Voyager970

Subject: Public Restroom--funny


For you men, you may want to think twice about asking a woman
what took them so long in the restroom:

When you have to visit a public bathroom, you usually find a
line of women, so you smile politely and take your place.
Once it's your turn, you check for feet under the stall doors.
Every stall is occupied.

Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the
woman leaving the stall
You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter.
The dispenser for the modern "seat covers" (invented by someone's Mom,
no doubt) is handy, but empty.
You would hang your purse on the door hook, if there were one,
but there isn't -- so you carefully, but quickly, drape it around your
neck, (Mom would turn over in her grave if you put it on the FLOOR!),
yank down your pants, and assume "The Stance." In this position your
aging, toneless thigh muscles begin to shake. You'd love to sit down,
but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet
paper on it, so you hold "The Stance."

To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what
you discover to be the EMPTY toilet paper dispenser.
In your mind, you can hear your mom's voice saying, "Honey, if
you had tried to clean the seat, you would have KNOWN there was no
toilet paper!"
Your thighs shake more.
You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on
yesterday - the one that's still in your purse.
That would have to do.
You crumple it in the puffiest way possible. It is still
smaller than your thumbnail.

Someone pushes open your stall door because the latch doesn't
work. The door hits your purse, which is hanging around your neck in
front of your chest,and you and your purse topple backward against the
tank of the toilet. OCCUPIED!" you scream, as you reach for the door,
dropping your precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the
floor, lose your footing altogether, and slide down directly on the
TOILET SEAT.
It is wet of course.
You bolt up,knowing all too well that it's too late.
Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and
life form on the uncovered seat because YOU never laid down toilet
paper -- not that there was any, even if you had taken time to try.
You know your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew,
because, you're certain, her bare bottom never touched a public toilet
seat because, frankly, dear, "You just don't KNOW what kind of
diseases you could get!"

By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is
so confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire
hose that somehow sucks everything down with such force that you grab
onto the toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in, too.

At that point, you give up.

You are soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat.

You're exhausted.

You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you found in your pocket, and
then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks.

Now, you can't figure out how to operate the faucets with the
automatic sensors, so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper
towel and walk past the line of women still waiting.
You are no longer able to smile politely to them.
A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of
toilet paper trailing from your shoe.(Where was that when you NEEDED
it?)
You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it into the woman's
hand and tell her warmly, "Here, you just might need this."
As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered,
used and left the men's restroom.
Annoyed, he asks, "What took you so long, and why is your purse
hanging around your neck?"

This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with a public
restroom REST? You've got to be kidding!).

It finally explains to the men what really does take us so long.

It also answers their other commonly asked question about why
women go to the restroom in pairs.
It's so the other gal can hold the door, hang onto your purse
and hand you Kleenex under the door.

PMSL at this one

Ladies hope you enjoyed peeing your pants with laughter at this one

Eddie

printer

Very good.

burton bunch

So you guys - remember next time you moan at your OH's for taking so long

jood

So tell me Eddie - who were you watching?

This is all so so true

Madmac

Yes, it's great being a guy and so convenient that the whole world is your toilet (or washroom as they insist on calling it here).

Butch Cassidy

You trying to say that Canada is going down the shitter?
People will be calling you 'Angie' and flaming you if you're not careful!!

Madmac

God forbid that I spill my negative vitriol onto these hallowed pages.

Disclaimer: 'Canada is great, super, smashing brilliant and I've always felt supremely honoured to be able to dump on her.........eh, I mean crap on............eh, take the piss out of.........go to the washroom in.'