Lorna_D

DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS
40-ish..............................49
Adventurous.....................Slept with all your friends
Athletic............................No boobs
Average looking.................Ugly
Beautiful...........................Pathological liar
Contagious Smile................Does a lot of pills
Emotionally secure..............On medication
Feminist............................Fat
Free spirit..........................Junkie
Friendship first...................Former slut
Fun..................................Annoying
Gentle..............................Dull
New Age...........................Body hair in the wrong places
Open-minded.....................Desperate
Outgoing...........................Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate........................Sloppy drunk
Poet.................................Depressive
Professional.......................Bitch
Romantic...........................Frigid
Voluptuous........................Very Fat
Large frame.......................Hugely Fat
Wants Soul mate................Stalker
Widow..............................Murderer

WOMEN'S ENGLISH

1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want
5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = you're in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = you better not
8. Do what you want = you will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = of course I am upset, you moron!
10. You're very attentive tonight = is sex all you ever think about?

MEN'S ENGLISH

1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = let's have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you
8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you
11. Those shoes don't go with that outfit = I'm gay

And finally.....

A recent scientific study found that women find different male faces ttractive depending on where they are in their menstrual cycle.

For example, when a woman is ovulating she will prefer a man with rugged, masculine features.

However when she is menstruating, she prefers a man doused in petrol and set on fire, with scissors stuck in his eye and a cricket stump shoved up his backside.

Souvenir

It's hit 20 degrees for the first time in six months, the sun is out and much of my deck is clear of snow. My thought for the day is "cold beer".

Madmac

I applaud you on your deeply philosophical approach to life. If only more Men thought like you then the world would be a much more civilised place.

<now pass me a cold one and let the games begin>

Alberta_Rose

Darn we have winter coming back tomorrow! (Gotta love Calgary weather .... turn the heat up, turn it down, put the air-con on, turn it off, turn up the heat again!)

Rhodeys

Lol Lorna...typical male answer Souvenir and Mad mac...ohhh Morwenna don't!!! I am willing warm weather on for our May arrival ... My thought for the day???

I JUST SPENT MY LAST 17TH OF ANY MONTH IN NOTTINGHAM!!!

* strokes clothes down and gathers self together after momentary loss of control*

Funny I don't seem to think many different thoughts lately...Canada...Our move...Getting us and Chloe there safely...selling house...Canada.... and so on and so

Madmac

We're simple creatures really. We don't do hints, any kind of hints, not even big, obvious, dramatic hints. Say what you mean and we'll make a decision from there.

Remember: Men only see 16 colours and peach is a fruit, not a colour.

The ideal woman is three feet tall, on castors with a flat head and turns into a six-pack and pizza at midnight.

Pretty Flowers

My thought for the day....

Must give notice at my job.... I never knew that resigning was so stressful. I've had my resignation letter in my daybook for the last day and a half...

Rhodeys

Yep...Madmac if I wasn't on the computer myself I would think you were my husband typing ...BTW is Peach anything other than a fruit

Rhodeys

That reply doesn't include your edit!!!! I am sure my hubby wouldn't say that

Madmac

It's one of those nebulous colours that women apply to linen and soft furnishings along with Turquoise, Aquamarine, Taupe (WTF?), Cerise and Aubergine (which again is a food item).

Souvenir

I think I'll take my civilised approach with outside, along with my laptop. I've been asked to write a bit for an industry magazine. They want my opinion. That demands beer. For some strange reason, I write better when I'm pissed, or very tired.

Coffeepot

Brilliant Lorna, that made me laugh

Rhodeys

It's one of those nebulous colours that women apply to linen and soft furnishings along with Turquoise, Aquamarine, Taupe (WTF?), Cerise and Aubergine (which again is a food item).


I know what Torquoise and Taupe is....Kinda greeny blue colour and Taupe is a biegie brown colour .....Cerise is a nasty pink colour...

Anyway..your thought for the day has changed from a cold beer to pretty colours

Souvenir

So is cerise.

Madmac

Mais oui!