Plan B? How do I protect myself?
Jun 7th 2006, 3:02 am
#1
Guest
Posts: n/a
Plan B? How do I protect myself?
I am a US citizen and I married an Egyptian man last year in May. And
emotionally, I am a bag of broken goods inside. By this I mean that I
have feelings and I was sure of those emotions last year but now I do
not know what to make of them. The reason being due to all this "Visa"
processing. I am to the point that if anyone mentions visa, then I am
ready to HURL. And I guess my husband is to blame for that.
My husband and I married quickly---I admit that. But in my eyes I saw
my self as being spontaneous. I was 28 and had a son, already. So, why
not. So, I returned home after marrying my husband in Egypt. I packed
my things up in the States and moved to Egypt, with my son, to be with
my husband. I thought it would be a good experience for my son, too.
However, getting a visa became a priority.
My husband would talk with his sister,who lives in Holland, on the
computer almost everyday and the conversation would surely involve the
word visa. We went through a lot to even have the Embassy process the
case in Egypt because I had left the country to return home to the USA
after I married him. And returning home is a no-no. But, anyway
through effort they accepted our case. And other processes were not
easy either. For example, having to get a second sponsor since I was
not in the States working. And my husband would get in these funky bad
moods when things were not smooth with immigration. But they would,
somehow, always work out. Another example, I found out at one of the
last stages of visa processing that my husband had previously gone to
visit his sister on a 3 month visa to Holland and he overstayed. He
stayed 13 months. I found this out only because the US Embassy asked
for a police report from Holland. So he had to tell me that he had been
deported from Holland in 2004.
However, after almost a year of processing and living in Egypt,
yesterday he received his passport with the visa in it and the package
with the stuff that he needs to give to immigration in the airport. So,
immediately he is trying to make travel arrangements to visit his sister
who lives in Holland and then return home with me. But, I have to admit
I was sad after he received the documents. Infact, I was hoping all
along that he would be denied. I know it sounds sad but something
inside of me is telling me that he only married me to get a visa and
this marriage is not going to last. But at the same time, I am not
trying to draw my own conclusions and I am trying to ride this situation
out. I have shared a little of my concern with my husband like telling
him that I think that he does not love me. And of course he tries to
convince me that he does. But it is his actions that speak loudest to
me. For example, our one year anniversary just past and I sat home all
day while he was out running errons for his sister's mother-in-law who
is also trying to battle visa issues to visit Holland before she zooms
off to visit her other son in America. However, my husband arrives home
after 12 midnight with some narled flowers and some dry pieces of cake.
I do not mean to be ungrateful but I feel I am always last on his list.
Surey, these things could have bee done on another day. If he has time
then "maybe" we can interact. Another example, is that he has this
stupid friend that he invites over at all times of the night and early
morning (sometimes 6 nights a week if I do not say anything). And they
sit and play backgammon for hours while I sit in my room and watch tv.
I never watched so much tv in the States as I watch here is Egypt. I
had talked to him about this but it may change for 2 days but it comes
right back to this situation. He use to go out to coffee shop and stay
out for hours. But I expressed my concern so the situation just shifted
to the house. So I realized that he has a block for a head and just
won't get my meaning.
However, since I have wrote a book here. My inquiry boils down to this
question. If I later find that his true intention was to just get a
visa, then how do I turn the tables? I do not intend to let someone get
papers by riding on my back. That is a total insult. And it is
sickening. In the past year, I have learned that some people will do
anything to get visas or right to stay in other country's. I understand
that people are trying to make a better life themselves and trying to
escape hardships. But I cannot allow that at the expensive of my own
life and my heart. Because I made sacrifices in my life to be with my
husband such as packing up my things and my son and coming to Egypt.
Putting school on hold for a year(I am studying to be a registed nurse).
And my son was homeschooled this year. And truly I feel that my husband
just babysat me this year. I feel that he just needed me to come to
Egypt in order to complete his papers and make sure that I would not run
off or that he would lose me which would keep his papers from being
completed.
So, he has a visa, now. He is going to America. What do I do now? If
and when he shows his true intentions when he hits US soil, do I have a
plan B? Can I protect myself from fraud? Although, I know many
immigrants come to America with visas that eventually expire and they
just fade into the population and remain in America, how do I prevent
this from happening to me?
--
Posted via http://expatforums.com
emotionally, I am a bag of broken goods inside. By this I mean that I
have feelings and I was sure of those emotions last year but now I do
not know what to make of them. The reason being due to all this "Visa"
processing. I am to the point that if anyone mentions visa, then I am
ready to HURL. And I guess my husband is to blame for that.
My husband and I married quickly---I admit that. But in my eyes I saw
my self as being spontaneous. I was 28 and had a son, already. So, why
not. So, I returned home after marrying my husband in Egypt. I packed
my things up in the States and moved to Egypt, with my son, to be with
my husband. I thought it would be a good experience for my son, too.
However, getting a visa became a priority.
My husband would talk with his sister,who lives in Holland, on the
computer almost everyday and the conversation would surely involve the
word visa. We went through a lot to even have the Embassy process the
case in Egypt because I had left the country to return home to the USA
after I married him. And returning home is a no-no. But, anyway
through effort they accepted our case. And other processes were not
easy either. For example, having to get a second sponsor since I was
not in the States working. And my husband would get in these funky bad
moods when things were not smooth with immigration. But they would,
somehow, always work out. Another example, I found out at one of the
last stages of visa processing that my husband had previously gone to
visit his sister on a 3 month visa to Holland and he overstayed. He
stayed 13 months. I found this out only because the US Embassy asked
for a police report from Holland. So he had to tell me that he had been
deported from Holland in 2004.
