My mum was buried. I find it rather comforting that she is "there" in some way and dad can go talk to her from time to time.

Everybody was doing the stiff upper lip thing until my daughter just started to bawl as I think she realised the finality of grandma going into the ground, then the tears started to flow. I dont see any harm in tears at the graveside at all, I think it was rather cathartic and everyone sort of felt better for it and then we could focus on the happy memories.

Sorry about your loss piff, its a sad reason to make the trip back. My thoughts are with you.

Thank you all for sharing your sad stories.

I don't think there will be anything arranged for when it's all done as they are just not that sort of people. Besides my hubby, my daughter and myself after the wake there will be a close cousin and some of the german rellies are flying in to for the funeral so I guess they'll be around.

My mothers been winding me up (I try to think how lucky I am). I was telling her how my hubby almost broke down as he went through to security at the airport, he hasn't yet fallen apart and was worried about all sorts of things and things were starting to hit home all at once, she told me he needed to get a bit of a backbone - what a biatch. I let her know what I thought of that comment. I mean crikey it's not like he turned into a piece of jelly and couldn't move, he got on with it, swallowed his feelings and behaved like a normal human being that's happy with the world - no one would have known.

I spoke to hubby yesterday and all his fears were unfounded and he sounded really good and relieved. At least the funeral is relatively quick so we can get the worst over and done with.

My heart goes out to anyone that loses a loved one.

When my Nan passed, she was cremated, my Grandad scattered her ashes in their two favourite places.

My Nan had a musical jewellery box (the sort you wind up), that hadn't made a sound for years, shortly after her passing this box would just start playing, my Grandad didn't like to think my Nan had anything to do with it, so passed the box to my Mum. The box will occasionally play there too.

I found for the first few days after my mum passed away that I was so busy organising travel and passports and transportation etc that it was only after all that was done and we were actually in the UK that things caught up with me.

Your mums not the most sypathetic type then?

I don't really know what throwing mud/soil on the coffin signifies, but it is something I can't bring myself to do. Before my Dads' funeral I explained my feelings about it to my Mum, I wouldn't have thrown mud at my Dad at any other time so I really didn't want to do it at his funeral.
We spoke to my brothers about it and we all felt the same. We explained how we felt to the funeral directors and at the graveside, we all stepped back when the mud/soil was passed around, this worked well for us. We then went and celebrated his life.

thinking of you and your family

Rosie

Evidently not!

I have just got back to my office after burying a friend. Not that close a friend, but someone I have shared goods times and not a few drinks with over the last eight years.

He was devoutly Jewish and this was the first Jewish funeral I have attended. The Rabbi explained that everyone at the funeral was required to shovel dirt onto the coffin. As he said, our last duty to our family and friends is to ensure they are properly laid to rest.

The Rabbi also told a story that struck me. The story was about a woman who was trying to work out how to explain to her husband that his beloved son had been killed in an accident. When her husband arrived home she said,

"Imagine your father had given you a fabulous diamond for safe keeping for a few years." She said. "Would you mind if he asked for it back?"

"No" relied the husband.

"Would you be sad?"

"No, of course not" he replied again.

She then opened the door to the room where their son's body was laid out.

I'm not a religious person, but if I was I would find this very comforting.


I was also surprised about how many good jokes there were in the service - and I only understood the ones in English. Despite this, it's been a **** morning.

And just to show how I am all wrapped up in self-pity, I forgot to pass on my best wishes to Piff Poff.

I'm sorry for your loss - sounds like it was a nice service though, thanks for the thoughts.

In France,some families will chose to throw a flower on the coffin rather than the mud/soil

hope all goes well for you Piff Poff
vee

That sounds lovely, may get a flower for my daughter as she is pretty horrified at the thought of throwing the soil, she may be happier with a flower though.

She was my flower girl at my wedding and had a basket of petals and flowers and she was carrying them beautifully, we were nearing the 'spot' on the beach and I told her she was supposed to be throwing the flowers on the ground, she gave me look of disgust and reluctantly threw down the petals (as hard as you can throw a petal) and kept the complete flowers for herself. During the ceremony she collected all the petals and spinkled them around our feet

when my brother died he was buried, we put flower and photo's in his coffin before they closed it. I was so distraught , when they lowered him in that dark hole i lost my footing, if it hadn't been for my cousins quick reaction i would of been in their with him.

my grandad, bless him, had a c of e funeral..despite being non religious. The church service was more about jesus than him.

I too was confused, and there is a long story tehre i'm not going to regale, but ended up putting two roses down on the rememberance stone, not realising they would be transported from the church there. He was cremated th ough, so we had the curtain thing, and then a thing at hte plot. and then to grandma's.

My uncle, who was as irreverant as they come had a Unitarian funeral. We designed it. Dad told a story about his first business endeaver and I read out a better place. And I made it htrough without crying. Took a lot though. And then they had the curtain closing. We made some people smile wiht the stories. That was good. And then we went to the pub where he had left some money behind the bar in his will - enough for 2 drinks for everyone.

I'm a practicing pagan -i'd love a green funeral. But as a result of these funerals we all know what each other wants for their funeral. Mum wants 'roll out the barrels' to be played and pubbing afterwards.

But thank you for remidning me I need to put my living will and will otgehter. Even if not legal they're good notices of my wants to my family, and they will respect them where possible and legal.