grounds, she is also very afraid immigration
> will find out.
I highly doubt that immigration will grant a DV wavier if she is found
to be living with you! In fat I think it's a requirement that she is
not. She's attempting to process a DV wavier based on you as the abuser
and you are allowing her to do that and you still take her in!?! You are
a fool for continuing to deal with her. Tell her to get her own place
and support herself while she processes this DV thing. No other men,
dating, or living off another man - she must accomplish this on her own.
If she manages to get the DV waiver and support herself in the mean time
then, maybe, just maybe, you'll consider taking her back. She's just
playing you because she has nobody else to play on.
> Again we love each other
Pulease! People who love each other do not get restraining orders
against each other. People who love each other do not hurt the other
person like you've described! People who love each other do not put each
other through hell and have them arrested or followed. People that love
each other are not jealous - they're in love.
> and I believe I do so more than she does,
Honestly I don't believe she loves you at all. Sorry dude but she
doesn't exhibit behavior of somebody who loves somebody else.
> and I intent to cancel the divorce I have filed,
Idiot!
> but she had made it very clear to me that her immigration status is
> more important to her than anything else at this time
As it was before. Note that she is saying that it is also much more
important than you! If she managed to obtain status why the hell would
she remain with you (other than you're a doormat)?
> and I understand her predicament, I have also made very clear to her,
> that I do not care how she get it if that is the way she and the woman
> center want to proceed but no matter what I will I there to support
> her in anything I can.
The question is why? And don't answer "'cause I love her". Don't be a
doormat. What about you in all this? What do you get? Her? She's
actually using you and you admit it above ("her immigration status is
more important to her than anything else"). Deep down you know that.
Once she's done using you for what is "more important than anything
else" she will simply dump you (unless she needs/feels she can suck more
out of you. Dump that bitch!
> I have told my wife that I do not care what she tells to immigration
> about me,
Why wouldn't you care? Do you think that lowly of yourself? Where's your
self-respect man?!?
> Another fact to consider is that after my arrest and me getting out on
> a $25,000 cash bail, she told the DA that she don’t needed a
> restraining order, but the DA told her that is not up to her anymore,
This is always the case. It is the state that prosecutes DVs so she has
no say in the matter.
> What are you take on this situation.
My take would be to suck up to her and wait for her to submit the DV
waiver, then submit evidence to immigration that she's living with you
then - dump that bitch!
> I need some input on what to do from a legal,
Legal? High a good divorce attorney and protect yourself and your assets
before she takes these too. Also, keep as far away from her as possible.
File for a restraining order against her.
> immigration
Report her to immigration for attempting to use and abuse and commit
fraud on the system. If you can catch her in the act all the better!
> and human point of view,
Chalk this one up as a lose and learn from this experience. Stop being a
doormat and show respect for yourself. Be a man!
> I do not want to mention this to my lawyer because they do has advised
> to divorce her,
Gee, I wonder why...
> but for me is very hard to do because I care for her too much,
You care so much for her that you are willing to ruin your live for
her?!? You said that she's jealous. You said that she lied. You said
that she had you arrested and has cost you a bunch of money. You imply
she does not want to work or help out. My god man! What is this woman
good for?!? She lies, steals, probably cheats on you already, is
jealous, lazy and unhelpful? Geeze man, what are her good qualities?
She's cute?!? Big deal!
> not deep inside I want not her to do it, but she has made it clear
> that if I do that will be the end of everything because she do not
> believe I
> remarrying again
Translation: I plan on dropping you like a hot potato just as soon as I
get a green card. Wake up and smell the coffee dude!
> What are her chances for her to get AOS base on DV due to the facts I
> stated above?
All I seen where your opinions - little facts. The only facts that
immigration will see are those she presents. What do you think she's
gonna say?
> Will she be better off waiting for her papers before moving back to
> me? When? That is the question, I have been told it will take longer
> for her to get her status based on DV, but she will not believe me,
> she believe the women center lawyer, because they have told her they
> have done thousand of them.
> Will she have problems getting her OS due to DV if I divorce her which
> deep inside I do not want to do it, the center have told her that she
> will get it in 5 months and now she believe anything they tell her?
Why doesn't she marry them?
> What is your take in this situation, I need advice from any legal,
> morally and human stand point of view, anyone is welcome
Well you've heard my advice. My guess is you will ignore all of it
because you are a fool in love who is way too blind to see the light.
She knows this and is using you. But you'll bend over and say "OK, how
far?". Sad, truly sad...
