Second thoughts...

Old Oct 12th 2009, 4:20 pm
  #1  
BE Enthusiast
Thread Starter
 
Joined: Oct 2007
Location: Herne Bay, Kent, England.
Posts: 442
MartianTom has much to be proud ofMartianTom has much to be proud ofMartianTom has much to be proud ofMartianTom has much to be proud ofMartianTom has much to be proud ofMartianTom has much to be proud ofMartianTom has much to be proud ofMartianTom has much to be proud ofMartianTom has much to be proud ofMartianTom has much to be proud ofMartianTom has much to be proud of
Default Second thoughts...

Hi folks,

Okay… well, I’ve been through this every which way, looking at all sorts of options for locations, employment prospects, working conditions, lifestyle, etc. I’ve weighed up all the facts and accounts – for which I thank many of you. And here I am now, almost at the end of the application process, feeling… well, to be honest, stupefied. Totally ambivalent about the whole thing. I ought to be feeling excited, but I don’t. It’s probably a common reaction to something as huge and potentially life-changing as this. But surely I ought to have just a little buzz about it. Just a little?

Well… here are my conclusions, for what they’re worth:

THE MAJOR PROS:
- the prospect of adventure and a new life
- the wide open spaces and scenery
- the proximity of the US
- only me, no dependents, no ties, no major possessions

THE MAJOR CONS:
- the distance from family
- the long winters
- the short vacations
- having to start from scratch with my work, social network, insurance premiums
- my age now (over 50)
- the cost if it all goes wrong

Weighing it all up, I’m not sure now that I’m completely, hand on heart, willing to go ahead. On the other hand, of course, I can’t really know until I try.

There is a compromise, I suppose…

I carry it all through, then go out and rent the cheapest bachelor apartment I can find on short-term rental in, say, Ontario so as to establish an address for banking, insurance, SIN and all other domiciliary purposes. Using this as a base, I buy a small rig or a campervan and set off to explore the country for a few months, maybe doing casual work here and there. If I don’t find anywhere that feels ‘right’ in all senses – good environment, employment prospects, reasonable cultural mix, etc – then I return to the apartment, sell up and move back. I’ll probably have seen more of the country, and gotten more of a flavour for it, than many expats who’ve moved out and straight into jobs. I’ll have given myself a chance to try it.

Sounds okay. It’s a plan, anyway. There’s a but, though. Speaking as I have done to many expats over the last couple of years, it seems to me that the things that come up most commonly about Canada that people don’t like are the things that are really important to me. Top of the list must come work/life balance. I don’t earn much now, but it’s enough for me to get by. I work 4 days a week, have all my evenings and weekends free and have 4 weeks’ holiday a year. I need that time. My spare time is where I live. I know I’d have to forfeit a lot of that in Canada. Also, it’s important for me to have satisfying and rewarding work, like I have now. I can’t do my current job in Canada, so would have to take whatever was available… and if it’s a dull 9 to 5, well, I just can't face the prospect of another one of those. I worry, too, about fitting in. And if it does all go wrong, the prospect of having to return in my mid-50s, and probably having spent most of the money it’s taken me an awful long time to save, is daunting. You shouldn’t put a financial cost on adventure and experience, of course… but when you only have a smallish amount of money, and you want to make the most of what it can enable you to do, there are probably far better options available than a huge move like this.

So, why did I put the application in in the first place? Well… I didn’t have a lot of time to give it a huge amount of thought: my age was ticking against me, as I only just qualified with the points. If I’d left it too long, my 50th birthday would have put me under the required minimum. Most of my research, then, has had to be conducted since. But also, I’ve travelled across Canada and holidayed there, and am enamoured of the country (as I am of France). So yes… there was a bit of a rose-tinted element to my original motives. I think there probably is with a lot of people.

