Internet and Divorce
Oct 13th 2002, 5:08 am
#16
Guest
Posts: n/a
Re: Internet and Divorce
This would be a very interesting subject to do research on and I am sure a
very long and tedious one at that too. Any takers out there?
"Margaret" wrote in message
news:f51bd102.0210121312-
[email protected]...
> Ok...my curiosity is getting to me again either that I have too much
> time on my hands. My husband says I'm nuts.
> This is going to sound so negative but here goes.
> Just wondered if anyone has done research on internet meetings and
> marriages and what the percent of divorce rate has been on it. You
> hear of so many successes but then you hear also of some that have not
> worked out.
> Just curious......
very long and tedious one at that too. Any takers out there?
"Margaret" wrote in message
news:f51bd102.0210121312-
[email protected]...
> Ok...my curiosity is getting to me again either that I have too much
> time on my hands. My husband says I'm nuts.
> This is going to sound so negative but here goes.
> Just wondered if anyone has done research on internet meetings and
> marriages and what the percent of divorce rate has been on it. You
> hear of so many successes but then you hear also of some that have not
> worked out.
> Just curious......
Oct 13th 2002, 11:31 am
#17
Guest
Posts: n/a
Re: Internet and Divorce
Angel,
Search for Marmite on Google - you'll find a retailer, if not near you then
at one that will ship it to you.
Ron
"Petes Angel" wrote in message
news:442149.1034480225@britishexpats-
.com...
> The last message said "you cant see someones face when typing away to
> you." Yes you can. My fiance and I met one year ago this month. Both of
> coming out of failed marriages that did not begin on the internet. We
> first talked in emails, and then in Instant messages, and finally were
> able to chat on Netmeeting. We could see the others face, and hear each
> others voice, through this we learned so much about each other. Even my
> children developed a relationship with him. Our first meeting took place
> 4 mo after we started talking. And it was confirmed what we have is
> real. I must say, that with internet relationships there MUST be
> communication. And without communication NO relationship will work
> happily. This is all we had. I went out to England for 2 months this
> summer to be with him. Not only because I missed him and wanted to feel
> his sweet hugs again, but because the man I love is willing to leave his
> everything he has ever known to come to be with me, the VERY LEAST I
> could do is to fly out and meet his family, know who and where he came
> from. To know what it is he will be missing WHEN he IS homesick. And
> yes, he will be homesick. I took note of what his favorite things are
> there, keeping in mind if I had not seen it in the USA before. Marmite,
> we dont have, Not alot of Cider choices either but yeah we have a few...
> :-D Just noting things that would make him feel more at home in his new
> home. The little things are important no matter how you meet someone. I
> can honestly say that meeting and communicating this was is a true God
> send. Its far to easy to take someone for granted if you dont have to
> truly put forth effort to have them in your life.
> Deeply in love,
> Petes Angel
> --
> Posted via http://britishexpats.com
Search for Marmite on Google - you'll find a retailer, if not near you then
at one that will ship it to you.
Ron
"Petes Angel" wrote in message
news:442149.1034480225@britishexpats-
.com...
> The last message said "you cant see someones face when typing away to
> you." Yes you can. My fiance and I met one year ago this month. Both of
> coming out of failed marriages that did not begin on the internet. We
> first talked in emails, and then in Instant messages, and finally were
> able to chat on Netmeeting. We could see the others face, and hear each
> others voice, through this we learned so much about each other. Even my
> children developed a relationship with him. Our first meeting took place
> 4 mo after we started talking. And it was confirmed what we have is
> real. I must say, that with internet relationships there MUST be
> communication. And without communication NO relationship will work
> happily. This is all we had. I went out to England for 2 months this
> summer to be with him. Not only because I missed him and wanted to feel
> his sweet hugs again, but because the man I love is willing to leave his
> everything he has ever known to come to be with me, the VERY LEAST I
> could do is to fly out and meet his family, know who and where he came
> from. To know what it is he will be missing WHEN he IS homesick. And
> yes, he will be homesick. I took note of what his favorite things are
> there, keeping in mind if I had not seen it in the USA before. Marmite,
> we dont have, Not alot of Cider choices either but yeah we have a few...
