.... it's an emotional rollercoaster?

. . . after the initial attraction its all downhill after awhile?

...and people tend to do it " for the kids"?

That is definately not on. My mother got an invite recently with that type of note and was distinctly unimpressed.

An old co-worker was asked to be a bridesmaid for a close friend of hers - bearing in mind she was earning about $30k per year, living on her own in Calgary she did not have much spare cash. The bride insisted on the designer gowns ($500 a pop I seem to recall), there was the bridal shower and weekend in Banff for the "stagette" then required make-up artist, hotel accommodation at $200 a night and the gift. I don't think she saw much change out of $1,500 if not more. She was so upset, the bride just didn't care. I believe she had the "well if you can't afford it then you don't need to come". If that had been me I would have told her to stick it where the sun doesn't shine.

I also know of a girl whose wedding was upwards of 30k GBP (back in 2005). She was divorced 6 months later. Her mother (who footed the bill) was not impressed...

JonboyE's Second Law of life states that the length of a happy marriage is in inverse proportion to the amount of money spent on the wedding.

Really? I thought divorce in the first year of marriage in England and Wales was not permitted

Bridesmaids dresses and suits for best man and ushers etc should definately be paid for by the bride/groom/parents whoevers paying for the wedding.

Thank you for sending an invite our way,

But we wont be coming to your special day,

Now here's a suggestion from Mrs. Bats.

Buy your own holiday you tight fisted *****.



It needs some work, but you get the idea...

I agree, that's what we did and I never thought to do anything else.

The tackiest wedding invitation we ever received "respectfully" asked us to pay for our own dinner and pay our "share" of the costs of the band, the hall, the flowers, car and all the other expenses. It would appear that the parents of the happy couple had declined to do so and the bride and groom had decided to have a splashy wedding they couldn't pay for either. We were actually sent a checklist with boxes to tick indicating what at what level we were going to donate. We respectfully didn't attend. Perhaps, however, the pair were thinking ahead so that when they divorced three years later, they could ask all the wedding guests to help fund that too.

Ours was cheap and cheerful. Chester Register Office...7 guests...my parents, sister and BIL, hubby's parents and sister. We went for a meal afterwards. Didn't have a honeymoon as we had spent all our money on a deposit on a house. It's our 34th wedding anniversary in June.

I received an e-mail announcing a destination wedding in Mexico with details of the resort, costs etc. A formal invitation will be sent later when I have confirmed my address.

1. I will not be attending the wedding, so do I just tell them now or do I wait
until I have received the formal invitation. My tendancy is to tell them
now, but not sure if that is the done thing.

2. If you do not attend a wedding, should you still send a gift?

Thanks for your input.

Allegedly.

Depends how well you know them I suppose. I am sending a gift to the 'pay for my honeymoon' couple. Begrudgingly now.