ann m

It strikes me that nearly every one on this forum - who has kids - mentions that they want to find a better life and opportunities for their little people.

I'd be interested to know - from parents and guardians - of the teenage version of the species, if you feel all your hard work paid off ?!

Many, many parents today give up huge amounts of time, energy and cash -sometimes whether they can afford it or not - to give their children opportunties in life (often ones they did not have themselves) - be they sporting, social, arty, travel, education or whatever.

I believe children are inherently selfish - it's the nature of the beast - and they initially have little reason not to merely satisfy themselves - it takes many years to learn otherwise and to "play nicely" to get anywhere in this world.

To those that have already put in that time and effort, do you think it has positively shaped your child's attitudes, their personality, their ability to socialise, their ability to become a useful member of society?

Do you despair of your grunting, hormonal offspring and wonder what you did wrong? Can you see the fantastic adult they will become? Do you merely look forward to the day they move out? Did you kick them out? Do you never want them to leave home? Did they fulfil any or all of their (or your!) goals in said sporting, social, arty hobbies? Does it matter?

Can you put a price on a happy childhood ? Am I opening up the nature/nurture argument?

I am musing - you can discuss, please ....

(For the record, I was given quite a few opportunities as a child with regards to clubs and hobbies. I feel luck to have had a very happy childhood with two loving, caring and interested parents. I did not pursue any one of those hobbies in a professional or amateur way. I had my dreams but was a realist about my abilities, or lack thereof, on the playing field and on the stage! I won't go into the type of person(ality) I am now, but I'm sure my mum had the greatest input in me becoming the person I am today.)

dbd33

If you'll take a contribution from someone who's children are in their early twenties I say absolutely yes. They're better educated than me. More socially aware than me. More travelled than me. More willing to take a risk and give something a go than me. They speak more languages than me. My ambition was to be jealous of my children and I am.

iaink

That's an awsome quote.

gibsonslanding

fantastic reply and all i can add is ditto, ditto, ditto........

Piff Poff

Being a mother to a 13 year old girl I am amazed daily by how often the world ends I have to tread carefully - the laser vibes as she glares at me kills me on an hourly basis - she is even worse for her step dad and he doesn't always help the situation AND why Oh why is it my fault if she is about to miss the bus or be late for something, when I have been asking her for hours to get a move on???????

Anyhow, a little off track there.

Up until our second trip back the the UK this year, all we heard was 'I miss my friends, I want to go on holiday to the UK, why did we move here? I want to see...... and on and on' This time she saw her friends and spent some time with them. Since we came back it hasn't been England, England, England and I'm saving up for a holiday. I think she has started to realise she has more opportunity here (although she wouldn't say so and the world would end if you asked).

I think she appreciates her summer camps, she enjoys Air Cadets (she went up in a glider at the weekend and got given the controls for a bit). She's volunteering at the vets. I think she has seen how her English friends spend their free time compared to her and I think she feels a little happier with her lot.

On the flip side my almost 18 year old Step son still in the UK, works after school and at weekends to get a bit of money to help pay for his car, he seems happy enough in England and wants to be a Primary school teacher and is working towards that goal, he also seems happy with his lot.

I remember being a teen and I didn't enjoy it, we moved when I was 11 and I never fitted in with the new crowd. My teen has some great friends and she is busy - I am happy for her - no doubt when she comes home at lunch time the world will end for some reason or other though

I love dbd33's quote. I am so jealous of what my kid gets to do - she flew a flipping glider - she's 13! I've never even been up close to one!

dbd33

But you can. I took up sailing at some ridiculous age because a daughter loved it and I wanted to see what about it attracted her. You could have a day at a soaring club. I think part of conveying the idea to children that they shouldn't feel limited, that they do have a shot at things, is to be willing to experiment yourself. I suppose I should perhaps have experimented with less wives though, that wasn't ideally on message.

Linda P

My ambition was to be jealous of my children and I am.[/QUOTE]


I seem to remember reading sometime ago, what your user name stood for......it would seem so far from the truth.

It sounds like you have a lot to be proud of.

Linda

dbd33

I think that perhaps when my middle child suggested the user name she had her tongue slightly in cheek. Still, it has served me well on the rather prissy Gruaniad talkboard and there is an element of truth to it; funding children isn't quite the same as actually supporting them.

Linda P

I wasn't sure what to type back without it sounding patronising.

So I will just say that obviously only you know your own circumstances, but from what you have told us, it doesn't sound like the children have turned out too bad .

Linda

dbd33

Two of them have come out pretty much as any left leaning lover of America would hope(!) One is profoundly autistic and will always need the support of a parent, so long as one lives, to perform even the basic of life's tasks. There's a deal with the Devil to mull on, would three capable children, each with some legal or educational problems, be something one would prefer?

Piff Poff

That is so true. However as she said the other day - When I have my glider licence, I'll take you up Mum! Which is a real possibility with the Air Cadets as they give full scholarships for Glider and small aircraft licences.

One reason this winter we are definitely trying skiing is to see why daughter hates it so much - she hates the cross country skiing at school, so we are going to try either skiing or snoboarding this winter and see if we can put a positive spin on it.

I suppose one reason OH wants to get his bike licence is to try to see why I love bikes so much - daughter wants her licence too, she thinks it's cool to have a Mum that rides bikes.

My daughter has already tried more new things in the short time we have been here than I would have believed possible and a lot of that is achieved through the Cadet programme and her summer camps she loves.

I would really recommend the Cadet programme to anyone who has teens, they can start from the day they turn 12. Since my daughter has started she has encouraged 2 girly friends from school to start and now a couple of boys have started too. The stuff they get to do is phenomenal.

kate white

Im so happy with my teenagers, I have watched them go from unhappy children (thro bulling) to kids who love life. they have lots of friends my son can now concentrate more on his computer graphics and my daughter is catching up on her schooling and both now want to learn to drive.the look of happiness in their faces is priceless and in that you can never put a price on

Coffeepot

And there was me nervous about getting in a car with my kids driving

My kids have done lots ( still are ) and for all there faults they are very loving caring adults and am very pleased with how they have turned out
They did lots as youngsters but they never had the freedom we did also the 7 year old gets so much more despite having 2 at uni

so will be interesting to see how he turns out ?

fuschiagirl

Kate - that is so good to hear I know how stressed you were about your children in Scotland. You really have done the right thing for them ( and for you and James)

Here's to a great life in Canada!

Jo

Linda P

We are dealt the hand........then life is what you make of it!!!

This said, I am not that stupid to think that things like health, money, etc play a large part to make things easier.

Linda