> :-D Just noting things that would make him feel more at home in his new
> home. The little things are important no matter how you meet someone. I
> can honestly say that meeting and communicating this was is a true God
> send. Its far to easy to take someone for granted if you dont have to
> truly put forth effort to have them in your life.
> Deeply in love,
> Petes Angel
> --
> Posted via http://britishexpats.com
Oct 13th 2002, 1:56 pm
#18
Guest
Posts: n/a
Re: Internet and Divorce
You will never be happy when you get married with someone that you know from internet.I heard about this from a lot of people and it happened to me too.
i met him on internet last year and we have been enagaged about 9 months.He seemed so nice and different.But when i got here(march29,2002) he really showed me his true color.
He is a hot temper , beat me around and always fighted.
I thought i knew him but i was wrong.
We only been married about 4 months and now i found out that he cheated on me and have someone else.He dont even scared to hide it from me but he reeally proud doing that.Im ready to go home and start my new life.Im too young(19) to get married too and should wait longer before decided to marry him.he will never appreciate me .
people will never appreiate what they have untill they lose it.
So be carefull and dont trust anyone easily.Listen to what people around you said.
Reen
i met him on internet last year and we have been enagaged about 9 months.He seemed so nice and different.But when i got here(march29,2002) he really showed me his true color.
He is a hot temper , beat me around and always fighted.
I thought i knew him but i was wrong.
We only been married about 4 months and now i found out that he cheated on me and have someone else.He dont even scared to hide it from me but he reeally proud doing that.Im ready to go home and start my new life.Im too young(19) to get married too and should wait longer before decided to marry him.he will never appreciate me .
people will never appreiate what they have untill they lose it.
So be carefull and dont trust anyone easily.Listen to what people around you said.
Reen
Oct 13th 2002, 4:27 pm
#19
Guest
Posts: n/a
Re: Internet and Divorce
I am sorry to hear that your marriage is ending because of the abuse. But
this can happen also if you met a person in real life - after a few months
they can show themselves as being different than when you first met them.
A lot of people meet online and think they are so in love with that person
or they think you get to know them better on the internet than if you had
met them in person, but those are not the case. As in real life, you never
know what you get. A person can be the sweetest, most kindest person and
then once you are married, they turn into...well, compare them to Jeckle and
Hyde.
I have had a lot of men write to me on the internet but I seem to read into
their emails as phony people. I have had several online relationships and
knew right off when I met them, they were not for me. My best friend now is
a man I met online and dated from Germany. He broke up with me because he
could not handle a cold bed all the time.......but we understood each other
and now were are very close friends. But my husband now started up as just
a friend online and it took me over a year to finally say yes to marrying
him. I instantly knew he was right for me........so I spent a month with
him and married him and have not looked back.
You are very young and have your whole life ahead. I am 45 and my husband is
48. I think a lot of the ones that last from online relationships must have
maturity to them. If one is mature and the other is not, then it will never
work out.
And for the last thought - if a man hit me or beat me, he better sleep with
his eyes open, because it may be the last thing he does........no man is
worth that abuse.....I know, I lived in my past for 5 1/2 years with it and
would rather be in jail for murder than to live through it again.
Choose wisely........and since you are so young, have fun in your life, go
to college, get a career, travel, do things you want to do and things will
fall into place in the future.
"fareena2002" wrote in message
news:442804.1034560598@britishexpats-
.com...
> You will never be happy when you get married with someone that you know
> from internet.I heard about this from a lot of people and it happened to
> me too.
> i met him on internet last year and we have been enagaged about 9
> months.He seemed so nice and different.But when i got here(march29,2002)
> he really showed me his true color.
> He is a hot temper , beat me around and always fighted.
> I thought i knew him but i was wrong.