However, after almost a year of processing and living in Egypt,
yesterday he received his passport with the visa in it and the package
with the stuff that he needs to give to immigration in the airport. So,
immediately he is trying to make travel arrangements to visit his sister
who lives in Holland and then return home with me. But, I have to admit
I was sad after he received the documents. Infact, I was hoping all
along that he would be denied. I know it sounds sad but something
inside of me is telling me that he only married me to get a visa and
this marriage is not going to last. But at the same time, I am not
trying to draw my own conclusions and I am trying to ride this situation
out. I have shared a little of my concern with my husband like telling
him that I think that he does not love me. And of course he tries to
convince me that he does. But it is his actions that speak loudest to
me. For example, our one year anniversary just past and I sat home all
day while he was out running errons for his sister's mother-in-law who
is also trying to battle visa issues to visit Holland before she zooms
off to visit her other son in America. However, my husband arrives home
after 12 midnight with some narled flowers and some dry pieces of cake.
I do not mean to be ungrateful but I feel I am always last on his list.
Surey, these things could have bee done on another day. If he has time
then "maybe" we can interact. Another example, is that he has this
stupid friend that he invites over at all times of the night and early
morning (sometimes 6 nights a week if I do not say anything). And they
sit and play backgammon for hours while I sit in my room and watch tv.
I never watched so much tv in the States as I watch here is Egypt. I
had talked to him about this but it may change for 2 days but it comes
right back to this situation. He use to go out to coffee shop and stay
out for hours. But I expressed my concern so the situation just shifted
to the house. So I realized that he has a block for a head and just
won't get my meaning.
However, since I have wrote a book here. My inquiry boils down to this
question. If I later find that his true intention was to just get a
visa, then how do I turn the tables? I do not intend to let someone get
papers by riding on my back. That is a total insult. And it is
sickening. In the past year, I have learned that some people will do
anything to get visas or right to stay in other country's. I understand
that people are trying to make a better life themselves and trying to
escape hardships. But I cannot allow that at the expensive of my own
life and my heart. Because I made sacrifices in my life to be with my
husband such as packing up my things and my son and coming to Egypt.
Putting school on hold for a year(I am studying to be a registed nurse).
And my son was homeschooled this year. And truly I feel that my husband
just babysat me this year. I feel that he just needed me to come to
Egypt in order to complete his papers and make sure that I would not run
off or that he would lose me which would keep his papers from being
completed.
So, he has a visa, now. He is going to America. What do I do now? If
and when he shows his true intentions when he hits US soil, do I have a
plan B? Can I protect myself from fraud? Although, I know many
immigrants come to America with visas that eventually expire and they
just fade into the population and remain in America, how do I prevent
this from happening to me?
--
Posted via http://expatforums.com
Jun 7th 2006, 5:06 am
#2
Account Closed
Joined: Aug 2002
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 38,865
Re: Plan B? How do I protect myself?
Originally Posted by Nilah
If I later find that his true intention was to just get a visa, then how do I turn the tables?
A K-3 must adjust status, which means that you must sponsor him for that adjustment... including financial support. If you do not sponsor him, he can not adjust status and will become deportable once his K-3 expires. The best part of this, however, is that you do not commit yourself via the I-864 to sponsor him financially... which, in the worst case scenario, could be seriously financially draining for you.
If he has an IR-1 visa, then that's a bit trickier since you have already submitted the I-864 and you are now bound by it - and that means financial support until one of 4 things happen... he leaves the US permanently, he earns 40 qualified work credits, he dies, or he becomes a US citizen. It is possible that he *never* achieves any of these things, and you would be on the hook for the rest of your life.
Please note that divorce does *not* release you from the financial obligation of the I-864.
Ian
Jun 7th 2006, 5:35 am
#3
MODERATOR
Joined: Apr 2003
Location: Phoenix, Arizona
Posts: 58,687
Re: Plan B? How do I protect myself?
Hi Nilah,
Many of the problems you describe, I have heard from others married to Egyptians. I don't think your scenario is unique.
How far you can go in protecting yourself, depends on what visa he's entering the USA on, as Ian said.
Can you clarify that first, please?
Best Wishes,
Rene
Many of the problems you describe, I have heard from others married to Egyptians. I don't think your scenario is unique.
How far you can go in protecting yourself, depends on what visa he's entering the USA on, as Ian said.
Can you clarify that first, please?
Best Wishes,
Rene
Jun 7th 2006, 6:23 am
#4
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Aug 2003
Location:
Posts: 525
Re: Plan B? How do I protect myself?
Nilah - some weeks ago I replied to another poster with some blunt truths. I got a private message telling me that I was too hard on her.
Funny enough, the original poster DIDN’T think I was hard on her.
I preamble to say that, I don’t want you to think I’m purposely ‘being hard’ on you. I’m telling you some truths. I so wish that someone had told you some of these things PRE marriage; perhaps you’d now be in a different situation.
*** My husband and I married quickly---I admit that. But in my eyes I saw
my self as being spontaneous. I was 28 and had a son, already. So, why not. ***
WHY NOT?! How about due to the fact that you have a child to take care of and who has to be your utmost priority. Therefore every single step you take, in most aspects of your life, now requires EXTRA SUPER scrutiny! That’s a good enuff reason not to marry quickly!
*** By this I mean that I have feelings and I was sure of those emotions last year but now I do not know what to make of them. ***
In all likelihood, these feelings of uncertainty were there from the get go – no? Sounds like you didn’t acknowledge them and pushed them aside.
*** The reason being due to all this "Visa" processing. I am to the point that if anyone mentions visa, then I am ready to HURL. And I guess my husband is to blame for that. ***
Your husband isn’t the one causing you to want to hurl – the reality of the boat you’ve gotten yourself INTO is causing the need to hurl. It’s not the visa processing that brought this feeling on, it’s you realizing that now he’s on the way to make a permanent home with you now and you probably don’t want it!
