act1980

Hi everyone. I haven't been on here in a while, I hope you are all well.

Basically I am not sure what to do for Christmas this year. Wherever I go and whatever I do I know it's going to be hard.

I have 2 options.

One being that I can spend it with my Fiances family here in the UK and 2, my family in Canada are encouraging me to go out there and spend it with them.

I am really not sure what to do and have been thinking about it for quite a few weeks now. I still haven't been able to make a decision.

If I stay here I worry that it will be a reminder of what I had as I will be with his family. We will also visit his grave which will obviously be very sad as it always is.

If I go to Canada I worry that I will freak out as I only ever went there with him and there are so many memories. Plus my last Christmas was spent there with him but we celebrated it with his family in Stouffville.

I just don't know what to do. I mean, I have done things since he died that have reminded me of him and I have got through them. So what do I do?

I would be grateful to anyone who offers theirs thoughts on this.

Many thanks.

DandNHill

Not the most tactful man are you Oink?

Wherever you are it's going to hit you hard. The closest I can get to understanding what you are going through is when my Dad died and in fact it was New Year that hurt more as it was leaving behind the year in which we had last spent time with him.
Who has been giving you the most support so far? Try to spend it with that person so you have the support when you need it.
Good luck

Piff Poff

Do the one that scares you most. Your going to have understanding family with you either side of the Atlantic so if you end up a sobbing messy puddle then you are still going to be loved wherever you are, once you've done the scariest one, it will be easier to do the other stuff.

Have a hug and best wishes.

fledermaus

I'd say stay in England. I've done one Atlantic flight where I sobbed the whole way, I'd never wish that on anyone. Airports, luggage, crowds. No, stay away from them.

kirstybowles

i agree with piff poff and have a hug from me too x

act1980

It's mainly my friends that have shown me their support. My parents moved to Bulgaria not long after his death.
Canada scares me more!
Can I ask why you were upset, had you just lost someone?


Thanks to everyone for your input so far

fledermaus

No, no bereavement. Just major "stuff". Believe me the whole airport experience when you are upset is not good.

Piff Poff

While I agree with the whole airport and being upset not being a good experience I also think getting worst fears out of the way the quickest to be the best solution, the longer you leave the scary things the scarier they get.

I fell apart at Manchester airport last year after saying goodbye to my Mum for possibly the last time (I truly hope not), I pulled myself together and then fell apart again on the aeroplane - several times, the little expat lady I was sat next to just let me get on with it and drank as many brandy and cokes as she was offered But I got through it.

If things go swimmingly well with my Mum, then she will be out here next summer, the more likely scenario will be me flying to see her again, probably sooner rather than later, yes I am scared at that thought, we don't skype (she doesn't want me to see how bad she looks) but now I've done it once I know I can get through it again.

Clematis

I hope you make the right decision for you, I think you will be thinking of Simon in either place...

triumphguy

It's always going to be a sh!tty time.
Where will you get the most support?

Or go somewhere with a girlfriend and have (as much as you can) fun.

act1980

That does make a lot of sense. It's just plucking up the courage to do it!

Calgal

Angela - haven't been around here much in recent months so missed your thread about your fiance. I am sooooo sorry - my heart goes out to you. What awful news.

All the best in deciding what to do for Christmas

mandymoochops

In my personal opinion you are still very much in the infant stage of the bereavement. I would spend it here with his family and that way you can still feel close to him and his family will appreciate you being there too as both parties will have each other for support.

Miss Clinique

I agree with Fledermaus with the airport thing. When I flew back in February after my Mum's funeral the airport was the worst thing ever. Having a 24hr delay didnt help either. Getting on that plane and leaving my Mum behind was just the worst thing ever, it was the longest flight I have ever had to endure and then facing passport control with all those questions was the pits.

I also agree with with Piff Poff facing your worst fears and getting them over and done with could be the best solution

Not much help am I?

I would sit quiet and think about Simon. What would he want you to do? You know as time goes on and you heal a little more, you will no doubt drift away from his family, its hard to imagne that now, I know, but life does move on and you will find your own way. I would spend it with the people I would be happiest with, who I know wouldnt mind if I spent the whole day crying.

My heart goes out to you, it's not a nice time of the year, when you have recently lost a loved one.

act1980

Thanks for your comments everyone.

I think the thing I am having trouble with is that his Dad and I had a bit of a 'run in' a couple of weeks ago. He kind of verbally attacked me and is basically going to take the car away from me as it is registered to Simon.

I know Si wouldn't want that, and his Dad does already have a car. I had to sell mine to make a mortgage payment and that was after we had agreed that he would let me keep the car. So I had no idea that this would happen and I would be left without transport.

He is saying that if I want to keep the car then to give him £3000 to go and buy one 'from Simon' He told me that I am acting like I own Simon (no idea what that means, and that I have to realise that Simon cost them a lot of money) I cried the whole way home in the car after that conversation and still get emotional about it now. It was nearly 3 weeks ago!

His Mum called and apologised for everything. It's not her I have the problem with, I think the world of her. I just keep thinking about what happened and I am not sure I can get past that at the moment. I have since spoken to his Dad and we have been fine on the phone but it's still in the back of my mind.

He said it's not about the money but then why would he ask for £3000 and why would he not offer to swap his car with mine so I wouldn't be left in the lurch?

I just hate all the politics that comes with the death of someone. It's hard enough having to deal with losing Si without this on top!

So, that's why I have this dilemma. And spending it my my parents isn't an option as they now live in Bulgaria.

Sorry for my rant everyone. Just thought I would shed a bit more light on my situation.