> We only been married about 4 months and now i found out that he cheated
> on me and have someone else.He dont even scared to hide it from me but
> he reeally proud doing that.Im ready to go home and start my new life.Im
> too young(19) to get married too and should wait longer before decided
> to marry him.he will never appreciate me .
> people will never appreiate what they have untill they lose it.
> So be carefull and dont trust anyone easily.Listen to what people
> around you said.
> Reen
> --
> Posted via http://britishexpats.com
this can happen also if you met a person in real life - after a few months
they can show themselves as being different than when you first met them.
A lot of people meet online and think they are so in love with that person
or they think you get to know them better on the internet than if you had
met them in person, but those are not the case. As in real life, you never
know what you get. A person can be the sweetest, most kindest person and
then once you are married, they turn into...well, compare them to Jeckle and
Hyde.
I have had a lot of men write to me on the internet but I seem to read into
their emails as phony people. I have had several online relationships and
knew right off when I met them, they were not for me. My best friend now is
a man I met online and dated from Germany. He broke up with me because he
could not handle a cold bed all the time.......but we understood each other
and now were are very close friends. But my husband now started up as just
a friend online and it took me over a year to finally say yes to marrying
him. I instantly knew he was right for me........so I spent a month with
him and married him and have not looked back.
You are very young and have your whole life ahead. I am 45 and my husband is
48. I think a lot of the ones that last from online relationships must have
maturity to them. If one is mature and the other is not, then it will never
work out.
And for the last thought - if a man hit me or beat me, he better sleep with
his eyes open, because it may be the last thing he does........no man is
worth that abuse.....I know, I lived in my past for 5 1/2 years with it and
would rather be in jail for murder than to live through it again.
Choose wisely........and since you are so young, have fun in your life, go
to college, get a career, travel, do things you want to do and things will
fall into place in the future.
"fareena2002" wrote in message
news:442804.1034560598@britishexpats-
.com...
> You will never be happy when you get married with someone that you know
> from internet.I heard about this from a lot of people and it happened to
> me too.
> i met him on internet last year and we have been enagaged about 9
> months.He seemed so nice and different.But when i got here(march29,2002)
> he really showed me his true color.
> He is a hot temper , beat me around and always fighted.
> I thought i knew him but i was wrong.
> We only been married about 4 months and now i found out that he cheated
> on me and have someone else.He dont even scared to hide it from me but
> he reeally proud doing that.Im ready to go home and start my new life.Im
> too young(19) to get married too and should wait longer before decided
> to marry him.he will never appreciate me .
> people will never appreiate what they have untill they lose it.
> So be carefull and dont trust anyone easily.Listen to what people
> around you said.
> Reen
> --
> Posted via http://britishexpats.com
Oct 14th 2002, 3:17 am
#20
Guest
Posts: n/a
Re: Internet and Divorce
And your so nice...
[email protected] wrote:
> You talk too much.
> Mike
> On Sat, 12 Oct 2002 22:28:42 -0400, "Mark"
> wrote:
>> Somewhere you will find just such a study, I found it one day when
>> searching
>> around for K-1 stuff. From what I remember, the data was scratchy, it was
>> not over a long period of time, and wasn't all that conclusive, but
>> did give
>> some numbers such as years staying together and so on. It might be on the
>> State Department or INS web site, seems to me it was a government
>> site that
>> had it.
>> Here is my theory.
[email protected] wrote:
> You talk too much.
> Mike
> On Sat, 12 Oct 2002 22:28:42 -0400, "Mark"
> wrote:
>> Somewhere you will find just such a study, I found it one day when
>> searching
>> around for K-1 stuff. From what I remember, the data was scratchy, it was
>> not over a long period of time, and wasn't all that conclusive, but
>> did give
>> some numbers such as years staying together and so on. It might be on the
>> State Department or INS web site, seems to me it was a government
>> site that
>> had it.
>> Here is my theory.
