mrsockmonkey

Ok, I am faced with a huge dilemma.


The story is this:


Last April, I began chatting via IM to an American lady. We just chatted as friends to start off with, but a month or so later, we realised that we were both developing feelings for one another. I had always been very sceptical of such things, that people could find one another on the Net and actually have feelings for somebody they had never met. We continued to so this, yet remained realistic about the fact that if we ever did meet, it might not be the same in 'real life'.

Anyway, she came over to Europe for a couple of weeks in September of last year, to see whether this was all just fantasy, or whether it was actually something tangible that was going on. She came and we had the most *wonderful* time together. We had been frank and honest about who we were, and what we wanted. Therefore there were no surprises. When she went back to the states, we were both gutted. So I decided that I would go to the states on a visa waiver and see again whether we were just as good together living in *her* country. Well, here I am now 6 weeks into my stay in Los Angeles. And we ARE just as good together, I love her with all my heart, we get on SO well. She obviously feels the same. You also have to remember that we haven't just been in contact for the times we have actually been together, there has been LOADS of IM messages, phone calls and e-mails. I had a wad of phonecards that had been generated by our correspondence, we spoke on the phone virtually every day after she had been to Europe, even if it was just to leave a message on the answering machine. So she called an immigration lawyer today, but the news wasn't good, i.e. that if we were to marry and I wanted to apply to stay here, I'd have to return to the UK and wait FIVE months before my application would be dealt with. Needless to say, the idea of being apart for so long is upsetting, not to mention the fact that the lawyer wants 1800 dollars for doing this, money that neither of us has.


I have never felt so good with a partner and really do not want the anguish of being separated from her for SUCH a long time, I know she feels the same. My question to people here is this: is there ANY way I can change my status so that we can be together without having to be apart for so long?


All I want to do is be with her, get a job and be able to make a contribution towards our living costs. I obviously brought money with me, but that would not last beyond the three months. And apart from kicking my heels sometimes when she's working, I want to be able to earn my share of the costs and just be able to help make a good life for us both.


Could I adjust my status so that we could stay together? I don't have a criminal record and am not at all worried that something in my background could hinder any visa application.


I just don't want to leave her in 6 weeks time or for her to have to miss me, which I know she would.


Does anybody have any suggestions? I would be eternally grateful for any help any of you out there could give us both.



micky

supernav

Whew, what a poet! If I were a chick i'd have my pants charmed off by you too. But I still won't put out.

Anyways -- You plan on being with this woman til she's old, hagged, sitting in a rocking chair, and talking about the Ed Sullivan days while knitting sweaters...

is FIVE MONTHS really going to make that much of a difference?

If you truly DO love her, cherish the last 5 months of your single life and plan your wedding, tie up finances, start packing, etc. That in itself should take a few months at that.

Think about it.

I know if *I* went to Astonia, and met a hot Astonian girl, i'd want to come home cuz I got DSL bills to pay (to talk to you bobos), rent to pay, concerts to see, clothes to buy, etc. etc.

A move across continents is a BIG move, and you're saying you're all set and ready to just live here, with nothing more than your two suitcases?

Sure I guess you *could* adjust legally if you two get married and stay here. Of you could find another visa in the meantime (non-immigrant). But if you do get married, be prepared to show that you initially entered merely to check out the sites, be a tourist, etc. Cuz if you didn't -- you're just gonna make it harder for the next single European guy wanting to use VWP to come here to *really* be a tourist. The INS ain't stupid.

Marraige is a big thing. It's FOREVER. Take more than 6 weeks to think about it and avoid getting swept away by emotions. Love is always great when you just found it. It's brand new with zero miles. Give it some mileage and see how it runs first.

