Margaret

Ok...my curiosity is getting to me again either that I have too much
time on my hands. My husband says I'm nuts.

This is going to sound so negative but here goes.

Just wondered if anyone has done research on internet meetings and
marriages and what the percent of divorce rate has been on it. You
hear of so many successes but then you hear also of some that have not
worked out.

Just curious......

Steggy

Margaret wrote:
    > Ok...my curiosity is getting to me again either that I have too much
    > time on my hands. My husband says I'm nuts.

He might be right)
    > This is going to sound so negative but here goes.
    > Just wondered if anyone has done research on internet meetings and
    > marriages and what the percent of divorce rate has been on it. You
    > hear of so many successes but then you hear also of some that have not
    > worked out.
    > Just curious......


I would like to see a study about immigrants who come over
to marry their loved one, and the divorce rate on
that.......internet is just an initial way to get to know
each other. Besides the fraud aspect, I do not believe
internet solely is enough to get married.......although....I
was on a plane to Amsterdamm once, leaving my girl. In the
plane was a girl also from my current area, who got her
divorce papers, left her kid and flew over with 20 boxes to
her lover from internet in Germany...they never met in real
before, but she got married, I lost contact, but I must say
that baffles me

--
steg

A-Lee

I hear it was about 10% of the people who meet online actually get married
and stay married. It may be up from that now. This was going around on the
internet a few years ago before it became really popular. It would be nice
though it someone researched it but a lot of work.

Ambria

"steggy" wrote in message
news:[email protected]...
    > Margaret wrote:
    > >
    > > Ok...my curiosity is getting to me again either that I have too much
    > > time on my hands. My husband says I'm nuts.
    > He might be right)
    > >
    > > This is going to sound so negative but here goes.
    > >
    > > Just wondered if anyone has done research on internet meetings and
    > > marriages and what the percent of divorce rate has been on it. You
    > > hear of so many successes but then you hear also of some that have not
    > > worked out.
    > >
    > > Just curious......
    > I would like to see a study about immigrants who come over
    > to marry their loved one, and the divorce rate on
    > that.......internet is just an initial way to get to know
    > each other. Besides the fraud aspect, I do not believe
    > internet solely is enough to get married.......although....I
    > was on a plane to Amsterdamm once, leaving my girl. In the
    > plane was a girl also from my current area, who got her
    > divorce papers, left her kid and flew over with 20 boxes to
    > her lover from internet in Germany...they never met in real
    > before, but she got married, I lost contact, but I must say
    > that baffles me
    > --
    > steg

Paul

In article , A-Lee
writes

    >I hear it was about 10% of the people who meet online actually get married
    >and stay married.

If you have a cite for this figure it would make a starting point.
--
paul
58-77 Sheffield 77-79 Coventry 79-88 Sheffield 88-97 Milton Keynes
97-99 London 99-00 Seattle 00-?? Fremont

A-Lee

Nope sorry, I don't have a site for this.......it was many years ago and I
never seen myself meeting and marrying someone online, so I never bothered
to pursue it any further. I have been using the internet since the late
80's and the 10% is what I heard in the early 90's. My, has times changed!
lol


"paul" wrote in message
news:[email protected]
m...
    > In article , A-Lee
    > writes
    > >I hear it was about 10% of the people who meet online actually get
married
    > >and stay married.
    > If you have a cite for this figure it would make a starting point.
    > --
    > paul
    > 58-77 Sheffield 77-79 Coventry 79-88 Sheffield 88-97 Milton Keynes
    > 97-99 London 99-00 Seattle 00-?? Fremont

Mark

Somewhere you will find just such a study, I found it one day when searching
around for K-1 stuff. From what I remember, the data was scratchy, it was
not over a long period of time, and wasn't all that conclusive, but did give
some numbers such as years staying together and so on. It might be on the
State Department or INS web site, seems to me it was a government site that
had it.

Here is my theory. And this is just a theory, no scientific background,
just 44 years of being around, seeing marriages come and go, being in 2 long
term relationships (7 and 13 years), but never married.

I say this. Your chances of having a good relationship are better going
about finding your mate on the internet. The reasons are multiple. In the
USA, it is my opinion that US Citizens take their marriage vows with far too
little weight, and are far to willing to give into divorce as a easy way
out. Many states have no fault divorce. Also, our legal system is so geared
toward setting up support for a woman who simply wants out or a marriage
(esp if there are kids), that many women cash in their chips knowing they
can call up the first divorce attorney and get the husband to pay for their
new life. I'm not saying someone should stay in a bad marriage, nor am I
saying that the man isn't the fault of a failed marriage.

