This is my first time back on here to do more than very short visits just looking at some posts until late November, after which I didn't even do that!

First ................... Happy New Year to you all, with the wish that 2025 will be a much better year than this past year.

The curve ball?????

OH was randomly attacked on Granville St, a major north-south route out of Vancouver, but in the southern part, not downtown or anywhere expected to be "dangerous". Also it was a lovely late June sunny evening, at about 8:30-ish, after a very hot day.

Long story shortened .................. he suffered a broken elbow, badly grazed all down his left side, and a bump on the left temple which led to a "mild" concussion. Spent nearly 7 weeks in hospital, with the first 2-3 weeks concentrated on the concussion and no operation on the broken elbow, pain controlled by 3 Regular Tylenol every 4 hours. The last 4+ weeks were spent on a Dementia Assessment Ward, with an eventual diagnosis.

I have to say those first weeks were horrendous, we never knew what would meet us when we went to the hospital, "we" being myself and my daughter who came for 1 week but ended up staying 2½ weeks as she began to help sort out our new lives. Sometimes he was in cloud cuckoo land, travelling on a train with the other patients, staff were the crew, and visitors had hopped on the train for a short time. Other times he was way out of it, completely sedated because he had tried (and at least once succeeded) in leaving the ward overnight. The eventual operation on his elbow did luckily improve that part of his troubles, no pain, better sleep, etc.

He was eventually diagnosed with Lewy Body Dementia, and was deemed to need 24/7 care because of his forgetfulness (needs constant direction), confusion, imaginative fantasies, and tendency to wander.

I can in no way claim that the attack caused all the problems ............ he had been slowly becoming more forgetful, losing his way when out walking, and indications of cognitive problems developing. But that plus the hospital stay made them much worse, and also made it apparent that I would in no way be able to handle him by myself, nor that we could stay in the house even with help.

I found a large suite in a private Accessible Living place that also had a Multi Level Care unit, and access to further care if MLC could not handle a resident until end of life (which they usually can). Unfortunately, by the time he was released from the hospital, it was also obvious that he wouldn't be able to join me in AL, because there were too many ways for him to get out of the building. Instead we were lucky enough to get a place for him in MLC only one month after I had moved there in early August. He is now one floor down from my suite, easy to visit. He spent the intervening month in a nearby Seniors' Residence which had the security ability.

My daughter found a company that works on decluttering houses, but also helping people move out ....... they sort, help you decide what you really can take with you when downsizing, pack and unpack everything, arrange both local and long distance moving companies, etc etc etc. With their help, we cleared the house in a matter of about 5 weeks, with daughter often supervising them while I concentrated on OH in the hospital. My daughter also returned for 2 weeks to help with the actual moving, and determine what she wanted to keep and have sent across the country.

The prognosis of course is not good, he is settled but believes that it is only temporary until the concussion is deemed to have improved (though he himself believes he is cured).

So, in one quick move by a homeless person, our lives went from independent living to a different life. In one way I am glad that we are where we are, as I was needing more help in the house, and would have liked to have moved to AL several years ago. But not in this rushed manner.

The assault was caught on several security cameras from various small shops and cafes around, and because it was done in front of a bank, one of those cameras caught him full face. He was recognised and picked up by police within 4 days! He has been kept in prison since being picked up, finally pleaded guilty in mid October, and will be sentenced in early January. Apparently both Prosecution and Defence are in agreement that he needs a term in an institution, hopefully one that will provide treatment.

Financially, it has been very expensive, but luckily I/we had been saving money for years, and also had access to a Line Of Credit at a low interest rate. The house has been sold, but it will not close until near the end of next March, due to the Empty Homes Tax. It is, as almost certain here, sold to a developer who will demolish it and replace with a duplex. If he was unable to get all the permits and complete the re-build to sale an occupancy by the end of 2025, he would be liable for the EHT (both by the city and the province), an enormous amount of money. Unfortunately, his offer was 6 figures higher than the person who wanted to live in the house for 2 years before re-building.

I would not have wished this year on my worst enemy!

Sorry to hear of the unfortunate turn your life has taken, but you seem to be making progress in dealing with the curve ball. Generally, I think we find that we are more resilient than we think when live happens.
I've been dealt several curve balls over he past few years with a child being diagnosed and treated for leukemia as well as a marriage ending. Add on to that worries about aged parents back in the UK and life can get you down. But you get through it. Hopefully! I'm ending this year in a much happier place than I started it - kid has completed chemo, amicably separated from my wife and in a new and much more positive relationship.

I wish you and your husband all the best for 2025.

AX

Not the first time I’ve heard of a trauma triggering a condition like this, my wife’s uncle was in a car accident, and shortly afterwards developed neuropathy.

So sorry to hear what you’re going through, the random attacks in downtown Vancouver have been concerning, it seemed to be out of control for a while but hopefully now as they can detain people for mental health concerns for treatment hopefully it will improve. Doesn’t help your own situation of course though that is good they caught him.

Stay strong, I hope things will get easier.

Sorry to hear of these troubles scilly.
Tough but with your daughter's support you can all come through it reasonably well.
Here's to a better 2025.

Sorry to hear of your troubles. Hope 2025 is kinder to you.