Originally Posted by Shard

Discouraged, your avatar certainly "does what it says on the tin"! Sorry to hear about your situation, but I am wondering could the problem be with you and your expectations? Its hard to believe everyone is as "cold as ice" especially after five years. Sometimes it dies come down to the particular circles (work, neighbourhood, etc) that you end up in. I read that RW quote too but had to think about the validity if it. Probably something he said during a bout of depression so don't read too much into it.

Originally Posted by discouraged

Hello Donnykins,

I very much empathise with you, and agree with much of what has been said already on this thread. I'm also in Cochrane, and have faced the same problems. I particularly identify with anne m's comment:

"...you will go through several disappointments with people who promise a lot and don' t deliver. And that does apply to the Canadian appear-very-friendly people too, but who mostly never live up to all their "we must get together" talk."

I have found Canadians generally to be, superficially, very warm and friendly but, I'm sorry to say, as cold as ice underneath when you try to make friendships or get too close. I'm not ashamed to admit it - I'm lonely too. I have been let down time and time again by people, both locally and particularly at work in the city, who have talked the talk about being friends but have ultimately shown that they have no such intention. I've found this very hard to deal with, coming as I do from a part of the world where, generally speaking, people are for better or for worse "what it says on the tin". Maybe I'm too trusting, maybe I'm a worse judge of character than I thought, maybe I'm a misfit, but after 5 years I have to conclude that such is the culture here in Canada, it's not for me and with great sadness I am now looking to return home.

I saw a quote attributed to the late Robin Williams the other day, and was struck how well it describes my current situation:

"I used to think that the worst thing in life was to end up all alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel all alone."

Donnykins, I truly hope that you find the friendships that will bring you the happiness and contentment that you seek.

Originally Posted by discouraged

Hi Shard,

My profession is such that I can't afford to have too many expectations of people - I have to be open-minded and take as I find. However, over and over again I have come across what I've described, and each time I've tried to move on hoping for and expecting better, and better has never come. According to the definition of insanity that I once read I must be insane, as I keep repeating the same action over and over again expecting a different result.

I too had a long think about RW's quote. Depressed or not, I still think he got it spot on.

All the best, D.

Originally Posted by discouraged

I have found Canadians generally to be, superficially, very warm and friendly but, I'm sorry to say, as cold as ice underneath when you try to make friendships or get too close. I'm not ashamed to admit it - I'm lonely too. I have been let down time and time again by people, both locally and particularly at work in the city, who have talked the talk about being friends but have ultimately shown that they have no such intention. I've found this very hard to deal with, coming as I do from a part of the world where, generally speaking, people are for better or for worse "what it says on the tin". Maybe I'm too trusting, maybe I'm a worse judge of character than I thought, maybe I'm a misfit, but after 5 years I have to conclude that such is the culture here in Canada, it's not for me and with great sadness I am now looking to return home..

Originally Posted by confused_uk

This is my experience too but in the UK. I think it actually puts me in quite a good position for emigrating as I'm not really leaving friends or some fantastic social life behind & I have no expectations for such things in Canada. I put it down to being a forgettable person who people aren't bothered about staying friends with.

Originally Posted by Shard

Oh dear confused-uk, that's not a good start is it. Don't label yourself in that way. In Canada you will find there is much less tolerance for 'melancholy' - almost an expectation that you act happy and positive. It can be wearing for Europeans who may not be that way inclined. On the other hand, you may find the positivity brings you out of your shell.

Originally Posted by Tirytory

Ah Confused that can't be true, you obviously just haven't found your fit. You might be moving on but hopefully to a place where you can find some friends of you so wish. Some people are happy with their own company. Maybe you can figure out all the things you like doing and make sure you start doing them when you move.

Originally Posted by confused_uk

Yeah I have no idea how I'm going to be socially in Canada, maybe they won't pick up on my awkwardness. My problem is I'm very laid back, I'm never really happy or really sad just in the middle all the time which I think some people find boring or a bit cold. I do have other qualities that I think others tend to lack like reliability & eagerness to help others unfortunately these things don't seem to matter to some & they would much rather their shallow friends they can have fun getting drunk with. Sorry that started to turn into a rant.

Originally Posted by Shard

Hmmm. On the plus side, many Canadians are laid back, and there is far less emphasis on drinking. Just avoid self-deprecating humour, it's totally misunderstood.