Hi there

First things first - I'm the Aussie in the relationship and I was just wondering if there are any Aussie's out there who have ping-ponged and ended up in the UK.

I have spent 8 of the past 10 years in London and Aylesbury before heading back to Australia last December dragging my English hubby with me. Australia was meant to be the place we would 'settle' in but now I'm not so sure. Australia just doesn't feel like home anymore.

I have this feeling that I am really going against the grain by wanting to move back to the UK. I think this is because it is forced into us from birth that Aus is the best place on earth and whilst I think its good - I miss the culture, history and travel options that the UK offered.

So basically I'm wanting safety in numbers and to get some reassurance that I'm not the only one to have felt this way.

thanks for listening

Hi there.

I'm a British guy now living in Australia with my Aussie wife. We met in the UK and after a few years together there and the birth of our first son it became apparent that she really did want to live back in Australia again. There is definitely a strong 'Aussies always go home' tendency going on, and I think you are DEFINITELY, DEFINITELY, DEFINITELY correct to identify that Australians are very keen on Australia as a general rule (I accept that there are exceptions) and that it has been forced down their throats from the day they were born that they are extremely lucky to be an Australian and to be able to live in such a 'wonderful' place.

However, it is not only the Australians that think this now. Perhaps because of the sheer force of the Australian National Pride Brigade the whole world, especially the UK (the 'old country') thinks it too.

So I was a fairly willing participant in coming to Australia 3 years ago. I thought that I was doing the right thing by my son and any future children. I thought that it was the clear, obvious and ONLY choice.

For the first 2 years here I was okay. BUT then I returned to the UK at Christmas 07 for the first time since leaving. I expected to be thinking 'woah, it's terrible here, so glad I left', because that's what SO SO SO MANY people tell you you'll think. But I didn't. I realised that the UK is a lovely country in so many ways with SO MUCH TO OFFER on your doorstep. The Australians seem to think that big, open spaces and the beach are all you need to be happy. Perhaps that's cos they haven't got much else! I don't mean to be rude but this is such a sterile, dull and isolated place. If the myths about Australia (and they ARE myths) were true (e.g. that this is the most amazingly laid back and chilled out place on Earth) I might think more highly of it but they're just not true. The bureaucracy in this country is a bloody nightmare. Everything looks so dry all the time and the scenery hardly ever alters much. The TV is rubbish (Today Tonight, anyone?) and you have a choice of about two newspapers. Unless you are right in the heart of a major city there is very little atmosphere or buzz anywhere. The suburbs are monotonous and soulless. The range of products available is very limited and the public transport is crap. Hardly paradise.

You are obviously rare, because it's normally quite hard to get through to an Australian about this stuff because they want to leap to its defense at the drop of a hat.

I think you are thinking very sensibly and are obviously a well-educated, well-travelled Australian. If you've genuinely looked at the rest of the world, including the UK, with truly open eyes then I think it must be hard to subscribe to the view that Australia is the best place to be.

Go for it and don't waste time worrying about what your less enlightened countrymen and women might or might not think. It's their loss.

thanks for the reassurance Camponotus.

Who know's if Australia would feel more like home if we did ever get around to having children but we have also agreed that we won't have children whilst we have the issue of deciding where to live as that would over complicate the issue again.

Not looking forward to that conversation with my mum though - whenever I mention that I'm not happy here her standard response is 'I could never live in a place that it isn't sunny every day!'

Out of interest, did you get your British citizenship before leaving the U.K.?

No, I didn't ever think I'd be needing it.

I can't be 100% sure, but I think I've got a 'leave to remain' visa.

LOL

"I could never live in a place that isn't sunny every day"!!!!!!!

Errr, what part of Australia is this we're talking about exactly?! 'Sunny every day' certainly doesn't match MY experience of Australia!

The oldies are in Townsville - which is a nice enough place but blooming hot! We did contemplate going there just for my 'home' factor but I know that hubby would not survive there long term and I wouldn't like it either - the whole living from aircon house (although my folks place isn't air-con'd which is always fun at xmas time) to aircon car to aircon shops etc!

