Faniahcc

Hello

My husband is threatening and intimidating me to leave the country but
didn't discuss a "D" though. Why should I?

I have a conditional PR card and will remove conditions on March 2005.
We always fight because of financial matters because he doesn't
support me financially but instead he support his ex-wife. My husband
and I don't have children yet. Recently i found out that he gave her
10,000dollars bec he said she asked favor. He got that money by
refinancing his house. Stupid, right? This woman has children on her
own. They don't have children during their marriage. I know he is
being duped. But i think he still loves her, or else he won't keep
giving money. But when i ask money, he gaves 20.00 or 50.00 or 100.00
not in a nice way but with matching ugly expressions both facial and
verbal. This is all unfair to me. He hurts me verbally many times
already. I can't take it anymore. I got to do something here. He
doesn't want me to get involve in his finances and that is why we
don't have a joint account. The car am driving is under both our
names, though "or". The car he is driving is under his name and his
exwife still. He doesn't want to remove the name of his exwife.
Spooky right? But he paid her all the divorce settlement a long time
already. Why is he still giving her much.

Maybe he wants me to leave the country to spare him from the affidavit
of support he signs. Can you sue your spouse/sponsor for not
supporting you?
He is earning 6000.00 per month, net.

Will i just shut up my mouth and wait for March 2005. What if he
doesn't signs my removal of conditions.

I got a very big problem, hope someone can advice me what is the right
way to do. Thanks a lot for supporting and replying.

Sincerely
faniah

Mtravelkay

Faniahcc wrote:

    > Hello
    >
    > My husband is threatening and intimidating me to leave the country but
    > didn't discuss a "D" though. Why should I?

Get a divorce, get a job. If you are divorced you can file I-751
immediately. If you can prove abuse, you can file it even if you are
married.

    > I have a conditional PR card and will remove conditions on March 2005.
    > We always fight because of financial matters because he doesn't
    > support me financially but instead he support his ex-wife. My husband
    > and I don't have children yet. Recently i found out that he gave her
    > 10,000dollars bec he said she asked favor. He got that money by
    > refinancing his house. Stupid, right? This woman has children on her
    > own. They don't have children during their marriage. I know he is
    > being duped. But i think he still loves her, or else he won't keep
    > giving money. But when i ask money, he gaves 20.00 or 50.00 or 100.00
    > not in a nice way but with matching ugly expressions both facial and
    > verbal. This is all unfair to me. He hurts me verbally many times
    > already. I can't take it anymore.

If you can't take it, then you should leave. Do you have job skills?
You might be able to get alimony (spousal support). In the I-864 form he
signed, he agreed to support you at least at 125 percent of poverty level.


I got to do something here. He
    > doesn't want me to get involve in his finances and that is why we
    > don't have a joint account. The car am driving is under both our
    > names, though "or".

Are both the title AND registration under both names?
The title says who owns the car. In my case it also lists the finance
company

The car he is driving is under his name and his
    > exwife still. He doesn't want to remove the name of his exwife.
    > Spooky right? But he paid her all the divorce settlement a long time
    > already. Why is he still giving her much.

How long were they married? How old are the children?

    > Maybe he wants me to leave the country to spare him from the affidavit
    > of support he signs. Can you sue your spouse/sponsor for not
    > supporting you?
    > He is earning 6000.00 per month, net.

Find out the law in your state regarding joint assets.
But, at a minimum, you should look for a job to become self supporting
Do not rely on him for anything.


    >
    > Will i just shut up my mouth and wait for March 2005. What if he
    > doesn't signs my removal of conditions.

Gather all of the proof you can about your marriage.
Someone here might want to point out groups that can help you if you can
actually prove the mental abuse. Document the abuse. Write down
dates/times/witnesses.


    >
    > I got a very big problem, hope someone can advice me what is the right
    > way to do. Thanks a lot for supporting and replying.