I think if I was 10 years younger, I’d probably just go ahead anyway. There’s still time to recover – emotionally and financially – if it goes wrong. But at this stage in my life, and with the amount of capital I’ve got, the risk of being washed up is perhaps more than I’m prepared to take.

I probably come across as a hopeless case, a ditherer, a coward. Maybe. But I believe in being honest.

Maybe you can just think about a thing too much. On the other hand, nothing of this magnitude can be undertaken lightly. And maybe, all things considered, I’m just not the right person for it after all.

Maybe I had to get this far, until it was in reach, to find out. Nothing focuses the mind like a deadline.
MartianTom is offline  
Old Oct 12th 2009, 6:55 pm
  #2  
Lost in BE Cyberspace
 
ann m's Avatar
 
Joined: Jul 2006
Location: Cochrane, Alberta
Posts: 7,861
ann m has a reputation beyond reputeann m has a reputation beyond reputeann m has a reputation beyond reputeann m has a reputation beyond reputeann m has a reputation beyond reputeann m has a reputation beyond reputeann m has a reputation beyond reputeann m has a reputation beyond reputeann m has a reputation beyond reputeann m has a reputation beyond reputeann m has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Second thoughts...

Originally Posted by MartianTom
I probably come across as a hopeless case, a ditherer, a coward. Maybe. But I believe in being honest.
Hi Tom - I don't think you come across as a ditherer at all - and if you can't be honest with yourself, then there is no hope anyway

And now for the responses which - I guarantee - will fall into two camps

i) The "Go for it - what have you got to lose?" camp; and the

ii) "Think long and hard, again" camp.

And the thing is - none of us can answer your dilemma for you. We can empathise (or not) - and can only give you our experiences, which I guess afterall are worth listening to (or not!) but might have you spinning in circles till next Christmas with even more indecision.

Having read the many tales on this site, I'm now a firm believer that any action is better than no action at all. We can 'dither' and faff around for months or years and be no further forward in our lives.

But with that responsiblity of making a final decision to take 'any action' you must be able to live with it, move with it and not let making the 'wrong' decision eat you up.

I think that is the fundamental part - are you the kind of person for whom "regret" is a part of your make-up, your pysche. It isn't for me. Try and work out if it is fundamental to you. What's the worse that would happen if you didn't make the move to Canada? Will "regret" eat you up?

Can you achieve some of the "pros" on your list by making other changes to your current life within the UK (or indeed elsewhere I guess - Canada is not the only option)?

Now to slightly contradict myself. One thing I will say is that nothing need ever be final. And to sound so completely corny now as to need good slap, life is a journey and you can change your mind or direction whenever you like. It's all up to you.

For me, financial security is quite fundamental. I don't mean lots of wealth and possessions, but I do mean the mental freedom to keep the roof over my head, put decent food on the table, and afford some nice outings, weekends away, a new pair of boots if the fancy takes me. I mean an ability to put something away for the future because I intend to live a long and healthy life, holding hands with my elderly husband, as we dodder around in our little bungalow! Nature and fate or the driver of the Number 49 bus may have other ideas but that is what I intend.

Personally, I do not see the point of leaving one reasonably secure and happy life for a scrimping and saving life and a melt-down in finances if there are not remarkable gains on the other side.

And I mean really remarkable gains - not one hour's less commuting, or 20 days less rain. I mean soul-food gains. I mean relationship gains (lovers, friends, family - whoever is important to you), I mean a final feeling of being at peace and feeling at home. Whoo - gone all heavy there.

What has Canada said to you that no other country ever has? Is it a nice place to visit, or an absolute calling that you belong here? What other ties or interests will hold you here?

I haven't helped at all. Very good luck with it all. And hey, what have you got to lose?
ann m is offline  
Old Oct 12th 2009, 7:01 pm
  #3  
BE Forum Addict
 
triumphguy's Avatar
 
Joined: Dec 2007
Location: Calgary
Posts: 2,092
triumphguy has a reputation beyond reputetriumphguy has a reputation beyond reputetriumphguy has a reputation beyond reputetriumphguy has a reputation beyond reputetriumphguy has a reputation beyond reputetriumphguy has a reputation beyond reputetriumphguy has a reputation beyond reputetriumphguy has a reputation beyond reputetriumphguy has a reputation beyond reputetriumphguy has a reputation beyond reputetriumphguy has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Second thoughts...

Bottom line:

the move

Either has to make sound economic/lifestyle sense to you

Or: you are so attracted to/passionate about moving because something about Canada or the mountains, or the wide open spaces speak to you so strongly that you will not/cannot be swayed.

Last edited by triumphguy; Oct 12th 2009 at 7:45 pm.
triumphguy is offline  
Old Oct 12th 2009, 7:21 pm
  #4  
Is it that time already
 
Tony the pilot's Avatar
 
Joined: Jul 2009
Location: lake district
Posts: 430
Tony the pilot is a name known to allTony the pilot is a name known to allTony the pilot is a name known to allTony the pilot is a name known to allTony the pilot is a name known to allTony the pilot is a name known to allTony the pilot is a name known to allTony the pilot is a name known to allTony the pilot is a name known to allTony the pilot is a name known to allTony the pilot is a name known to all
Default Re: Second thoughts...

Originally Posted by ann m
Hi Tom - I don't think you come across as a ditherer at all - and if you can't be honest with yourself, then there is no hope anyway

And now for the responses which - I guarantee - will fall into two camps

i) The "Go for it - what have you got to lose?" camp; and the

ii) "Think long and hard, again" camp.

And the thing is - none of us can answer your dilemma for you. We can empathise (or not) - and can only give you our experiences, which I guess afterall are worth listening to (or not!) but might have you spinning in circles till next Christmas with even more indecision.

Having read the many tales on this site, I'm now a firm believer that any action is better than no action at all. We can 'dither' and faff around for months or years and be no further forward in our lives.

But with that responsiblity of making a final decision to take 'any action' you must be able to live with it, move with it and not let making the 'wrong' decision eat you up.

I think that is the fundamental part - are you the kind of person for whom "regret" is a part of your make-up, your pysche. It isn't for me. Try and work out if it is fundamental to you. What's the worse that would happen if you didn't make the move to Canada? Will "regret" eat you up?

Can you achieve some of the "pros" on your list by making other changes to your current life within the UK (or indeed elsewhere I guess - Canada is not the only option)?

Now to slightly contradict myself. One thing I will say is that nothing need ever be final. And to sound so completely corny now as to need good slap, life is a journey and you can change your mind or direction whenever you like. It's all up to you.

For me, financial security is quite fundamental. I don't mean lots of wealth and possessions, but I do mean the mental freedom to keep the roof over my head, put decent food on the table, and afford some nice outings, weekends away, a new pair of boots if the fancy takes me. I mean an ability to put something away for the future because I intend to live a long and healthy life, holding hands with my elderly husband, as we dodder around in our little bungalow! Nature and fate or the driver of the Number 49 bus may have other ideas but that is what I intend.

Personally, I do not see the point of leaving one reasonably secure and happy life for a scrimping and saving life and a melt-down in finances if there are not remarkable gains on the other side.

And I mean really remarkable gains - not one hour's less commuting, or 20 days less rain. I mean soul-food gains. I mean relationship gains (lovers, friends, family - whoever is important to you), I mean a final feeling of being at peace and feeling at home. Whoo - gone all heavy there.

What has Canada said to you that no other country ever has? Is it a nice place to visit, or an absolute calling that you belong here? What other ties or interests will hold you here?

I haven't helped at all. Very good luck with it all. And hey, what have you got to lose?
I think you are on the money with your pearls and think if the decision to leave your home country remains in a state of flux it will haunt you. That said, it's a big decision and it's normal after going through the process to feel some form of anticlimax, me included!

In any event you are a long tome dead..

All the best
Tony the pilot is offline  
Old Oct 12th 2009, 7:44 pm
  #5  
Scottish Canuck
 
Cookie's Avatar
 
Joined: Aug 2006
Location: Auld Scotia > Nova Scotia > Calgary
Posts: 3,703
Cookie has a reputation beyond reputeCookie has a reputation beyond reputeCookie has a reputation beyond reputeCookie has a reputation beyond reputeCookie has a reputation beyond reputeCookie has a reputation beyond reputeCookie has a reputation beyond reputeCookie has a reputation beyond reputeCookie has a reputation beyond reputeCookie has a reputation beyond reputeCookie has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Second thoughts...

Your biggest advantage is that it's only you and you are not involving a wife and kids.

Don't burn your bridges, treat your Canadian adventure as a year or two out. If Canada doesn't push your buttons then you can always go back to the UK or try somewhere else. Life is for living
Cookie is offline  
Old Oct 12th 2009, 8:47 pm
  #6  
.........................
 
Bali2010's Avatar
 
Joined: Aug 2009
Posts: 1,615
Bali2010 has a reputation beyond reputeBali2010 has a reputation beyond reputeBali2010 has a reputation beyond reputeBali2010 has a reputation beyond reputeBali2010 has a reputation beyond reputeBali2010 has a reputation beyond reputeBali2010 has a reputation beyond reputeBali2010 has a reputation beyond reputeBali2010 has a reputation beyond reputeBali2010 has a reputation beyond reputeBali2010 has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Second thoughts...

I haven't even put in my first forms yet & have similar worries - am sure we are not the only ones...

For me, I know that should I really back out, that is still some time off - could you do the same taking landing / medical dates into account to give you some more thinking & or time for recces / finding job ?

My view at the moment is, that I might come back, but then I would be wanting a change here anyway, so would not expact to slot back in here either - not that this resolves the financial concerns of course.
Bali2010 is offline  
Old Oct 12th 2009, 9:35 pm
  #7  
BE Enthusiast
Thread Starter
 
Joined: Oct 2007
Location: Herne Bay, Kent, England.
Posts: 442
MartianTom has much to be proud ofMartianTom has much to be proud ofMartianTom has much to be proud ofMartianTom has much to be proud ofMartianTom has much to be proud ofMartianTom has much to be proud ofMartianTom has much to be proud ofMartianTom has much to be proud ofMartianTom has much to be proud ofMartianTom has much to be proud ofMartianTom has much to be proud of
Default Re: Second thoughts...

Thanks for all your comments and thoughts, everyone. I really appreciate it. I'll reply individually when I have more time.

Current feeling? I can hardly bear to dwell on it any more. Not sure it's the right thing now... but terrified of regretting it if I don't do it.

I will get myself into these predicaments.... I just wish I was made of sterner stuff.
MartianTom is offline  
Old Oct 12th 2009, 10:42 pm
  #8  
BE Forum Addict
 
Joined: Jan 2008
Location: Near Kingston, Ontario
Posts: 1,316
shelley748 has a reputation beyond reputeshelley748 has a reputation beyond reputeshelley748 has a reputation beyond reputeshelley748 has a reputation beyond reputeshelley748 has a reputation beyond reputeshelley748 has a reputation beyond reputeshelley748 has a reputation beyond reputeshelley748 has a reputation beyond reputeshelley748 has a reputation beyond reputeshelley748 has a reputation beyond reputeshelley748 has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Second thoughts...

my advice- if you own a home in UK-rent it out!

Go for it but be aware that the job situation here is not any better...you cannot get a rig in Ontario to travel around in winter its too bloomin cold!!-40C you'll freeze yer nuts off!! Crappy end jobs here pay around $9 per hour...and they are equally as boring!!

We are looking to maybe move back to UK at just aged 50- we have given 7 years of our lives to Canada and we have gone seriously backwards- however we have done it, so we won;t have any "what ifs" when we get to 60.

Its your choice but don't sever ties with UK- keep all bank accounts and credit cards open, so that if you change your mind you can at least go back and not have to re establish credit... or have the issue of ttrying to re open a bank account- use a friend or parents address.

Its been an experience but to be honest if we had our time over, we would not have come here- best of luck mate.
shelley748 is offline  
Old Oct 12th 2009, 11:09 pm
  #9  
Sawdust making harpy
 
mandymoochops's Avatar
 
Joined: Sep 2007
Location: Alberta
Posts: 11,291
mandymoochops has a reputation beyond reputemandymoochops has a reputation beyond reputemandymoochops has a reputation beyond reputemandymoochops has a reputation beyond reputemandymoochops has a reputation beyond reputemandymoochops has a reputation beyond reputemandymoochops has a reputation beyond reputemandymoochops has a reputation beyond reputemandymoochops has a reputation beyond reputemandymoochops has a reputation beyond reputemandymoochops has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Second thoughts...

I'm going to come across as the horrible one now -

FFS throw your brown courderoys away, pull on some jeans and get on with it.

You seem to be the sort of person that always has to analyse everything in life, and will only go outside your comfort zone if its comfy enough.

Now i'm going to give you a proverbial slap around the face and say look, something about you made you decide to undertake the move to Canada. Something about your lovely planned life that wasn't happy.

Well follow that wild and reckless feeling and live a little - yes ok so you're 50? so what? You've got years left to make a life you enjoy completely - one that involves sticking your neck out and trying something different. So go for it, and listen to that inner adventurer that I can hear the muffled yells of underneath Mr sensible.
mandymoochops is offline  
Old Oct 13th 2009, 12:21 am
  #10  
Scottish Canuck
 
Cookie's Avatar
 
Joined: Aug 2006
Location: Auld Scotia > Nova Scotia > Calgary
Posts: 3,703
Cookie has a reputation beyond reputeCookie has a reputation beyond reputeCookie has a reputation beyond reputeCookie has a reputation beyond reputeCookie has a reputation beyond reputeCookie has a reputation beyond reputeCookie has a reputation beyond reputeCookie has a reputation beyond reputeCookie has a reputation beyond reputeCookie has a reputation beyond reputeCookie has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Second thoughts...

Originally Posted by mandymoochops
I'm going to come across as the horrible one now -

FFS throw your brown courderoys away, pull on some jeans and get on with it.

You seem to be the sort of person that always has to analyse everything in life, and will only go outside your comfort zone if its comfy enough.

Now i'm going to give you a proverbial slap around the face and say look, something about you made you decide to undertake the move to Canada. Something about your lovely planned life that wasn't happy.

Well follow that wild and reckless feeling and live a little - yes ok so you're 50? so what? You've got years left to make a life you enjoy completely - one that involves sticking your neck out and trying something different. So go for it, and listen to that inner adventurer that I can hear the muffled yells of underneath Mr sensible.
I like your style Ms Moochops

PS Mr Cookie was 2 months off 50 when we arrived here
Cookie is offline  
Old Oct 13th 2009, 12:27 am
  #11  
Lost in BE Cyberspace
 
ann m's Avatar
 
Joined: Jul 2006
Location: Cochrane, Alberta
Posts: 7,861
ann m has a reputation beyond reputeann m has a reputation beyond reputeann m has a reputation beyond reputeann m has a reputation beyond reputeann m has a reputation beyond reputeann m has a reputation beyond reputeann m has a reputation beyond reputeann m has a reputation beyond reputeann m has a reputation beyond reputeann m has a reputation beyond reputeann m has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Second thoughts...