> Sorry about my grammar and spelling, I can’t think strait anymore,
Which is why you should listen to your lawyer! You did not mention what
friends and family think of this situation. I bet they are all saying,
or at least thinking, that you should dump that bitch. I also bet you
aren't listening straight either...
> I am completely devastated by this ordeal, the abuse that is allowed
> and encouraged to happen to our system of law, peoples lives an the
> INS bureaucracy.
Which is exactly why you should put a stop to in my insuring that this
bitch gets deported! She may be abusing it but you are allowing it to
happen if not helping it. In my eyes that makes you just about as guilty
as she is and, as they say, part of the problem, not part of the solution.
--
Why doesn't DOS ever say "EXCELLENT command or filename!"
edited to rid the board of the damn html trash
Last edited by Rete; Dec 15th 2004 at 12:47 pm.
Dec 15th 2004 | 5:31 am
#6
Thread Starter
Just Joined
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 8
Re: very difficult situation
Originally Posted by jeffreyhy
Pav,
Your post is very confusing, but it's clear that you need an attorney who specializes in family law in your state.
Perhaps some psychological counseling also, to help you to understand your thoughts and emotions and come to some conclusions about what you really want to do about your marriage.
Regards, JEff
Your post is very confusing, but it's clear that you need an attorney who specializes in family law in your state.
Perhaps some psychological counseling also, to help you to understand your thoughts and emotions and come to some conclusions about what you really want to do about your marriage.
Regards, JEff
My wife is representing herself pro-se on the divorce matter and going against my lawyer, my divorce lawyer is ready to preset evidence of adultery and many other fact of her actually being the abuser (with documentation), my lawyer had made it clear to me that he will not give her an inch economical wise, but I still don’t want her to be humiliated and I firmly believe in preserving our marriage.
Court date to reveal assets 1-3-05 - we had got none during our 22 months of marriage except for thousands of dollar in jewelry I bough for her and a motorcycle I bough for myself while we were separated because of the restraining orders, everything I have was before marriage, the most she may get is 10 thousand after taxes from my investments during this time, alimony don’t know yet, she works and make good money, there is no children’s.
Court date for violation of restraining orders 1-4-05
My criminal lawyer expect to have my second charge dismiss (he follow me while I was in the bus, in the mean time I was in another town shopping, got documentation) and maybe plea out to a charge of harassment on the last charge with no conviction to avoid a costly trial unless I want to fight it.
My wife believes that if it wasn’t for this mess she created with the courts or her immigration situation, the wrong advice she got and her fears that her lies may hunt her everything will be fine, so I want to prevent all that.
I have also got counseling for her but she refuse, her words, “there is nothing they can tell her that she don’t know� she got no time because her job, etc, the sad part about it is that she is a 43 years old woman who thinks like she is 25 and I am a 52 years old man who believes is my duty to be blindly faithful and supported to the end.
Call me a fool if you want, maybe by reading more takes in this matter I will open my eyes. I want to make sure divorce is the right way to go
Dec 15th 2004 | 9:54 am
#7
Guest
Posts: n/a
Re: very difficult situation
From: Andrew DeFaria <[email protected]>
Pavlysha wrote:
> Thanks Jeff for your input, I have 3 lawyers looking after my
> interest, I have cover all the areas, no need for immigration lawyer
> my wife have the woman center and she doesn’t believe she need one
> that I could paid for it, nor she want me to spend any more money, I
> have also had counseling and everyone tell me to dump her including
> all my friends and people that really know me, but I feel is not
> morally right to dump her.
You can't be serious? How is it morally right what she has been and
continues to do to you? She has made accusations of criminal acts on you
which you say didn't happen. She's had you arrested. She doesn't trust
you as you say she was jealous. She refuses to pitch in and help by
earning money for the family (it's not like you're asking her to go out
and support you while you sit around and do nothing).
> My wife is representing herself pro-se on the divorce matter and going
> against my lawyer, my divorce lawyer is ready to preset evidence of
> adultery
Oh wonderful. So she's cheating on you too. I could have guessed this.
Hmmm... So it's morally OK for her to cheat on you, have you arrested,
etc. but for you to "dump" her (which really means leave her to deal
with her own issues - and she has many) it's somehow morally
incorrect?!? Listen to your friends and lawyers. You'll thank yourself
latter on. This girl's nothing but trouble. Get a better one - there are
many out there.
> and many other fact of her actually being the abuser (with documentation),
Pile on her abusing you. Precious! Just precious.
> my lawyer had made it clear to me that he will not give her an inch
> economical wise, but I still don’t want her to be humiliated
Oh and, of course, you still think of poor little ole' her. What about you?
> and I firmly believe in preserving our marriage.
Not all marriages are worthy of preservation. Your's certainly isn't!
> Court date to reveal assets 1-3-05 - we had got none during our 22
> months of marriage except for thousands of dollar in jewelry I bough
> for her
I bet she tries to hide those.
> and a motorcycle I bough for myself while we were separated because of
> the restraining orders, everything I have was before marriage,
Doesn't mean she will not try to get them. She might even be successful
at taking 1/2!
> the most she may get is 10 thousand after taxes from my investments
> during this time,
Hmmm... You managed to invest, assumably $20 during this time of what
you seemed to call financial need?
> alimony don’t know yet, she works and make good money, there is no
> children’s.
Thank god!
> Court date for violation of restraining orders 1-4-05 My criminal
> lawyer expect to have my second charge dismiss (he follow me while I
> was in the bus, in the mean time I was in another town shopping, got
> documentation) and maybe plea out to a charge of harassment on the
> last charge with no conviction to avoid a costly trial unless I want
> to fight it.
> My wife believes that if it wasn’t for this mess she created with the
> courts or her immigration situation, the wrong advice she got and her
> fears that her lies may hunt her everything will be fine, so I want to
> prevent all that.
> I have also got counseling for her but she refuse, her words, “there
> is nothing they can tell her that she don’t know�
Yes she knows exactly what she's doing - playing you for all you're worth.
> she got no time because her job, etc, the sad part about it is that
> she is a 43 years old woman who thinks like she is 25 and I am a 52
> years old man who believes is my duty to be blindly faithful and
> supported to the end.
Perhaps it's time to question that believe. Blind faith can make a
stampede walk straight off a cliff. Doesn't sound like a way to live a
life. Supporting and trying hard at making a marriage, like respect,
must be earned. You wife has nothing to lose and everything to gain by
doing what she is doing. You have lost it all and are struggling to hang
on. Cut your losses - now, before all is gone.
> Call me a fool if you want,
I don't call you a fool because I "want". I call you a fool because you
are acting foolish, without rational thought and because you are hurting
yourself.
> maybe by reading more takes in this matter I will open my eyes. I want
> to make sure divorce is the right way to go
I have yet to see one justification why staying with her is a way to go.
"Support to the end", "Blind Faith", "getting divorced is morally wrong"
are all just either sayings or excuses. Let me ask you this - if she
beat you day in and day out, murdered your dog, stole money from you
constantly, was an alcoholic, druggie, played around all the time,
etc... At what point would you go "That's it! That's going too far!".
'Cause most (including all your friends as you say) are already
screaming at you that you've already gone far enough. This girl doesn't
need a husband - she needs therapy, every day, for years. And even with
that I'd say there's little hope.
And you need therapy too, also for years, to dig in and understand why
it is you allowed this to happen to you. Yes you allowed this to happen
to you.
--
Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
Pavlysha wrote:
> Thanks Jeff for your input, I have 3 lawyers looking after my
> interest, I have cover all the areas, no need for immigration lawyer
> my wife have the woman center and she doesn’t believe she need one
> that I could paid for it, nor she want me to spend any more money, I
> have also had counseling and everyone tell me to dump her including
> all my friends and people that really know me, but I feel is not
> morally right to dump her.
You can't be serious? How is it morally right what she has been and
continues to do to you? She has made accusations of criminal acts on you
which you say didn't happen. She's had you arrested. She doesn't trust
you as you say she was jealous. She refuses to pitch in and help by
earning money for the family (it's not like you're asking her to go out
and support you while you sit around and do nothing).
> My wife is representing herself pro-se on the divorce matter and going
> against my lawyer, my divorce lawyer is ready to preset evidence of
> adultery
Oh wonderful. So she's cheating on you too. I could have guessed this.
Hmmm... So it's morally OK for her to cheat on you, have you arrested,
etc. but for you to "dump" her (which really means leave her to deal
with her own issues - and she has many) it's somehow morally
incorrect?!? Listen to your friends and lawyers. You'll thank yourself
latter on. This girl's nothing but trouble. Get a better one - there are
many out there.
> and many other fact of her actually being the abuser (with documentation),
Pile on her abusing you. Precious! Just precious.
> my lawyer had made it clear to me that he will not give her an inch
> economical wise, but I still don’t want her to be humiliated
Oh and, of course, you still think of poor little ole' her. What about you?
> and I firmly believe in preserving our marriage.
Not all marriages are worthy of preservation. Your's certainly isn't!
> Court date to reveal assets 1-3-05 - we had got none during our 22
> months of marriage except for thousands of dollar in jewelry I bough
> for her
I bet she tries to hide those.
> and a motorcycle I bough for myself while we were separated because of
> the restraining orders, everything I have was before marriage,
Doesn't mean she will not try to get them. She might even be successful
at taking 1/2!
> the most she may get is 10 thousand after taxes from my investments
> during this time,
Hmmm... You managed to invest, assumably $20 during this time of what
you seemed to call financial need?
> alimony don’t know yet, she works and make good money, there is no
> children’s.
Thank god!
> Court date for violation of restraining orders 1-4-05 My criminal
> lawyer expect to have my second charge dismiss (he follow me while I
> was in the bus, in the mean time I was in another town shopping, got
> documentation) and maybe plea out to a charge of harassment on the
> last charge with no conviction to avoid a costly trial unless I want
> to fight it.
> My wife believes that if it wasn’t for this mess she created with the
> courts or her immigration situation, the wrong advice she got and her
> fears that her lies may hunt her everything will be fine, so I want to
> prevent all that.
> I have also got counseling for her but she refuse, her words, “there
> is nothing they can tell her that she don’t know�
Yes she knows exactly what she's doing - playing you for all you're worth.
> she got no time because her job, etc, the sad part about it is that
> she is a 43 years old woman who thinks like she is 25 and I am a 52
> years old man who believes is my duty to be blindly faithful and
> supported to the end.
Perhaps it's time to question that believe. Blind faith can make a
stampede walk straight off a cliff. Doesn't sound like a way to live a
life. Supporting and trying hard at making a marriage, like respect,
must be earned. You wife has nothing to lose and everything to gain by
doing what she is doing. You have lost it all and are struggling to hang
on. Cut your losses - now, before all is gone.
> Call me a fool if you want,
I don't call you a fool because I "want". I call you a fool because you
are acting foolish, without rational thought and because you are hurting
yourself.
> maybe by reading more takes in this matter I will open my eyes. I want
> to make sure divorce is the right way to go
I have yet to see one justification why staying with her is a way to go.
"Support to the end", "Blind Faith", "getting divorced is morally wrong"
are all just either sayings or excuses. Let me ask you this - if she
beat you day in and day out, murdered your dog, stole money from you
constantly, was an alcoholic, druggie, played around all the time,
etc... At what point would you go "That's it! That's going too far!".
'Cause most (including all your friends as you say) are already
screaming at you that you've already gone far enough. This girl doesn't
need a husband - she needs therapy, every day, for years. And even with
that I'd say there's little hope.
And you need therapy too, also for years, to dig in and understand why
it is you allowed this to happen to you. Yes you allowed this to happen
to you.
--
Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
Last edited by Rete; Dec 15th 2004 at 12:53 pm.
Dec 15th 2004 | 11:27 am
#8
Account Closed
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 38,864
From: Kentucky
Re: very difficult situation
Originally Posted by Pavlysha
Call me a fool if you want, maybe by reading more takes in this matter I will open my eyes. I want to make sure divorce is the right way to go
Ian
Dec 15th 2004 | 11:53 am
#9
Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 35,082
Re: very difficult situation
Originally Posted by ian-mstm
Well, this is the point where I'd normally jump in and tell you what an incredible fool you are and how you're ruining your life, but I see that Andrew is doing a great job on his own so I'll just sit back and watch you implode!
Ian
Ian
Dec 15th 2004 | 12:56 pm
#10
Guest
Posts: n/a
Re: very difficult situation
From: Andrew DeFaria <[email protected]>
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Subject: Re: very difficult situation
References: <[email protected]> <[email protected]> <[email protected]> <[email protected]> <[email protected]> <[email protected]> <[email protected]> <[email protected]> <[email protected]> <[email protected]>
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Path: artemis.britishexpats.com!newsfeed-east.nntpserver.com!nntpserver.com!news.glorb.com! in.100proofnews.com!in.100proofnews.com!feed.news. sonic.net!typhoon.sonic.net!not-for-mail
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ian-mstm wrote:
> Well, this is the point where I'd normally jump in and tell you what
> an incredible fool you are and how you're ruining your life, but I see
> that
> Andrew is doing a great job on his own so I'll just sit back and watch
> you implode!
Thanks! :-)
It's not a nice thing being the bearer or bad news. But if he continues
to fight me on what is plain for most to see then I might just take a
back seat here and watch the fireworks!
--
I used up all my sick days, so now I'm calling in dead.
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adr:;;6265 Kelez Court;San Jose;California;95120-2819;United States
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Newsgroups: alt.visa.us.marriage-based
Subject: Re: very difficult situation
References: <[email protected]> <[email protected]> <[email protected]> <[email protected]> <[email protected]> <[email protected]> <[email protected]> <[email protected]> <[email protected]> <[email protected]>
In-Reply-To: <[email protected]>
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Date: Thu, 16 Dec 2004 01:56:34 GMT
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Path: artemis.britishexpats.com!newsfeed-east.nntpserver.com!nntpserver.com!news.glorb.com! in.100proofnews.com!in.100proofnews.com!feed.news. sonic.net!typhoon.sonic.net!not-for-mail
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Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1; format=flowed
Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit
ian-mstm wrote:
> Well, this is the point where I'd normally jump in and tell you what
> an incredible fool you are and how you're ruining your life, but I see
> that
> Andrew is doing a great job on his own so I'll just sit back and watch
> you implode!
Thanks! :-)
It's not a nice thing being the bearer or bad news. But if he continues
to fight me on what is plain for most to see then I might just take a
back seat here and watch the fireworks!
--
I used up all my sick days, so now I'm calling in dead.
--------------060008080506010603070202
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name="Andrew.vcf"
Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit
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url:http://defaria.com
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Dec 15th 2004 | 4:08 pm
#11
Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 68,280
Re: very difficult situation
It had to happen eventually ...I totally agree with everything Andrew stated..
This convinced me....
"but she had made it very clear to me that her immigration status is more important to her than anything else"
This convinced me....
"but she had made it very clear to me that her immigration status is more important to her than anything else"
Dec 15th 2004 | 7:47 pm
#12
Guest
Posts: n/a
Re: very difficult situation
Ray wrote:
> It had to happen eventually ...I totally agree with everything Andrew
> stated.. This convinced me.... "but she had made it very clear to me
> that her immigration status is more important to her than anything else"
Can't see how it can be much clearer but what do you want to bet that
this schmuck hangs on while she continues to rape him for a while?
--
Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity.
> It had to happen eventually ...I totally agree with everything Andrew
> stated.. This convinced me.... "but she had made it very clear to me
> that her immigration status is more important to her than anything else"
Can't see how it can be much clearer but what do you want to bet that
this schmuck hangs on while she continues to rape him for a while?
--
Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity.
Dec 15th 2004 | 9:58 pm
#13
Forum Regular
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 37
From: Nottingham
Re: very difficult situation
Can't see how it can be much clearer but what do you want to bet that
this schmuck hangs on while she continues to rape him for a while?
--
Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity.[/QUOTE]
I think the term 'rape' is a little too strong.
But as a 'client' of one of these Women's Centres here in the UK (for rape concelling as it happens), I have to say, if the OP's wife is prepared to take action against him on their advise then any love in the relationship is one way.
I didn't pursue the councelling at the Women's Centre when I realised how anti-men the place was.
I know the OP doesn't want to hear what folks are telling him but his wife sounds like she's given up on the marriage.
this schmuck hangs on while she continues to rape him for a while?
--
Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity.[/QUOTE]
I think the term 'rape' is a little too strong.
But as a 'client' of one of these Women's Centres here in the UK (for rape concelling as it happens), I have to say, if the OP's wife is prepared to take action against him on their advise then any love in the relationship is one way.
I didn't pursue the councelling at the Women's Centre when I realised how anti-men the place was.
I know the OP doesn't want to hear what folks are telling him but his wife sounds like she's given up on the marriage.
Dec 16th 2004 | 3:43 am
#14
Guest
Posts: n/a
Re: very difficult situation
Munchkin wrote:
> I think the term 'rape' is a little too strong.
Certainly everybody is entitled to their own opinion...
> But as a 'client' of one of these Women's Centres here in the UK (for
> rape concelling as it happens),
I didn't mean rape in a literal sense.
--
I'm desperately trying to figure out why Kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
> I think the term 'rape' is a little too strong.
Certainly everybody is entitled to their own opinion...
> But as a 'client' of one of these Women's Centres here in the UK (for
> rape concelling as it happens),
I didn't mean rape in a literal sense.