Andrew Defaria

Faniahcc wrote:

    > Hello
    > My husband is threatening and intimidating me to leave the country but
    > didn't discuss a "D" though. Why should I?

Read your story. Didn't see any threats nor, necessarily, intimidations.
Perhaps some selfish, foolish or controlling behavior but that depends
largely on his side of the story, which you do not give much information
about. Perhaps you don't know. Perhaps you should ask, talk and
communicate with your husband about such matters.

    > I have a conditional PR card and will remove conditions on March 2005.
    > We always fight because of financial matters because he doesn't
    > support me financially but instead he support his ex-wife.

Really? He doesn't support you at all? He does not put (or contribute
toward) putting a roof over your head? He does not pay or contribute
toward food expenses, utilities, etc? I don't think he's putting a roof
over his ex wife's head nor purchasing her groceries and paying her
utilities, etc (at least not directly)

    > My husband and I don't have children yet. Recently i found out that he
    > gave her 10,000dollars bec he said she asked favor.

Sounds like a mighty big favor. What might that favor be? Perhaps he is
helping his ex out because he has kids with her and that favor benefits
his kids mostly.

    > He got that money by refinancing his house. Stupid, right?

Not necessarily. It depends largely on what this favor is, whether it is
primarily for the benefit of his children or if his ex wife is just
taking him for a ride.

    > This woman has children on her own. They don't have children during
    > their marriage.

This is not clear. It seems clear that children were born outside of the
marriage. It's apparent that she's the mom. What is not clear is whether
or not he's the dad. If he is the dad then he is responsible for his
offspring regardless if they were married when she had them. If these
were her kids by another man and say your husband took them under his
wing he may still feel responsible for them and want to be their father.
You should commend and support such men! If they're not his kids and he
did not "father" them (be a dad to them) and she's really taking him for
a ride then I'd be concerned.

    > I know he is being duped. But i think he still loves her, or else he
    > won't keep giving money.

Again, not necessarily so. He could be giving her money to support his
kids, biological or not, or perhaps he's repaying a debt. We really
can't say because you did not tell us what is the reason he gave for
giving his ex money.

    > But when i ask money, he gaves 20.00 or 50.00 or 100.00 not in a nice
    > way but with matching ugly expressions both facial and verbal.

Well, again, depending on the reasons for him giving money to his ex,
some of which might be legitimate and encouraged, he may be all tapped
out now and that might explain why he's reluctant.

    > This is all unfair to me.

This sounds like you are selfish. Do you work? Do you contribute to
household income?

    > He hurts me verbally many times already.

What exactly does this mean? Examples?

    > I can't take it anymore. I got to do something here. He doesn't want
    > me to get involve in his finances and that is why we don't have a
    > joint account.

Perhaps if you approach it as somebody who wishes to understand your
joint situation and to help out, perhaps help him to manage the money or
that you wish to contribute, would be a better way to handle this. Is he
aware that not having a joint account may effect what the USCIS thinks?

    > The car am driving is under both our names, though "or".

Yeah and so what? Why does that both you? Because statements like this
make you seem like your just looking to get, get, get and not willing to
give, give, give into the marriage. That might be making your husband
resentful.

    > The car he is driving is under his name and his exwife still. He
    > doesn't want to remove the name of his exwife. Spooky right?

Not sure. Have you looked over his divorce settlement? It might be that
they have agreed to share the car in some way (maybe not physically
share the car but have joint ownership).

My ex wife retained a drivers license with my last name on it. It
bothered her new husband. She explained it to him that since my daughter
also uses my last name she had no way of proving that she was the mother
so she used the drivers license for that. Her intentions were not cruel,
mean or vindictive, just practical.

    > But he paid her all the divorce settlement a long time already. Why is
    > he still giving her much.

That question would be best asked of him, not us.

    > Maybe he wants me to leave the country to spare him from the affidavit
    > of support he signs. Can you sue your spouse/sponsor for not
    > supporting you? He is earning 6000.00 per month, net.

