I was just cutting out the middleman. There can't be many people on here familiar with English Family Law.

I agree - poor form indeed.

But that's no fun for us. Which is why we have all made up our own fun on this thread, on your behalf.

Not really bad form. What I am planning to do is not going to go down well with a certain person. I really just wanted to check if my plans are legit. Probably not a good idea to plaster the details all over the interwebby.....

I can lend you a copy of Beau Geste...

You can after though? I can see this thread carrying on until you do, so you might as well...

Unless I just killed it...

Seriously, though. I hope things work out for you

That too

Don't worry. It's just a money thing. That and chronology.

We'll see. My ex-wife was not exactly overjoyed yesterday when I told her I'm stopping the child maintenance in a couple of months.

The divorce settlement required me to pay until my son reached 17 or finished full-time education. He dropped out of his second year of A-levels last October, for some half-arsed psychological reason but the plan was that he would return at some point. He has not gone back this year and he has told both his mother and me that he doesn't want to. He will be 19 at Xmas. About time he stopped playing computer games all day and found a bleeding job.

I think my ex was labouring under the misconception that I was going to continue giving her 515 quid a month for ever. I've been more than fair. I originally asked for the maintenance to be what the maximum the CSA would take off me given my then salary. I have always paid, even when I didn't work. Not to mention various top-ups over the years.

It was only yesterday that she revealed she knew he wasn't going back to school. I dropped the bombshell on her then. She burst into tears, naturally. I could stop the standing order now, if I wanted, but I've given her a couple of months grace so she can organise.

I don't think she will fight. The key issue for me was the "full-time education" bit. I was asking AC about that, along with a few other people.

It remains to be seen how things pan out with my son when I go to the UK next month.............

If I may be allowed an input...

I completely understand where you're coming from, but I think it might be a bit harsh to stop all the payments. Fact is, your son is living in her house. She has to feed him and provide hot water for him etc.

It's up to you both to make sure he takes responsibility for his own life; until he does, it seems harsh to effectively say the the ex, "He's your problem now, I'm out of it."

I'd consider making reduced payments to reflect the board he ought to be contributing to her household budget, and give m'laddo a good shake, tell him he's got X amount of time to come up with a plan.

Just my thoughts.

EDIT: Happy to be told to mind my own biz...

You are indeed entitled to your own opinion. I did not for one second think that I would get universal praise when I made the post. The opposite will most likely prove to be the case.

This is not a course I embarked upon lightly. I'll continue to support my son, directly, when he needs cash but I'm sick of supporting his mother. I'm paying half her mortgage. The bloke she had another two kids with and then kicked out is paying the other half.

..and unless he has some sort of disability preventing him from working, surely he should be the one going out to work and paying his way now that he is an adult? He would have to pay for digs anywhere else.

+1

I'm a mum who has had to fight for financial support (across more than one international border) for children from their father.

Kudos to you.

My personal opinion: given the info you posted, the kid should get a j.o.b. I have more thoughts but will PM 'em.

S

I think it will focus the kid's mind on getting a job, if not at first it will after his mum starts on at him to contribute.