--
I'm desperately trying to figure out why Kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
Dec 16th 2004 | 5:04 am
#15
Guest
Posts: n/a
Re: very difficult situation
I can't speak to the immigration issues, but from the "human" perspective I
will say this. You have a choice to make before you go any further. The woman
you see now is the woman you will have for the rest of your life. Do you want
to live in this chaos forever? She will never change. Doesn't sound much like
love to me. Love isn't supposed to make you feel miserable. She needs
psychological help. Is she willing to get it? You probably could use some
intervention as well to find out why you feel "love" for a woman such as this
and why you willingly volunteer yourself for this behavior. I wish you the
best of luck either way.
>From: Pavlysha
>I brought my wife to the states from Russia on a K3 visa 2 years ago
>during this time that she has been in the states we ad some very
>serious problems due to her lack of trust and jealousy, for the record
>non of her unfounded jealousy or accusation of me cheating on her ever
>occur, I have been very faithful to my wife since the date I met her
>‘till this date, I have been a very god provider, give her a good home,
>everything she needed and our sexual life has been very fulfilling for
>both of us, but her jealousy, stubbornness and irrational behavior had
>drive me crazy.
>During this time I filed papers for her 3 times for adjustment of
>status but due to circumstances I withdraw a couple of my I-130 but one
>was approved.
>I filed for divorce a couple time from which I withdraw the first time,
>now I have filed again and in the end I think I might withdraw, the
>problem is I adore my wife and I know she does love me, but her
>adjustment in this country specially with long wait from immigration
>from the beginning had drove both of us crazy.
>We are separated now for the second time with restraining orders due to
>unsubstantiated charges of domestic abuse, there is no pictures, and no
>police report of any physical or mental abuse, the court hand her down
>restraining orders based only on her words, I know this ideas were given
>to her by being badly advice by a woman center and friends, she has had
>me arrested a couple times on unproven and stupid allegations of
>violating those orders, example, he drove by me and took pictures of me
>when in fact I was some where else (I presented evidence, charge was
>through out, The second charge is, he was following me while I was in
>the bus the same date of the first violation which she reported 4 hours
>later after the first incident, DA has no correlating evidence and judge
>told DA that has been a year since this happen and is about time they
>get the facts strait.
>My third charge is, he slapped me at home causing harm and fear, (police
>report states harassment, no visible marks, and she agree with the
>report). All this after we were allowed to live together and rebuilt our
>marriage with her having a limited OP which will had expired 4 months
>after this incident.
>This incident (disagreement) was based on the fact that My wife went
>back in her word over paying her own cell phone, and not considering
>that she work and make good money or that I am in deep debts because of
>her, I never asked for anything from her, all I wanted I is for her to
>be responsible at least for her own cell phone, after this disagreement,
>I took some clothes out my house and left my home, while living the
>house, I tried to keep her away from me and not to do stupid things, I
>also continue moving myself out, at this time my wife got very
>unreasonable upset run out the house and called the police, 2 days later
>once again I returned on home and 2 months later after that, I was
>arrested at our own apartment while living together for that incident,
>in other words it took the police 2 months to arrest me at our home.
>The day before this incident, I was suppose to go to the INS interview
>with her, so I didn’t go because once again I was restrain from my house
>or to contact her, so she told me that she went with a lawyer from the
>woman center who are helping her out, got her permit to work legally
>because she was doing it illegally, filed once again AOS based on DV.
>In the mean time this entire ordeal has cost me a lot of money on
>lawyer, grief and almost my job of 17 years with the local government
>witch I have managed to keep thanks to my lawyers.
>Now my wife and I, even though she have a restraining order for me not
>to see her, we are seeing each other, have spend time together and want
>to stay together, in fact I do not want her to suffer anymore, not I
>want to divorce her, loose all her benefit if I do that, etc, but she is
>very concern that, since she might get her status adjusted helped by the
>woman center on domestic violence and since she was told by the center
>to move out my house, she is concern that, if she move back with me
>without immigration knowing or anybody else for that matter while
>keeping and address somewhere else will ruin her chance to get her
>status adjusted on those grounds, she is also very afraid immigration
>will find out.
>Again we love each other and I believe I do so more than she does, and I
>intent to cancel the divorce I have filed, but she had made it very
>clear to me that her immigration status is more important to her than
>anything else at this time and I understand her predicament, I have also
>made very clear to her, that I do not care how she get it if that is the
>way she and the woman center want to proceed but no matter what I will I
>there to support her in anything I can.
>I have told my wife that I do not care what she tells to immigration
>about me, I will fend for myself in state court for the charges which
>I know they will be drop on time, charges that the police make her
>sign at he station while she was begging them for me not to be
>arrested, the charges against me were signed by her without her even
>knowing or understanding what she was signing because they only gave
>her the last page, nor she can read very well English but also because
>she was intimidated and threaten that if she don’t signed she will be
>in trouble.
>I am not afraid of the police which I should if they find out she will
>be back living with me as long there is no more of her allegations, she
>has stated to me that now she is afraid for me because I still have a
>restraining order, and she wished this mess never happen.
>Another fact to consider is that after my arrest and me getting out on a
>$25,000 cash bail, she told the DA that she don’t needed a restraining
>order, but the DA told her that is not up to her anymore, the Judge did
>what she wanted and gave me a full RO and DV management classes as
>condition of bail, because she mentioned the fact that she had moved out
>my house. For the record I have never been arrested in my life prior
>this incidents and I have been a model citizen all my live until this
>allegations, I am a USC.
>My questions are:
>If she move in with me but keep another address, fact that she doesn’t
>want to lie about it, will immigration really bother to check that out
>and find out she is living with me?
>What are you take on this situation. I need some input on what to do
>from a legal, immigration and human point of view, I do not want to
>mention this to my lawyer because they do has advised to divorce her,
>but for me is very hard to do because I care for her too much, not deep
>inside I want not her to do it, but she has made it clear that if I do
>that will be the end of everything because she do not believe I
>remarrying again
>What are her chances for her to get AOS base on DV due to the facts I
>stated above?
>Will she be better off waiting for her papers before moving back to me?
>When? That is the question, I have been told it will take longer for her
>to get her status based on DV, but she will not believe me, she believe
>the women center lawyer, because they have told her they have done
>thousand of them.
>Will she have problems getting her OS due to DV if I divorce her which
>deep inside I do not want to do it, the center have told her that she
>will get it in 5 months and now she believe anything they tell her?
>What is your take in this situation, I need advice from any legal,
>morally and human stand point of view, anyone is welcome
>Sorry about my grammar and spelling, I can’t think strait anymore, I am
>completely devastated by this ordeal, the abuse that is allowed and
>encouraged to happen to our system of law, peoples lives an the INS
>bureaucracy.
>--
>Posted via http://britishexpats.com
will say this. You have a choice to make before you go any further. The woman
you see now is the woman you will have for the rest of your life. Do you want
to live in this chaos forever? She will never change. Doesn't sound much like
love to me. Love isn't supposed to make you feel miserable. She needs
psychological help. Is she willing to get it? You probably could use some
intervention as well to find out why you feel "love" for a woman such as this
and why you willingly volunteer yourself for this behavior. I wish you the
best of luck either way.
>From: Pavlysha
>I brought my wife to the states from Russia on a K3 visa 2 years ago
>during this time that she has been in the states we ad some very
>serious problems due to her lack of trust and jealousy, for the record
>non of her unfounded jealousy or accusation of me cheating on her ever
>occur, I have been very faithful to my wife since the date I met her
>‘till this date, I have been a very god provider, give her a good home,
>everything she needed and our sexual life has been very fulfilling for
>both of us, but her jealousy, stubbornness and irrational behavior had
>drive me crazy.
>During this time I filed papers for her 3 times for adjustment of
>status but due to circumstances I withdraw a couple of my I-130 but one
>was approved.
>I filed for divorce a couple time from which I withdraw the first time,
>now I have filed again and in the end I think I might withdraw, the
>problem is I adore my wife and I know she does love me, but her
>adjustment in this country specially with long wait from immigration
>from the beginning had drove both of us crazy.
>We are separated now for the second time with restraining orders due to
>unsubstantiated charges of domestic abuse, there is no pictures, and no
>police report of any physical or mental abuse, the court hand her down
>restraining orders based only on her words, I know this ideas were given
>to her by being badly advice by a woman center and friends, she has had
>me arrested a couple times on unproven and stupid allegations of
>violating those orders, example, he drove by me and took pictures of me
>when in fact I was some where else (I presented evidence, charge was
>through out, The second charge is, he was following me while I was in
>the bus the same date of the first violation which she reported 4 hours
>later after the first incident, DA has no correlating evidence and judge
>told DA that has been a year since this happen and is about time they
>get the facts strait.
>My third charge is, he slapped me at home causing harm and fear, (police
>report states harassment, no visible marks, and she agree with the
>report). All this after we were allowed to live together and rebuilt our
>marriage with her having a limited OP which will had expired 4 months
>after this incident.
