Re: I need cheering up
 

There, I knew you had it in you:thumbup:

Re: I need cheering up
 

A flight is on its way to Sydney when a blonde in economy class gets up, and moves to the first class section and sits down.

The flight attendant watches her do this, and asks to see her ticket.
She then tells the blonde that she paid for economy class, and that she will have to sit in the back.

The blonde replies, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Sydney and I’m staying right here”.

The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot and the co-pilot that there is a blonde bimbo sitting in first class, that belongs in economy, and won’t move back to her seat.

The co-pilot goes back to the blonde and tries to explain that because she only paid for economy she will have to leave and return to her seat.

The blonde replies, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Sydney and I’m staying right here”.

The co-pilot tells the pilot that he probably should have the police waiting when they land to arrest this blonde woman who won’t listen to reason.

The pilot says, “You say she is a blonde? I’ll handle this, I’m married to a blonde. I speak blonde”.

He goes back to the blonde and whispers in her ear, and she says, “Oh, I’m sorry” and gets up and goes back to her seat in economy.

The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and asked him what he said to make her move without any fuss.

I told her, “First class isn’t going to Sydney “

Re: I need cheering up
 

Spurning Farage, Theresa May has approached Mauricio Pochettino about a position in her government.

"I hear you can get out of Europe in just four weeks".

Re: I need cheering up
 

Oink won't be happy.

Re: I need cheering up
 

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one - and let the other one off.

Re: I need cheering up
 

So Blondie jokes been given the green light... :fingerscrossed:

Blondie thinks her husband is having an affair so buys a gun. She gets home and, sure enough, finds her husband in bed with a lovely red-head.
She points the gun to her own head and her husband begs and pleads her not to pull the trigger....she says....
"Shut-up...you're next!"

Blondie gets a job in the Tickle-Me Elmo factory.
Within an hour or so the production line comes to a halt. The supervisor goes down the line and finds Blondie huddled with mountains of Elmos as she slowly sews 2 marbles into colored pouches and fastens between Elmos legs.
The supervisor, trying to keep a straight face, says....
"I think you misunderstood my instructions....I said your job is to give every Elmo that comes down the line....2 test tickles."...:rofl:

Re: I need cheering up
 

:unsure:


Two lobsters in a tank.

One says to the other

"Do you know how to drive this."

Re: I need cheering up
 

Oh! dear Bevs....you've opened the door to crushed-asian jokes....

Why don't lobsters share...'coz they're shellfish....:zzz:

Re: I need cheering up
 

Baby seal walks into a club...........

Re: I need cheering up
 

An Essex girl is involved in a bad traffic accident. A paramedic rushes to her aid. 'Whereabouts are you bleeding from?' he asks.
'Well,' says the girl, 'since you ask, bleeding Romford.'

Re: I need cheering up
 

I am not happy. The yiddo who told me that wasn't happy.

Re: I need cheering up
 

A bloke rings his boss and says that he can't come to work today because he is sick. The boss replies...You sound okay to me, how sick are you? Bloke says I'm in bed with my sister!!!

Re: I need cheering up
 

New advertising campaign poster they shameless stole from The Viz. :thumbdown: