hoping12

Hi everyone, I know this isn't an ideal thing to do but I have medical issues that won't allow for my girlfriend to come to the US and meet. I have plenty of medical records to back up this claim from the prior 4 years.

My question to you guys is it even worth trying to apply for a waiver? Have you heard of anyone doing this successfully? Also, if we do apply and are denied, will that hurt our chances in the future if my medical situation improves and we can finally meet?

Btw, we've known each other for almost a year now and know we want to be together. If there are any other options where we wouldn't have to meet first please let me know. It all seems so impossible and we're heartbroken that we may never be able to be together. Thanks in advance!

Noorah101

Hi and Welcome to BE. I've asked the mods to move your post to the US Marriage Based forum, where you'll get more answers.

I don't want to pry, but your post is a little confusing. You say that YOU have medical issues which prevent your foreign girlfriend to come see you in the USA. I can't imagine why your medical issues prevent HER from travelling, unless it's something contageous? You don't have to post details, but is that the reason?

I am assuming your medical issues prevent YOU from leaving the USA, is that correct?

Where is your girlfriend from?

It is VERY hard to get the "meet in person" requirement waived. The only other option (via marriage, that is) is to marry first and do an Immigrant Visa, but of course that also requires that you meet in person so that you can get married.

The only other option would be for her to get a non-marriage-based visa to the USA somehow, based on either work, school, or investment. Without knowing her qualifications, it's impossible to say if she qualifies for one of those visas.

Rene

Noorah101

Oh, I also meant to add, if you do submit an I-129F and try to waive the "meet in person" requirement, and it's denied, it shouldn't hurt your future chances when you try again after you are able to meet in person.

Read up on the I-129F (www.uscis.gov) to see how often a USC can submit an I-129F petition, and what the time frames are for waiting between submittals.

Rene

hoping12

Thanks for the reply Rene. She can travel here on the vwp but the stress of separating after a month would make my condition unmanageable. We keep thinking there has to be a way somehow but even the student visas seem to require going back after a year or so.

It is so embarrassing and sad to not be able to let her come here. We haven't lost hope yet but it seems to be getting dimmer and dimmer.

Noorah101

So I assume your case is more one of depression and anxiety. Based on what you've said, I don't think your reason for not meeting in person is going to be a valid enough one for USCIS to approve, sorry.

She is allowed to stay up to 90 days on the VWP....unless of course she has a job or school to get back to.

Even if you guys submit the I-129F while she's in the USA visiting you, and knowing that 6 to 8 months later she'll be immigrating forever, that wouldn't help ease the stress of spending that time apart? My fiance and I spent 14 months apart from the time we filed the I-129F to the time of his visa interview, and we survived.

I'm not trying to play down your medical problems....but try to think of it all in a positive way rather than negative.

Rene

hoping12

I wish it was simply anxiety or depression but it's not. I had a chemical brain injury that has left me disabled. Unfortunately it's a condition that any stress would land me in a hospital. As you know separation is a pretty stressful experience, way beyond what i could manage. The problem is it would be too late to decide if it would be manageable.

Maybe if there isn't a penalty to apply it might be worth a shot? Seems almost impossible but not much to lose at this point. Congrats on your successful visa btw!

Noorah101

Sure, you can give it a try. You never know. There's no penalty, other than perhaps a waiting time until you can file another I-129F.

Keep in mind that the whole immigration experience can be stressful, not just the separation part of it.

Thanks for the congrats! For us, since we had never lived together yet, being separated was "normal" for us...we'd been separated our whole relationship except for a few weeks together on vacation every couple of years. So it was no big deal to wait another 14 months. Even now, our home is in Phoenix but he spends most of his time working in LA because that's where he could find work. He comes home for a long weekend every 3 or 4 weeks. We've been doing that for 8 years now, and we're happy.

Everyone is different.

Hope you can work something out!

Rene

jeffreyhy

They can't say 'Yes' if you don't apply. As for the medical records, quality is better than quantity. Yes. One case. For religious reasons. And nobody here at BE thought it would be successful given the apparent poor quality of the evidence as described by the petitioner. No. The requirement is that you meet in person. If you meet in person, end of issue. Get married. I don't know immigration implications of a proxy marriage. Have a consultation with an immigration attorney. A good, experienced, attorney may be able to apply sufficient 'spin' to you medical evidence to get a waiver approved.

Regards, JEff

hoping12

Wow only one huh? I'm sure they think people are just trying to cut corners and there are probably some that do. Maybe an attorney could draw something up that would state our willingness to wait longer than an average K1 if that would help things. Then maybe it wouldn't look like I was faking this terrible situation. Thoughts on this?

I mean she is willing and perfectly able to travel here and meet but it's just not possible on my end. Like I've said before, it's the physical separation that is the problem not how long it takes to get the K1 approved. Any other ideas are greatly appreciated!

jeffreyhy

Only one that I've seen. I expect that there are many that I have not seen. BE may be a popular web site, but it does not attract a significant number of K1 visa applicants. The law is the law. The issue is not are you faking, the issue is whether you have a valid reason for not meeting in person.
Regards, JEff

Noorah101

Only one that we've seen here on BE in the past 9 years. But of course not everyone who does a K-1 process posts on BE, so there may be more. I have seen a couple of denied requests here as well.

An attorney can help you put together the best package possible for your cause...but willingness to wait longer than an average K-1 process won't be part of it. The USCIS doesn't strike deals like that.

You asked for other ideas....I'll just give my personal opinion, that in this case, I think it would be wiser to just wait it out until you feel comfortable meeting in person and then being separated for some time. You need to be fully in control of your emotions before embarking on the immigration journey...it's not just the separation that's stressful, it's the whole thing - all the paperwork, running around, gathering evidence, and then once in the USA more of the same...plus a new life together in a new country, it's stressful for sure. Just wait until you get a handle on your stress problems, and then proceed.

Rene

scrubbedexpat099

I was thinking the same. Is marriage really something you want to do!

Nutmegger

+1 -- have you thought about the stress for your girlfriend, who is going to take the leap of faith to move to a foreign country to marry someone she has never met? You say you would be unable to stand the stress of separation -- does that mean she will never be able to take a trip home to see her friends and family? She is the one about to give up everything she knows to join you, which means that you won't be the only one under stress and that she will need you to be able to be supportive to her.

Emma M

Long distance relationships are all about separation, stress, worry, anxiety etc. I think that the most "sensible" way to do this would be to meet in person and forge something of a "proper" relationship before applying for visas, etc. I'm sorry if that's quite blunt to you, but it's not easy, and meeting in person gives you a real idea of what someone is like. It also gives you an idea of how much they are prepared to go through it all with you.
What if things didn't go well and you split in 6 months? Sorry but the idea of what a person is like versus actually living with them are two different things. Surely the security of knowing that your partner is in it for the long haul and has undergone a big journey to be with you has got to be worth more than jumping right into it with someone you don't really know?
JMHO.

Moxie

Those requirements are in part to protect both parties. Anybody can put on a good show with emails. But spending time together and seeing how the other lives, and keeps their place up, how often they bathe, and how they react to daily stresses goes a long way in knowing if a marriage is going to work out. USCIS may require she visit you to know if she still wants to marry this disabled American since there is nothing that prevents her from using VWP. Are you afraid she might change her mind? Wouldn't it be better to give it a go before spending all that time and money on a visa and giving up her UK life, only to find out later you're not the one for her or vice-versa?