Urgent Advice needed, distraught!
Nov 26th 2003, 5:49 pm
#16
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Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 6
Re: Urgent Advice needed, distraught!
Originally posted by Khadija
Hmmmm...I must say I envy those who have loved ones from VWP countries. At least you have the chance to visit each other's countries while you're waiting. Unfortunately, for some of us, it's all one way - only we can go visit our fiances/spouses while we wait and then not all of those folks have the resources for even that.
That being said, I would strongly suggest you keep hanging around this NG to see how most of us cope with these long separations. There are no easy or fast ways to make this process go as quickly as we'd all like it to. The process is not for the faint-hearted nor for the the less-than-totally committed. You and your honey have to search your heart-of-hearts and determine if this is for the long-haul or not. Then file for a K1 if you want to get married here or marry in your country and have your then husband file for a K3. Either way it's going to be about 8 months until you're together.
Perhaps I'm inordinately lucky to have a spouse who's willing to be patient and do what it takes to be together lawfully forever but then so are a lot of the folks on this NG. It is possible for a relationship to endure long separations for various reasons and survive. For example, my husband and I have seen each other a total of 11 weeks in the 2 1/2 years we've been together yet we feel as married as a couple who've been living together for the same length of time. It's all about how committed your are to making your relationship work regardless of where you are.
I'm always a little skeptical of those who get upset and worry that this long separation will kill their chance for love. It's not the separation itself which will dampen your relationship but the self-doubts you allow to creep into your heads which will do that. As Cindy pointed out, there are many ways to keep your relationship alive during this period. It's a matter of love, strength and determination.
Of course you're going to have doubts about the move. Sure it would be nice if you could "try it out" before giving up everything. There was a good thread yesterday regarding how many of us are trying to prepare our loved ones for the culture shock they'll inevitably face. It's not a perfect world, there will be a wait until you're together, you will have some trouble adjusting to your new life. Is that a reason to not move ahead and be with the man you love. No. There are some things you just have to do on faith. That's what most of us are relying on to get us through those rough spots.
Hang in there. In the grand scheme of things, 8 months or so is nothing compared to a lifetime together with the man you love. Time always moves forward not backward. The sooner you two make the commitment to "go for it", the sooner you can get the necessary paperwork filed and start counting down the days along with the rest of us on the NG!
Patty Khadijah
Hmmmm...I must say I envy those who have loved ones from VWP countries. At least you have the chance to visit each other's countries while you're waiting. Unfortunately, for some of us, it's all one way - only we can go visit our fiances/spouses while we wait and then not all of those folks have the resources for even that.
That being said, I would strongly suggest you keep hanging around this NG to see how most of us cope with these long separations. There are no easy or fast ways to make this process go as quickly as we'd all like it to. The process is not for the faint-hearted nor for the the less-than-totally committed. You and your honey have to search your heart-of-hearts and determine if this is for the long-haul or not. Then file for a K1 if you want to get married here or marry in your country and have your then husband file for a K3. Either way it's going to be about 8 months until you're together.
Perhaps I'm inordinately lucky to have a spouse who's willing to be patient and do what it takes to be together lawfully forever but then so are a lot of the folks on this NG. It is possible for a relationship to endure long separations for various reasons and survive. For example, my husband and I have seen each other a total of 11 weeks in the 2 1/2 years we've been together yet we feel as married as a couple who've been living together for the same length of time. It's all about how committed your are to making your relationship work regardless of where you are.
I'm always a little skeptical of those who get upset and worry that this long separation will kill their chance for love. It's not the separation itself which will dampen your relationship but the self-doubts you allow to creep into your heads which will do that. As Cindy pointed out, there are many ways to keep your relationship alive during this period. It's a matter of love, strength and determination.
Of course you're going to have doubts about the move. Sure it would be nice if you could "try it out" before giving up everything. There was a good thread yesterday regarding how many of us are trying to prepare our loved ones for the culture shock they'll inevitably face. It's not a perfect world, there will be a wait until you're together, you will have some trouble adjusting to your new life. Is that a reason to not move ahead and be with the man you love. No. There are some things you just have to do on faith. That's what most of us are relying on to get us through those rough spots.
Hang in there. In the grand scheme of things, 8 months or so is nothing compared to a lifetime together with the man you love. Time always moves forward not backward. The sooner you two make the commitment to "go for it", the sooner you can get the necessary paperwork filed and start counting down the days along with the rest of us on the NG!
Patty Khadijah
well my situ is complicated he is 25 at university, and i am 33 employed full time in UK, so u can see my worries, he has an active social life suddenly and has suddenly got new friends, he only went on a 4 day business trip to New Orleans and had such a good time, then wehn he returned and talked to me he said he was depressed and its gettting to him as im just not there, I asked him why suddenly he siad he jsut didnt know, so i am having doubts , i cant put my future in the hands of someone who can change simply because he had a good time, or is it the fact we havent been togetehr for like 3 months and he is young. so i worry that if i get to rely on this plan and he bails out then ive lost months of pay, and will be very hurt, i dont know im just protecting myself i think. He also said, ok so u visit next year for 3 months, great, but what then? i think he is feeling under pressure to HAVE to marry me, and at 25 i worry he may not be ready yet he does want to be with me too, its so complicated. I just dont knowwat to think, he is still visiting me, but im worried what willhappen between the two months untill we next see each other. We were always so strong, i jsut feel he has more friends now and donesnt put all his hopes on me as much, maybe im just looking into things, im not sure.
thanks for listening