*** I found out at one of the last stages of visa processing that my husband had previously gone to visit his sister on a 3 month visa to Holland and he overstayed. He stayed 13 months. I found this out only because the US Embassy asked for a police report from Holland. So he had to tell me that he had been deported from Holland in 2004. ***
So let’s be real here for a moment. You found out this one unsavory situation – what other things do you think he might be keeping from you? None?! Don’t kid yourself.
You say you’re sad to learn that he’d gotten all his documents to come to the states & be with you / you were hoping he’d be denied – ahhh ... Does this not tell you anything? Don’t think I’ve EVER heard anyone on this be say they were SAD their loved one was all set to come be with them or wishing they’d be denied.
A few of your last questions / statements intrigue me:
*** “If and when he shows his true intentions when he hits US soil ...” ***
Sorry to tell you, HE’S ALREADY SHOWN YOU HIS TRUE COLORS. It seems that you don’t want to accept what these colors might mean.
*** I do not intend to let someone get papers by riding on my back. ***
Too late! My humble opinion, from what YOU’VE written, the guy IS using you. Doesn’t even seem interested in you – only in getting out of Egypt!
My question to you is this – exactly how many red flags do you need to alert you to the severity of this situation?
If this is a K3, I would get the hell out of this situation by not sponsoring him for adjustment.
If it’s something else – well hey, MAYBY, just MAYBE I’m wrong and things will be hunky dory on his arrival. (personally, I think the likelihood of this is the same as Bill Clinton getting elected again for a 3rd tem) Give him a chance – if 6mths, a yr, whatever amount of time passes, get the heck outta this bind, by whatever means necessary, focus on your son and move on.
Funny enough, the original poster DIDN’T think I was hard on her.
I preamble to say that, I don’t want you to think I’m purposely ‘being hard’ on you. I’m telling you some truths. I so wish that someone had told you some of these things PRE marriage; perhaps you’d now be in a different situation.
*** My husband and I married quickly---I admit that. But in my eyes I saw
my self as being spontaneous. I was 28 and had a son, already. So, why not. ***
WHY NOT?! How about due to the fact that you have a child to take care of and who has to be your utmost priority. Therefore every single step you take, in most aspects of your life, now requires EXTRA SUPER scrutiny! That’s a good enuff reason not to marry quickly!
*** By this I mean that I have feelings and I was sure of those emotions last year but now I do not know what to make of them. ***
In all likelihood, these feelings of uncertainty were there from the get go – no? Sounds like you didn’t acknowledge them and pushed them aside.
*** The reason being due to all this "Visa" processing. I am to the point that if anyone mentions visa, then I am ready to HURL. And I guess my husband is to blame for that. ***
Your husband isn’t the one causing you to want to hurl – the reality of the boat you’ve gotten yourself INTO is causing the need to hurl. It’s not the visa processing that brought this feeling on, it’s you realizing that now he’s on the way to make a permanent home with you now and you probably don’t want it!
*** I found out at one of the last stages of visa processing that my husband had previously gone to visit his sister on a 3 month visa to Holland and he overstayed. He stayed 13 months. I found this out only because the US Embassy asked for a police report from Holland. So he had to tell me that he had been deported from Holland in 2004. ***
So let’s be real here for a moment. You found out this one unsavory situation – what other things do you think he might be keeping from you? None?! Don’t kid yourself.
You say you’re sad to learn that he’d gotten all his documents to come to the states & be with you / you were hoping he’d be denied – ahhh ... Does this not tell you anything? Don’t think I’ve EVER heard anyone on this be say they were SAD their loved one was all set to come be with them or wishing they’d be denied.
A few of your last questions / statements intrigue me:
*** “If and when he shows his true intentions when he hits US soil ...” ***
Sorry to tell you, HE’S ALREADY SHOWN YOU HIS TRUE COLORS. It seems that you don’t want to accept what these colors might mean.
*** I do not intend to let someone get papers by riding on my back. ***
Too late! My humble opinion, from what YOU’VE written, the guy IS using you. Doesn’t even seem interested in you – only in getting out of Egypt!
My question to you is this – exactly how many red flags do you need to alert you to the severity of this situation?
If this is a K3, I would get the hell out of this situation by not sponsoring him for adjustment.
If it’s something else – well hey, MAYBY, just MAYBE I’m wrong and things will be hunky dory on his arrival. (personally, I think the likelihood of this is the same as Bill Clinton getting elected again for a 3rd tem) Give him a chance – if 6mths, a yr, whatever amount of time passes, get the heck outta this bind, by whatever means necessary, focus on your son and move on.
Originally Posted by Nilah
I am a US citizen and I married an Egyptian man last year in May. And
emotionally, I am a bag of broken goods inside. By this I mean that I
have feelings and I was sure of those emotions last year but now I do
not know what to make of them. The reason being due to all this "Visa"
processing. I am to the point that if anyone mentions visa, then I am
ready to HURL. And I guess my husband is to blame for that.
My husband and I married quickly---I admit that. But in my eyes I saw
my self as being spontaneous. I was 28 and had a son, already. So, why
not. So, I returned home after marrying my husband in Egypt. I packed
my things up in the States and moved to Egypt, with my son, to be with
my husband. I thought it would be a good experience for my son, too.
However, getting a visa became a priority.
My husband would talk with his sister,who lives in Holland, on the
computer almost everyday and the conversation would surely involve the
word visa. We went through a lot to even have the Embassy process the
case in Egypt because I had left the country to return home to the USA
after I married him. And returning home is a no-no. But, anyway
through effort they accepted our case. And other processes were not
easy either. For example, having to get a second sponsor since I was
not in the States working. And my husband would get in these funky bad
moods when things were not smooth with immigration. But they would,
somehow, always work out. Another example, I found out at one of the
last stages of visa processing that my husband had previously gone to
visit his sister on a 3 month visa to Holland and he overstayed. He
stayed 13 months. I found this out only because the US Embassy asked
for a police report from Holland. So he had to tell me that he had been
deported from Holland in 2004.