-= nav =-

mrsockmonkey

Thanks for the reply Nav, I appreciate you taking the time to read through all of that. You literally hit it on the head when you asked if I was ready to just live over here with nothing but my two suitcases, because those two suitcases are already all I have. You see, it's not as if it's the first time I've lived outside of the UK, I also lived in the Netherlands for eleven years so I'm actually MORE used to living away from home. And you have to remember, my correspondence with her dates back almost a year, and was on a daily basis after she came to see me in Holland last September. So it isn't as if neither of us know what we would be getting into. We haven't just found the love, if anything it was around since about last May, and was confirmed last September. I have no qualms about being away from home, done it before and in the states, I wouldn't have to learn a new language like I did in the Netherlands and I WOULD be with the one I love.


I DO want to spend the rest of my days with her, I've never got on with anyone so well. But thank you for taking the time to read and reply to my post Nav.


If anybody else can throw in their opinion or a suggestion, please do.

GoodGirl_J

It would be good if you browse the US Marriage Based Visas here in Britishexpats.

I think the lawyer you contacted was telling the truth. It is almost impossible to apply for adjustment of status when you are in the States as a tourist. You might get denied pretty quickly, because they would say it was your intention to get married when you entered the country on a non-immigrant visa.

You would have to go back home soon and apply for fiance visas. Your love will have to fill out loads of forms (in one of them she needs to prove that her income is 125% above the poverty level...which is currently about $12000/year, I think).

It IS possible that you would have to wait in your country for about 5 months till all the paperwork is processed by INS and sent to London embassy. After all the waiting, you'll get fiance visa and will have 90 days to get married after you enter the US.

I don't have any other info on this process, so check with people in the other foru. There is a LOT of folks who are going through this process right now.

And to make you feel better, there is a lot of people who met their love on-line (including me). I got married to a US citizen last October, but my process is a bit easier then yours, since I was in the US on a temporary work permit.

Anyway, hope everything works out for you.

Jozef

Nav has summed it up well.

Since you're on a WV, you don't even have a 'status' to adjust to Permanent
Resident Status. Of course, all those irregularities are usually forgiven
when a USC is involved, but it's an additional hassle.
You would be doing everybody a *huge* favor by going by the book - five
months isn't really that long. And your fiancée could hop over halfway
through, to ease the pain! :-)



"mrsockmonkey" <member20585@british_expats.com> wrote in message
news:[email protected]...
    > Originally posted by supernav A move across continents is
    > a BIG move, and you're saying you're all set and ready to just live
    > here, with nothing more than your two suitcases?
    > >
    > > Sure I guess you
    > *could* adjust legally if you two get married and stay here. Of you
    > could find another visa in the meantime (non-immigrant). But if you do
    > get married, be prepared to show that you initially entered merely to
    > check out the sites, be a tourist, etc. Cuz if you didn't -- you're
    > just gonna make it harder for the next single European guy wanting to
    > use VWP to come here to *really* be a tourist. The INS ain't stupid.
    > >
    > > Marraige is a big thing. It's FOREVER. Take more than 6 weeks to
    > think about it and avoid getting swept away by emotions. Love is always
    > great when you just found it. It's brand new with zero miles. Give it
    > some mileage and see how it runs first.
    > >
    > > -= nav =-
    > Thanks for the reply Nav, I appreciate you taking the time to read
    > through all of that. You literally hit it on the head when you asked if
    > I was ready to just live over here with nothing but my two suitcases,
    > because those two suitcases are already all I have. You see, it's not as
    > if it's the first time I've lived outside of the UK, I also lived in the
    > Netherlands for eleven years so I'm actually MORE used to living away
    > from home. And you have to remember, my correspondence with her dates
    > back almost a year, and was on a daily basis after she came to see me in
    > Holland last September. So it isn't as if neither of us know what we
    > would be getting into. We haven't just found the love, if anything it
    > was around since about last May, and was confirmed last September. I
    > have no qualms about being away from home, done it before and in the
    > states, I wouldn't have to learn a new language like I did in the
    > Netherlands and I WOULD be with the one I love.
    > I DO want to spend the
    > rest of my days with her, I've never got on with anyone so well. But
    > thank you for taking the time to read and reply to my post Nav.
    > If
    > anybody else can throw in their opinion or a suggestion, please do.
    > --
    > Posted via http://britishexpats.com

crg

It's much more difficult to adjust status from the visa waiver program. Five months isn't such a long time and it would cut down on the overall hassle.

