Seriously, there are 'club' equivalents for aircraft. But ground staff are likely to need access to controls when moving them around. Maybe not to start the engines, though.

Or there's the low-tech approach. I was reading a military memoir recently where an RAF erk forgot to remove the distributor cap from his jeep-like vehicle when he went to the pub one night and it had been 'borrowed' by drunken squaddies by the time he left.

They always seem to recover the back boxes intact. Maybe they should start building planes out of the stuff they make them out of?

Failing that, make sure you are strapped to one of them!

or sit at the back as they don't tend to reverse into mountains!

Give a man a plane ticket and he’ll fly for a day. Push a man from a plane and he’ll fly for the rest of his life.

That always strikes me as a strange quirk of airline design. I think statistically you are safest at the back of a plane in a crash. Yet the premium seats are all at the front. I suppose one pays for business class to be first in all things, including impact with terrain!

Could be wrong but I thought it was the section around the wings that was meant to be safest... its probably the structurally strongest.

& closest to the fuel!

Where’s the Safest Place to Sit on a Plane? | Time

In the Hangar ?

Jim Davidson fan?

Goodbye 1st class

Here is the full documentary of the above video.

However they did not try to land, they flew it into the ground. This would not happen unless all control is lost.

UA232 Sioux City, Iowa. A DC10 had a catastrophic failure of the #2 engine, end result a loss of hydraulics and no control of the aircraft. The crew made some attempt at control using engine thrust on the 2 remaining engines. On touchdown a wing tip caught the ground and the fireball was the result. It is amazing over half the pax survived. First did not fare well, although most of the survivors were ahead of the wing section.
If one looks at the major incidents around the world, there have been some miraculous escapes from all parts of the aircraft.

BE548 entered a super stall on the climb out, plummeted to the ground, no survivors.

British Midland 92, landed short, mid section fared better then forward or aft sections.

End of the day it is a crap shoot, survival depends on the aircraft type and the type of accident and the crew.

Did he make that joke? He's a bit before my time. I thought I read it in the Viz. Maybe they got it from him. Still a decent joke though and less racist and misogynistic than JD's usual catalogue.