We tried 8 months in Brisbane but decided it was too 'big city' for us so we recently moved up to the Sunshine Coast to try the beach lifestyle out. I must admit it is nice but I'm not sure it is a forever move.

Canberra is pretty much "sunny every day" but it is so bloody boring that you scour the BOM site for just a glimmer of a storm cell every evening, just in case! Even when it is quite chilly it is still sunny pretty much every day.

I cant fathom that sort of shallowness which is satisfied by daily sunshine - my life needs a whole lot more than that.

I have to agree that an awful lot of the things that are supposedly 'great' about Australia, like constant sunshine and beaches and BBQs, do seem tremendously shallow and empty to me. So the sun shining all the bloody time is better than being able to visit an 800 year old Cathedral and marvel at the architecture, is it? Being able to go to the beach and have a BBQ is better than being able to go to Paris or Prague and experience immense diversity?

It's depressing.

"I cant fathom that sort of shallowness which is satisfied by daily sunshine - my life needs a whole lot more than that."

I totally agree - by the end of summer/early Autumn, I have had enough of blue sky and sun, particularly after enduring a few weeks of searing heat!! I'm longing for some cloudy skies, rain and green grass....

Here is my story, it is a long one and I hope you will take the time to read it all.
I am an Aussie who is married to an Englishman. I lived in the UK for nearly 4 years and loved every moment of it. Loved the history/culture. Loved that I could travel to a completely different country without having to spend 6 hours on a plane. Loved the people and Loved my job. So why you ask did I every return to OZ.

In 97 we came to OZ for a month and got married here. I remember seeing my mum and dad for the first time and being shocked by how much they had aged. We had a wonderful holiday here and I let my OH know that I wanted to come home to live. As this was his first time in OZ I was not going to push him for an answer just let him decide in his own time what he wanted to do. I knew that I could live in the UK, I had a good life, a job I loved and lots of friends, but I needed him to be sure about it, so I put no pressure on him. He indicated to me that he would like to give it a go, that maybe it was the right time in his life to have a change. At the airport waiting with my parents and putting off the goodbye's, my mum got up for what I thought was a walk round the shops. Instead she started to head for the exit. I remember saying to my dad "where is she going" and typical dad response "how the heck do I know" lol. Well I got up to follow her. I had to run to catch up with her and when I did, she was a mess. She was actually leaving the airport as she could not say goodbye to me. She was sure that now I had married an englishman and was returning to the UK that I would never come home. Well that was it for me. I cried all the way to Singapore.

Well my OH agreed to give it a go, and he applied for his visa mid 97. We were thinking that this would take some time, and were shocked by how quick it was. We decided to return to OZ in Sept 98. Was it hard to leave the UK? You bet it was. As i said earlier I had a job I loved and 2 weeks before I was due to resign they told me they wanted to put me into a management position. Well that was the last thing I wanted to hear. Unfortunately I had to decline the offer. We had a joint going away party which was a great night and then spent some quality time with OH's parents before we left. Now here is the question I am sure a lot of people want to know the answer to - why is it more important for me to be near my parents and OH not to be near his parents. I really think that it is easier for men to live away from their mums and so much harder for females.

We set up home here on the Sunshine Coast about 5 mins from mum and dad. I managed to get a job quickly, but the OH was not so lucky. He had worked as a civil servant for over 20 years in the UK, and there was not much call for that on the coast. In Jan 99 through a friend of a friend he got a job doing electricity meter reading (still doing that now, but that is a whole other thread............lol)We wanted to start a family and were trying before we left the UK. I knew before we left that this was not going to be easy for us. I guess this also had something to do with me wanting to return to OZ. Wanting to be near my mum, when I had children. So began the process of IVF.

Move forward 10 years. We are still on the Sunshine Coast, we now have twins that are nearly 6. We have been back to the UK twice in the past 10 years. First time just the two of us and then again 4 years ago with the twins. Are flying out on the 12th of Dec for 6 weeks in the UK. Do I miss it???????????????????

Bloody Oath I do, have done for the past 10 years. Think I made the biggest mistake of my life coming home. Regret leaving my job and wonder how much further in the company I could have got. Have had nothing but s**t jobs here at home. Currently packing shelves at Big W at nights.

I miss my friends. I think I made better friends in the 4 years that I lived there than the 20 odd years prior to that. I live near the beach and never go there. I miss the hills, I miss the green.
Lets just say I miss all the same things that everyone on MBTTUK misses.

We used to open our road map of the UK point to a stately home or castle and say hey lets go there this weekend. And you could as it was not to far. Here you have the beach, the beach or if you want why not go to the beach this weekend.

Do I miss it enough to go back. Yes i do want to go back, but have to be realistic about it. My OH is 55 soon, what are his chances of getting a job? But I think the hardest thing for me would be taking the twins away from my parents. My mum is constantly telling me, that it is my life and that I have to do what I think is right for me and my family. I know this, but don't find it any easier to make that decision. I would like to give it a go for a few years even if it was to get my citizenship. We hope when we are over at xmas that OH can make some calls and see where he would stand with getting back into the civil service.

I have spent some time reading the threads on this section of the forum. I can. I visit everyday, and am glad that those of you that have returned have made the right decision for yourselves. I sometimes read what people have said about Australian's and I think no, I am not like that, but then I stop and say to myself, don't get offended, if I am then I can P***OFF and stop reading. I tell myself these people feel this way for a reason. They don't like it here, they want to go home. But to tell you the truth, I tend more often than not to agree with you.

Well thats my story, hope I have not bored you to much. Yes there are some Aussies out there that feel that the UK is more their home than Australia. Here's hoping we all get back there some day soon.

Kelly

I don't live /never have lived in Australia ( I live in Spain). However I often visit the Australian forum simply because *A* was my husbands' first choice when we made the decision to migrate...not mine though for several reasons...and so we came to Spain, and are lucky enough to be able to afford to have kept our house in the Herts countryside, and can visit often.



However I just simply wanted to reply to your post, Kelly, and say that it's one of the nicest, most even handed, and intelligent posts I've read on any of the forums for a long time.

I wish you & your family good health & happiness, in whichever country you finally choose for yourselves.

It isnt easy being part of a mixed marriage is it? I am the Pommy half in ours and there is always that compromise for one of you.

I think you encapsulated the feelings of lots of Aussies actually - the ones who have left the tiny pond and sampled the big ocean beyond. One of my sons, having been in Aus since he was 6 months old, has chosen UK/Europe for his future because of the opportunities which obviously you were enjoying too.

Moving back when you are older is really difficult I reckon but at least you can test the waters when you go back for your holiday over Christmas (lucky girl!!!) and I hope something falls into your lap! As for taking the grandchildren away - that's a hard one. I did it to my parents but they took the initiative and spent 6 months a year with us when they retired and now they have the oldest grandson periodically squatting at their place. They havent seen their great granddaughter and not likely to but they cope with that very well (we are single handedly keeping Kodak in business).

Good luck with whatever you decide to do!

Wow thanks Kelly for your story and making it all a bit clearer. We were just talking last night about how we would both feel if someone told us that we had to stay here for the next 10 years - scared the hell out of me!

Yes the beach is nice but we are both well travelled people - how many beach holidays have we actually had......none! I burn to a crisp and get bored sitting on the beach after a bit......and I am really bored in Oz after 9 months - how am I going to feel after 5-10 years here.

Thank god for BE - it is a bit of a shame there isn't an Aussie equivalent in the UK for those that are living there as opposed to doing the working visa. Its refreshing to read people's stories and see similarities with your own.

thanks

If you got Indefinite Leave to Remain, look at the information for returning residents at http://www.ukvisas.gov.uk