Re: Would you forgive an affair?...............
 

It applies to the man, doesn't it? At least under Ontario laws. He can afford to leave only if he can maintain the family he is leaving in the manner to which they are accustomed and support a new life for himself. A woman who has been in a single earner household for an extended period need not be primarily concerned with finance in deciding whether or not to end the relationship, whereas a man must be.

In answer to the original question, I'm not good at that, even when the affair is not directly a threat; a woman having an affair with a woman, for example, offers something a relationship with a man cannot and, I suppose, one ought to be able to turn a blind eye. I can't do that though, not turn a blind eye and look after the horses.

Re: Would you forgive an affair?...............
 

No! I couldn't, wouldn't and shouldn't have to forgive.

If a person's partner has the time and energy to have an affair, especially if they use the excuse that these things are missing from their normal relationship, then could have damn well made the same effort for their partner.

I'll also state that there have been times when it's been offered on a plate (especially when working in bars), but I've always had (and always will have) respect for my partners. In many of those cases it's been married or single women looking for a quick fling with a married guy and justifying it as no-strings attached.

If a person is regularly put in that position and feels tempted, they need to change that situation.

It shows when you're out of cigarettes lol. :p ;)

Re: Would you forgive an affair?...............
 

Can't talk from personal experience, but don't think I ever could.

Find married work colleagues could get a little too close on occasion & that feels pretty grim, so like to ask about their families deliberately.
Didn't always work, so a swift exit can be required.

Booze plus work off sites never a good idea for some people - why they then think it could be at all attractive to others is beyond me.

Re: Would you forgive an affair?...............
 

I dunno Doll, I would have to know the details of the situation. I couldn't make a set of rules in stone for something with many complex possibilities and outcomes. If it was just sex with some random person, meh, I would probably get over it and it would give me a good excuse to shag someone else. Let's face it, sex with someone else doesn't mean that you don't love the person you are with or that you have fallen in love with the person you had sex with, at least not for me anyway.

Do you think Tiger Woods was looking for a new wife when he was banging all those women? The only reason he talked to those women in person is because he had too. If he could have had is butler arrange air travel straight into his living room for a one hour stop over, well, that is they way it would have went down.

This is where "just sex" can be complicated though. Most men (that I know) would be perfectly fine with having some attractive woman bent over the desk, table, car etc and the whole thing be over with in less than 30 minutes from hello to goodbye. They wouldn't care if they saw her again or even what her name is. Most women on the other hand (or at least the ones I know) wouldn't do that. There would have to be some type of chase or courtship or some type of romance involved before sex happens. This is were the phone calls and secret meetings and all of the other stuff take place. Emotions get involved and it all gets overly complicated and mistakes are made that lead to getting caught. It would all be easier if women were as slutty as men wouldn't it?

Re: Would you forgive an affair?...............
 

It's probably "not what it looks like."

:lol:

Re: Would you forgive an affair?...............
 

Funny but most people who posted in this thread have prob been cheated on and don't know.

tee-hee-hee.

Life's funny.

Re: Would you forgive an affair?...............
 

30 minutes! What do you do for the other 28?

Re: Would you forgive an affair?...............
 

You're correct, situations vary in complexity and it's difficult to comment/pass judgement unless you've been in that situation. Fortunately, I have not, and as much as you can never say 110% that your spouse/partner has never cheated on you, I would chance my arm and say my hubs has not cheated on me. Could I forgive him if he had?, probably not, as when the trust goes, what do you have left to build on? not much in my humble opinion.

I do believe there is a difference between a one night stand purely for sex and a full blown affair, but only in terms of emotions - however, trust is trust and once broken, difficult if not near impossible to regain.

Re: Would you forgive an affair?...............
 

The worse thing about being cheated on is that you are invariably the last one to find out. I was for sure.

Then all your friends come out with "well we kinda knew but didn't want to say anything to hurt your feelings" :eek:

Oh f*****g really :frown:

Being the last to find out makes the whole deal 10 times worse, so my advice to anyone who knows someone is screwing around, do the right thing and bring it to the spouses attention.

Whether or not they choose to do anything about it is their choice - but at least now they have the option :thumbup:

Re: Would you forgive an affair?...............
 

I'd want to know for sure, as heartbreaking as it would be. No need to continue the humiliation as well as the hurt.

Re: Would you forgive an affair?...............
 

Nice :blink:

Re: Would you forgive an affair?...............
 

He's talking bollox:sneaky::lol:

Re: Would you forgive an affair?...............
 

Most people who post statistics or probabilities without linking to supporting evidence, are probably making things up. :p

Re: Would you forgive an affair?...............
 

yes I would forgive

Re: Would you forgive an affair?...............
 

I think it depends.

If its a one night stand or an affair without my knowledge - no chance in hell, off to the pits! No way would I accept that.

But if he needed something I couldn't give, and we'd discussed it beforehand and agreed on it...maybe. Depending on what it was that I theoretically coudn't give. Like having male body parts. As I said. Maybe, under those circumstances only.

Re: Would you forgive an affair?...............
 

I would not forgive even a drunken quickie. I am not a forgiving person.

Re: Would you forgive an affair?...............
 

Wow, you're really open minded - i'm just not wired like that..........

Re: Would you forgive an affair?...............
 

And I can understand that too. ;-)

Re: Would you forgive an affair?...............
 

:huh:


Had to read that twice.

Re: Would you forgive an affair?...............
 

:rofl: it is really meant to say wired and not weird! I wouldn't be so rude:eek::lol:

Re: Would you forgive an affair?...............
 

A one night stand yes, I would be more likely to forgive, especially if he came clean and admitted it. I would make him really regret it though!

But an ongoing affair? where he has been lying to me for months on end? No F-ing way! One thing I cannot stand is being lied to.

Re: Would you forgive an affair?...............
 

Consider this. If someone cheats once they can do it again, especially if they weren't found out the first time.

I've heard of cases where mistresses became wives after the guy's previous wife divorced him for cheating, yet the second wives were shocked when their guy then cheated on them during that marriage. For some, it's nothing more than the thrill of the chase.

No forgiveness, no sympathy and no excuses. End of.

Re: Would you forgive an affair?...............
 

You know the saying- A man who marries his mistress creates a vacancy.

Re: Would you forgive an affair?...............
 

Well you know what they say (whoever they are) "If he/she can do it with you, they can do it to you"

Re: Would you forgive an affair?...............
 

Sorry Mand but i think he's wrong in this. Maybe he's unable to pass it up........

Re: Would you forgive an affair?...............
 

Never have cheated. Neither has OH.:cool::wub:
I absolutely trust that she would never cheat - I bet my future on it!:thumbsup:

Theoretically, would I forgive? Once yes, twice no.

Re: Would you forgive an affair?...............
 

Hence the jail sentence for the last castration :lol::unsure:

Re: Would you forgive an affair?...............
 

:rofl::rofl::rofl: only 2 rofls for your comment the last one was for your new sig:p:lol:

Re: Would you forgive an affair?...............
 

;) knew you'd love it!

Re: Would you forgive an affair?...............
 

I know you knew i'd love it:lol:

Re: Would you forgive an affair?...............
 

I knew you knew that I'd know that you'd love it :unsure::eek:

Re: Would you forgive an affair?...............
 

no

Re: Would you forgive an affair?...............
 

and again no

Re: Would you forgive an affair?...............
 

Forgiving is a beautiful act and comes easy to many people, making them feel better within themselves and appear gracious to the others. Forgetting, on the other hand, is something that very few can do voluntarily, especially as there is no noble status attached to it... Remembering can be ugly, and this seems to be the main killer in the majority of post-infidelity relationships...
As for 100% trusting your partner... I think that it is a sweet utopia - just like when my forefathers in the beginning of the 20th century thought they could build a country where everyone would be equal - it's simply against human nature. There is no way to predict all the circumstances and moods of the future, changes within yourself and your other half, just as it is impossible to know if at some point there will be all the components present for a perfect storm one day, and your house will or will not be in the middle of it. All I can do is hope and pray that my home is strong enough...

Re: Would you forgive an affair?...............
 

:eek: You werent married to me around 1997 by any chance were you ;)

Re: Would you forgive an affair?...............
 

Great post.

Re: Would you forgive an affair?...............
 

As a child from a relationship where extra marital affairs were rife, no I would not have an affair myself or forgive it. I have experienced the devastation it causes and would never inflict that pain on someone else or there family.

.......if my eye was going to stray, I would make sure I was free to do just that....

Re: Would you forgive an affair?...............
 

Surely a lot would depend on whether the offender admitted to it first, or just got caught doing it. Either way, taking such liberties on a relationship is a really bad sign. There can't be many relationships where this happens, is forgiven and then there's no repercussions.

I would not forgive unless I genuinely felt in my heart that I'd done something to actually cause it.

Re: Would you forgive an affair?...............
 

I think if you agree to be in a relationship with someone, and you cheat, then you've effectively violated the most intimate agreement between two human beings. That being said, if the person really means everything and are exceptional, then it wouldn't be that easy to just end it. Believing that you could find anyone that special again would be extremely difficult. So I think this is a very open and difficult question to answer since there are so many variables.

Re: Would you forgive an affair?...............
 

HI
Yes I agree with what you have said....but hand on heart, does anyone ever get over the betrayal....is the relationship ever going to be the same again?
It is all to do with Love and Trust......May Love, but find it very hard to Trust again.....as you say a hard one!
lol
Stef