Noorah101

So are you trying to go for sole custody? Because it seems you aren't OK with joint custody, since she will then have the right to take the child to Canada.

ian-mstm

This is a common misconception. For Canadians going to the US, the required visas are usually (but not always) *waived*... which, while the end result is much the same, is not the same as not needing a visa.


Please don't misinterpret what we've been doing. All too often in this forum, we have seen what happens when a divorce is imminent and a person's expectations of justice are very high They find that the reality is not the same as the expectation. More than anything else, we're hoping to prepare you for what is likely to happen - which may be entirely different from what you are expecting to happen.

Ian

Noorah101

I don't quite understand this statement. Where someone is born doesn't mean they necessarily belong in that country. If I, as a USC, go to Iran with my husband, and I give birth to a child there...that child will be an Iranian citizen. Does that mean the child "belongs" in Iran and should stay there? Not in my opinion. Plus, a 3 year old child is too young (I think) to have a sense of belonging anywhere.

The child is both US and Canadian. IMO, he "belongs" in both countries.

Rene

Rete

Not necessarily true. Even if awarded full custody, that does not mean she will be awarded the right to move the child from the country. Hence my thought that the father should do all in his power to ensure that his wife successfully remove the conditions from her status.

Fighting over who has the right to full custody of a child is only detrimental, IMO, to the child. Parents should be mindful of that and not use the child' s life and emotions as a football to be tossed back and foth. The child is entitled to the love, care and physical support of both parents. Mother might want to return to Canada to live and that is all well and good but the father who does not have the righ to live and work in Canada should have the ability to share custody of the child on an equal standing.

Working together for the benefit of the child's future relationship with both parents is what they should be aiming to do.

She has to get off her little rant and revenge horse and deal with reality for herself and her child's welfare in connection with her soon to be ex-husband and also will be child's father.

klinus

As God is my witness I would love to do a 50/50 shared custody, that would be the right thing to do for the boy - and that is what I think the courts will go for. I would have filed the 751; unfortunately her threat to take the boy to Canada right around when her conditial GC expired forced me to file, with its concomitant CA restraining order (for the child)

However, she wants full custody; futher I don't believe that she can last in this high cost area and she will eventually (read <2 years) tuck her tail between her legs and head back to Canada. This would results in a huge battle which is not good for the boy.

davdah

As a rule the California courts will not allow her to remove the child from this country. For that matter not even from the state without your concent. Even to move from the state she will have to go through a lot. The idea being, finally, the courts are beginning to see a father is a parent to. His parenting is just as important as hers. I can pretty much guarantee she won't get full custody assuming your not a nut case. Normally the courts award joint physical and legal custody. That is important, legal. Sole legal custody would give her the right to remove the minor child without your concent. You may want to look at what the extradition policy is with Canada in case she does a midnight run with your child. The courts are well versed in these issues and they take into consideration the very real possibility of one parent fleeing the country with children.

klinus

Thanks for the (first) words of encouragement. Last count, I’m not a nut case, but in anticipation of such an accusation I have the AMA’s written statement that I am not. Since I work at home, I am actually an active co-parent and I think that the CA court is likely to give me close to half and FOR SURE joint legal custody.

When you file for divorce here, there is an automatic restraining order that keeps the child in the state. If she chooses to make a run for it, Canada is a signatory to the Hague Convention and I’m pretty sure that the RCMP will get the boy back to me real quick. Precedent in this kind of case defaults to the jurisdictional court, which is the one here in CA.

I’m aware that the boy is a citizen of both countries and he belongs to both. He will have the choice to exercise when he grows up, but I would rather he grow up and learn our system (not to mention not having his butt frozen off half the year). No offense, there is no comparison between Canada and the US, particularly California.

davdah

Are you sure he is a citizen of both? Just because your wife is Canadian I dont think that matters. I could be wrong though. As far as the restraining orders go, they are only as good as the honor of the people obeying them. I broke several of the clauses during my last bout. It was for my own protection and I suffered no ill from it. So, don't assume that piece of paper will protect you.
I would have a game plan in place in case she takes off. Know every place she may go. The phone numbers to any law enforcement agencies in those areas. Specifically any that deal with situations like this. Know who her collaborators would be and their phone numbers. It may be helpful if it happens to just call them and let them know the consequences for aiding and abetting a kidnapping. That may be enough to scare them into cooperating if need be. If it happens it will be when she knows she will absolutely not get full legal custody. Probably during the child custody mediation sessions you will go to. Hopefully nothing will happen and the laws will obeyed but its always good to prepare for the worst and hope for the best.

ian-mstm

He doesn't have to choose. If he is a dual citizen as you seem to suggest, then nothing he does either passively or actively will force him to have to decide between the two countries.


How can one not take offence at your obvious ignorance? Fortunately, it'll be your son that makes the choice for himself... and not you.

Ian

Ray

Of course you did sign the I-864 affidavit of support

klinus

You're absolutely right. I have friends who are Iraq war vets who are dying to go live in Iraq.
I also find it interesting that somebody who has chosen to immigrate here questions the wisdom of their own choice (and which, frankly, MILLIONS of people would love to live in)

klinus

The I-864 is a contract between me and the Gov't that she would not use public benefits. In an area where a studio runs $1500/mo, said benefits would not cut it.

ian-mstm

I had friends who were VietNam vets... but perhaps I honor their memory in a different way... by not using them as a punch line to make a point. At any rate, I was talking about citizenship... you, apparently, are talking about service to a country. As a dual US/CDN citizen, your son does not have to choose one country or the other.


A good scientist hypothesizes... and then tries to prove or disprove the hypothesis. Every act of proof, causes the hypothesis to be questioned. So, questioning one's choice - yes, even after the fact - is the act of someone who truly understands the motive that shaped that choice. Only a fool fails to question the choices he's made.


I trust that you're aware the reverse is also true!

Ian

ian-mstm

Y'know, she doesn't need to live in the same area as you!

Ian

Noorah101

The I-864 has also been known to come into play when a couple divorces. There are a couple of cases where the alien has stipulated that the sponsor is to pay the minimum poverty amount, yearly, as part of the divorce settlement. I beliee part of the I-864 reads (in addition to the benefits part), that the sponsor agrees to support the alien at the minimum poverty level. It's been done before, there is one such case in the forum files somewhere.

Rene