linz3112

Anyone who has read my posts on threads about telling parents about moving etc will know that my Mum has been trying all forms of guilt-tripping and stropping to put me off going! Needless to say that this has been really hard for me to take and has caused friction between us. I have not discussed Canada with her for the last few months and she was not interested when we booked our Reccie etc only a couple of weeks ago.......

Well!! She made the approach to ask how the plans were coming along yesterday!! To say i was shocked is an understatement but nothing prepared me for her comments a little further into the conversation!!

When talking about going and how we have weighed up pros and cons etc, her response was " Well, you have to do whats right for you and your family Linz!" - OMG! I nearly fell off my chair!!

When i questioned her u-turn, she said that she had realised that i wasn't just jumping into it and that she had been researching Canada a little bit at home "on the quiet" and she can see the appeal etc.........

To anyone who has parents that are making it difficult - give them time!! I honestly believe that my Mum just needed time to get her head around the idea - far enough it has taken her a year but each to her own!!

Sorry for the ramble - think it's the shock!!

farjojo71

My mum was the same Linz. Initially, she was throwing her dummy out of her pram on a daily basis but its helped that she has had 12 months to get her head around it. My OH moved over to Alberta last September to start work and she has been better since then really. I guess she realised then that it was actually going to go ahead whether she was ok with it or not.

lifeisajourney

That's great news! I firmly believe there's a kind of 'process' that the relatives/friends you leave behind have to go through - shock-upset -anger-denial- acceptance. Some take longer than others to come round, some never quite make it.....

It makes such a difference when you have their support though. Well done mum.

burton bunch

Think most parents do this lol mine certainly did OMG did she !!!

When we do a move like this I can say that I feel that parents go through a grieving process for their "loss" then they come out of the other end a different person.

My move actually changed my relationship with my mom totally for the better

Alberta_Rose

.... and this is why my usual advice is to tell them early.

I know for some people this leads to months/years of emotional blackmail, but at least you are being honest with them, rather than, as some suggest, waiting til you're about to move before "dropping the bombshell" .... then you've been plotting/planning and keeping it from them ... to me that would be worse (if I were the parent I mean) ... adds insult to injury.

I'm sorry if none of that makes sense ... I am quite a little bity drunken.

ann m

She might be reading this site right now

bsmith

....she won't have learned much about Canada, but at least now she'll be up to speed on anal sex.

G77

My parents were in denial about us coming, was seldom mentioned, couldn't see why we were doing it etc.... Then after they visited they went back and told my bro that they could see why we did it and they would have done the same given the same chance Would never admit that to my face though of course (I heard from my bro)....

linz3112

I must admit that has crossed my mind! She knows that i come on here so i did wonder if she may have had a peek. Maybe she read my other posts and thought - "poor girl going through all that , i must make more of an effort with my Linz!"

Or she realised it was me and thought - "s**t! i'm not coming out in a positive light here!"

linz3112

Completely agree, we are not looking at going for another couple of years yet but wanted them to have far warning and be involved etc.....

My mum would have felt betrayed and like we had deliberately gone behind her back i think if i had dumped her on it nearer the time......
You make perfect sense, even after a few vino's!!

NatsnSid

Nice one Linz!

I have to say giving them time is right. We had one set of parents totally for and one set against. My In-laws (against) came out within 10 months of us being here.

Now - My father in law has a picture of our place/area in the van to show his mates, tells my parents how great it is and how they should hurry up and come visit. He also tells me every phonecall that we have a great life, the kids have blossomed and that he understands why we left....and that he misses our trees, house, bay, walks, fishing - you name it he misses it!. Its lovely to hear. (also quite funny!)

Now I just need to get my parents out here....they run a pub and can't shut it or afford to pay for anyone to run it for a few weeks......so we are waiting for them to sell it. (They signed on with some right old dodgy firm and have to wait until that contract is up before they can go elsewhere - needless to say they've not turned any buyers up for them but took their dosh grrrr)...So one day I hope they will be here to take things easy and see what its all about.

I remember the awkward conversations surrounding Canada.....but I am thankful they love it here too!

N

R I C H

My parents had no apparent issue with me moving here, but it's their lack of interest or willingness to talk about the whole emigration issue to my face that I find annoying. I get anecdotes from my brother and sisters about what my parents think about it, and it doesn't seem to matter how successful, settled or happy I am, there's an underlying assumption that at some point I'll return to what they consider my home.

The first 4yrs here were difficult - 7 day working weeks, no holidays, constant pressure to keep the business solvent etc etc, but the effort was worthwhile and has led to a quality of life and financial situation that I couldn't have dreamed about when we first moved here. I don't need accolades or a pat on the back, but a little recognition of the effort would perhaps be nice, rather than phone calls about how well their grandkids are doing.

LinsyPinsy

RICH,
I bet your parents talk about your move in a very positive light behind your back. Parents do that. They'll be like 'Oooh, you should see the house he's living in..the job he has...how happy he is etc etc. The last thing they'll do is tell you!

And to you they'll be like...Oooh Johnny/Keith/Bobby is doing great...kids are so sweet...they're all so good to me...blah blah

I guess you reach a point that you no longer seek the approval....but it would still be nice to get it now and again, haha

They are probably extremely proud...

lins

LinsyPinsy

Great to hear this has turned out well for you. Its such a relief, isn't it.
I had a very similar situation and was gobsmacked when it 'turned' Like your mum, mine had been squirrelling around the internet finding out about BC etc. Time is definately a huge part of the healing process, but I still feel for them...that'll never leave me.
lns

R I C H

Ahh, maybe Lins. I'd rather a more honest or transparent attitude though.

You're right, I don't need or seek their approval, but it's interesting that siblings that are less ambitious (settled jobs, nice homes but no particular energy or drive) are lauded for 'doing so well'. I've learned to shrug it off and not let it worry me. Being the black sheep's ok