However, after almost a year of processing and living in Egypt,
yesterday he received his passport with the visa in it and the package
with the stuff that he needs to give to immigration in the airport. So,
immediately he is trying to make travel arrangements to visit his sister
who lives in Holland and then return home with me. But, I have to admit
I was sad after he received the documents. Infact, I was hoping all
along that he would be denied. I know it sounds sad but something
inside of me is telling me that he only married me to get a visa and
this marriage is not going to last. But at the same time, I am not
trying to draw my own conclusions and I am trying to ride this situation
out. I have shared a little of my concern with my husband like telling
him that I think that he does not love me. And of course he tries to
convince me that he does. But it is his actions that speak loudest to
me. For example, our one year anniversary just past and I sat home all
day while he was out running errons for his sister's mother-in-law who
is also trying to battle visa issues to visit Holland before she zooms
off to visit her other son in America. However, my husband arrives home
after 12 midnight with some narled flowers and some dry pieces of cake.
I do not mean to be ungrateful but I feel I am always last on his list.
Surey, these things could have bee done on another day. If he has time
then "maybe" we can interact. Another example, is that he has this
stupid friend that he invites over at all times of the night and early
morning (sometimes 6 nights a week if I do not say anything). And they
sit and play backgammon for hours while I sit in my room and watch tv.
I never watched so much tv in the States as I watch here is Egypt. I
had talked to him about this but it may change for 2 days but it comes
right back to this situation. He use to go out to coffee shop and stay
out for hours. But I expressed my concern so the situation just shifted
to the house. So I realized that he has a block for a head and just
won't get my meaning.
However, since I have wrote a book here. My inquiry boils down to this
question. If I later find that his true intention was to just get a
visa, then how do I turn the tables? I do not intend to let someone get
papers by riding on my back. That is a total insult. And it is
sickening. In the past year, I have learned that some people will do
anything to get visas or right to stay in other country's. I understand
that people are trying to make a better life themselves and trying to
escape hardships. But I cannot allow that at the expensive of my own
life and my heart. Because I made sacrifices in my life to be with my
husband such as packing up my things and my son and coming to Egypt.
Putting school on hold for a year(I am studying to be a registed nurse).
And my son was homeschooled this year. And truly I feel that my husband
just babysat me this year. I feel that he just needed me to come to
Egypt in order to complete his papers and make sure that I would not run
off or that he would lose me which would keep his papers from being
completed.
So, he has a visa, now. He is going to America. What do I do now? If
and when he shows his true intentions when he hits US soil, do I have a
plan B? Can I protect myself from fraud? Although, I know many
immigrants come to America with visas that eventually expire and they
just fade into the population and remain in America, how do I prevent
this from happening to me?
--
Posted via http://expatforums.com
emotionally, I am a bag of broken goods inside. By this I mean that I
have feelings and I was sure of those emotions last year but now I do
not know what to make of them. The reason being due to all this "Visa"
processing. I am to the point that if anyone mentions visa, then I am
ready to HURL. And I guess my husband is to blame for that.
My husband and I married quickly---I admit that. But in my eyes I saw
my self as being spontaneous. I was 28 and had a son, already. So, why
not. So, I returned home after marrying my husband in Egypt. I packed
my things up in the States and moved to Egypt, with my son, to be with
my husband. I thought it would be a good experience for my son, too.
However, getting a visa became a priority.
My husband would talk with his sister,who lives in Holland, on the
computer almost everyday and the conversation would surely involve the
word visa. We went through a lot to even have the Embassy process the
case in Egypt because I had left the country to return home to the USA
after I married him. And returning home is a no-no. But, anyway
through effort they accepted our case. And other processes were not
easy either. For example, having to get a second sponsor since I was
not in the States working. And my husband would get in these funky bad
moods when things were not smooth with immigration. But they would,
somehow, always work out. Another example, I found out at one of the
last stages of visa processing that my husband had previously gone to
visit his sister on a 3 month visa to Holland and he overstayed. He
stayed 13 months. I found this out only because the US Embassy asked
for a police report from Holland. So he had to tell me that he had been
deported from Holland in 2004.
However, after almost a year of processing and living in Egypt,
yesterday he received his passport with the visa in it and the package
with the stuff that he needs to give to immigration in the airport. So,
immediately he is trying to make travel arrangements to visit his sister
who lives in Holland and then return home with me. But, I have to admit
I was sad after he received the documents. Infact, I was hoping all
along that he would be denied. I know it sounds sad but something
inside of me is telling me that he only married me to get a visa and
this marriage is not going to last. But at the same time, I am not
trying to draw my own conclusions and I am trying to ride this situation
out. I have shared a little of my concern with my husband like telling
him that I think that he does not love me. And of course he tries to
convince me that he does. But it is his actions that speak loudest to
me. For example, our one year anniversary just past and I sat home all
day while he was out running errons for his sister's mother-in-law who
is also trying to battle visa issues to visit Holland before she zooms
off to visit her other son in America. However, my husband arrives home
after 12 midnight with some narled flowers and some dry pieces of cake.
I do not mean to be ungrateful but I feel I am always last on his list.
Surey, these things could have bee done on another day. If he has time
then "maybe" we can interact. Another example, is that he has this
stupid friend that he invites over at all times of the night and early
morning (sometimes 6 nights a week if I do not say anything). And they
sit and play backgammon for hours while I sit in my room and watch tv.
I never watched so much tv in the States as I watch here is Egypt. I
had talked to him about this but it may change for 2 days but it comes
right back to this situation. He use to go out to coffee shop and stay
out for hours. But I expressed my concern so the situation just shifted
to the house. So I realized that he has a block for a head and just
won't get my meaning.
However, since I have wrote a book here. My inquiry boils down to this
question. If I later find that his true intention was to just get a
visa, then how do I turn the tables? I do not intend to let someone get
papers by riding on my back. That is a total insult. And it is
sickening. In the past year, I have learned that some people will do
anything to get visas or right to stay in other country's. I understand
that people are trying to make a better life themselves and trying to
escape hardships. But I cannot allow that at the expensive of my own
life and my heart. Because I made sacrifices in my life to be with my
husband such as packing up my things and my son and coming to Egypt.
Putting school on hold for a year(I am studying to be a registed nurse).
And my son was homeschooled this year. And truly I feel that my husband
just babysat me this year. I feel that he just needed me to come to
Egypt in order to complete his papers and make sure that I would not run
off or that he would lose me which would keep his papers from being
completed.
So, he has a visa, now. He is going to America. What do I do now? If
and when he shows his true intentions when he hits US soil, do I have a
plan B? Can I protect myself from fraud? Although, I know many
immigrants come to America with visas that eventually expire and they
just fade into the population and remain in America, how do I prevent
this from happening to me?
--
Posted via http://expatforums.com
Jun 7th 2006, 6:32 am
#5
Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 35,082
Re: Plan B? How do I protect myself?
Originally Posted by Nilah
I am a US citizen and I married an Egyptian man last year in May. And
emotionally, I am a bag of broken goods inside. By this I mean that I
have feelings and I was sure of those emotions last year but now I do
not know what to make of them. The reason being due to all this "Visa"
processing. I am to the point that if anyone mentions visa, then I am
ready to HURL. And I guess my husband is to blame for that.
My husband and I married quickly---I admit that. But in my eyes I saw
my self as being spontaneous. I was 28 and had a son, already. So, why
not. So, I returned home after marrying my husband in Egypt. I packed
my things up in the States and moved to Egypt, with my son, to be with
my husband. I thought it would be a good experience for my son, too.
However, getting a visa became a priority.
My husband would talk with his sister,who lives in Holland, on the
computer almost everyday and the conversation would surely involve the
word visa. We went through a lot to even have the Embassy process the
case in Egypt because I had left the country to return home to the USA
after I married him. And returning home is a no-no. But, anyway
through effort they accepted our case. And other processes were not
easy either. For example, having to get a second sponsor since I was
not in the States working. And my husband would get in these funky bad
moods when things were not smooth with immigration. But they would,
somehow, always work out. Another example, I found out at one of the
last stages of visa processing that my husband had previously gone to
visit his sister on a 3 month visa to Holland and he overstayed. He
stayed 13 months. I found this out only because the US Embassy asked
for a police report from Holland. So he had to tell me that he had been
deported from Holland in 2004.
However, after almost a year of processing and living in Egypt,
yesterday he received his passport with the visa in it and the package
with the stuff that he needs to give to immigration in the airport. So,
immediately he is trying to make travel arrangements to visit his sister
who lives in Holland and then return home with me. But, I have to admit
I was sad after he received the documents. Infact, I was hoping all
along that he would be denied. I know it sounds sad but something
inside of me is telling me that he only married me to get a visa and
this marriage is not going to last. But at the same time, I am not
trying to draw my own conclusions and I am trying to ride this situation
out. I have shared a little of my concern with my husband like telling
him that I think that he does not love me. And of course he tries to
convince me that he does. But it is his actions that speak loudest to
me. For example, our one year anniversary just past and I sat home all
day while he was out running errons for his sister's mother-in-law who
is also trying to battle visa issues to visit Holland before she zooms
off to visit her other son in America. However, my husband arrives home
after 12 midnight with some narled flowers and some dry pieces of cake.
I do not mean to be ungrateful but I feel I am always last on his list.
Surey, these things could have bee done on another day. If he has time
then "maybe" we can interact. Another example, is that he has this
stupid friend that he invites over at all times of the night and early
morning (sometimes 6 nights a week if I do not say anything). And they
sit and play backgammon for hours while I sit in my room and watch tv.
I never watched so much tv in the States as I watch here is Egypt. I
had talked to him about this but it may change for 2 days but it comes
right back to this situation. He use to go out to coffee shop and stay
out for hours. But I expressed my concern so the situation just shifted
to the house. So I realized that he has a block for a head and just
won't get my meaning.
However, since I have wrote a book here. My inquiry boils down to this
question. If I later find that his true intention was to just get a
visa, then how do I turn the tables? I do not intend to let someone get
papers by riding on my back. That is a total insult. And it is
sickening. In the past year, I have learned that some people will do
anything to get visas or right to stay in other country's. I understand
that people are trying to make a better life themselves and trying to
escape hardships. But I cannot allow that at the expensive of my own
life and my heart. Because I made sacrifices in my life to be with my
husband such as packing up my things and my son and coming to Egypt.
Putting school on hold for a year(I am studying to be a registed nurse).
And my son was homeschooled this year. And truly I feel that my husband
just babysat me this year. I feel that he just needed me to come to
Egypt in order to complete his papers and make sure that I would not run
off or that he would lose me which would keep his papers from being
completed.
So, he has a visa, now. He is going to America. What do I do now? If
and when he shows his true intentions when he hits US soil, do I have a
plan B? Can I protect myself from fraud? Although, I know many
immigrants come to America with visas that eventually expire and they
just fade into the population and remain in America, how do I prevent
this from happening to me?
--
Posted via http://expatforums.com
emotionally, I am a bag of broken goods inside. By this I mean that I
have feelings and I was sure of those emotions last year but now I do
not know what to make of them. The reason being due to all this "Visa"
processing. I am to the point that if anyone mentions visa, then I am
ready to HURL. And I guess my husband is to blame for that.
My husband and I married quickly---I admit that. But in my eyes I saw
my self as being spontaneous. I was 28 and had a son, already. So, why
not. So, I returned home after marrying my husband in Egypt. I packed
my things up in the States and moved to Egypt, with my son, to be with
my husband. I thought it would be a good experience for my son, too.
