DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS
1. 40-ish………………†¦â€¦â€¦.49
2. Adventurous……………â� �¦..Slept with everyone
3. Athletic……………… .........No tits
4. Average looking……………Ugly
5. Beautiful……………� �……Pathological liar
6. Contagious Smile…………Does a lot of pills
7. Emotionally secure……….On medication
8. Feminist……………… ……Fat
9. Free spirit………………⠀¦.Junkie
10. Friendship first…………….Former very *friendly* person
11. Fun………………†¦â€¦â€¦â€¦Annoying
12. New Age………………†¦â€¦Body hair in the wrong places
13. Open-minded………………De sperate
14. Outgoing……………… ……Loud and Embarrassing
15. Passionate………….........Slo ppy drunk
16. Professional……………â� ��¦.Bitch
17. Voluptuous……………†¦â€¦Very Fat
18. Large frame………….........Hugely Fat
19. Wants Soul mate………….Stalker

WOMEN'S ENGLISH:
1. Yes………………†¦â€¦â€¦â€¦â€¦â€¦.. No
2. No………………� �……………… Yes
3. Maybe………………â� ��¦â€¦â€¦â€¦â€¦. No
4. We need………………â� �¦â€¦â€¦â€¦. I want
5. I am sorry………………â� ��¦â€¦â€¦... You'll be sorry
6. We need to talk………………â� �¦. You're in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead ………………… You better not
8. Do what you want ……………… You will pay for this later
9. I am not upset………………â� ��¦â€¦ Of course I am upset, you moron!
10. You're very attentive tonight…… Is sex all you ever think about?

MEN'S ENGLISH

1. I am hungry………………⠀¦â€¦â€¦â€¦â€¦â€¦ I am hungry
2. I am sleepy………………⠀¦â€¦â€¦â€¦â€¦â€¦ I am sleepy
3. I am tired………………â� ��¦â€¦â€¦â€¦â€¦â€¦â€¦ I am tired
4. Nice dress………………â� ��¦â€¦â€¦â€¦â€¦â€¦.. Nice cleavage!
5. I love you …………………� �€¦â€¦â€¦â€¦â€¦.. Let's have sex now
6. I am bored………………â� ��¦â€¦â€¦â€¦â€¦â€¦.. Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance?......................... I'd like to have sex with you
8. Can I call you sometime?...................... I'd like to have sex with you
9. Do you want to go to a movie?............. I'd like to have sex with you
10. Can I take you out to dinner?.............. I'd like to have sex with you
11. Those shoes don't go with that outfit .. I'm gay

And finally.....

A recent scientific study found that women find different male faces attractive depending on where they are in their menstrual cycle.
For example, when a woman is ovulating she will prefer a man with rugged, masculine features.
However when she is menstruating, she prefers a man doused in petrol and set on fire, with scissors stuck in his eye and a cricket stump shoved up his backside.

I am so not touching that.

Oh that would have been so not good grammar wooden t1t?

Sorry, it means, "I'd like to have sex with you".

I got that in an e-mail from a Canadian buddy and responded with:

Well, I guess I am 49, slept with everyone, have no tits, am ugly, do a lot of pills and on medication. I'm also a fat, very fat, hugely fat junkie who used to be a very friendly person. Definitely an annoying bitch and have body hair in the wrong places. Desperate, loud and embarrassing, especially when I'm sloppy drunk. You should also be afraid, very afraid as I am a stalker.

I'm also a pathological liar.

OK.

In what language, gorillaspeak?

I love you
A recent survey showed that most couples adopt a "doggie style"
The husband sits up and begs, and the wife rolls over and plays dead

which prompts him to try his best and re-animate her???

Is that you rolling over Lorna? woof!

so it is