ann m

Have you ever been to a Duck Doo?

What's a Duck Doo?

Quack, quack.

DaveLovesDee

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.....

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

I went to a bookstore and asked the sales woman,"Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

What if there were no hypothetical questions?

If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

Is there another word for synonym?

Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"

What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

If a parsley farmer is sued can they garnish his wages?

Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?

How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs?

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.

Does the Little Mermaid wear an algaebra?

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

How is it possible to have a civil war?

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown, too?

If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have "S" in it?

Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "assteroids"?

Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?

Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?

If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times does he become disoriented?

Can an atheist get insurance against acts of God?

DaveLovesDee

Bill Clinton, George W. Bush and Ronald Reagan are on a sinking ship.

As the boat sinks, Ronald Reagan heroically shouts, "Save the women!"

George W. Bush hysterically hollers, "Screw the women!"

Bill Clinton asks excitedly, "Do we have time?"

celtic warrior

A man is dining in a fancy restaurant, and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He had been checking her out since he sat down, but lacked the nerve to talk with her.



Suddenly she sneezes and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket towards the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.



"Oh my, I am so sorry," the woman says as she pops her eye back in place. "Let me buy you dessert to make it up to you."



They enjoy a wonderful dessert together, and afterwards, the woman invites him to the theater followed by drinks. After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place and stay for breakfast the next morning.



The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed! Everything has been incredible! "You know," he said, "you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?"



"No," she replies,











"you just happened to catch my eye."

celtic warrior

Not so much a joke, but pmsl

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YJYqMhIYw58

Gremmie

Didnt even crack a smile

celtic warrior

Each to there own !

Butch Cassidy

Sorry to say I'm with Gremmie

celtic warrior

And i hope you will be very happy together !

Butch Cassidy

NOW that made me chortle,


Please dont do it again I hate the feeling of coffee running down my nose.

celtic warrior

FlirtyKnickers

Oh god, thats so funny


Poor pooch

FlirtyKnickers

Really?

Not even a Plastic Paddy Smile

kate white

ok this is a dirty joke, so dont read if you are not into dirty Jokes


THE TIGER

A coulpe was on their honeymoon, lying in bed, about to connsummate their marrage, when the new bride says to the husband, I have a confession to make, I'm not a virgin.
the husband replies, thats no big deal in this day and age.
the wife continues, yeah, Ive been with one guy,
oh yeah? who was the guy,
Tiger Woods,
Tiger Woods, the golfer?,
Yaeh,
well, he's rich, famous and handsom, I can see why you went to bed with him.
The husband and wife make passionate love.
when done, the husband gets upand walks tothe phone,
what are you doing askes the wife.
The husband says, I'm hungry,I was going to call room service and get something to eat.
Tiger wouldn't do that.
oh yeah? what would Tiger do?
he would come back to bed and do it a second time
The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed to make love a second time.
when they finish, he gets up and goes to the phone,
Now what are you doing? she askes.
The husband says, I'm still hungery so I was going to get room service to get something to eat.
Tiger wouldn't dp that.
Oh yeah? what would Tiger do?
he would come back to bed and do it again.
The guy slams down the phone, goes back to bed and makes love one more time.
when they finish he's tired and beat, he drags himself over to the phone and starts to dial.
The wife asks, are you calling roomservice?
No i'm calling Tiger Woods, to find out what par is for this dam hole

Gremmie

Running down you nose or through it