However, getting a visa became a priority.
My husband would talk with his sister,who lives in Holland, on the
computer almost everyday and the conversation would surely involve the
word visa. We went through a lot to even have the Embassy process the
case in Egypt because I had left the country to return home to the USA
after I married him. And returning home is a no-no. But, anyway
through effort they accepted our case. And other processes were not
easy either. For example, having to get a second sponsor since I was
not in the States working. And my husband would get in these funky bad
moods when things were not smooth with immigration. But they would,
somehow, always work out. Another example, I found out at one of the
last stages of visa processing that my husband had previously gone to
visit his sister on a 3 month visa to Holland and he overstayed. He
stayed 13 months. I found this out only because the US Embassy asked
for a police report from Holland. So he had to tell me that he had been
deported from Holland in 2004.
However, after almost a year of processing and living in Egypt,
yesterday he received his passport with the visa in it and the package
with the stuff that he needs to give to immigration in the airport. So,
immediately he is trying to make travel arrangements to visit his sister
who lives in Holland and then return home with me. But, I have to admit
I was sad after he received the documents. Infact, I was hoping all
along that he would be denied. I know it sounds sad but something
inside of me is telling me that he only married me to get a visa and
this marriage is not going to last. But at the same time, I am not
trying to draw my own conclusions and I am trying to ride this situation
out. I have shared a little of my concern with my husband like telling
him that I think that he does not love me. And of course he tries to
convince me that he does. But it is his actions that speak loudest to
me. For example, our one year anniversary just past and I sat home all
day while he was out running errons for his sister's mother-in-law who
is also trying to battle visa issues to visit Holland before she zooms
off to visit her other son in America. However, my husband arrives home
after 12 midnight with some narled flowers and some dry pieces of cake.
I do not mean to be ungrateful but I feel I am always last on his list.
Surey, these things could have bee done on another day. If he has time
then "maybe" we can interact. Another example, is that he has this
stupid friend that he invites over at all times of the night and early
morning (sometimes 6 nights a week if I do not say anything). And they
sit and play backgammon for hours while I sit in my room and watch tv.
I never watched so much tv in the States as I watch here is Egypt. I
had talked to him about this but it may change for 2 days but it comes
right back to this situation. He use to go out to coffee shop and stay
out for hours. But I expressed my concern so the situation just shifted
to the house. So I realized that he has a block for a head and just
won't get my meaning.
However, since I have wrote a book here. My inquiry boils down to this
question. If I later find that his true intention was to just get a
visa, then how do I turn the tables? I do not intend to let someone get
papers by riding on my back. That is a total insult. And it is
sickening. In the past year, I have learned that some people will do
anything to get visas or right to stay in other country's. I understand
that people are trying to make a better life themselves and trying to
escape hardships. But I cannot allow that at the expensive of my own
life and my heart. Because I made sacrifices in my life to be with my
husband such as packing up my things and my son and coming to Egypt.
Putting school on hold for a year(I am studying to be a registed nurse).
And my son was homeschooled this year. And truly I feel that my husband
just babysat me this year. I feel that he just needed me to come to
Egypt in order to complete his papers and make sure that I would not run
off or that he would lose me which would keep his papers from being
completed.
So, he has a visa, now. He is going to America. What do I do now? If
and when he shows his true intentions when he hits US soil, do I have a
plan B? Can I protect myself from fraud? Although, I know many
immigrants come to America with visas that eventually expire and they
just fade into the population and remain in America, how do I prevent
this from happening to me?
--
Posted via http://expatforums.com
Well, he can't go to America without you, there is that.
Some of what you write sounds like it could be cultural differences--not everything has to be fraud just because you don't recognize the way he acts as 'normal'.
You might do some looking into what, if anything, youi can do before he atually enters the US with an immigrant visa. Once he enters, he's a Permanent Resident and you can't take it back.
Jun 7th 2006, 7:01 am
#6
Guest
Posts: n/a
Re: Plan B? How do I protect myself?
> > The main issue here is your financial security. You do not mention
> > what type of visa your husband has. If it is a K-3 visa, then he
> > will
> > need to adjust status to become a Permanent Resident. If it is an
> > IR-1
> > visa, then he will become a PR the moment he hits US soil. The
> > former
> > is better for you.
> > A K-3 must adjust status, which means that you must sponsor him for
> > that adjustment... including financial support. If you do not
> > sponsor
> > him, he can not adjust status and will become deportable once his
> > K-3
> > expires. The best part of this, however, is that you do not commit
> > yourself via the I-864 to sponsor him financially... which, in the
> > worst case scenario, could be seriously financially draining for
> > you.
> > If he has an IR-1 visa, then that's a bit trickier since you have
> > already submitted the I-864 and you are now bound by it - and that
> > means financial support until one of 4 things happen... he leaves
> > the
> > US permanently, he earns 40 qualified work credits, he dies, or he
> > becomes a US citizen. It is possible that he *never* achieves any of
> > these things, and you would be on the hook for the rest of your
> > life.
> > Please note that divorce does *not* release you from the financial
> > obligation of the I-864.
> > Ian
> Hi Nilah,
> Many of the problems you describe, I have heard from others married to
> Egyptians. I don't think your scenario is unique.
> How far you can go in protecting yourself, depends on what visa he's
> entering the USA on, as Ian said.
> Can you clarify that first, please?
> Best Wishes,
> Rene
> --
The visa that my husband was issued was the CR-1 visa. It is the
spousal visa. I did fill out a support affadavit along with his cousin
who lives in America, too.
--
Posted via http://expatforums.com
> > what type of visa your husband has. If it is a K-3 visa, then he
> > will
> > need to adjust status to become a Permanent Resident. If it is an
> > IR-1
> > visa, then he will become a PR the moment he hits US soil. The
> > former
> > is better for you.
> > A K-3 must adjust status, which means that you must sponsor him for
> > that adjustment... including financial support. If you do not
> > sponsor
> > him, he can not adjust status and will become deportable once his
> > K-3
> > expires. The best part of this, however, is that you do not commit
> > yourself via the I-864 to sponsor him financially... which, in the
> > worst case scenario, could be seriously financially draining for
> > you.
> > If he has an IR-1 visa, then that's a bit trickier since you have
> > already submitted the I-864 and you are now bound by it - and that
> > means financial support until one of 4 things happen... he leaves
> > the
> > US permanently, he earns 40 qualified work credits, he dies, or he
> > becomes a US citizen. It is possible that he *never* achieves any of
> > these things, and you would be on the hook for the rest of your
> > life.
> > Please note that divorce does *not* release you from the financial
> > obligation of the I-864.
> > Ian
> Hi Nilah,
> Many of the problems you describe, I have heard from others married to
> Egyptians. I don't think your scenario is unique.
> How far you can go in protecting yourself, depends on what visa he's
> entering the USA on, as Ian said.
> Can you clarify that first, please?
> Best Wishes,
> Rene
> --
The visa that my husband was issued was the CR-1 visa. It is the
spousal visa. I did fill out a support affadavit along with his cousin
who lives in America, too.
--
Posted via http://expatforums.com
Jun 7th 2006, 7:56 am
#7
Guest
Posts: n/a
Re: Plan B? How do I protect myself?
> The visa that my husband was issued was the CR-1 visa. It is the
> spousal visa. I did fill out a support affadavit along with his
> cousin who lives in America, too.
I am trying to take what little time that I have to get my head
straight. And we have about one and half or two months before we leave
for America. And I was wondering if I decide that I cannot continue
with my husband, should I take his passport and package back to the US
Embassy here in Egypt and tell them that it will not work out and why?
I know he would be mad as hell but would this be acceptable to the
Embassy to revoke the visa.
--
Posted via http://expatforums.com
> spousal visa. I did fill out a support affadavit along with his
> cousin who lives in America, too.
I am trying to take what little time that I have to get my head
straight. And we have about one and half or two months before we leave
for America. And I was wondering if I decide that I cannot continue
with my husband, should I take his passport and package back to the US
Embassy here in Egypt and tell them that it will not work out and why?
I know he would be mad as hell but would this be acceptable to the
Embassy to revoke the visa.
--
Posted via http://expatforums.com
Jun 7th 2006, 8:44 am
#8
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Aug 2003
Location:
Posts: 525
Re: Plan B? How do I protect myself?
Everything I posted still applies.
I'm sorry - can you clarify a bit - I could be reading this wrong. What do you mean when you say you filled the affadavit along with his cousin?
Also - I wonder and see that you've no reply to my post but hey, it's a free country, I respect that. I was just curious whether or not you saw these red flags or not and what they likely mean.
All the best.
I'm sorry - can you clarify a bit - I could be reading this wrong. What do you mean when you say you filled the affadavit along with his cousin?
Also - I wonder and see that you've no reply to my post but hey, it's a free country, I respect that. I was just curious whether or not you saw these red flags or not and what they likely mean.
All the best.
Originally Posted by Nilah
> > The visa that my husband was issued was the CR-1 visa. It is the spousal visa. I did fill out a support affadavit along with his cousin
who lives in America, too.
[
--
Posted via http://expatforums.com
who lives in America, too.
[
--
Posted via http://expatforums.com
Last edited by janadeen; Jun 7th 2006 at 8:48 am.
Jun 7th 2006, 9:04 am
#9
MODERATOR
Joined: Apr 2003
Location: Phoenix, Arizona
Posts: 58,687
Re: Plan B? How do I protect myself?
Originally Posted by Nilah
The visa that my husband was issued was the CR-1 visa. It is the
spousal visa. I did fill out a support affadavit along with his cousin
who lives in America, too.
spousal visa. I did fill out a support affadavit along with his cousin
who lives in America, too.
Well, then...you are already in it. You are free to divorce if you want to get out of the marriage, if it's not something you want to stay in. But, he's already got his visa...he is free to come to the USA, he will become a PR upon entry to the USA. The only snag is if you guys divorce, he will have to removed the conditions without you (which is possible), and he has to wait 5 years before becoming a USC, instead of 3.
Even if you divorce, you are still liable for the I-864 Affidavit of Support until your husband either: 1) works 40 quarters (about 10 years full time); 2) becomes a USC; 3) leaves the USA permanently; or 4) dies.
Let me ask you this...when you say "how can I protect myself", what are you referring to? How can you protect your finances? How can you protect yourself physically, if he gets abusive? Protection from what?
Rene
Jun 7th 2006, 9:15 am
#10
Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 35,082
Re: Plan B? How do I protect myself?
Originally Posted by Noorah101
Well, then...you are already in it. You are free to divorce if you want to get out of the marriage, if it's not something you want to stay in. But, he's already got his visa...he is free to come to the USA, he will become a PR upon entry to the USA.
Maybe she likes living in Egypt?
Jun 7th 2006, 9:25 am
#11
MODERATOR
Joined: Apr 2003
Location: Phoenix, Arizona
Posts: 58,687
Re: Plan B? How do I protect myself?
Originally Posted by meauxna
It's been suggested in this group that the immigrant may NOT enter the US ahead of the USC petitioner.
Maybe she likes living in Egypt?
Maybe she likes living in Egypt?
Rene
Jun 7th 2006, 10:05 am
#12
I'm back!
Joined: Jul 2002
Location: Richmond, VA, USA
Posts: 4,316
Re: Plan B? How do I protect myself?