Well I don't think that you can sue him for it because I don't see where
it was stated that the man must support the woman. If that were the case
then why couldn't it be the other way around - the woman supports the
man? Are you supporting him?

Truth is, the arrangement within the family as far as for who "supports"
who is up to the individuals involved. Sometimes the man works and the
woman stays home. Other times they both work. And yes, sometimes the
woman works and supports the man. If the people in the marriage are
unhappy enough with the arrangement then either of them can "sue"
(really petition) to dissolve the marriage.

However it's telling that you seem to want him to give to you
financially, put everything under joint names and seem to be demanding
that he "support" you. What I see missing is what you are contributing
to the relationship/family or whatever. Some men are OK with that but
many men are looking more for a partner then a parasite.

    > Will i just shut up my mouth and wait for March 2005. What if he
    > doesn't signs my removal of conditions.

I don't believe he signs for your removal of conditions. The USCIS
either grants them or not.

    > I got a very big problem, hope someone can advice me what is the right
    > way to do. Thanks a lot for supporting and replying.

I'd be much more concerned with the apparent lack of fairness, equity
and most of all communication between you two as far as for how the
marriage is supposed to work between you two. It seems like you both
have different expectations (which is usually a sign of disaster)
coupled with a great lack of honest and open communication and
cooperation, instead replaced with suspicion, jealously and a false
sense of entitlement. If I were you I would sit down with him and have a
big conversation about what you expected married life to be, what he
expected, what you have, what you don't have and how you might be able
to come to some compromises so that both of you feel happy and satisfied
with each other.

Hiding your true feelings, just shut up you mouth, hide your head in the
sand and hope to last until you get your conditions removed is not gonna
help and it gives about the impression that your main concern is getting
that green card and who cares about the marriage. Stated differently,
suppose you do make it to get your conditions removed. What next? What
is the state of your marriage? Will it still be there 5 years later? You
were "putting up with him, keeping your mouth shut" for quite some time.
Now you have your green card. Why would you continue to put up with him?
If you plan on simply leaving him after you get your green card then, to
me, you are no better than the immigrant who fraudulently enters into a
marriage just to get a green card. In fact you are worse because you've
given the impression that you were genuine, then trick your husband, get
the green card, then dump him. Result is that he can be incredibly hurt
by that. And don't tell me that he deserves it - revenge is never good.
If you don't love him and don't plan on staying with him then tell him
so and leave now. Immigrate again later with somebody you truly love. If
you do love him then work it out now.

Good luck.
--
Support Cannibalism - Eat me!

Wayne

if you moved here for love/marriage,.. the immigration status/$$ would not
be an issue,..
it is ok,.. you are not the first,..
maybe,.. this is one example why everyone here has so many rules/long waits
for marriage-based visas,..?

Pasha Patel

Hi there ….

You guys need to go to marriage counseling …. Not to tell him about how you feel is a bad idea coz that will kill you internally and u won’t be able to solve it in future…. As day passes it will be harder for u to solve this one…. You are being jealous here coz of his actions and u feel insecure ….same way he needs to realize certain things in order to work on this marriage too … so go to marriage counselor …
Sit with him and explain him nicely how you feel about the conditions …. Other thing get a job to become self-dependent, so in case if ur marriage doesn’t work out … u can still survive ….
Not to tell him about whats going on in your mind is a fraud … so talk to him and try to solve the matter before it gets too late…Good luck…Pasha

Leslie

Jesus Christ, Andrew. Could you possible be more biased and jump to more conclusions?

The question she asked was if she (the K visa holder) could sue if the spouse/sponsor refused to support her. As the sponsor of a K visa holder, I think this is an interesting question. It doesn't have squat to do with the man supporting the woman thing so get off your soapbox. He (like me) made a promise to the U.S. government to support his foreign spouse/fiance when he (like me) signed the Affidavit of Support. She is asking if she has legal recourse if he stops doing that. Regardless of whether the USC found a parasite (as you inferred) instead of a partner, he still has an obligation his country to support her, because HE sponsored her. Obviously, her question is about how she can legally hold him to his obligation.

sdmansour

Faniahcc, where did you immigrate from?

Andrew Defaria

Leslie66 wrote:

    > Jesus Christ, Andrew. Could you possible be more biased and jump to
    > more conclusions?

Would you like me to be? ;-)

    > The question she asked was if she (the K visa holder) could sue if the
    > spouse/sponsor refused to support her. As the sponsor of a K visa
    > holder, I think this is an interesting question. It doesn't have squat
    > to do with the man supporting the woman thing so get off your soapbox.
    > He (like me) made a promise to the U.S. government to support his
    > foreign spouse/fiance when he (like me) signed the Affidavit of
    > Support. She is asking if she has legal recourse if he stops doing
    > that. Regardless of whether the USC found a parasite (as you inferred)
    > instead of a partner, he still has an obligation his country to
    > support her, because HE sponsored her. Obviously, her question is
    > about how she can legally hold him to his obligation.

My understanding of the Affidavit of Support is that if the sponsored
person applies for and receives public, means tested assistance then the
sponserer might be required to reimburse the agency providing that
assistance. I don't think that it means that you have to give the
sponsored person 125% of the poverty level in cash per year.

Also, as has been stated before, she could get a job!

--
How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there?

Pasha Patel

She can get spousal support / alimony if he divorces her and if judge decides … other than that she cant just force USC to give money just coz he signed affidavit of support unless there are public charges involved …

immatchua

I think you are a selfish person who should probably be put on the next plane home and I'm quite serious.
You are the classic example of what I referred to when I said "people without good faith or intention".

He probably feels like a meal-card and thus his expression when you ask him for money.

lairdside

Faniah,


PLEASE IGNORE THE TROLL.

Kindest regards,

Victoria.

lairdside

I disagree.

I married my husband in good faith with honest intentions.


I sacrificed profession, home, the works to move here to be with HIM. I did not have any intentions of emmigrating to the US before meeting him.


I uprooted myself and my daughter and we have now settled here and completely rebuilt our lives from scratch.


My life and my daughter's life are here now. I have friends, a home, a job etc and have worked damm hard to make the transition.

Besides, I've sort of gotten to like it here as it turns out, I consider this to be my HOME.

I don't want to have to return if my marriage fails, just because someone wishes to remain does not mean that they conspired for dishonest reasons to come here in the first place IMHO.

*gets down off soapbox*

immatchua

Re-read her story for heavenssakes and approach it from his point of view.
He gives her money. Complaint - it's only 20, 50 or 100 rather than thousands!
She drives a car. Complaint - it's in both their names!
She can't take it anymore but wants to "shut up until he removes the condition on her PR" so she can SHOW THE BASTID!

Would you like somebody to treat you like that????

I didnt say everybody was like this....I am merely pointing out an example of a person who makes everyone suspicious of immigrant spouses!

Tracy and Dave

I completely agree with Andrew. From the wording of the original post, it sounds like she thinks she is entitled to whatever bits of his $6000 a month pay she asks him for.

In her post, she said that he gives his ex money no question but when she asks for money, he gives her money but doesn't seem happy about it (although I don't know how happy my husband would be if I asked him for $100 either). She then says that it is unfair to her. Why is it unfair to her? Because he doesn't give her every penny she asks for?

As for the not supporting her thing: it doesn't sound like he isn't supporting her. From the original post, it doesn't sound like he is threatening her with homelessness or denying her food or any other basic necessities. Can the OP sue him for not providing her with every whim?

I think the legality of the Affadavit of Support would stop short of allowing her to feel she deserves anything above and beyond basics.

But that's JMO.

lairdside

I read the post.

It was your presumptiousness I took issue with.

No-one here - including in all likelyhood the OP - knows what is really going on.