>This incident (disagreement) was based on the fact that My wife went
>back in her word over paying her own cell phone, and not considering
>that she work and make good money or that I am in deep debts because of
>her, I never asked for anything from her, all I wanted I is for her to
>be responsible at least for her own cell phone, after this disagreement,
>I took some clothes out my house and left my home, while living the
>house, I tried to keep her away from me and not to do stupid things, I
>also continue moving myself out, at this time my wife got very
>unreasonable upset run out the house and called the police, 2 days later
>once again I returned on home and 2 months later after that, I was
>arrested at our own apartment while living together for that incident,
>in other words it took the police 2 months to arrest me at our home.
>The day before this incident, I was suppose to go to the INS interview
>with her, so I didn’t go because once again I was restrain from my house
>or to contact her, so she told me that she went with a lawyer from the
>woman center who are helping her out, got her permit to work legally
>because she was doing it illegally, filed once again AOS based on DV.
>In the mean time this entire ordeal has cost me a lot of money on
>lawyer, grief and almost my job of 17 years with the local government
>witch I have managed to keep thanks to my lawyers.
>Now my wife and I, even though she have a restraining order for me not
>to see her, we are seeing each other, have spend time together and want
>to stay together, in fact I do not want her to suffer anymore, not I
>want to divorce her, loose all her benefit if I do that, etc, but she is
>very concern that, since she might get her status adjusted helped by the
>woman center on domestic violence and since she was told by the center
>to move out my house, she is concern that, if she move back with me
>without immigration knowing or anybody else for that matter while
>keeping and address somewhere else will ruin her chance to get her
>status adjusted on those grounds, she is also very afraid immigration
>will find out.
>Again we love each other and I believe I do so more than she does, and I
>intent to cancel the divorce I have filed, but she had made it very
>clear to me that her immigration status is more important to her than
>anything else at this time and I understand her predicament, I have also
>made very clear to her, that I do not care how she get it if that is the
>way she and the woman center want to proceed but no matter what I will I
>there to support her in anything I can.
>I have told my wife that I do not care what she tells to immigration
>about me, I will fend for myself in state court for the charges which
>I know they will be drop on time, charges that the police make her
>sign at he station while she was begging them for me not to be
>arrested, the charges against me were signed by her without her even
>knowing or understanding what she was signing because they only gave
>her the last page, nor she can read very well English but also because
>she was intimidated and threaten that if she don’t signed she will be
>in trouble.
>I am not afraid of the police which I should if they find out she will
>be back living with me as long there is no more of her allegations, she
>has stated to me that now she is afraid for me because I still have a
>restraining order, and she wished this mess never happen.
>Another fact to consider is that after my arrest and me getting out on a
>$25,000 cash bail, she told the DA that she don’t needed a restraining
>order, but the DA told her that is not up to her anymore, the Judge did
>what she wanted and gave me a full RO and DV management classes as
>condition of bail, because she mentioned the fact that she had moved out
>my house. For the record I have never been arrested in my life prior
>this incidents and I have been a model citizen all my live until this
>allegations, I am a USC.
>My questions are:
>If she move in with me but keep another address, fact that she doesn’t
>want to lie about it, will immigration really bother to check that out
>and find out she is living with me?
>What are you take on this situation. I need some input on what to do
>from a legal, immigration and human point of view, I do not want to
>mention this to my lawyer because they do has advised to divorce her,
>but for me is very hard to do because I care for her too much, not deep
>inside I want not her to do it, but she has made it clear that if I do
>that will be the end of everything because she do not believe I
>remarrying again
>What are her chances for her to get AOS base on DV due to the facts I
>stated above?
>Will she be better off waiting for her papers before moving back to me?
>When? That is the question, I have been told it will take longer for her
>to get her status based on DV, but she will not believe me, she believe
>the women center lawyer, because they have told her they have done
>thousand of them.
>Will she have problems getting her OS due to DV if I divorce her which
>deep inside I do not want to do it, the center have told her that she
>will get it in 5 months and now she believe anything they tell her?
>What is your take in this situation, I need advice from any legal,
>morally and human stand point of view, anyone is welcome
>Sorry about my grammar and spelling, I can’t think strait anymore, I am
>completely devastated by this ordeal, the abuse that is allowed and
>encouraged to happen to our system of law, peoples lives an the INS
>bureaucracy.
>--
>Posted via http://britishexpats.com