Originally Posted by Cookie
treat your Canadian adventure as a year or two out.
That's a very apt comment actually. I think many of us treat this whole moving lark as a final, final thing. It doesn't have to be. If you embark on a move as a two or three year "let's see how it goes" adventure, as opposed to a "this is it, I better get it right or else " adventure, then you release some of that pressure on yourself straight away.
ann m is offline  
Old Oct 13th 2009, 12:29 am
  #12  
BE Forum Addict
 
Joined: Sep 2009
Location: Paradise NL
Posts: 1,511
nldfc has a reputation beyond reputenldfc has a reputation beyond reputenldfc has a reputation beyond reputenldfc has a reputation beyond reputenldfc has a reputation beyond reputenldfc has a reputation beyond reputenldfc has a reputation beyond reputenldfc has a reputation beyond reputenldfc has a reputation beyond reputenldfc has a reputation beyond reputenldfc has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Second thoughts...

Go for it - we only get one kick off the can at this 'life' gig .If it doesent suit you then pick up the pieces and get on with the next episode of life
nldfc is offline  
Old Oct 13th 2009, 9:52 am
  #13  
BE Enthusiast
Thread Starter
 
Joined: Oct 2007
Location: Herne Bay, Kent, England.
Posts: 442
MartianTom has much to be proud ofMartianTom has much to be proud ofMartianTom has much to be proud ofMartianTom has much to be proud ofMartianTom has much to be proud ofMartianTom has much to be proud ofMartianTom has much to be proud ofMartianTom has much to be proud ofMartianTom has much to be proud ofMartianTom has much to be proud ofMartianTom has much to be proud of
Default Re: Second thoughts...

Too many to reply to individually now. Except...

Originally Posted by mandymoochops
I'm going to come across as the horrible one now -

FFS throw your brown courderoys away, pull on some jeans and get on with it.

You seem to be the sort of person that always has to analyse everything in life, and will only go outside your comfort zone if its comfy enough.

Now i'm going to give you a proverbial slap around the face and say look, something about you made you decide to undertake the move to Canada. Something about your lovely planned life that wasn't happy.

Well follow that wild and reckless feeling and live a little - yes ok so you're 50? so what? You've got years left to make a life you enjoy completely - one that involves sticking your neck out and trying something different. So go for it, and listen to that inner adventurer that I can hear the muffled yells of underneath Mr sensible.
Okay, Mrs Moochops... you're on the money there, I can't deny it . I guess some of the over-analysis comes from being too rashly impulsive when I was younger and coming spectacularly unstuck. You can be too careful, though. My comfort zone? Yeah. Part of that's 'cos I'm an Aspie, though. (BTW, you can slap me any time you like! )

But enough said. I'm going ahead. Suck it and see, as they say.

Thanks again, everyone.

Last edited by MartianTom; Oct 13th 2009 at 9:57 am.
MartianTom is offline  
Old Oct 13th 2009, 1:08 pm
  #14  
Forum Regular
 
Joined: May 2009
Location: Whitley Bay for a while.
Posts: 99
hobbitess is on a distinguished road
Default Re: Second thoughts...

Woohoo
hobbitess is offline  
Old Oct 13th 2009, 2:40 pm
  #15  
Almost there...
 
Pincher's Avatar
 
Joined: Mar 2004
Location: Living The Dream, no really I am.
Posts: 409
Pincher has much to be proud ofPincher has much to be proud ofPincher has much to be proud ofPincher has much to be proud ofPincher has much to be proud ofPincher has much to be proud ofPincher has much to be proud ofPincher has much to be proud ofPincher has much to be proud ofPincher has much to be proud ofPincher has much to be proud of
Default Re: Second thoughts...

'But enough said. I'm going ahead. Suck it and see, as they say.'

Good for you. Life is an adventure, not a dress rehearsal. Live it.

I'm a Kent boy as well. Am in Dover if you want to PM me.
All the best.
Pincher is offline  

Contact Us - Archive - Advertising - Cookie Policy - Privacy Statement - Terms of Service -

Copyright © 2024 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved. Use of this site indicates your consent to the Terms of Use.