burton bunch

Bob, a handsome dude, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 PM .

He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV.

The 10:00 PM news was coming on. The news crew was covering a story of
a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump.

The blonde looked at Bob and said, "Do you think he'll jump?"

Bob says, "You know, I bet he'll jump."

The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't."

Bob placed a $20 bill on the bar and said, "You're on!"

Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy on the ledge did a swan dive off the building, falling to his death.

The blonde was very upset, but willingly handed her $20 to Bob saying,

"Fair's fair. Here's your money."

Bob replied, "I can't take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5 PM news and so I knew he would jump."

The blond replied, "I did too; but I didn't think he'd do it again."

Bob took the money......

rwin

A blind man wanders into an all girls biker bar by mistake.

He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee.

After sitting here for awhile, he yells to the waiter, "Hey, you wanna
hear a blonde joke?"

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky
voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it
is only fair -- given that you are blind -- that you should know five
things:

1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.

2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.

3. I'm a 6 foot tall, 175 lb. Blonde woman with a black belt in karate.

4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight
lifter.

5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler. Now,
think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters,
"No... Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

kate white

Jock finds himself in dire trouble.his business has gone bust and he's in serious financial problems.he's so desperate that he decides to ask god for help.God,please help me.Ah've lost ma wee store and if Ah dinna get some money,Ah;m going to lose my hoose too.please let me win the lottery!'' lottery night! someone else wins.Jock prays again,God please let me win the lottery!. lottery night! Ah've lost my wee store,ma hoose and Ah'm going to lose ma car as well'' lottery night again still no luck...Jock prays again.Ah've lost ma business,ma hoose and ma car.Ma bairns are starving,Ah dinna often ask ye for help and Ah have always been a good servant to ye.PLEASE just let me win the lottery this one time so Ah can get back on ma feet! suddenly there is a blinding flash as the heavens open and the voice of god himself thunders.Jock at least meet me half way and buy a ticket

Alberta_Rose

Is Jock blonde too???

kate white

YEAH tall dark and bloody handsom

Alberta_Rose

....and ......... blonde?

kate white

did ah no say!he had the hair style of a skunk and the creamed suntan oil went far toooooo dark he looked like a stick of Edinburgh rock that went badly wrong poor wee Jockbut he never did win that flippin lottery

steved61

Then there was the innocent blonde who decides she wants do something wild and add some spice to her life. She wants to start by renting an X-rated adult video.

She goes to the video store and looks around, finally settling on a title that sounds very stimulating.

She drives home, slips into something comfortable, lights some candles, pours a glass of wine, and puts the tape in the VCR.

To her disappointment, there's nothing but static on the screen, so she calls the video store and complains: "I just rented an adult movie from you and there's nothing on the tape but static."

The clerk replies, "Sorry about that. We've had problems with some of those tapes. Which title did you rent?"

And the blonde answers, "Head Cleaner".

steved61

Almost a Blonde Joke:

On the sixth day God turned to the Gabriel and said: "Today I am going to create a land called Canada, it will be a land of outstanding natural beauty. It shall have tall majestic mountains full of mountain goats, and eagles, beautiful sparkling lakes bountiful with bass and trout, forests full of elk and moose, high cliffs over-looking sandy beaches with an abundance of sea life, and rivers stocked with salmon."

God continued, "I shall make the land rich in oil so as to make the inhabitants prosper, I shall call these inhabitants Canadians, and they shall be known as the most friendly people on the earth." "But Lord," asked Gabriel "don't you think you are being too generous to these Canadians?"

"Not really," replied God "just wait and see the neighbors I am going to give them."

kate white

nice one