JakeP

Hey everyone,


I am looking to fly over to the USA in a month or so, for a 3 month holiday. While I'm going, I'll be visiting a very good friend of mine who I have known for years, but never met before.


This friend of mine is a female and we have been VERY close for a long time, practically best friends.


My main concern is, when I meet her I feel like my feelings for her are going to be a little more than just friends. I love her to bits, but until we meet, neither of us know what's likely to happen. It may turn out that we're just good friends, and we're happy like that, but then again, it's very possible we may end up in a relationship.


We FaceTime every day and recently, we have been discussing what would happen if we were to fall in love..


We ended up discussing what sort of ring she wants if I were to randomly propose, you know, just in case..


Now I'm sure it was just a laugh, but what if that was to happen? What if while I'm over there, I decide I want to spend the rest of my life with her?


My worry is, we may realise how much we actually love each other, and decide we want to give things a go, but I would hate to have to leave and return to the UK for so long after my VWP expires..


In theory, if we were to spontaneously get married (I highly doubt it, but I need to ask) what would happen?


Again, I must stress that I'm not planning Visa fraud by any means, I do not intend to get married over there, I'm just worrying about where life is going to take me.


Thanks in advance for the advice.

Guindalf

First, make sure you plan to leave after 89 days. It's NOT three months, it's an absolute maximum of 90 days!

Second, if things do progress, then great - and I hope it works out how you both want it to. IME, women don't 'joke' about what type of ring they want.

As for spending the rest of your life without her, you managed to keep it long distance for this long, what's a few more months if necessary?

Best to take it one step at a time.

JakeP

Thank you for the reply!

90 days, 3 months, all the same to me It's less than 90 days that I have my stay planned for

The thing with her, she's got a good sense of humour with that kind of thing, she may or may not be joking, I could never be sure.

I don't plan on leaving her forever, but the reason we have been fine so far is we didn't actually find out about our feelings for each other until recently.

It's a VERY complicated story behind the two of us, but it turns out we have both really liked each other for a very long time, but neither of us were in a position to tell the other.

I don't mind the few months wait, I just don't want to mess things up legally.

I mean, say we were to marry, would I have to leave, then apply for a certain visa to stay there? Or would I have to apply for a Green Card since we would already be married?

My concern at this point would be, since I wouldn't be working over there on my VWP, and her job isn't great pay, what would immigration be like? I've read a few times they want at least a certain income after tax so that I wouldn't be a drain on the state, but I would be getting a job over there as soon as it was possible.

Would I be likely to be rejected entry due to the earnings?




Pulaski, Like I said, it was one of those conversations that spanned from another, sort of side tracking from one thing to another. I'm pretty sure it wasn't a "I want you to propose" sort of question, but more of a "I wonder what would happen if"..

sir_eccles

I'm rather against surprising her with a ring. I always recommend letting her pick the ring.

I proposed with a twisted up bar straw. The intention counts more than the size of the rock.

Other comments. No 3months is not the same as 90 days and is not a joking matter. Book for no more than 85 to allow for flight cancellation etc.

It sounds like you might need to look into other sponsorship options if she doesn't earn much.

Pulaski

You were discussing a "random proposal" and what sort of ring she'd like, and you think it was "just a laugh"? ..... I predict that if you don't propose and either have a ring in your pocket, or a plan to obtain one PDQ, then things are going to turn frosty very quickly!

BTW, unlike in the UK, you can get married as a visitor, but then (if you want to settle in the US) you must leave before you VWP visit period is up and return home to apply for a (CR-1) marriage visa, which will take about 10 months to obtain.

I suggest that you stop being so cavalier over the details and terminology of immigration and visas. If you forget that three months and 90 days are not the same thing you could end up in a world of trouble.

If you get married you will need a visa (CR-1), which is an entry document, and after you have arrived in the US you will receive your green card a few weeks later. "Visa" and "green card" are not interchangeable terminology.
I agree. The then-future Mrs P and I went ring shopping independent of the "actual proposal".

JakeP

The 90 day/3 month debate is rather irrelevant to my question, I understand the 90 day maximum, I'm just lazy D:

Thanks for the advice on the 85 day due to cancellations, I'll adjust my plans accordingly.

I'm not one for surprises, I'd rather she had something I know she would like, but I'm not sure if it's even a serious thought just yet.

All I know for sure is, we want to meet up and see how things go before we even think about anything yet.

I know how I feel about her, but I wouldn't want to push her to make a decision right now. I want us to take it slow, but I'm just trying to understand all possible directions that this could go!

Other sponsorship, how so? Sorry for all of the questions, there's a lot to take in!




Edit..


Just a thought, if things were looking like going down the marriage route, would I be better off holding off the wedding until I've returned to the UK, then apply for a K-1 before entering again? Would that make things a little easier for the relevant people to assess the situation?

JPROPS72

Before I get on to the immigration bit, I have to say it's like reading my own experience 17 years ago! Bless you both! I was exactly where you are and although it hasn't been the easiest road, these things can work out and make life complete.

I met my wife online in 1998, we were friends, met in person in 2001, 2 months later we were dating, 3 years after that we were engaged, married in 2006 and she has been living here in the UK since. I have been through the immigration process both ways (bringing my wife to the UK and now her taking me back to the US)

My first piece of advice is do not under any circumstances overstay or do anything to put you on the naughty step in the US. Love can make you do stupid things but it is not worth the longer term consequence. Staying to long or even appearing to be in the US too much can ruin everything. It's not worth risking a 10 year ban for a few months there.

Next, do not rush this thing for immigration purposes. If it's right, it'll be right always. If you both want to be together, do your homework and research your options and work together to make it happen.

If going to the US is what you ultimately decide to do, use this forum to guide you. Yes, it will be crappy being away from her, but doing things the right way pays dividends. There are stories on here of people that didn't go the right and proper route who now suffer the consequences at leisure.

Go see her, see where you end up, and then come back and ask for help when you know you want to take that leap.

Pulaski

The OP is starting down a fairly well trodden path. We also met on line in 1998, but met in person 3 months, to the day, later. We married 20 months after our first on-line contact. And all this was done without FaceTime or Skype - we were old school, with just e-mail and the phone.

JakeP

I'd never overstay my welcome, I would never risk it. It's a dream of mine to go to America, I'd like to make it a regular holiday if we don't end up together. I wouldn't ruin that

Yeah, we met online years ago, and we've been real close but were both in separate relationships, neither of us which were happy and after all these years, and lots of time single, we decided to discuss how we felt.

I'm in no rush for anything right now, I just don't want to disappoint her, so I'd like to know ALL of the facts for every situation so we can plan accordingly.

I love to be prepared, it makes for a much easier time

Thanks so much for the advice, you have all been a great help so far in giving me an understanding!

I recently turned 23, and this has all sort of come together rather quickly, so I hadn't had much time to fully research everything!




@Pulaski, Thank god for technology! It's really given us a lot to base our relationship on

JPROPS72

Yeah back in our day, it was email, iffy dial up and phone but you make it work. Clocked up my share of air miles in those few years! I think it some ways it makes a stronger foundation though.

Pulaski

I agree, and we believe we knew more about each other, our interests, families, backgrounds, plans, and dreams before we ever even agreed to meet, than we would have learned in several years of "conventional" dating. In fact we corresponded by e-mail for six weeks before we even saw photos of each other! It might not work for everyone, and even today many people might find it "strange", but it worked out well for us.

JPROPS72

I completely agree. When all you have to do together is talk, you learn a lot more about each other than you would going to dinner and watching a movie. Even though it's still somewhat "strange" to others, there are a lot of marriages that don't make it as long as we have and I think we're stronger as a couple now than we ever were. We took forever with photos of each other, even speaking on the phone was months after we met. Neither of us were looking for someone, we met purely chance in an AOL chat room about a mutual interest, I guess sometimes fate has a way of putting the right people together one way or another.

JakeP

I'm in complete agreement with the fate..

We met on a game by chance, and we never really shared pictures or spoke until around 6 or 7 months into being very good friends, it's just progressed over the years from there!

I even disappeared for a year, and she managed to find me on FaceBook (Without knowing my actual name) and by some chance, I logged in for the first time in about 6 months to see her message there, answered it 3 months late and she was right there waiting for me..

It's only after all of that, within the past few months we started to facetime and speak

ian-mstm

I'll let others address the "visit" question... but, since no one has picked up on this, I'll add my $0.02 worth.

There is an exact dollar amount that she must earn in order to sponsor you for a CR-1 (spouse) visa should you marry first, before coming to the US to live. If you pursue a K-1 visa, there is not an exact dollar amount and it's up to the interviewing officer's discretion. Generally though, if she can demonstrate the amount in the I-864P (www.uscis.gov) for 2 people, you'll get the visa. If she does not earn a sufficient amount, then she can use assets at 3x the dollar amount. IOW, if she needs to earn $20,000 a year but earns only $15,000 then she has a shortfall of $5,000. That shortfall can be made up if she has $15,000 in liquid assets.

If she has neither sufficient income nor assets, then she'll need to find a joint sponsor - someone who meets the financial requirements and is willing to put themselves on the line, financially speaking, for you!


You wouldn't be denied entry... no. You would be denied the visa!

Here's another $0.02 worth of advice - regardless of whatever else you do, make sure finances are in place and sufficient before starting an immigration adventure! You'll be glad of it.

As an aside... similar to the others, my wife and I met online in 1997. We met in person a few months later, I applied for and received a K-1 visa, and we married in May 1998. This coming Saturday is our 17th wedding anniversary! So... it does work out!

Ian

JakeP

Ahh that makes sense!

Thanks for clearing that up!

Yeah, I'll probably take things VERY slow. I'll be paying for my entire 85 days in full before I go anywhere, obviously budgeted for my food/fuel costs and things, so I'll see how it goes there, and take my time.

May be better off coming back after my holiday, and maybe I'll be engaged by then xD

K-1 seems my most sensible option, get another 3 months and try to get some work (if I can get the work permit) before I do anything!