Originally Posted by janadeen
*** “If and when he shows his true intentions when he hits US soil ...” ***
Sorry to tell you, HE’S ALREADY SHOWN YOU HIS TRUE COLORS. It seems that you don’t want to accept what these colors might mean.
*** I do not intend to let someone get papers by riding on my back. ***
Too late! My humble opinion, from what YOU’VE written, the guy IS using you. Doesn’t even seem interested in you – only in getting out of Egypt!
Sorry to tell you, HE’S ALREADY SHOWN YOU HIS TRUE COLORS. It seems that you don’t want to accept what these colors might mean.
*** I do not intend to let someone get papers by riding on my back. ***
Too late! My humble opinion, from what YOU’VE written, the guy IS using you. Doesn’t even seem interested in you – only in getting out of Egypt!
I have a slightly different take on all this, actually.
To me, the issue of whether he is using her or not is basically irrelevant now. What IS relevant is the fact that she has DECIDED that he's using her, she doesn't trust him and, ultimately, wants nothing to do with him.
A marriage which lacks trust is bound to fall apart eventually, regardless of why the lack of trust exists.
In other words, it doesn't really matter at this point whether he's using her -- their marriage is doomed anyway. She doesn't want to be married to him anymore, but she doesn't know how to get out of it AND, at the same time, prevent him from gaining legal residence in the US.
I don't really have any answers for her, except that divorce appears to be an option she might want to look into...
~ Jenney
Jun 7th 2006, 10:14 am
#13
Homebody
Joined: Jan 2005
Location: HOME
Posts: 23,182
Re: Plan B? How do I protect myself?
Originally Posted by Nilah
> The visa that my husband was issued was the CR-1 visa. It is the
> spousal visa. I did fill out a support affadavit along with his
> cousin who lives in America, too.
I am trying to take what little time that I have to get my head
straight. And we have about one and half or two months before we leave
for America. And I was wondering if I decide that I cannot continue
with my husband, should I take his passport and package back to the US
Embassy here in Egypt and tell them that it will not work out and why?
I know he would be mad as hell but would this be acceptable to the
Embassy to revoke the visa.
--
Posted via http://expatforums.com
> spousal visa. I did fill out a support affadavit along with his
> cousin who lives in America, too.
I am trying to take what little time that I have to get my head
straight. And we have about one and half or two months before we leave
for America. And I was wondering if I decide that I cannot continue
with my husband, should I take his passport and package back to the US
Embassy here in Egypt and tell them that it will not work out and why?
I know he would be mad as hell but would this be acceptable to the
Embassy to revoke the visa.
--
Posted via http://expatforums.com
I would be concerned about your physical safety if you were to do that.
If I were you, I would leave Egypt on the next plane and then contact USCIS in the US and the perhaps also the US consulate in Egypt.
But getting away from this man seems like a priority.
Jun 7th 2006, 10:53 am
#14
MODERATOR
Joined: Apr 2003
Location: Phoenix, Arizona
Posts: 58,687
Re: Plan B? How do I protect myself?
Originally Posted by Nilah
ISo, he has a visa, now. He is going to America. What do I do now? If
and when he shows his true intentions when he hits US soil, do I have a
plan B? Can I protect myself from fraud? Although, I know many
immigrants come to America with visas that eventually expire and they
just fade into the population and remain in America, how do I prevent
this from happening to me?
and when he shows his true intentions when he hits US soil, do I have a
plan B? Can I protect myself from fraud? Although, I know many
immigrants come to America with visas that eventually expire and they
just fade into the population and remain in America, how do I prevent
this from happening to me?
To be honest, the behavior you describe sounds normal for someone from that part of the world. Not "our" normal, but theirs. Of course it's not what you expect, and it's not likely that he'll change, even here in the USA (at least not for a long time). Unless he's physically or verbally abusing you, it doesn't sound like an abusive marriage, just not the type you're looking for.
You might want to look into divorcing him while in Egypt, if that's the route you're thinking of taking...before he gets to use the visa.
Best Wishes,
Rene
Jun 7th 2006, 11:36 am
#15
Account Closed
Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 2
Re: Plan B? How do I protect myself?
Originally Posted by Noorah101
IF your husband makes it to the USA, and enters on his CR-1 visa, there's not much you can do after that besides divorce him if you are unhappy in the marraige. The marriage was entered into in good faith, that was shown by your willingness (and his) to move to his country in order to remain together (I mean, to me, it supports the intent of a good-faith marriage). Personally, I don't see any blatent fraud going on. He was anxious to get his visa, as is everyone along this path who is waiting to come to the USA.
To be honest, the behavior you describe sounds normal for someone from that part of the world. Not "our" normal, but theirs. Of course it's not what you expect, and it's not likely that he'll change, even here in the USA (at least not for a long time). Unless he's physically or verbally abusing you, it doesn't sound like an abusive marriage, just not the type you're looking for.
You might want to look into divorcing him while in Egypt, if that's the route you're thinking of taking...before he gets to use the visa.
Best Wishes,
Rene
To be honest, the behavior you describe sounds normal for someone from that part of the world. Not "our" normal, but theirs. Of course it's not what you expect, and it's not likely that he'll change, even here in the USA (at least not for a long time). Unless he's physically or verbally abusing you, it doesn't sound like an abusive marriage, just not the type you're looking for.
You might want to look into divorcing him while in Egypt, if that's the route you're thinking of taking...before he gets to use the visa.
Best Wishes,
Rene
I have no idea how long it takes to get a divorce in Egypt, I would bet a reasonable amount of money that it would not be quick, if betting was not against my PR status of course.
But even if it could be done in a day, does it matter, do they check when you enter to see if you have not been divorced meantime? I somehow doubt it.
Seems pretty obvious that his main motivation was an exit from Egypt, but that is not against Immigration laws.
Once he is divorced he can immediately apply for his 10 year GC.
As far as the Sponsorship goes, can you choose who to go against for support, or is it the Court to apportion?