Oct 14th 2002, 3:26 am
#21
Guest
Posts: n/a
Re: Internet and Divorce
fareena2002 wrote:
> You will never be happy when you get married with someone that you
> know from internet.I heard about this from a lot of people and it
> happened to me too. i met him on internet last year and we have been
> enagaged about 9 months.He seemed so nice and different.But when i got
> here(march29,2002) he really showed me his true color. He is a hot
> temper , beat me around and always fighted. I thought i knew him but i
> was wrong. We only been married about 4 months and now i found out
> that he cheated on me and have someone else.He dont even scared to
> hide it from me but he reeally proud doing that.Im ready to go home
> and start my new life.Im too young(19) to get married too and should
> wait longer before decided to marry him.he will never appreciate me .
> people will never appreiate what they have untill they lose it.
> So be carefull and dont trust anyone easily.Listen to what people
> around you said.
One experience does not fact make. It always gets me when people somehow
attribute some kind of inherent evil just because it's the Internet.
This usually comes from people who do not understand something like the
Internet. When you really look at it the Internet, when used in this
fashion, is just another form of communication, just like say
newspapers. Do people look at personal ads and get together and marry?
Sure they do! Are those marriages successful? Sometimes. Do people meet
in bars and get married later? Sure they do! Are those marriages
successful? Again, sometimes. What's important really is what you do
after you mean, not the medium you use to meet. IOW it would not be any
safer to meet a foriegner by means of letter writing than by means of
the Internet. How does your relationship progress and mature after
meeting? How do you develop it, etc, etc.
The real question is long distance relationships, the kind were you
typically don't go out and be together 2, 3, 4 times a week and really
spend time together due to the distance. Hell you can "meet somebody on
the Internet" then find out she's the girl next door and have a regular
old courtship and happy marriage.
The Internet is not inherently bad - it's a tool, a medium. Use it as
such....
> You will never be happy when you get married with someone that you
> know from internet.I heard about this from a lot of people and it
> happened to me too. i met him on internet last year and we have been
> enagaged about 9 months.He seemed so nice and different.But when i got
> here(march29,2002) he really showed me his true color. He is a hot
> temper , beat me around and always fighted. I thought i knew him but i
> was wrong. We only been married about 4 months and now i found out
> that he cheated on me and have someone else.He dont even scared to
> hide it from me but he reeally proud doing that.Im ready to go home
> and start my new life.Im too young(19) to get married too and should
> wait longer before decided to marry him.he will never appreciate me .
> people will never appreiate what they have untill they lose it.
> So be carefull and dont trust anyone easily.Listen to what people
> around you said.
One experience does not fact make. It always gets me when people somehow
attribute some kind of inherent evil just because it's the Internet.
This usually comes from people who do not understand something like the
Internet. When you really look at it the Internet, when used in this
fashion, is just another form of communication, just like say
newspapers. Do people look at personal ads and get together and marry?
Sure they do! Are those marriages successful? Sometimes. Do people meet
in bars and get married later? Sure they do! Are those marriages
successful? Again, sometimes. What's important really is what you do
after you mean, not the medium you use to meet. IOW it would not be any
safer to meet a foriegner by means of letter writing than by means of
the Internet. How does your relationship progress and mature after
meeting? How do you develop it, etc, etc.
The real question is long distance relationships, the kind were you
typically don't go out and be together 2, 3, 4 times a week and really
spend time together due to the distance. Hell you can "meet somebody on
the Internet" then find out she's the girl next door and have a regular
old courtship and happy marriage.
The Internet is not inherently bad - it's a tool, a medium. Use it as
such....
Oct 14th 2002, 8:42 am
#22
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 14,049
Re: Internet and Divorce
I thought he offered some interesting perspectives.
Regards, JEff
Regards, JEff
Originally posted by mjones:
You talk too much.
Mike
On Sat, 12 Oct 2002 22:28:42 -0400, "Mark" wrote:
>Somewhere you will find just such a study, I found it one day when searching
>around for K-1 stuff. From what I remember, the data was scratchy, it was
>not over a long period of time, and wasn't all that conclusive, but did give
>some numbers such as years staying together and so on. It might be on the
>State Department or INS web site, seems to me it was a government site that
>had it.
>Here is my theory.
You talk too much.
Mike
On Sat, 12 Oct 2002 22:28:42 -0400, "Mark" wrote:
>Somewhere you will find just such a study, I found it one day when searching
>around for K-1 stuff. From what I remember, the data was scratchy, it was
>not over a long period of time, and wasn't all that conclusive, but did give
>some numbers such as years staying together and so on. It might be on the
>State Department or INS web site, seems to me it was a government site that
>had it.
>Here is my theory.
Oct 15th 2002, 1:51 am
#23
Forum Regular
Joined: Jul 2002
Location: 'burb of Chicago IL
Posts: 65
Re: Internet and Divorce
Some people just meet by accident on the internet, not going in to look for a partner. One night 3 years ago I went on a Compuserve British chat site just out of curiosity. I got bored and was going to sign off when a man pm'ed me. For some reason I found myself enjoying chatting with him. We were friends first and told each other many secrets, skeletons in the closet, deepest feelings and fears. I have to say I was never really that attracted to him for a long time in a romantic way. That was until he flew over here to see me and sparks flew!
We are not kids either, we're 40 and 45, both divorced with teenagers. It's been a very long and sometimes emotionally and financially bumpy road. He has lived here on a 10 years Visitor's Visa off and on for 2 1/2 years and I have been to England a few times as well.
What I'm getting at, is that often to make a relationship work long-term, you have to build a solid foundation first. That's what we are doing; since we both have kids we have to consider them first so we have each spent time getting to know the others kids.
We figure that by now we know each other well enough to get married so we will do so in January (if NSC comes through!).
The first few times we were apart for any length is was very hard but since we know we will spend the rest of our lives together it makes this "alone time" more tolerable. We don't even have the luxury of emails or long phone calls with each other; we rely on snail mail and shor calls from a phone box every other day.
And YES, you can get Marmite, HEinz beans, Walker's crisps and tons of other British foods in the US; there's an import shop just down the road from me in fact that even carries proper choccies and videos of Only Fools and Horse... HEAVEN!
sal
We are not kids either, we're 40 and 45, both divorced with teenagers. It's been a very long and sometimes emotionally and financially bumpy road. He has lived here on a 10 years Visitor's Visa off and on for 2 1/2 years and I have been to England a few times as well.
What I'm getting at, is that often to make a relationship work long-term, you have to build a solid foundation first. That's what we are doing; since we both have kids we have to consider them first so we have each spent time getting to know the others kids.
We figure that by now we know each other well enough to get married so we will do so in January (if NSC comes through!).
The first few times we were apart for any length is was very hard but since we know we will spend the rest of our lives together it makes this "alone time" more tolerable. We don't even have the luxury of emails or long phone calls with each other; we rely on snail mail and shor calls from a phone box every other day.
And YES, you can get Marmite, HEinz beans, Walker's crisps and tons of other British foods in the US; there's an import shop just down the road from me in fact that even carries proper choccies and videos of Only Fools and Horse... HEAVEN!
sal
Nov 14th 2002, 6:57 am
#24
Guest
Posts: n/a
Re: Internet and Divorce
"Margaret" wrote in message
news:[email protected]...
> I have to agree with your first line here, especially those with big
> cultural differences. I always got the impression (although I may be
> wrong) that immigrants with the cultural differences were more family
> oriented (as in being more close to their parents, siblings, etc),
> moreso than those of us in the West. I miss my family back in Canada
> however when I moved to the U.S. I experienced no big shock. No big
> difference in the Canadian way or American way of living.
> I was one who never thought I could fall in love with someone I had
> never met before in person, based solely on talking over the internet,
> on the phone, emailing, etc but it happened. When I met my future
> husband in person, it only confirmed more how much we loved each
> other. I've seen others in here who just want to apply for their
> fiances/fiancees to immigrate and get married without having met in
> person first. Yikes, what a scary thought!
Ok you had to have built up a mental image of what he was like, did the real
image match that a 100%? What if it didn't, at what point would you have
thought he was just a fake?
As to the scary thought, is it the amount of time they have known each
other? Or that the other person maybe a fake? Our divorce rate is at 50% or
more, and being divorce once doesn't seem to help things. Rates for divorce
people are even poorer. Please don't get me wrong, I don't think one should
marry lightly. I'm just not so sure that meeting one face to face means
much, unless it is simply about what they look like. My thoughts are a
marriage based on looks will not last.
So for the internet lovers, it seems, like you might have a better chance
than most. I'm thinking you meet the other person nightly, for chat. But to
chat or IM you have to talk, if you listen, I can't see how that will not
reveal much about the other person. Are they there night after night? Hard
to be caring on with someone else and be their night after night. How do
they fight with you? If they are calling you names on the internet, it's
unlikely they will not do it when your face to face. Are they willing to
share their life with you? If they're not willing to talk about their day in
IM, I don't think they'll start doing it when your married. They tell you
they will meet you at a certain time, do they? If they let you down now,
chance are they will when your married. What is your conversation about,
what do you talk about night after night? Is it just another form of phone
sex? Or is it about your future together, about your day, or your life?
Sure some of us love to be in love, more than love. I think their will
always be that person that can be taken advantage of. I'm just not so sure I
buy into that it is less real! We don't have to worry about what our
*friends* will think on the internet. At least not if your smart enough to
take it one on one. We don't have to drink, and most drunks I know don't
type well. Anytime you take a chance on someone else, your heart could be
hurt. But the real hurt comes when you will not take a chance anymore.
David
news:[email protected]...
> I have to agree with your first line here, especially those with big
> cultural differences. I always got the impression (although I may be
> wrong) that immigrants with the cultural differences were more family
> oriented (as in being more close to their parents, siblings, etc),
> moreso than those of us in the West. I miss my family back in Canada
> however when I moved to the U.S. I experienced no big shock. No big
> difference in the Canadian way or American way of living.
> I was one who never thought I could fall in love with someone I had
> never met before in person, based solely on talking over the internet,
> on the phone, emailing, etc but it happened. When I met my future
> husband in person, it only confirmed more how much we loved each
> other. I've seen others in here who just want to apply for their
> fiances/fiancees to immigrate and get married without having met in
> person first. Yikes, what a scary thought!
Ok you had to have built up a mental image of what he was like, did the real
image match that a 100%? What if it didn't, at what point would you have
thought he was just a fake?
As to the scary thought, is it the amount of time they have known each
other? Or that the other person maybe a fake? Our divorce rate is at 50% or
more, and being divorce once doesn't seem to help things. Rates for divorce
people are even poorer. Please don't get me wrong, I don't think one should
marry lightly. I'm just not so sure that meeting one face to face means
much, unless it is simply about what they look like. My thoughts are a
marriage based on looks will not last.
So for the internet lovers, it seems, like you might have a better chance
than most. I'm thinking you meet the other person nightly, for chat. But to
chat or IM you have to talk, if you listen, I can't see how that will not
reveal much about the other person. Are they there night after night? Hard
to be caring on with someone else and be their night after night. How do
they fight with you? If they are calling you names on the internet, it's
unlikely they will not do it when your face to face. Are they willing to
share their life with you? If they're not willing to talk about their day in
IM, I don't think they'll start doing it when your married. They tell you
they will meet you at a certain time, do they? If they let you down now,
chance are they will when your married. What is your conversation about,
what do you talk about night after night? Is it just another form of phone
sex? Or is it about your future together, about your day, or your life?
Sure some of us love to be in love, more than love. I think their will
always be that person that can be taken advantage of. I'm just not so sure I
buy into that it is less real! We don't have to worry about what our
*friends* will think on the internet. At least not if your smart enough to
take it one on one. We don't have to drink, and most drunks I know don't
type well. Anytime you take a chance on someone else, your heart could be
hurt. But the real hurt comes when you will not take a chance anymore.
David
Nov 14th 2002, 7:05 am
#25
Guest
Posts: n/a
Re: Internet and Divorce
Scarlett, a marriage takes two, so I'll buy that the one that's willing to
go half way around the world is in love. But what about the one that isn't,
or doesn't need to? Seems like that could be the weak link. Any thoughts on
that person?
--
David
"Scarlett" wrote in message
news:[email protected]...
> >From: "Mark" [email protected]
> >Now lets consider another factor. Who in their right mind is going to
> >move
> >half way around the world to live with someone if there isn't "true love"
> >involved. Sure, there will be the occasional person who is just out for a
> >green card, but I think most people who fall in love this way are truly
> >"wanting" to be with the other person. What woman is going to put herself
> >and possibly her child in harms way on a whim if she doesn't believe in
> >love
> >and the man she is going to be with. None, at least none of sound mind.
> >
> >So, when you combine these factors, I say, if you are the type of person
> >who
> >truly "wants to be married", someone who "wants to have a family" and
> >have
> >given it your best shot getting to know the other person, asked the
> >questions, traveled to see them a few times, showed them pictures of your
> >place, your life, divulged your financial situation with them, told them
> >the
> >truth and just plain been honest about things, I think the odds in
> >staying
> >married are better for the reasons I've discussed.
> >
> >I would love to hear other opinions.
> >
> ok here's another opinion:
> i agree
> i think the 'modern way' is to invest very little in a marriage. those of
> us
> who are giving up everything, packing our bags and taking our children
> halfway
> round the world to go be with the one we love (yes my children love him
> too - i
> couldn't do this otherwise) have invested our whole lives in this
> decision.
> it's not something i would even contemplate if i and my fiancé didn't
> intend to
> give it our all to make it work.
> regards
> -=-
> scarlett
>
go half way around the world is in love. But what about the one that isn't,
or doesn't need to? Seems like that could be the weak link. Any thoughts on
that person?
--
David
"Scarlett" wrote in message
news:[email protected]...
> >From: "Mark" [email protected]
> >Now lets consider another factor. Who in their right mind is going to
> >move
> >half way around the world to live with someone if there isn't "true love"
> >involved. Sure, there will be the occasional person who is just out for a
> >green card, but I think most people who fall in love this way are truly
> >"wanting" to be with the other person. What woman is going to put herself
> >and possibly her child in harms way on a whim if she doesn't believe in
> >love
> >and the man she is going to be with. None, at least none of sound mind.
> >
> >So, when you combine these factors, I say, if you are the type of person
> >who
> >truly "wants to be married", someone who "wants to have a family" and
> >have
> >given it your best shot getting to know the other person, asked the
> >questions, traveled to see them a few times, showed them pictures of your
> >place, your life, divulged your financial situation with them, told them
> >the
> >truth and just plain been honest about things, I think the odds in
> >staying
> >married are better for the reasons I've discussed.
> >
> >I would love to hear other opinions.
> >
> ok here's another opinion:
> i agree
> i think the 'modern way' is to invest very little in a marriage. those of
> us
> who are giving up everything, packing our bags and taking our children
> halfway
> round the world to go be with the one we love (yes my children love him
> too - i
> couldn't do this otherwise) have invested our whole lives in this
> decision.
> it's not something i would even contemplate if i and my fiancé didn't
> intend to
> give it our all to make it work.
> regards
> -=-
> scarlett
>
Nov 14th 2002, 7:46 am
#26
Guest
Posts: n/a
Re: Internet and Divorce
>Scarlett, a marriage takes two, so I'll buy that the one that's willing to
>go half way around the world is in love. But what about the one that isn't,
>or doesn't need to? Seems like that could be the weak link. Any thoughts on
>that person?
>--
>David
hi david,
phew - couldn't even remember contributing to this thread!!!
i'm afraid i can only speak from my own experience. i'm not willing to judge
'that person' - i don't know them i can tell you a little about the other
person in my own case.
i and my children are the ones setting off round the world, yes. BUT my fiancé
was willing to do the same. our reasons for our choice were pragmatic. i live
in a small ex-pit village. very beautiful area on the edge of the english lakes
that i adore - but not very practical. we would have to move from here and
start somewhere new where we knew no one if we were in england because there
just aren't the work opportunities where i live - i was going to have to do
that anyway when i finished my studies. in dallas, he has a job, i have been
offered one, and we both have lots of very supportive friends nearby.
the decision about who would do the travelling wasn't about which country we
preferred or who was willing to make the sacrifice. we were both willing to do
either. we're also agreed that, if after giving it a really good go, the
children aren't settled, or we're just not coping with the climate (my fiancé's
worry, not mine. i think we'll adapt) we'll consider packing up and trying
england.
what's important to both of us is that we're all together as a family. the next
most important things are providing for that family and being around the people
we love and who love us. choosing countries and who did the travelling was
minor in comparison.
in fact he assumed at first he would be the one to move as there's one of him
and three of us. it was a comment from my mum that set us thinking in other
directions and made us realise, while perhaps easier in the short-term, we
might want to consider doing things differently.
also, while i'm doing the move, he has been busy getting together a home for us
all. he's not just been sitting there waiting for us to turn up. he's worked at
least as hard as me towards our goal, given up many things so we could be
together, even sold off a lot of his stuff to buy things like bunk beds and
pretty things to make the children feel welcome.
before our plans he used to eat out nearly every day with friends. now he takes
sandwiches to work so he can save to make sure we get through that first few
months in case i can't take up my job offer as soon as i'd like. i may be doing
the travelling but that doesn't mean i'm the only one making an effort.
hope that goes some way to answering your question)
regards
-=-
scarlett
>go half way around the world is in love. But what about the one that isn't,
>or doesn't need to? Seems like that could be the weak link. Any thoughts on
>that person?
>--
>David
hi david,
phew - couldn't even remember contributing to this thread!!!
i'm afraid i can only speak from my own experience. i'm not willing to judge
'that person' - i don't know them
i can tell you a little about the otherperson in my own case.
i and my children are the ones setting off round the world, yes. BUT my fiancé
was willing to do the same. our reasons for our choice were pragmatic. i live
in a small ex-pit village. very beautiful area on the edge of the english lakes
that i adore - but not very practical. we would have to move from here and
start somewhere new where we knew no one if we were in england because there
just aren't the work opportunities where i live - i was going to have to do
that anyway when i finished my studies. in dallas, he has a job, i have been
offered one, and we both have lots of very supportive friends nearby.
the decision about who would do the travelling wasn't about which country we
preferred or who was willing to make the sacrifice. we were both willing to do
either. we're also agreed that, if after giving it a really good go, the
children aren't settled, or we're just not coping with the climate (my fiancé's
worry, not mine. i think we'll adapt) we'll consider packing up and trying
england.
what's important to both of us is that we're all together as a family. the next
most important things are providing for that family and being around the people
we love and who love us. choosing countries and who did the travelling was
minor in comparison.
in fact he assumed at first he would be the one to move as there's one of him
and three of us. it was a comment from my mum that set us thinking in other
directions and made us realise, while perhaps easier in the short-term, we
might want to consider doing things differently.
also, while i'm doing the move, he has been busy getting together a home for us
all. he's not just been sitting there waiting for us to turn up. he's worked at
least as hard as me towards our goal, given up many things so we could be
together, even sold off a lot of his stuff to buy things like bunk beds and
pretty things to make the children feel welcome.
before our plans he used to eat out nearly every day with friends. now he takes
sandwiches to work so he can save to make sure we get through that first few
months in case i can't take up my job offer as soon as i'd like. i may be doing
the travelling but that doesn't mean i'm the only one making an effort.
hope that goes some way to answering your question
)regards
-=-
scarlett
