After nearly 10 years of planning to live in US, my sponser, my brother and his wife have changed their minds. They say it is too risky and if we get into debt it will be their debt, despite the fact we have taken measures to ensure this does not happen. We told them they knew this when they first sponsered us, they deny this. Not much we can do, but anyone else experienced similar disappointment?

Sounds like a deeper issue than that presented.

If you run up $50k on a credit card or default on your mortgage or car loan, they aren't responsible for that.

If you run up a $50k debt at the hospital's emergency room AND the government reimburses the hospital (probably at 10c on the dollar!), then the government COULD claim against your sponsor.

Are you sure they're working with the facts?

We feel there is more to it. They now wont talk to us, but they have $1.2 million on mortgages (they bought 12 duplexes some years ago) They are maxed out on credit cards. They have loans. My brother has been out of work twice in the last 5 years. They had the nerve to call us High Risk!!!
All we have is one small mortgage on a house we bought in US 4 years ago.
They said they had seen lawyers who advise them against this.

So the problem is something else. I find it's best to be blunt with family. Tell them you're not buying the reason and they need to be honest with you if they wish to continue a relationship.

Well, they have the right to change their minds for whatever reason they give. Is it a good reason? Probably not... but that doesn't alter the situation any.

I suggest you move on with your life - and if you want to punish them (as I would in such a situation), I suggest you move on without your brother and his wife in your life!

Ian

Sadly my sister-in-law pushes my brother's buttons. If she buys some tablets and the instructions say you could turn purple, she would assume she WILL turn purple and throw the tabs away. She is neurotic! My bro works in another state from where they are living. I tried to call him the other day -it was 6am his time. No answer. I called her and said where is my bro and she said in bed of course! and then got hysterical when I asked why they were not going to sponser us, she actually said we were conning them and going to sponge off them and use them as an insurance company, before I could say whaaat she hung up. So I think we are up against a brick wall. I am sure they are not telling us everything but I do not think we can do anymore. I have written to my brother to tell him how disappointed and bewildered we are with them. Luckily we still have security and a life in UK so I guess we just have to accept that our dream to live and work in US will now have to be just a holiday. I do think if it had just been my bro, he would not have done this to us.
Yes Ian I just saw your reply - you are right we are already planning to work hard here and have some lovely hols. Made me a stronger but sadly less trusting person.

I'm sorry to hear this: it sucks arse, for sure, but as you say, you still have a life in the UK.

One thing though: imagine if you had gone over there with your bro and SIL as your sponsors, and she decided to turn even more into the bitch queen from hell, calling you every three minutes, reminding you that you were only there because she was an angel, and generally being a pain in the bum. Sounds to me like you might be better off in Blighty. I would personally hate to be beholden to some sort of cow like you describe...

Thanks Nettlebed, a friend said pretty much the same.

I really get the feeling their life is about to or has gone tits up financially, maybe they can't sponsor you at the moment. That's my gut reaction to what you've said anyway.

Good thought. It may well be that they don't want to be embarrassed about their financial situation. In which case if they're honest, you have the possible options of co-self-sponsorship or co-sponsorship from another person.

I had never heard of co-sponsoring - Can you tell me where we could find out more about this? We never imagined there would be any alternative routes. Thank you so much for your help.

They sound very sensible people ...I would certainly never sign up for that deal~
and there are an awful lot of people who wish they had not

Just seemed to me they could be transferring the fear they have of their own debts onto the other couple. If that's the case they aren't likely to be upfront about things.

They must sponsor you as the petitioners. But if they fail to meet the necessary income/capital levels, you can meet the requirement using co-sponsors. So they could fill out the form declaring they have no income or capital, and you could fill out the form showing you have the necessary (125% x poverty guidelines x 5) capital in the bank to make up for it.

Your wife did it for you. ?