AlisonPA

You can adjust status from a visa waiver. Loads of people do it. None of you have read the correct wording about this. The only way you can adjust status from a VW is if you are the immediate relative of a US citizen (that means "spouse"). I am surprised your lawyer told you to go leave the US. You have to marry and apply for AOS as soon as you can. I would also find another lawyer. We consulted two lawyers who both told me to stay in the US and marry. Why did he mention five months I wonder? To apply for a fiance visa can take anything from 3 months to a year in some service centres.

If she can support you until you can get the employment authorisation document then all is well. But look at the forum on US marriage based visas - there is a lot of information about AOS on a visa waiver. I advise you not to leave the country.

crg

Do you think the AOS would be messier a K-1 visa? You've been through the process. He may want to consider how tough it will be to travel in the short-term if he has to return home for something.

AlisonPA

It's not messy at all to AOS after marriage on a VW. You have to do the same thing anyway even if you marry on a K-1 visa and apply for Advance Parole. There are no short cuts to getting the Advance Parole - some centres let you do it on the day you take in your AOS papers some don't. There is no preferential treatment of dealing with papers if you apply from a VW or a K-1.

crg

Some K-1s schedule their wedding in the US, and the reception in Canada later the same day. Now that gets messy. It's also tough to go foreign for the honeymoon.

drvr1

What kind of answer is this NAV? Why the cold water?
The man is in love and love has no logic or calculation.
Who gives a damn what the CIS officers think? They should
control the borders not police people's hearts and intensions.
How about a "guest lover program" for peoploe who are
honest and will tell you why they come to the US? The present
system divides families and lovers and above all forces
good people to lie- for in love and war all is fair.

supernav

I can fall in love with a 300lb vicious man-eating tiger. Mind if I move my little tiger next door to you?

Oh wait -- it'll inconvenience you. It'll put your kids at risk.

But I have a RIGHT to put my kitty there. How DARE you put restrictions on my man-beast!

I had to be absurd to drive a point. You're bringing someone in on MY(our) turf. I want to know this person REALLY belongs here. Won't kill me in my sleep. Won't deal drugs. Won't be a burden on me.

That's what CIS is for. To ensure right people get in. Wrong people stay out.

CIS could give a rat's ass about love. Be it between me and my 300lb tiger or him and his fiancee. Love doesn't exist cuz it's a made-up human term for an emotion that change with a moment's notice. What exists though is "eligibility" and "proof".

-= nav =-

drvr1

Well, you paint a world that sounds like a zoo! let's not live
in that world. (my ladies all fair, though my heart is dark with
sorrow, lovers are true though this night we must borrow....
I traded immortal life for the brief splendor of your eyes,
hold me in thy flames, my wings for this flight were given
and no walls of heaven or hell)(I am even better than this
guy, wouldn't you say?) Love is the most important thing,
love is that which binds us and prevents us from
degenerating into animals of
your vivid imagination(do you like Dali? I
could not help but see his painting of the tiger out of fish leaping
on the bosom of a woman) and fear. No laws of men should stand between the hearts that love brings near. "Love doesn't exist "? Well well, a chip on our shoulder.

How about giving it another try! to dream, the dream of the dusty moon.

AlisonPA

Why do you have to "go foreign" for the honeymoon? And the US is foreign for the new spouse. There must be places to go that the American hasn't been to. That's not a big problem to overcome. Or have a belated honeymoon after you get the AP. There's also Hawaii.

crg

Some people don't realize that the K-1 isn't valid after the marriage takes place. Then they leave to their honeymoon and can't get back in. I'd recommend your idea. Hawaii is nice.