Had this emailed to me at work and couldn't resist sharing with you - hope they make you smile

Genuine Council Complaints...

My bush is really over grown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it.

He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it anymore.

It's the dogs mess that I find hard to swallow.

I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt myknob off.

I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.

And their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.

I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off.

My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?

I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.

Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.

I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and 50% are plain filthy.

I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers.

The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.

Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.

Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.

I want to complain about the farmer across the road; every morning at 6am his cock wakes me up and its now getting too much for me.

The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.

Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third so please send someone round to do something about it.

I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you lease do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.

Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.

I have had the clerk of works down on the floor six times but I still have no satisfaction.

This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broke and we can't get BBC2.

Lynne

fantastic

Morals
I am going to be marrying the girl of my life. We have been together for years and I finally popped the question. Yeah, can you believe it. My fiance is getting ready for the wedding, making the plans and so forth. We have been together for 2 years. During those two years there has only been one problesm. Her sister. Her younger, smaller, more attractive sister.

She always seems to be bending over in front of me. She always wears these small skirts or short dresses, so that when she bends over I always can get a glance. I think she is doing this on purpose. How can she do this to her own sister. But I love my finace dearly and I am confused on what I should do about this situation.

One day, I am waiting on my bride to be. Her sister comes up to me and confesses that she has been in love with me for a very long time and she said she wanted to have sex with me that one last time before I got married. She said that if I wanted to have a good time to follow her upstairs. Then she quickly ran up stairs.

I didn't know what to do. I was sweating like a coke bottle on a summer day. I got up and did the only thing that I knew to do. I ran outside the house.

When I got outside. All of my fiance's family members were outside clapping. They said that I passed the test and they were glad to have me apart of the story.

..the moral is, always keep your condoms in your car.

Those made made laugh out loud, thank you

very funny totally nearly wet my pants

Hi
just heard this and it made me laugh out loud


http://www.funny.com/funny?fn=CGOAW

hope it works for you

Rosie

a ventriloquist is touring the clubs and stops to entertain in a small
town. he's going through his usual run of off colour and 'dumb blonde'
jokes . when a well-dressed blonde woman in the fourth row stands on
her chair and shouts "i've heard just about enough of your stupid blonde
jokes you jerk" !

what makes you think you can stereotype women that way?
what connection can a persons hair colour possiblyhave with their
fundamental worth as a human being?
"its morons like you that prevent women like myself from being respected
at work and in our communities and from reaching our full potential
because you and your neanderthal brethren continue to perpetuate
negative images against not only blondes but women in general
all for the sake of a cheap laugh

"you are a pathetic , misogynistic relic of the past , and what you do is not
only contrary to discrimination laws in every civilised country
it is deeply offensive to people with modern sensibilities and basic respect
for their fellow citizens. you should hang your head in shame, you
pusillanimous little maggot"


flustered , the ventriloquist begins to apologise, when the blonde YELLS
"YOU stay out of this mister! IM TALKING TO THAT LITTLE BASTARD ON YOUR KNEE"

Laughed hysterically - I had to copy them and print out for my hubby - who just happens to work for the local council!
BRILLIANT