Re: Teenager
 

Glad things are working out ok for you :thumbsup:

Re: Teenager
 

I too give words of warning......

Between us we have 6 boys, initially hoping to take 5 with us to Canada.

Took three, (3, 5, 16) left three (17, 20, 24) One followed (20),

The overall trauma was such that we are now back in the UK the a very very angry one (20), one depressed (16) two very happy (17,24) and two very very unsettled (3,5)

Not to mention my husbands depression and the strain on our relationship. Plus the financial loss.

Leaving kids behind, or taking those who dont want to go causes havoc to your lives. :blink:

Re: Teenager
 

Thanks for sharing your story.

What we don't want is an unhappy teen that will only hate us for what we have done to her life. It is bad enough now when we tell her it bed time or check her homework. But everything is a rebel against the old folk at this age which is why we are being careful.

One of my posts above does say that we are getting on better (about Canada) because we will involve her in the move but not talk about it all the time. Therefore reducing the stress on her. So far so good!

Re: Teenager
 

Get her involved with everything and I wish you good luck :thumbsup:

Re: Teenager
 

Interesting story...however, I think you may have not included one of the boys, as a 3,5,16,17,20,20,24 year old adds up to 7 boys and not 6...or did you count a 20 year old twice.

Re: Teenager
 

And it`s not just a move across the pond either . I moved myself and my kids from Quebec City to Montreal last June and after a Christmas visit with his father in Quebec , my almost 15 year old announced to me his intention of moving in with his dad this summer.

I agree that the move has been difficult for him. He has/had tons of friends where we came from mostly those he has known since Kindergarten. He is a huge football player and although he made friends with those in his team here in Montreal, now that the season is over they dont seem to hagnout as friends which I found surprising. I registered him at the local Y to keep him busy but never seems to get past the acquaintance stage with those he works out with . I also got him involved in the a Youth activity group for Jews but they never seem to get together outside of organized activities.

So reluctantly I have allowed him to register with his old school and move in with his dad this summer. I also registered him for next year at his current school in Montreal (keeping our options open )as it is hard seeing him so unhappy. I have come to realize that my dream of coming back to montreal is not his dream. I thaught that there would be so much more opportunity here by living in a large city but he is just not settling.

I sympathize with all of you who are going through this with their teens.My son will only be 2.5 hours away, not sure how I would handle it if he was farther away.

Good luck to you all!

sarah

Re: Teenager
 

HI I am certainly no expert in this area as my kids are only 9 and 11 and are happy to come along - However when i was 8 and my sister 12 we moved to Malta due to my dads job. My sister was distraught - she had just started senior school, new friends had a boyfriend and the beginings of a social life (albeit limited)
She was determined to make my mum and dads life hell with the hope of them giving up and moving home. She roped me into helping her do it - so for the first 4 months of being away my parents went through hell - until she suddenly realised she had new friends and a new boyfriend and didnt really want to go home afterall. We spent 10 years there altogether and I loved every minute of it - i wouldnt change anything about my life abroad.

At 14 I imagine it can be pretty scary leaving all your friends behind and starting a new school and new friends -
Just an idea that may possibly help a little - is there anyone on here with kids of the same age who could email her and let them tell her in 14yrold language :D how they managed to settle and make new friends - even better if they are in the same area. Hopefully they could tell her about how great it is and may succeed in getting her a little excited about it. Afterall isnt that one of the reasons we all came on here to begin with !!
Its not pandering to her as you are still going irrelevant but it is understanding that she has obvious fears and reservations that we as adults may feel are trivial or 'silly' but to a teen could be a major issue. It would be so much nicer if she could get a little excited about going rather than scared to death about her life of possible seclusion ( ok that was an exageration i know :D but you get the idea )

Re: Teenager
 

Oooops maths never was my best subject, sorry only one very angry 20 year old,who didnt want to go to Canda, followed a month later, then didnt want to comeback - trust me he now adds up to THREE :rofl:

Re: Teenager
 

I'm a little confused about your family:

Your husband hated Canada, did he not?.... What is he depressed about now you are home? :confused:

Your 20 yr old who didn't want to go to Canada is now angry because he didn't want to go back to UK?

What is the 16 yr old depressed about?

I'm guessing the 17 year old is happy to back to UK and the 24 yr old is happy you all came home, even if half of you are still miserable.

I venture to suggest that your 3 and 5 yr olds would settle wherever the two of you are happy.

What about your own feelings? Did you want to go? Did you want to return to UK? Are YOU happy now??? Do you wish you'd never heard of Canada in the first place?

Would your 20 yr old come back on his own under BUNAC or something?

I understand if you are under a strain in your marriage, and you may not wish to clarify further, and I admit that this is none of my business, .... but you did mention it to start with, and maybe it'd be helpful to some to have a fuller picture of what the problem is now?

Re: Teenager
 

When looking up old school friends on a well-known site I found that my friend Louise who emigrated to Australia when she was 13 had been pack in the UK for 18 yrs. She had not been unhappy in OZ, but had come back to her roots.

Re: Teenager
 

OOh Tanah - I seem to be following you around the threads!!!

High Numbers - my daughter is 13 - in yr 8 and also a bit grumpy and hormonal over the move - maybe we could pm their msn addresses and they could have a chat between themselves about whats on thier minds??

It may help if they have some one of a similar age coing through the same thing .. dunno - just an idea. . .

Re: Teenager
 

Is the 'Troubled Teen' advert at the bottom of the page a coincidence?

Doh, it's gone!

Re: Teenager
 

Yes I wondered that too!! There were a couple of other similar ones the other day as well.

Re: Teenager
 

I'm confused to, but here goes;

Husband is Canadain but been in UK 21 years, took us all back for a better way of life - but hated it!

20 yr old didnt want to come initially, but followed us out a month later,got a job made some friends and loved it; wanted to stayed but was not able to do so on his own. He is now working at going back under his own steam.

17 & 24 yr old very happy we are back.

16 yr old depressed because the school will not allow him back onto his A level course and he will have to wait till September for college; basically he has lost a year of schooling - which I feel responsible for.

ME - well I took some persuading to make the move; after three holidays I decieded OK and I started the process and did all the necessary work to get us there. When I got there I loved it, I really wanted to stay!

Now I'm back here, 4 of us at my mums 2 bed aparetment, other kids spread around the family; looking for somewhere to rent, sorting out littles for school and pre-school (all the best ones are full). Applied for a job, over qualifed for, so they want to give me something else, not sure what yet.

Hubby not working yet and still not been to the doctors to get treatment for depression!

Now I'm now feeling very very low and angry and frustated, not sure what happens next.....Our marriage is under a great amount of strain.

Bet you wish you hadnt asked now!

Re: Teenager
 

No I'm not sorry I asked,..... but poor you! Does OH feel like everything is all his fault too, because it was his idea initially and things didn't work out?

It sounds like you all need to take a good deep breath and say OK, maybe that didn't work, but here we are and lets go on from here (I know... easy for me to say!) It's no good beating yourselves up over it though. The thing will be to try to pull everything back together now, and it certainly will be a strain to start with.

However, life goes on. In the end your 16 year old will be no worse off for being a year behind in school, even though it might feel monumental right now. My lad is probably a couple of years older than his peers at uni because he took an extra year over his A levels then had to do top-up stuff before Calgary University would accept him. Some of his fellow students are younger than him, and some are older.... much older! It matters not.
If anything, I think more mature students sometimes do better!

I do think your 20 yr old would do well to try going over on a BUNAC visa. The 17 year old will slot himself into whatever it is he wants to be doing in the UK and soon will probably be moving on quite soon, as will your eldest!

I think your biggest priority is to get you and hubby back on track and try to look at it as a learning experience. Then look after the two wee ones, cos they'll be miserable if you two are. Everybody try to put anger, bitterness and blame aside if you can. You have a lovely family and plenty to build on.

Sometime along the road, the time might be right for you to look at Canada again. Who knows? At least as a Canadian he has that possibility open to you. Never say never. :thumbsup: