Continuing the recent theme of stereotyping people because of their habits, I had a quick go at doing the same for newspaper readers... Add on any others you like!

Guardian readers – terribly earnest and righteous souls who view themselves rather like the little boy in the Emperor’s New Clothes - they can see the truth but everyone else refuses to. It’s nearly impossible to hold a conversation with a Guardian reader for more than five minutes before they will actually state that they are a Guardian reader, almost as if that both explains and solves everything. Very liberal views on everything except people who don’t share their views.

Daily Mail readers (male) – Barbour-wearing solid chaps who consider themselves real “men’s men”, who think that Britain would be a better place if the brown people would only know their place and Jeremy Clarkson was PM. Knows to the minute what their house is now worth and how much “that bastard Gordon Brown” has stolen from them.

Daily Mail readers (female) – have no idea that Bridget Jones’ Diary was a satire. In fact, have no idea what a satire is. OMG. Need glass of wine!!! xxx

Sun readers – salt of the earth. Your traditional sturdy, good old racist and homophobic, trusty and loyal, dependable, steadfast and true, Olde English yeoman, strong in the arm and thick in the ‘ead. The very tradesmen and cannon-fodder wot made Britain Great. Fact. Gawd Bless ‘em, every one.

Mirror readers – bitter old ex-miners and steelworkers who secretly wish the Mirror was as fun to read as The Sun.

Independent readers – a handful of crop-circle enthusiasts who believe that an Arran sweater makes you look mad, bad and dangerous to know.

Financial Times readers – people who vainly hope that trying to follow the financial news means that they can give their wife a plausible reason for what’s about to happen to their pension fund.

Express readers – circulation list shared with that of the Royal British Legion. Easily confused and a bit paranoid, still refer to Zimbabwe as Rhodesia. Knows that when it comes to offering readers the chance to buy amazingly comfortable unisex leisure slacks for unbeatable value, no other paper even comes close.

Times readers – just polysyllabic Sun readers, despite what they think.

Telegraph readers – view the world as though settled deep in an overstuffed leather wingback chair in a paneled gentleman’s club, cradling a crusty tumbler of port and digesting the latest despatches from all corners of the Empire as if being dictated by the Queen herself.


Did I miss anyone?!

Ah yes. In it's (near) original form:

• The Times Read by the people who run the country.
  
• Daily Mirror Read by the people who think they run the country.
  
• Guardian Read by the people who think they should run the country.
  
• Morning Star Read by the people who think we should be run by another country.
  
• Daily Mail Read by the wives of the people who run the country.
  
• Financial Times Read by the people who own the country.
  
• Daily Express Read by the people who think the country should be run as it used to be run.
  
• Daily Telegraph Read by the people who think it still is.
  
• The Sun Read by the people who don't care who runs the country, as long as she has got big breasts.

Yes. Those of us who read none of the above....;-)

Whilst prowling BE looking for inspiration on Xmas Eve, I chanced upon your post; very funny indeed!

Could I be so bold to ask what papers you read Jingsamichty & BristolUK?

I have to admit that I have been 'guilty' of reading the Daily Mail, but that is because a copy was given free at the gym. However, with the onset of the credit crunch, sadly no more. Bridget Jones a satire? Surely not: All by myself, don't wanna be....

I'm a Guardian reader but not the smug, sandal wearing, sneering kind. I'm not 'intellectual' or middle class enough for that.

And in one of the original forms, for those who care (I always loved it.)

Jim Hacker: Don't tell me about the press. I know exactly who reads the papers: The Daily Mirror is read by people who think they run the country; The Guardian is read by people who think they ought to run the country; The Times is read by people who actually do run the country; The Daily Mail is read by the wives of the people who run the country; The Financial Times is read by people who own the country; The Morning Star is read by people who think the country ought to be run by another country; And the Daily Telegraph is read by people who think it is.
Sir Humphrey: Prime Minister, what about the people who read the Sun?
Bernard Woolley: Sun readers don't care who runs the country, as long as she's got big tits.

The actual original was by Dave Allen I believe, but was worded considerably differently, but had the same point.

Just a few. http://scottishnewspapers.com/

You must be snowed in.!!

"Very droll."

Guradian reader, eh?

And you don't wear sandals - or live up to any aspect of the stereotype: surely that cannot be possible?

The only acceptable typo in this instance is Guardian.

Ha, ha!

Darn - a typo! How strange. Usually, after a bottle of wine my spelling improves and I no longer rely on any spellchecker. Perhaps I could improve my command of the English language by changing my daily read from a tabloid to a broadsheet.... Or I could always lay off the vino!

What paper do you read Novocastrian? I feel a degree of anxiety as I type for fear of mistakes!

Surely you meant Grauniad?

I was trying to be subtle.

I should know better.

Well, it will come as little surprise to learn that I do read the Guardian, but also many others including but not limited to the Independent, the Times, Toronto Star, Globe and Mail, NYT, WSJ, FAZ, Le Monde. All online of course.

I read quickly.