In most other countries these safety nets are not in place. People stay
together more often due to financial reasons and the lack of exposure to
easy divorce. And when the girls get together on wednesday night, they are
not swapping stories about how Susan's lawyer got Jim good and now she has
the house and kids and so on. So when you find a woman from (in my case
South Africa), many times they come from a family who has stuck it out, who
have built generations of history. My girl wants history, she is so proud
of her family and their strength. I can't seem to find it here in the USA,
sorry to say.

Now lets consider another factor. Who in their right mind is going to move
half way around the world to live with someone if there isn't "true love"
involved. Sure, there will be the occasional person who is just out for a
green card, but I think most people who fall in love this way are truly
"wanting" to be with the other person. What woman is going to put herself
and possibly her child in harms way on a whim if she doesn't believe in love
and the man she is going to be with. None, at least none of sound mind.

So, when you combine these factors, I say, if you are the type of person who
truly "wants to be married", someone who "wants to have a family" and have
given it your best shot getting to know the other person, asked the
questions, traveled to see them a few times, showed them pictures of your
place, your life, divulged your financial situation with them, told them the
truth and just plain been honest about things, I think the odds in staying
married are better for the reasons I've discussed.

I would love to hear other opinions.

Mark
"Margaret" e in message
news:f51bd102.0210121312-
[email protected]...
    > Ok...my curiosity is getting to me again either that I have too much
    > time on my hands. My husband says I'm nuts.
    > This is going to sound so negative but here goes.
    > Just wondered if anyone has done research on internet meetings and
    > marriages and what the percent of divorce rate has been on it. You
    > hear of so many successes but then you hear also of some that have not
    > worked out.
    > Just curious......

cindyabs

I think the statistical rate would be about the same because of human nature. The internet gives an individual freedom to express themselves in ways they can't in person. That's the positive side. The down side of it is that you can't see someone's face when they are typing away to you. Having said that, the essence of what we are comes thru in person or online, unless of course someone is a complete liar .....It's a leap of faith. I'm lucky my man was as he presented himself. We met online almost 4 years ago and became engaged, sight unseen after two phone conversations within two days!! Lest you think, aw just a couple of crazy kids..he's 53 and I'm 50,

mjones

You talk too much.
Mike

On Sat, 12 Oct 2002 22:28:42 -0400, "Mark" wrote:

    >Somewhere you will find just such a study, I found it one day when searching
    >around for K-1 stuff. From what I remember, the data was scratchy, it was
    >not over a long period of time, and wasn't all that conclusive, but did give
    >some numbers such as years staying together and so on. It might be on the
    >State Department or INS web site, seems to me it was a government site that
    >had it.
    >Here is my theory.

Petes Angel

The last message said "you cant see someones face when typing away to you." Yes you can. My fiance and I met one year ago this month. Both of coming out of failed marriages that did not begin on the internet. We first talked in emails, and then in Instant messages, and finally were able to chat on Netmeeting. We could see the others face, and hear each others voice, through this we learned so much about each other. Even my children developed a relationship with him. Our first meeting took place 4 mo after we started talking. And it was confirmed what we have is real. I must say, that with internet relationships there MUST be communication. And without communication NO relationship will work happily. This is all we had. I went out to England for 2 months this summer to be with him. Not only because I missed him and wanted to feel his sweet hugs again, but because the man I love is willing to leave his everything he has ever known to come to be with me, the VERY LEAST I could do is to fly out and meet his family, know who and where he came from. To know what it is he will be missing WHEN he IS homesick. And yes, he will be homesick. I took note of what his favorite things are there, keeping in mind if I had not seen it in the USA before. Marmite, we dont have, Not alot of Cider choices either but yeah we have a few... :-D Just noting things that would make him feel more at home in his new home. The little things are important no matter how you meet someone. I can honestly say that meeting and communicating this was is a true God send. Its far to easy to take someone for granted if you dont have to truly put forth effort to have them in your life.

Deeply in love,
Petes Angel

Margaret

steggy wrote in message news:...
    > Margaret wrote:
    > >
    > > Ok...my curiosity is getting to me again either that I have too much
    > > time on my hands. My husband says I'm nuts.
    > He might be right)
    > >
    > > This is going to sound so negative but here goes.
    > >
    > > Just wondered if anyone has done research on internet meetings and
    > > marriages and what the percent of divorce rate has been on it. You
    > > hear of so many successes but then you hear also of some that have not
    > > worked out.
    > >
    > > Just curious......
    > I would like to see a study about immigrants who come over
    > to marry their loved one, and the divorce rate on
    > that.......internet is just an initial way to get to know
    > each other. Besides the fraud aspect, I do not believe
    > internet solely is enough to get married.......although....I
    > was on a plane to Amsterdamm once, leaving my girl. In the
    > plane was a girl also from my current area, who got her
    > divorce papers, left her kid and flew over with 20 boxes to
    > her lover from internet in Germany...they never met in real
    > before, but she got married, I lost contact, but I must say
    > that baffles me


I have to agree with your first line here, especially those with big
cultural differences. I always got the impression (although I may be
wrong) that immigrants with the cultural differences were more family
oriented (as in being more close to their parents, siblings, etc),
moreso than those of us in the West. I miss my family back in Canada
however when I moved to the U.S. I experienced no big shock. No big
difference in the Canadian way or American way of living.

I was one who never thought I could fall in love with someone I had
never met before in person, based solely on talking over the internet,
on the phone, emailing, etc but it happened. When I met my future
husband in person, it only confirmed more how much we loved each
other. I've seen others in here who just want to apply for their
fiances/fiancees to immigrate and get married without having met in
person first. Yikes, what a scary thought!

Caro

I made a very quick internet search (and therefore, I am not sure of how reliable it is. People need to be advertising their business...). But, at this address:
http://www.worldwidelove.net/faq.htm
I found the following statement:
"What is the divorce rate for foreign-American marriages?There are no reliable figures, but the general consensus is that it is half that of American-American marriages".

Caroline

Erik Van Roode

paul wrote:
    > In article , A-Lee
    > writes
    >>I hear it was about 10% of the people who meet online actually get married
    >>and stay married.
    > If you have a cite for this figure it would make a starting point.

I'd guess that a 10% success rate is a lot higher than for 'meeting in bar'

Erik

Steggy

Margaret wrote:
    > steggy wrote in message news:...
    > > Margaret wrote:
    > > >
    > I have to agree with your first line here, especially those with big
    > cultural differences. I always got the impression (although I may be
    > wrong) that immigrants with the cultural differences were more family
    > oriented (as in being more close to their parents, siblings, etc),
    > moreso than those of us in the West. I miss my family back in Canada
    > however when I moved to the U.S. I experienced no big shock. No big
    > difference in the Canadian way or American way of living.
    > I was one who never thought I could fall in love with someone I had
    > never met before in person, based solely on talking over the internet,
    > on the phone, emailing, etc but it happened. When I met my future
    > husband in person, it only confirmed more how much we loved each
    > other. I've seen others in here who just want to apply for their
    > fiances/fiancees to immigrate and get married without having met in
    > person first. Yikes, what a scary thought!

Yes the differences between Canada and America are hardly
the point I would say. Between (Western) Europe and America,
that is already another story. Besides what everybody feels
(family and friends) it is also a different way of life, the
cities are different, it all is so much more quaint down
there, if I may say so. It is not a big shock, all
democracies, kapitalist countries, but the differences in
daily life are noticable and sometimes harsh. Let alone
people from further away, both in distance as in cultural
aspects. But they have often the advantage of better
opportunities in life. I dare to say that is not the strive
for most people coming from Europe or Canada.

Your second paragraph: yes it is a scary thought. Nobody
should be advized to do such a thing. How many fakers are
there on internet, it is unbelievable. And still it is a
great medium (media??? visum>visa??) to get to know
people. I know many good people who are happy together, and
met through the internet. Most of them did not emmigrate of course


--
steg

Scarlett

    >From: "Mark" [email protected]

    >Now lets consider another factor. Who in their right mind is going to move
    >half way around the world to live with someone if there isn't "true love"
    >involved. Sure, there will be the occasional person who is just out for a
    >green card, but I think most people who fall in love this way are truly
    >"wanting" to be with the other person. What woman is going to put herself
    >and possibly her child in harms way on a whim if she doesn't believe in love
    >and the man she is going to be with. None, at least none of sound mind.
    >So, when you combine these factors, I say, if you are the type of person who
    >truly "wants to be married", someone who "wants to have a family" and have
    >given it your best shot getting to know the other person, asked the
    >questions, traveled to see them a few times, showed them pictures of your
    >place, your life, divulged your financial situation with them, told them the
    >truth and just plain been honest about things, I think the odds in staying
    >married are better for the reasons I've discussed.
    >I would love to hear other opinions.

ok here's another opinion:

i agree

i think the 'modern way' is to invest very little in a marriage. those of us
who are giving up everything, packing our bags and taking our children halfway
round the world to go be with the one we love (yes my children love him too - i
couldn't do this otherwise) have invested our whole lives in this decision.
it's not something i would even contemplate if i and my fiancé didn't intend to
give it our all to make it work.

regards
-=-
scarlett

Marjeta

Statistics are one thing, but real life is something else. I think the
success of a relationship depends more on the people involved, their
characters and attitude than on how they met.