This is when it's hard!
 

My Mum has just spent a week in hospital. She has had jaundice since before christmas, she has had a MRI, a CT scan and has been booked for a PET scan. The latest news I have had from home is, there is something on her liver and we need to find out what it is. Best case scenario is scar tissue is causing a blockage. Worst is the cancer has come back. I asked if I should come home for a visit. The reply I got was 'Lets just celebrate your
Mum being home for now:blink:'. My head tells me to wait until the results of the latest scan my heart says get yourself back there. I know everything has been compounded by last years events. God this is sooo shitty.

Thanks for letting me vent:o

Re: This is when it's hard!
 

Oh Piff Poff. Im so sorry to hear about your mum. You must be going through so many emotions, wondering what to do for the best. Its hard to know what to do being so far away. I do know what you are going through. Will be thinking of you, Best wishes to you and your mum.

Pam x

Re: This is when it's hard!
 

Re: This is when it's hard!
 

Thank you guys. It is honestly a real nightmare - especially as I believe I am not being told the whole story. Oh well, I can only hope.

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Big hugs PP thinking of you and your mum, hope its scar tissue :wub:

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what cp said and big hug from me:wub:
kate

Re: This is when it's hard!
 

I think ... if it were me ... I'd be inclined to go back .... help "celebrate the fact that your mum's home", and while you're there make sure in your own mind what is really going on ...... hope it turns out to be good news! :thumbup:

Re: This is when it's hard!
 

Hugs from me too PP. I'm inclined to agree with Morwenna. Really hope it turns out not to be anything too serious.

:heart:
Alex

Re: This is when it's hard!
 

Best wishes Piff Poff
Lorraine G XX

Re: This is when it's hard!
 

In your shoes... I think I would want to be with her - so if I could rustle up the airfare then I'd go. I'd see her and celebrate this time together, even if there might be other opportunities in the future. Because if it were my last chance to be with my mother and I didn't take it, I would always regret it.

Re: This is when it's hard!
 

hope it is good news and sending you lots of hugs , xxx

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Really sorry to hear this Piff Poff, can only imagine how hard it must be for you.

Sending hugs and karma, do hope she's ok.

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Thinking of you Piff Poff. You are the voice of reason to lots of people here.
Hope the outcome is good for you on this. Go with your heart if just to stop fretting.
Tina x

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Best wishes PP

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Fingers crossed for the better option.
Hugs,

pinkx

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It's such a crappy situation isn't it.

Back in 2006 my wife (Canadian) and I made the move to Vancouver (i was on a BUNAC temp visa) and the week before we were due to leave my dad was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer. We made the move anyway although it was VERY hard. We lasted 2 months before we came back to the UK.

The worst part for me was being "out of the loop" with the goings on and it really didnt help with my mum and sister telling me everything's fine or withholding info and then in a phone call to friends or other family members the truth coming out.

We decided to go back because "we can move to Canada any time, having my dad in my life is finite".

What i'd say is try not to have a knee jerk reaction by jumping on a plane asap. Sit back, breathe, wait until you get the full results of the tests, and then make your decision.

Fingers crossed everything will be ok.

Rich

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Best wishes xx

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Hugs sent PP, Prayers too for your Mum....:wub:


Irene...xxxx

Re: This is when it's hard!
 

I agree with Morwena. Go with your heart, not your head. Been there done that etc etc. Learned from my mistakes. So sorry to hear about this, it's just heart-wrenching and we think we will be able to handle it and be prepared when these things happen but it's not so easy or straightforward.

If it means you have to go back twice, then do it. Get into debt if necessary, your mother is worth it. Above all, go with your own feelings - I doubted what other people were telling me "it's fine, don't panic", about my husband's mother, and got him onto a plane anyway. Thank goodness.

Good luck, prayers and cyber hugs to you.

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Thinking of you and your family.
D,x

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When my mum had cancer last year I felt terribly guilty about not being there ..... just to give her a hug :( but she told me that she needed a goal & that was to get well enough to come & see me ....... she said that me coming back would make her feel like it would be the last time we'd see each other which she didn't want ..... If the boot was on the other foot I'd probably say the same to my kids :o

Hope things work out for you & yours ........ :wub:

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Hope things turn out ok

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I want to say a big thank you to everyone for their wishes, it makes it a little easier when you can voice your real fears.

My poor Mum has really been through it - 20 years ago she had breast cancer, then 3 years ago (6 months after we got here) she had bile duct cancer, it was only October last year that she had an MRI and got the all clear - she said she was coming this year......and now this.

I am going to call her tomorrow and have a proper chat, my hubby thinks I should try to 'force' her hand and make her come out here, I personally don't think she will be well enough. I am going to tell her that I need to see her this year and I want to see her whilst she is still well...So Mum when shall I book the flight?????? Type conversation will happen. I am not concerned about the expense - I realise in these times I am really lucky to be able to say that. I hope after talking to my Mummy tomorrow my eyes will stop leaking at will:rolleyes:

The general consensus from everyone I talk to is 'get yourself back there!'

Thank you again everyone.

Re: This is when it's hard!
 

That is the only reason I am here on not back in blighty right now, because that's how my Mum would view it too.

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My Mums name is Pam:thumbsup:

Re: This is when it's hard!
 

Hi,
I haven't posted on here for quite a while but seeing this prompted me to do so.

I know exactly how you feel as my Mum has terminal breast cancer. She has been fighting this disease for 15 years on and off and it is the 4th time she has had it, it will be her last. Deep down she knows that it will get her this time but we don't talk about it like that.

I agree with what Bananahammock said about needing a goal. Unbeknown to her, her consultant told my brother and I that she had 6 to 9 months left. That was up around October. She is still with us and I believe that it is in part because she wants to come here and see us again. They have booked to come out here in the summer, God willing. Getting here is her goal that is keeping her going.

That said, you have to make a decision that is right for you and your family. Speak to your Mum and other relatives in the Uk and get more info and then make your decision. I hope things work out for you.

Hope that helps in some small way.

I will be thinking of you.

Re: This is when it's hard!
 

Woodstock, thank you for posting. I am so sorry to hear about your Mum. It's good to hear she still has a positive approach and is looking forward to coming out, I really really hope she makes it!

I can't really rely on family to keep me properly up to date, their a bit of an odd bunch (yep odder than me:o). They try too much to look to the positive - when my great grandad was in hospital - they didn't tell me until it was too late - same as My Nan - Oh she'll be home at the end of the week, come to see her then. My FIL was taken into hospital as a precaution and died that afternoon, so you can see why I am so suspicious of what I'm being told. I am going to wait until the PET scan results come back and hopefully I will be able to talk my Mum into coming out here - we have offered already - before all this to pay for flights, I was going to just buy them for Christmas but thought I'd give them the choice of when they wanted to come.

It's really sad, but amongst my group of expat friends I have here, there is one who's Mum has just months to live, she has been fighting Lung cancer for 6 years, one who's Mum is undergoing Chemo, one who's best friends hubby is really ill, one who's Dad has a bad heart, one who herself is having tests, one who's MIL is terminal - My god what a happy bunch:eek:

So I will be praying a lot over the coming months for all of us that have troubles. I am not a christian, but I am told my prayers will be heard anyhow - hey, it's worth a try right?

Big hugs and love to all those that are suffering right now :wub::wub::wub:

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Best wishes PP hope you can get all the answers you want, must be a really difficult position to be in.......... I think if it was me I too would go home.
Thinking of you
Bella :wub:

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I'll be saying a prayer for you too PP, your thread title says it all, its what we all dread.
with very best wishes, thinking of you and your Mum
Terese

Re: This is when it's hard!
 

I am so sorry to hear about your mum. I have a slight understanding of where you are coming from. My family is scattered, most living in Australia. 2 years ago my grandmother in Oz developed breast cancer and my mother and I were not told the full story, we were told that she was fine and it was most likely a benign lump. We were updated after she had her breast removed. Luckily the cancer had not spread and was localised! My mum and I were both shocked as we had been asking for updates and were so annoyed we were kept in the dark:curse: We felt so guilty.

We didn't go back to see her as she didn't want us to either, like others have said before, she would have felt like it was going to be the last time. However,we now know not to rely on family members to keep us in the loop. My advice, can you not call the doc and find out what is going on? Surely as you are her daughter, they would tell you what is going on? I have called the hospital on numerous occassions from abroad now and I never get the cold shoulder. It might make you feel a lot better!

Hope to hear good news from you soon.

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Thinking of you PP, I really hope the news you get is what you want to hear!

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Hi everyone, I'm feeling a little calmer today after spending 3 hours on the phone to my Mum yesterday. She had a blast in hospital - no really she has so many stories to tell, she was leading the ill people astray and was even told to behave on more than one occasion:rofl:

We had a serious chat about what the future holds and to my shame I cried - not very supportive but I did get control of my self pretty quick, unfortunately not quick enough to hide it:o My Mum doesn't feel as though there is anything to worry about and the Dr's really are not sure what is going on and want to check everything out before surgery takes place - so it does sound as though there will be surgery but at this time we're not sure when or how big a surgery it will be. Her PET scan is on Monday so she will cal on Monday pm to let me know when she can expect the results. She doesn't want me to fly over - as I suspected, she thinks it's unessecary.

I explained to her how I was feeling and that I needed to see her at some point this year and gave her options to think about. I did tell her that I wanted to see her while she was still my Mum and not some wrinkled old crone gasping for breath with tubes stuck everywhere, she understood where I was comming from and promised me if there was a danger of that possibility she would ask me to come over. She understand that I would rather have wasted some money on a pointless visit than not come and regret it. I really think I put my point across - I will expand on that again though.

So thank you everyone for getting me through the last couple of days, I coped a lot better being able to share my worries with you all. So I love you all!:wub:

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Good news PP :thumbsup: time to let Henry give you a big doggy kiss :) ...... they're such great therapy when you're feeling low ......

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Oh Henry has been wonderful this week, you know what, you have just made me realise why he has been wanting more fussing - not because teen hasn't taken him for a decent walk but because he knows I'm sad - going to give him a big kiss on his nose now;) I'm in the process of cooking him steak at the mo' too.

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Yep, they know everything we're feeling eh? :)

Sending you a serious look of concern & then a smile from Blue x x
(Just took them on the deck :D)

She's so funny looking, bless her :rofl:

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Your Mum rocks!!!!!!! :thumbsup:

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Thank you Blue. Henry wants to know if you can have a playdate????:rofl:

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Her ring tone is 'I want to Break Free'. Her and the 18 year old girl in the next bed were planning on how to smuggle out the 86 year old lady. They were collecting spoons so they could start a tunnel. They weren't discharged - they broke out:thumbsup: Mums main priority when admitted was to find the quickest way to the smoking area and of course she wouldn't go down in slippers - it had to be the 4 inch heels. In other words she was a completely bad influence - I only wish it was a holiday she was on - she so deserves one:thumbsup:

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I wish we were close enough ~ she's just gone to make herself beautiful :D ....... that could take a while! :o

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Awww Blue your beautiful - your Mum wouldn't be without you:wub: